parsimoniousdino's advice column

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Q: I don't know if it is ok to have sex in the shower without a condom is it safe could I catch an STD from the shower water?

My best friend became pregnant in the shower. Sexually Transmitted Diseases are not transmitted by water - That would be called a WTD. You should wear a condom wherever you have sex unless you want to risk STDs, STIs, and pregnancies.

Q: Heyy i need advice im 13 and i want to be pretty.All my friends are Beatiful and then theres me. I have Red hair and sky blue eyes,i have a very round face and im not skinny but not fat. Im 5'4. I dont know what is nice to wear im not the preepy type and not the tomboy type I need help. Im very pale all my friends are very tan, they say i look like a ghost, how can i fix that? Cause i dont want to be a person who tans everyday.I need tips. I wear make-up but im usally called fake how could i be more...natural? i want to look pretty, and aprochable...help please!

Hi beautiful,

If you want to be thinner or more toned, exercise more. Active sports like soccer could help with that and be fun, too.
To help with your fashion, look at clothes that you see others' wearing and decide what you think looks good. Also order magazines like Seventeen or Glamour for inspiration. They are cheap and also check their websites for tips.
There are products at local drugstores that add color to your skin. You could try a tanning bed. There may be a cheap membership near you and you only go in for about 10 minutes/day. I think your ivory skin is pretty as it is naturally with your red hair and blue eyes.
Make sure you get your foundation/powder your color. Wear natural colors for eye shadow. Wear a thin layer of eyeliner, I prefer using liquid. You could try a little bronzer. Go on YouTube and look up makeup tutorials. You will find some really good ones.

Q: Where can i find a bookbag that can be personalized

http://www.llbean.com

http://www.timbuk2.com

http://www.wholesalekid.com/mm5/merchant.mvc?Screen=CTGY&Category_Code=backpack

http://carolinaclover.com/category_68/Backpacks-Lunch-Bags.htm

http://www.pbteen.com/shop/backpacks-luggage/

Q: So, my friend got mad at me the other day. I said I was sorry and she replied back along the terms saying that I wasn't a true friend, and I am. So I gave her a few days to cool off, and I called her today. She didn't answer, so I left her a message. I sent her a text through iMessage, and she didn't reply. I tried facetiming her, but that didn't work. So I called her house phone, and her mom said she didn't want to talk to me. I'm just upset and mad, and even wondering if I should be her friend. So any help here?

You're not a bad friend if you tried any way you could to reach out. That shows that you genuinely care and you shouldn't give up on her if you are a true friend because friends don't give up on each other. If you get a chance to speak to her in person, try to reason with her and apologize again. It seems like she's in a sensitive state right now and she may just need space. If she's not responding to you, be patient.

Q: Ever since I started being abused I started chasing after guys and stuff and I don't know why I keep doing this.I feel like I can't live without a boyfriend! Even if I don't like someone I'll date them! I don't know why but I just love the attention you know? I used to do anything a guy asked me to but now a guy asked to have s*x with me!I'm 12 by the way !

Hi sweetie,

You don't need to chase guys to get attention. It may feel that way but you should be chasing friends. Find some girls your age and spend your time with them. It's okay to have a boyfriend but not to the point where you are submissive to him at all costs. Set some standards for yourself, it's better to be a lady with integrity than one without. You're too young to trade in your V-card. Try to wait until you're older for adult activities. Sex is not always safe. Being abused, you should want a better future. I was abused, too. A lot of people are. Try for a better life, don't go throwing everything away because you were hurt. I understand how it feels to act on your emotions. It's not wise to act on everything you feel. Every time you have sex with a guy, you're ripping away a part of you and giving it to him. Find some adults you trust and talk about your abuse and how it makes you feel. Consider seeing a therapist if you can't talk about it to anyone. I really hope somebody can help you.

Q: Okay, my best friend told me she was lesbian this morning, and I'm attracted to her. I afraid to tell her I'm lesbian, and she's really sexy, and I don't think she likes me like that. She hits on me, and I act disgusted, but I'm really not. I'm afraid she'd turn me down if she knew I was lesbian. What should I do?

She's your best friend and that's not going to change if you tell her you're into her. You should hit on her and see how she reacts. Don't be afraid. By the fact that she was comfortable enough to tell you she's a lesbian, you should be comfortable to share that you are also a lesbian. She could already know.

Q: 23/f
ok i have been dating this man for the past 7 months and i took him to meet my father and he reconized him as his son!
i took him to meet my mom and she didnt reconize at all,but did say he looked alittle like my father.
im not sure i should date him.
any advise would be very thankful!!!

by the way he did not know this.

NO.

Be sure to find out ASAP on whether or not he's your half brother.
That is beyond weird if he is and let him know as soon as you get a confirmation on his and your DNA.
http://www.newser.com/tag/20586/1/incest.html

Do the right thing.

Q: God? Family? Friends? BF/GF?
Hahaha...
I can't trust anyone...
and i'm just so plain old alone.
So trapped here.
Nobody even knows the real me.
I DON'T EVEN know who i am anymore.
And i would end my life... except i fear death...
Ironic, huh?
So i'm stuck here.

And my only question is...
not what can i do to feel better
or can someone help me...
but...

my question is
simply
has anybody else felt like this?
This lost? this broken? this empty? this alone?

Well, have you?

Yes. I have felt this way and right now, I am feeling this way. Except, I know exactly who I am. I'm just not my best me and it is miserable. I sometimes wish I could have somebody else's life. Mine was just so messed up because other people made bad decisions. I'll be honest. I haven't felt close to a person in a long time. Right now I am miserable because I live in a place full of people I don't like and I am so ashamed of myself and my life that I stopped seeing my friends. It gets worse, I'm trapped here until I find an out and a means to live on my own.

Q: I’m absolutely miserable right now. I’m extremely anxious at what’s in store for the rest of the summer. My self-esteem is at an all- time low; I almost had a semi-crisis tonight. My life has been amazing since I started college as a music major. I’ve found my passion and completely fit in with others who share it. My social life at school is absolutely amazing and during the school year, I am happier than I’ve ever been in my life.
I DO NOT fit in with the crowd at my summer job. When I first started out, it didn’t bother me much, as I thought it was just because I was new. I am more on the introverted side, until I get to know people really well. My closest friends seem to enjoy my dry, intellectual humor very much but that is SO not the style at my job. I also tend to be on the high-strung side, but many of my friends at school enjoy that about me. A lot of my school friends are kind of uptight too, as well as my few high school friends.
Everyone at my job is the extreme opposite of that. They are chill, laid-back, carefree party animals. At work, I have NO friends. I think the people there are awesome and would love to have them as friends. All of this year’s new people already have friends but no one has interest in being friends with me. I’ve never in my life been this disregarded by people. Based on certain clues, I’m pretty sure people say negative things about me and think I’m weird. I’ve literally gone from being on top-of-the-world confident in school, socially, to the complete opposite when I’m home. All I try to do is be myself, but my true self doesn’t feel any bit of confidence around these people. The fact that I can’t make friends there is making me absolutely miserable and like a failure. It’s a tough, party crowd that everyone is able to fit in with except me.
Tonight they had a party and I went, thinking that maybe it would boost my chances of making friends and it ended up being one of the most awkward situations I’ve had to experience. I literally would have periods of 5-10 minutes just standing awkwardly and not talking because I felt so insecure and could not think of anything to say. It was a pretty crazy party with the usual drinking, weed smoking, , and more. To make matters worse, I had no ride there and my parents don’t know I drink (I’m underage) so of course I was that completely sober loser who drove myself, by myself. If I was drunk, I’m sure it would have helped. EVERYONE else had people to socialize with and was acknowledged. After tonight, I’m SURE people talk about me and think I’m weird. I’m a very kind person and I’m hoping that people at least like that about me. I really just feel like no one likes me. I’m being realistic. I do talk to people, it’s not like I’m completely anti-social but I’m having the least success of everyone there with making friends. It’s easy to tell someone to “just relax” but that’s much easier said than done. I don’t generally have issues with anxiety (until now) but I do admit that I need a chill pill much of the time. People who are naturally chilled out don’t understand what it’s like to not be able to relax. I’m classical singer (also something that people at my job don’t give a crap about, I barely bother bringing it up) and my mental and physical tension are issues for me.
My jealousy right now, for these people who are so cool, happy, and problem-free is overwhelming. Lately, I’ve also been having issues with my family, namely my mom and my brother. On the drive home from the party, for some reason, I started sobbing thinking about how harsh I’ve been with my mom lately. At that moment, I almost started screaming in anxiety, in regard to this whole work situation. I called my best friend but he wasn’t free to talk. I feel so alone.
I’ve also always had attention difficulties but have never been formally diagnosed with any type of disorder. My parents never explored this issue when I was younger so I’m in the process of doing so myself. It’s a long process (finding a doctor, booking appointments, waiting for the appointments, etc.) but now, I have it on my mind all the time. To make matters worse, the therapist I’m seeing has so far been kind of harsh and insensitive.
I’m also having the lowest bodily self-esteem I’ve ever had and have been extremely discouraged by the fact that I’ve never had a boyfriend and no one is ever interested in me. I’m a little overweight.
I know this whole thing makes me seem like I’m generally a person with huge issues and sees that worst in people but honestly, I’ve been perfectly happy until this summer. Maybe it’s a rite of passage to have these thoughts and I can’t be privileged enough to be so happy ALL the time. I’d like to know how to cope with being so miserable this summer. I still have two months until I go back to school :/ I hope to GOD it gets better. Any advice, please? Sorry this is so long.

Hello,

I'm really sorry for your situation. Being miserable can cause a lot of harm to your mental health. Do your best to get this resolved the best you can, it could effect how you perform at school. Also, keep contact with your friends at school - it could get weird between your friends if you don't speak to each other while you're away. You need a doctor you like. If you're not happy with the one you have, it's likely they can't give you the help you need. I have taken Prozac in the past - it helped me with my temporary anxiety. It was more of a crutch for me until I felt comfortable again around people. I don't recommend that particular medication; you should find something that works for you. As for your low self-esteem, work on that. Join a gym. Change what you can afford. Confidence has beauty in itself, it can really transform how you appear to others. You can change who you are to people. You don't have to be the awkward girl at work. You are more than that and you can be yourself. I never had anxiety until I got diagnosed with major depression. Self-esteem was shot because I stopped being happy with the way I look. I found when I looked my best, I exuded confidence. Take away the wall between you and your coworkers and it will get so much easier. Besides, from my experience, people who party are a lot easier to get along with. You don't have to be the most interesting person, you just need to talk about what they like talking about. Just try to be more fun than boring. Don't be afraid and if you are, be brave. I've heard this helps - while engaging in conversations, try keeping a song in your head to keep you chill. What you're going through is all in your head. You can get past this and enjoy the rest of your summer. I hope I helped.

Q: I just learned that my boyfriend of a year is still visiting dating sites. He has friends on facebook that I had questioned him about. His response was "they are just friends." I msgd one of them and she informed me that she did meet him on one of those sites. Should I consider this a form of cheating and should I let him go?

I would say drop him. He sounds like one of those types that explores his options and sleeps with any girl he gets a chance with. My best friend was married to a guy that was exploring his options on dating websites, she just ignored it at first. Later she found out he was meeting those girls. If you really like this boy, you could wait until there are signs that he is cheating before calling him out.

Q: Can anybody list a website like Payless that SPECIFICALLY sells cheap/affordable shoes only? Not like Old Navy that sells mostly clothes and then some shoes.
I tried Googling for some sites and got quite a few results. But I'm not sure which sites can be trusted. So please on list sites that you know are trustworthy. (:

I've already viewed Ebay, Amazon, Payless, shoes.com, and shoeocean.com

justfab.com
dsw.com
famousfootwear.com
www.shoecarnival.com
www.rackroomshoes.com
www.hm.com(sorry sells clothes also but has really cheap shoes)

here's a few

Q: At my school we aren't allowd to have colored hair (like pink or something crazy) so I was gonna dye my hair red for a track meet. I have dark brown hair, but I've got carmel highlights in it. Would the Kool Aid stay in my hair after a few washes of only after one?

Thanks for helping me with this!!

I use to do this all the time. I recently had done my little sisters and she has light blonde hair. It only takes one wash.

Q: I am 20, and have recently had a problem with wetting the bed. It usually happens about once a month now, or twice. I DON'T drink fluids before bed (nor am I under any influence), and typically I end up wetting if I go to the bathroom right before bed. Any ideas??

Hi,

See a Doctor asap!

Could be a kidney infection or something worse.
Have it checked!

Q: 27f from south africa I'm a christian lady and recently I met this guy in church and we been hanging out so now he tells me he likes and wants me to be his gf but I told him that since we are christians ther wil be no sexual activity in the relationship.now the problem is each time I go to his house he wants to start touching me he even tried to force him self on me and wen I threaten to end the relationship he tells me that he loves me .should I leave him or what?coz having sex befor marriage gose against ma beleaves

I think you should end the relationship if he doesn't respect your boundaries. It's important for a man to understand that a woman wants to uphold to her virtues and he should respect that. If he loves you, he can wait. Try to limit your relationship if he continues. Stop going over to his house unless there are others with you two. Go out outside of home and give time to get to know each other a little better and if marriage becomes something the both of you want, then pursue the relationship. There shouldn't be any pressure. He needs to give you time. Maybe get more involved with him in church functions and read some scripture together. The stronger faith you both have, the easier it'll be to live your lives according to the bible. Pray about it to God. If you have a good relationship with the lord, you'll get the strength and guidance that you need. I wish you luck.

Q: is it true that when someone appears in your dreams, it's because that person misses you?

I usually dream about a thought I had the day before. Sometimes I've had dreams that I tried to explore for further meaning. I found that the meaning came deep rooted from my own feelings or thoughts that I suppressed.

A few times, I have had a dream about someone, someone whom I don't really associate with or dream about, and I would wake up and check Facebook and find a message from them in my inbox. I don't understand how that happens. My personal guess, this sounds absurd, would be that we all have these energies and they can be felt by others. And the energies' core is in every being. That's a theory I came up with.. I've never shared that with anyone until now. I've also had two dreams that were visions of the future and I recall both dreams, I awoke from them in tears and a great feeling of depression. When the events happened in life that happened in my dreams, that great feeling came over me. That's when I remembered the dream and usually the dream took place a few months before it took place in reality. That's also extremely odd and probably not something most would consider believable. So to answer your question, I really don't know. Could be... maybe if that person talks to you the next day it could be a good guess that it's true.

Q: I want to kill myself...I've been getting bullied since middle school & my family hates me?

I really want to kill myself. I'm always depressed because I get picked on at school & my family members treat me like I'm a piece of crap. they think I'm a weirdo because I'm quiet & they tell me I don't have any friends, but if I told them I was getting picked on in school they probally wouldn't care or believe me. My family always fusses at me & talks about me like I'm worthless, they don't understand me & I don't want to talk to them because they never will understand.They say a lot of things to hurt my feelings & then I go to school & get picked on by kids because of the way I look. I have been being picked on since the 6th grade. If they found out that I cry in my room they probally wouldn't care or think I'm serious. I'probablyslapped before by a kid just because they didn't like me. I'm tired of being picked on at school & my family always putting me down. I'm not a ad kid. I make good grades, but I hate my life...When I get depressed I just go in my room and cry because if I talk to family about it they probally won't care. I don't even want to talk to anyone I just want to kill myself. I don't have a gun so I think the best way is to just use a knife.

Hey,

You know what...

Right at this moment you have a future.

You could end it all, but wouldn't you rather sit it out? I'll tell you... I have attempted suicide in my past. Do I still reflect upon it and wish my life had ended that night? Yes. But, I still have hope that I hold on to. You should, too. Think about obtaining a good life. Work hard. Go for good grades. Get a job to cover future expenses. Save up for what is to come. I failed at doing that and I sure think that if I had done more right in my past, I would be happy now. I'm not around the people from my past. I don't see them anymore. I never really had a family, being adopted and never accepted. My birth parents aren't relate-able and my brother is mentally deficient. The rest of my family are far away and living on happily and I have no part in their lives. You aren't alone in this world. You're alone among many whom also are alone, therefore you're not alone. It's not too late for you, you can still have something going for you. Your life is going to be what you make it. As for those bullies, you should stand up to them. Don't let anyone push you around. Really, they are NOT superior to you... no matter how much they think they are. If I were you, I would take a beating and ask them, do you feel better now? They got nothing on you. Next time you feel like crying, talk to me. I'm here, send me a message anytime. I wish you luck.

Just don't give up yet.

I found this website after I answered this question. http://www.dosomething.org/bully
Try for the scholarships.

xX

Q: Hi I am a 30 year old male.
And let me break it right down...
I'm rich, came from a wealthy family...
Has been rich all my life, and it's a girl that I'm dating, well we are long distance...
She's in La and I'm in Miami...
So were now in a long distance relationship...
Ok, so I'm rich and she's not, and it's fine, because I don't judge people based of there income weather I should date them or not.

So a long time ago, she wanted to be my personal assistant, because she knew I was looking for one at the time. And I told her I don't mix business with pleasure, then. Plus I kinda thought that she just wanted to be my personal assistant, for the money and the fact that she could go to the hottest parties and me Celebs. So I was offended that she would offer to be that since we are suppose to be dating.

And so six months pass, and she know I don't have one, because my recent one just quick. So now she's asking again. I've had problems with her before when it came to loyalty. I've found out that she's been talking to her ex the whole time we've been talking... An we have been talking for almost two years.

Just this Christmas I found out that her ex brought her some expensive Red bottom shoes, and she's been wearing them. A couple months ago I found emails, where she had conversations with her ex, telling him she love him. So I know her loyalty is bad, but we have such a strong connection, and it's hard to let go.

I'm not sure if she just wants to be my personal assistant to just make money off of me or what. I cannot understand. And I question her loyalty to me everyday. I mean, i've seen her in slutty pictures and everything since we've been dating. And we also have a eight year age difference as well. So please somebody help me out tell me what you think. thank you so much for reading this, weather you can help or not.

Sounds to me she's not committed to you, she's having an affair with her ex. It seems serious with him when he's buying her things and her telling him she loves him. She does sound like a gold digger or in need of extra cash.. depending on her financial needs. If you're questioning her loyalty everyday then there is a big problem between you two. Have a talk with her and if the both of you can't resolve these issues then you need to break it off. Listen and find out what her intentions are, whether or not she has a hidden agenda, and what her feelings are for you. If none of those answers satisfy you then there's something missing and you can't fill that void. I don't know if I can really help you, I can only give suggestions. If you need an assistant, I can take the job (;
I hope you can get this worked out and that you get what you want.

Q: does getting braces out of your mouth hurt?

No, it kind of feels like a teeth cleaning, very uncomfortable. Braces hurt much more in than when taken out.

Q: why iam alive

Good Question.
I have a few philosophies.
1. The science of the sperm.
-Organism forms inside a woman.
-Comes out and becomes a person.
-That person develops and becomes a character and that person's character is based upon the choices that person makes and their influences in life.
2. The continuum of life.
-The ongoing process of life breeding life.
3. The Purpose.
- The idea that everyone has a reason to be here.
-Creating meaning in the lives of others.
-Deity. God created humanity to live out his objective.
4. Good/Bad Luck.
-Depending upon the way you look at it, life can be a gift or it could be a curse.
5. To become an eternal being.
A person bargains his/her soul. That person contemplates whether or not their choices are in accord with their inner being and makes a decision on their morality. That person may aspire to be in paradise after death and he/she may have faith in the realms of the unknown.
6. Love and absolute happiness.
-The thrives of emotion and the wonders beyond it.
7. To acclaim yourself and, or everything purposeless and to live a purposeless life.
-Waking up. Eating. Socializing. Fun. Working. Sleep. Repeat again the next day.
8. Hope
To seek something that fulfills your life. To work at reaching fulfillment.

That's all that comes to mind at the time.

Q: Why you think I'm the one who asked about jaden?? I saw that question to and they nothing alike

It's not my business, I just saw that in both questions the subject was 11 turning 12 with a boyfriend that just turned 12.

bio

"Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist." - George Carlin

My name is Melody.

I like helping others and I hope I can be a help to every person I answer.
If anyone has a question, ask anytime.