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I'm may be a step parent soon....
Does anyone have any advise on how to deal with an ex, when there is a child involved?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Parenting?
Im assuming that you mean you ae going to be a steph parent! Well my advice is that at frist you dont consider yourself as their parent. You are an regular adult to them, you dont have to play the parent card with them you can be their firend, ya know like their adult firend. Because from experience they don't like you to act like your their parent. Just be understanding with them and patient!
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Respectfully, honestly and with as complete agreement to thier wishes regarding the children as is realistic.
The trick with being a 'step-parent', in my opinion is anyways, it realizing that you are not in fact a 'parent'. You don't get to be a parent just by virtue of marrying one thier parents. It's not an automatic right or privilage.
Thier parents are still thier parents, and your role is as another responsible and loving adult in the childs life. Deserving of respect of course, but not in a position where you get to call the shots.
If you have a problem with 'the ex', the first person you talk to is your partner, then perhaps, all three of you speak about it. You don't get to make decisions with regards to the children by yourself, ever.
In time, it is true, with respect and love, a step-parent might become an equal parent to the child, but that is a long-term thing, being married don't make you 'mom'.
A lot of the details depend on the ex and the nature of the seperation, the age and temperment of the kids, but I think if you can realize your role in this properly you are off to a good start.
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I am assuming you are wondering how to handle the ex and the new, with the children? The ex is easy, don't give him any information that is personal between you and the new. The new needs to know that communication happens between the ex and the current. The children are going to be a bit tough. They will get the feeling of ill will towards the ex and get defensive. I would suggest making sure to seperate the difference between ex and new, and that the new is not their official parent, but they are still a respectable person and you expect them to treat them with such.
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All you can really do is just be open with the situation and love them
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