TheCynic's advice column

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Q: this guy i have been hanging out with said that he wanted us to be friends nothing more, but maybe in time we could be bf and gf. I was fine with that. i heard later (from a girl that i trust) that he had a girlfriend. I asked him and he denied it. i dont care that he has a gf...its just we have made out and done stuff together...now i feel like a slut. What should i do with this guy? forget about him or still be his "friend."

Apologizing for the fact that you may percieve harshness in this answer:

Do you mean friend with benefits? Because I've never heard of "friends and nothing more" that make out.

He has a girlfriend. You made out with him. But the good thing is, that you didn't know! I don't think you should've done anything with him since you're not technically dating... but, you didn't know. That means that he is the one at fault, so don't feel like a slut just because he decided to be one.

A tip for the future: Don't do something with a guy that says he doesn't want to be your boyfriend right NOW, but will probably want to be later. The thing is, later might not come.

You can still be his "friend and nothing more" if you mean it LITERALLY. Seriously, promise me if you become his friend, you will do nothing with him! NOTHING!

(You don't seriously have to promise me. That's just me trying to trick you into leaving feedback. Mwahahahhahahha...)

Q: Hey,

You answered my question about my boyfriend starting to be wierd (not IMing, not calling etc.) & I noticed you said that you & your boyfriend have been together for 3 years. Well, I'm guessing that since your advice column says your 16, you guys have been together since you were 13 which is how old I am now. What are some tips in keeping a relationship strong for that long? Because I really love my boyfriend but we've only been together for a month & there has already been alot of "unsteadiness" like him being sort of weird.

Yeaup, Matt and I have been together a little over three years now.. Ok, I guess I'll tell you what happened with me and Matt... lol.

- Be friends first.
- Be friends with his friends. They have more power than you might think.
- Let him make the moves (well, I did, anyway. The excitement of the chase, you know?)
- Scheme. Plot to be around him.
- Go out on dates. A lot.
- Talk on the phone, IM, wherever. Just talk.
- Don't become too obsessed with him.
- Take things slow... it's more exciting that way. (Matt and I haven't even made-out yet. Yeah. That slow.)
- Be nice, and a little forgiving, but never too much so..
- DON'T BE CLINGY! But, show him that you care.
- Don't try to be perfect. Just be confident.
- Flirt. Even if you're already together. It keeps the relationship a little more interesting.
- Express yourself. However you want to. (Exmp: Matt made me a CD with a bunch of love songs on it, sung by him. He's not a very good singer, but it's cute anyway.)
- Let him know you love him, sometimes.
- After a while, let him get to know your family.
- Get to know his family. (You'll learn things, trust me. Especially if he has a sister.)
- Don't take everything too seriously at first.
- Make him know what you want, and respect your morals.

Uhh.. lol, well, that's all I can really think of. I think it's kind of vague, but I'm pretty sure you get my point. I don't think it's really what you do in a relationship, just whether or not you're meant to be with that person (I'm corny enough to believe in destiny..)

As for the whole your boyfriend being weird, I'd probably just ask him about it.. oh yeah, honesty is really important. You be honest, he should be honest. Make a pact. I'm serious.

Q: When my boyfriend & I started dating, naturally things were a bit weird at first. Then we became more comfortable around eachother & it started to seem like it was more about touching then talking. Now we talk on the phone more since we're back at school & don't get to go out as much. The day before yesterday, everything was fine & we were having a great time on the phone but yesterday he didn't call me. I texted him & we had fun texting back & fourth but then when I signed on he didn't IM me. I'm not sure if I'm overreacting (please don't be mean if I am, it's my first relationship). I'm hoping he's just overwhelmed by school because I really care about him & I would hate to think that I felt stronger about him then he does about me. What should I do?

xox kelly

Currently, I'm in my fifth (and hopefully last) relationship, and I've been with this guy for three years. I know what it's like. Now, to answer your question:

The not calling you thing could be a problem. If he says he's going to call you, he should call you. If he does it again, talk to him about it. But if he only did it once, I don't think it's that big a deal.

The IMing thing isn't a problem at all. Sometimes, people just get up and walk away from the computer to do something, or are doing something and don't notice you signed on. There's plenty of excuses for the IM thing, so don't even be concerned about that.

Q: alright, this is my friends advice thing and i dont have one and dont feel like making one soo im gunna ask the question on here.

alright theres this kid Dj i like him soo much and the fact i told him exactly how i feel he just acted like he didnt care at all i mean seriously when ever my friend ( brooke ) goes out with this kid who is like my bestfriend we talk all the time ( jimmy ) like im always with them whenever they were together and dj was always there and i mean always... and he would always be all over me and leading me on and shit and he'd tell brooke he liked me and then she would be like are you gunna ask her out and hes like i duno maybe probably and she'd tell me and we would both be waiting for him to ask me out and then he would never do it and like.. after the last time he told brooke he liked me he ended up getting a girlfriend like.. a week later. and they are still together and i hate it we went to the movies and they were there all over each other and i cried and i dont even know what to do anymore i cant get over him i try but it doesnt happen please help i dont know what im gunna do anymore.

thanks.
amber

ps.. brooke still is like in love with jimmy and dj and jimmy are cousins and we are all exactly alike. jimmy and brooke are exactly alike and me and dj are exactly alike ..

thanks. i rate high

Apologizing now if you percieve harsh vibes (wow that was fun):

From what I've heard about DJ, I've decided he's a man-whore. He's leading you on, but you're not alone. It seems like he's leading other girls on, also.

This may hurt, but when it comes to DJ, just remember that for whatever reason, he chose this other girl over you. Which means that he's not as in like with you as you'd hoped (if he is at all)

Basically, I'm telling you to stop wasting your time and emotion on this loser. It's not worth it.

Q: alright.. i've been like.. in love with this kid jimmy we went out for a while but we broke up and i havent gotten over him for like 3months and im still not over him it sucks i try and try like.. he hates being around me cause he feels like he has to be careful i mean seriously there was nothing wrong in our relationship we never fought always saw each other always talked and this was all on a daily basis, and i cutt and shit alot now because of him i mean seriously i know its bad.. and i have therapy and everything just i dont knoww i cant stop thinking about him and my friend amber ( she is my bestfriend and his too) well she thought something up and it like makes all sense she says that he is just scared that he is falling for me and that he is just scared because he never has fallen for someone like me and that im perfect for him becausei m everything he wants and im just like him and the perfect girl for him..and it makes me sad because i cantt stand knowing that im perfect for him and lets just say im sick of crying

sorry it's soo long =/

please help
thanks alot
i rate high

brooke

I apologize for any harshness you percieve:

Oh gosh. The "we're so right together it scares him-- literally" excuse. You may be a lot like him. Heck, for all I know you could be perfect for him. But I'm going to tell you what I really think.

If you were the perfect girl, he wouldn't have dumped you. He wouldn't have waited three months+ after he dumped you to try and get you back. Try more like three minutes.

Ready for this: Guys actually like it when they're dating the perfect girl for them. They like it so much, they usually don't dump the girl.

But why is he not hanging around with you? Don't worry, I can explain that. He's not hanging out with you because he's basically afraid of you. He probably knows/suspects that you like him, and it makes him feel awkward and guilty.

Has your friend actually heard him say that you're perfect for him? If not, then it doesn't count for anything. But I think if you were the perfect girl, he would treat you a little better, and I don't know, want to be with you? If he does think you're perfect for him and he's not with you, I kind of think that means "you're as close to perfect for me as I think can be" not "you're perfect for me." They're different. Remember that.

Stop cutting, and stop dwelling! It's bad for you, you'll find someone else-- so don't tell yourself you won't. Or maybe Jimmy really is perfect for you, I don't know. If he is, it'll work out, if not, then too bad. In my experience though, the guy I'm in love with doesn't motivate me to mutilate myself.

THIS IS AN ADDITTION:

Don't count the times he comes back to you. Please, don't. Count the times he broke your heart and dumped you...

I'll tell you why he keeps coming back. Because he's looking for someone who is more perfect for him (if that makes sense..) He's trying to find another girl. And when he doesn't, he goes back to you. The-closest-to-perfect-as-he-will-ever-get.

But just because you're the-closest-to-perfect-as-he-will-ever-get doesn't mean he deserves you. Well, more like you deserve him. Because guess what? You deserve better, even if you think you don't.

Q: So my boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half on August 23rd. We decided that we would just get each other something small and $25 or less.. but I have no idea what I should do and I'm stumped.. If you have any ideas, please let me know.. thanks a bunch!

I've been with my boyfriend, Matt for three years, so I'll tell you what I've gotten him/what he's gotten me for our anniversaries (we only celebrate once a year though):

I got him 'bitch pills' from Spencer's (it's an inside joke.. inside jokes are always a good gift idea), a hat (.. he likes them.), and a chain necklace, with half of a heart on it.

He got me a CD by Hellogoodbye (I needed it.), chocolate (I'm obsessed with it) and a chain necklace, with half of a heart on it. (When you connect the half hearts, they make a whole one. lol, corny, but I wear it. So does he.)

To let you know, we found the necklaces (our most recent gift) at a jewlery stand in the mall... just randomly there. Oh, our initials are engraved on the back of the hearts, (I've got his initials, he's got mine)... this was our most recent anniversary gift..

Q: I've been friends with this guy for about 2 years now, and a few months ago he confessed to me that he really likes me. i told him i wasn't sure about my feelings (beyond friendship) and that i didn't want to rush anything, and he was okay with it. we don't see each other too often, but i enjoy the time we spend together. i'd be ready to take the relationship further because we really are a good match personality-wise and i do like him a lot, but the only thing that bothers me about him are his looks. i hate admitting that to myself and i'm ashamed that i let it stand in my way. he's a really great guy, but physically he's like a 3 on 10! i know i should be able to, well, look past his looks, but it's hard to imagine being more than friends with someone you aren't really attracted to. i'm just so angry with myself...but i can't help it...i can't see myself being able to introduce him to people as my boyfriend or kissing him. it drives me up the wall being unsure of what i want just because he's far from good-looking! i've never thought of myself as shallow; i've been with other guys who couldn't have been considered that cute and it didn't bother me because i liked them for their personality, but this guy is just so far from even that...what's worse is that recently i met another guy who's really cute and who seems interested in me, and even though i don't feel nearly as much of a connection with him as i feel with my other friend, i'm tempted by him because he's just...so much more tempting!! i don't want to hurt anyone and i don't want to make the wrong choice because something stupid is holding me back. sorry for this being so long, but if anyone has any advice i'd appreciate it VERY much!

I apologize if any of this sounds mean (which it probably will):

Think about it-- everything you've written about your guy friend.. well, to me, it has "friend" written all over it. You both are a good match personality-wise. You can't picture yourself kissing him, or introducing him as your boyfriend.

Animal magnetism is part of the human nature. If you're just not physically attracted to this guy, well, uh... I don't know. But most relationships revolve around affection, and if you don't want to kiss this guy, well I can't blame you!

I'm going to tell you a story, just skip this paragraph if you don't want to hear it:: Ok, so like 4 years ago I dated this guy (we'll call him Jack.) Jack was the most physically unattractive guy I could ever imagine. But he was my friend, and he had a crush on me, so I was like "Why not give it a try!?" It was the worst thing I ever did. I found every hug he gave me repulsive. Every time he moved closer to me, I'd make an excuse to get up or ask if anyone else (we were at my house) wanted something to drink. I broke up with him after a day. We're still friends, but it was just kind of disturbing... it still is.

As for the other guy, give him a chance. If his personalities not as attractive as his looks, chuck him. I believe in 'the one' (yes, I am that corny) so I kept looking until I found him (I hope it's him, anyway!)

Q: i like this guy
names dakoda choate hes 1 grade higher than me
i cant stop thinkin about him
he is so sweet to me
he flirts nonstop
he acts like he likes me
i asked him out
and he said: i really can't right now but i promise you i will get there i just have alot on my mind right now
so ok
i wait............ my friend asks him if he likes me not and he says:
look i like girls my age ok?
does that mean he only dates his age
he doesnt like me, he moved away from me, he just wants to be friends,

i think im gonna cry
what do i do about this?!

I apologize if you think I'm being mean:

You don't do anything, except maybe move on.

See, the thing is with asking a guy out is that no matter what the excuse when he turns you down, he's still saying no... some excuses are believable, but if he's being vague about it, and not apologizing profusely for it, then there's a good chance it's just a nice way of saying no. Next time let him approach you if he seriously wants to date you, if he doesn't then go find someone who does. (I usually give a guy about three weeks, and if he doesn't make a move, then give up.)

He sort of means what he says. He may seriously only want to date girls his own age, but it just sounds like an excuse to tell you that he's not interested in you, and doesn't want to date you. Harsh, but true. So now you're going to ask me why he didn't tell you the truth.

I'll tell you why.

He'd rather have his arms torn off of his body by wolves with rabies.

As in, he's a coward.

Q: Okay I've been with this guy for about six months and we just recently broke up. When we broke up I asked him if it was over completely and he said no. Now I am wondering what I should do? Should I wait on him or should I choose to move on? I still like him a whole lot and he still likes me but I'm not sure if I should wait and see what happens. This is the second time we've broke up. What do I do? I live in California and there is so many guys that are hot here.

I'm sorry for any harshness you percieve in my answer. Blah.:

Let me get this straight... you broke up with him...but it's not over? Are you guys like the Never Ending Story, or something? Did I miss the part where breaking up actually MEANS breaking up!?

You both like each other. You're "broken up"... ok... if you still like each other, why are you even "broken up"?

You know why? I do. He's out there, looking for a "better" girlfriend to "break up" with. Because you know what, when a guy is really in love with you, there's nothing that would stop him from being with you. NOTHING. I know, because I've seen this with my vast amount of cousins. Whether it was parental divorce, long distance, exes.. these guys have rose to the occasion to win hearts.

My advice is to really break up with him (I mean it, seriously. Do it right this time.) and find one of those hot californian guys who won't "break up" with you.

I'm glad you're counting the times you've been "broken up", and not the times he came crawling back. Keep counting that way. Let him make one huge mistake, and break up with you, but don't let it happen again. If he comes crawling back, squash him like the nasty little cockroach he is.

Q: hi i really like this guy and i don't no if i should tell him because i think he hates me what should i do?

This may be the answer you want to hear:

Well, like, I think you should totally tell him because you never know how he really feels, and who knows, he could end up being in love with you!

This is the answer I'm going to give you:

If you're picking up on signs that he hates you, then DON'T tell him anything. Sure, you might regret it for some odd reason, but in the end, I think you just saved yourself a ton of embarassment. Human intuition is there for a purpose, so use it! If you seriously think this guy hates you, then don't go and tell him you really like him. For you, it'll be mortifying, and for him, it will be really really weird.

Q: Okay well im in this big love circle okay.. This is the first half.. well first there is Adam and i've gone on and off liking him since the 6th grade and now im going into the 8th grade and ever since the 2nd grade he always had a thing for this girl named Melinda and she didnt start liking him untill the 6th grade and they went out then he dumped her 5 months later and he still liked her after that and then during the beginning of the 7th grade he finally stopped liking her and i still liked him and he didnt like me and then in the middle of the 7th grade when i was finally over him i started liking his friend Josh and Josh liked me a little bit but barly and then one night at a school dance me and Adam didnt even dance we just talked the whole 3 hours and i remember how he was like "Even though I dont like Melinda now I know that when i get older im gonna be with her in high school and we're gonna go to the same collage and i know i'm gonna be with her and it kills me to know that" and then that night i talked about how fat and ugly i was to him and he was like "No if u were fat and ugly i wouldn't like u" and then i was kinda confused because he just got done telling me how he was always gonna be with melinda and so he went on and off liking me when i was finally over him and then i started liking him again and he kissed me the last day of school and said all these sweet things to me.. This is the second half.. There is so other guy named Sean and me and him went out once in the 6th grade and once in the 7th grade and when we werent going out he always liked this girl named Bridget and she is such a wanna be slut because she had a boyfriend and cheated on him with Adam and like 3 other guys and so Sean wrote me a note one day telling me how he liked me and only me and stuff and then i went to a pool party with him last week and Bridget was there and i hung out with both of them and when Bridget was eating i was swimming in the pool with Sean and his kissed me and then that night at soccer practice Bridget told me that she was hugging Sean and he was like "Bridget I really really like you a lot u know" and so im completly confused with everything and its weird with me because if Adam and Sean both asked me out at the same time i would say yes to Adam because i waited so long for him to ask me out because he has only gone out with Melinda and every girl only wishes she could go out with Adam but if Adam and Sean were both hanging from a cliff and i could only save one I would save Sean because Adam really broke my heart last summer. Im confused and i'm sorry this is long but i need advice so please help me!

I apologize if you percieve any harshness in my answer:

If Adam's picturing himself with Melinda forever and always and blah blah blah... he's not picturing himself with you. Which means, deep down, that he's not as in like (if he is at all) with you as you hope. Remember, just because he's kissing you doesn't mean he has any feelings for you, besides lust.

Don't feel you have to date Adam just because you've wasted so much of your time on him.

As for Sean.. well he doesn't sound that great either. He's leading both you and Bridget on. Which means that Sean also isn't as interested in you as you hope.

To me, both of these guys don't sound like great choices for potential boyfriends... Boyfriends like you and only you. They picture thier futures with you, not Melinda or Bridget or what's-her-face-whore-in-a-box.

So don't just settle for that one guy who sorta likes you. Or that guy who can't get over his ex-girlfriend. DON'T SETTLE. Your settling on the fact that you're wasting your time with someone who doesn't care about you as strongly as you care about them.

Q: ok so i went to florida with my ex-boyfriend who i'm still crazy in love with! we hooked up down there but we still don't go out. he says he wants to be single because you can do whatever you want. then he says he doesn't like me cuz he wants to be single! i have no clue what to think. what should i do? how do i handle this?
cRazY iN lOve x3

He's telling you the truth. He wants to be single, and do whatever he wants to, and not be responsible for hurting your feelings.

Part of that hurting your feelings thing is your fault, since you hooked up with him. I have to point this out before you make any more mistakes. Hooking up with an ex is stupid. Why? Because in all likelihood it involves your emotions.

You don't do anything (including hooking up with him again)... simply be his friend, if you think you can handle it.

As for being so crazy in love and whatnot, I think love has to be a mutual feeling. Maybe that's just me, but while you're out there finding real love, do something. Become totally obsessed with work or school or a team or your friends, or another guy. Whatever. Get your mind off your ex, because he's not worth wasting more time on.

Q: Hi, I'm the one who wrote about my boyfriend who so rudely dumped me without as much as even TELLING me, and then saying that I didn't have feelings and desserved my heart broken as much as people wanted too. Now I am a generally nice person, but this got me so upset. :( Well now hes going out with this other girl, and they keep iming me to tell me what a "loser" I am and how I can't "get" any boys. I blocked them but I still have to see them at school. By the way, their screennames are pyroboy9977 and XoCheerQtXo3222, if anyone would like to talk some sense into them.

Sorry for wasting your time, but I'm really stuck here. And I feel like there is something seriously wrong with me. :(

Tell them you don't have feelings and that's exactly why you don't care about what either of them have to say.

Lol next time they say that you can't get any boys, tell them you don't need to 'get' them. They come to you. Also, ask your ex why he's wasting his time with whore-in-a-box and not out 'getting' some of those boys that he's obviously so interested in.

You're not worthless so don't let these jackasses think you are. You're going to find a guy, don't let them rush you. You don't have to use all that stuff up there that I said, that was just to make you feel better. Because you deserve to feel better.

And there's nothing wrong with you, so stop saying that!

If you want to IM me or anything, it's ScurvyRD

Lol yeah, don't ask.

Q: I know you don't want to listen to me whine but really, I have noone to talk to. My boyfriend just dumped me in the rudest way. He made up this horrible excuse that his parents were mad at him and he wasn't allowed to have a girlfriend. He never even told me he was breaking up. Right after that, he put his away message up that said "Oh the phone with the hottest girl ever-Shea!" (Shea is a slut and really easy by the way) Then I imed him to tell him how much he hurt me. And he said, "Yeah whatever, like you would know what pain was. Who cares about you."

I can't stop crying. Is there something wrong with me? He blocked me so anyone who wants his screenname, its: pyroboy9977.

I can't believe this. :(

To answer his question, you care about you, otherwise you wouldn't be asking this question.

No, there's nothing wrong with you. You're upset, and hurt.. it's ok to feel that way. Don't dwell on it, just get back out there and find something else to do. Work, school, clubs, friends, whatever.

As for this Shea girl... don't worry, he'll get what's coming to him. In all likelihood, from her description, I'm betting it'll be an STD.

Q: well, theres this guy, and hes friends with my ex, but we've always been really good friends, and now i realize that i really really like him, but, he liked one of my really good friends, and he told her, and got rejected. and now i ddont know if i should tell him, or just stay friends with him. anyideas?

I'm apologizing for my harshness now:

Hm, I don't know how his being friends with your ex has any point at all in being there, unless your ex still likes you... and still, if he did, it's over and he has no say in who you can and can't date.

Ok, now to get to the serious point. Liked? As in, past tense? As in, he doesn't like her anymore? Because if so, he's open game, so you might as well go for it and tell him how you feel.

But if you don't want to be courageous, and want to take the chicken way out, you could ask him who he likes. Chances are, he'll either tell you, or say nobody. Now, I have to warn you about 'nobody'... It could mean that he likes you, or he really doesn't like anyone. If he responds with a nobody, tell him how you feel and see if he still likes 'nobody'.

Q: My boyfriend and I have been dating for a short amount of two weeks, and only two weeks. Last time I saw him he tried to touch my chest as we were kissing and I pulled his hand away and I got extemely uncomfortable around him that night. He knew I was too. Here I am a week later and he tried to do the same thing again tonight. I let him for a second then just stopped kissing him and got very quiet after that and just continued to watch the movie. We kind of have this joke about how I don't like my stomach so he was laughing about it and he kind of pulled my shirt up just so you could see my stomach just a little bit. So I pulled my shirt back down, but he put his hand under it. I laughed cause he was tickleing me too, but then he moved his hand up. I pulled his hand out right away and luckily my mom came to pick me up after that happened.
I live off the moto- "forgive and forget" I'm forgiving him, but it makes me feel really degrated and small that he'd try that two weeks into this realationship. He's really sorry and he knows it made me uncomfortable, but I don't know how to act now. I want to show him it's alright, but I don't want him trying again... what do I do? Should I feel uncomfortable?

I'm apologizing for being harsh right about.. now:

He should've been "really sorry" after the first time he tried it. Don't forgive and forget that your boyfriend tried to grope you!

Not only did he put himself before your morals, he also showed that he has no respect for you.

How so? He doesn't listen to you. He wants something in a relationship that you feel is a long way off. He trampled your morals and will keep doing so, it seems. Forgive and forget the first time, but after that, drop the nymph.

I'm serious, don't be with a guy that doesn't care about your morals and has no respect for them (or you)... it'll just be a waste of time you wish you could forget.

Q: what do you do wen your goin out wif a guy.. and your best guy friend who you really like and have always wanted to go out with him asks you out... i mean i rilly like the guy im going out with and i really like my best friend?? me and my b/f lets call him jon have been goin out for a couple weeks now and my best frind lets call him bob juz asked me out today?! i have always wanted to go out with bob but he never asked and now that im going out with jon , bob decides to ask me out! i dont want answers tht say well its up to you..i need advice..thnx!! i rate high!!!!!

I apologize if you think I'm being harsh:

Allright. Let's see here. Sounds like Bob's jealous, and why? Not because he likes you, but because you like someone else. And are with them. You could say he realized his feelings. You could say he was scared to ask you out before. But the truth is, he doesn't like you liking someone else. How do I know? Let's just say I've been there.

And once you go out with him, he'll get bored, and dump you. Sorry, but that's the way life works. He wants attention, and now you're giving it to someone else (or so it seems to him).

As for Jon, if you feel that you and Jon shouldn't be together dump him. If you think that you should, keep dating him. DON'T keep dating him because you think you'll regret it if you break up with him. That's not what a relationship's supposed to be about.

Q: theres tis girl who is totally obbsessed with me, shes attractive looking but i dont really think that it would work, and besides i already have a girlfriend. i wanna tell her that i dont like her but she cried cuz i wouldnt tell her if i liked her so i dont want to totally crush her heart so is there a way that i can tell her i dont like her without her getting crushed into amillion tiny peices

I apologize now if you think I'm being harsh:

The best way to go is always with the truth. Even if it makes her cry. She wants to know if you like her? Tell her that you don't. Tell her you already have a girlfriend. That should be answer enough for her.

Even if you break her heart, it'll be for the best. Don't let her waste her time on you when your heart's already taken.

Q: Hey Everyone!! Well I met this guy a month ago and we completly fell for eachother. The problem was our age differences because I'm 15 and he's 20 so he decided that he couldn't be w. me because i'm too *Immature.* Recently I've been checking out his profile just to look @ his pictures and I came across his new GF!! I have to admit that they look really happy together and I'm happy 4 him but @ the same time I wish that I was his GF. I can't stop thinking about the fact that he's moved on so quickly and I'm still getting no where. I really like him but I know there can't be anything between us..How do I get over him?? Please help!!

I apologize now for any harshness you percieve in my answer:

First of all, I'd like to tell you that you can't fall in love in a month. Fall in lust, yes. Love, no.

I have to tell you that you're right about the two of you not being together. At least, not now because you are too immature for him. You're 5 years younger than him, and you're a minor when he's an adult. If you dated him now, he could be arrested for statuatory rape, or something along those lines.

To get over him, you have to stop dwelling on him. Don't look at those pictures of him and his girlfriend. In fact, forget that he exists. Spend your time with your friends, at work, at school. Join a club, or a team. DO something, and eventually you'll find a guy who's your age, and doesn't think you're too immature to be with him.

Q: me and this guy were really good friends. i really liked him a lot and in a way him lead me on a little bit. so it really hurt me when he flirted with other girls. and i felt like he didnt care about me. well my best friend liked him too and he liked her, but he hardlyu ever talked to her because he was talking to me. at the end of the school he asked her out and itreally hurt me. so me and her friendship was over because she choose him over me. they broke up like a few days ago, and now i dont like him as more then a friend, and i told him that, and hes getting like upset and mad that i dont ike him anymore. he got mad becasue i called somone hott, and he was like im hotter then them come one, and he said he was goint o ask me out. but i wasnt going to be the rebound girl, but i dont no what to think or, what i should tell him. so he doesnt get so mad at me, because me and him are still good friends. thanks

I apologize if any of this sounds harsh:

So this is what I got from that.. you're mad at your friend for dating the guy that you both liked, and were trying to date. If you were your friend, and this guy asked you out, would you date him? To me, it sounds like a competition.. so please, next time lose gracefully. You don't have to end a friendship over a guy.

But there is something I must applaud you on in this. You didn't become the rebound girl. That's a really good and smart thing not to become.

Ok, as for his being an asshole... tell him you want to be his friend and nothing more than that. If he's going to insist that you become his girlfriend, it's not going to happen. Tell him you moved on, and he should too.

If he persists (I know this is hard) but refuse to be his friend again. Does he value his feelings over your friendship? If he does, then you just lost a selfish friend. Which in the end, may not be a loss at all. Remember to win gracefully also.

bio

Love hurts. That's why I'm here to explain to you exactly what your significant other (or hopefully significant other) means, truthfully and unfortunately painfully.

In other words, I'm not going to tell you what you want to hear, unless I really believe it could happen.

If you don't believe me, well, I can give you proof. My way of thinking worked for me and my wonderful boyfriend of three years (I love you Matt!)