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hung up on the unimportant
I've been friends with this guy for about 2 years now, and a few months ago he confessed to me that he really likes me. i told him i wasn't sure about my feelings (beyond friendship) and that i didn't want to rush anything, and he was okay with it. we don't see each other too often, but i enjoy the time we spend together. i'd be ready to take the relationship further because we really are a good match personality-wise and i do like him a lot, but the only thing that bothers me about him are his looks. i hate admitting that to myself and i'm ashamed that i let it stand in my way. he's a really great guy, but physically he's like a 3 on 10! i know i should be able to, well, look past his looks, but it's hard to imagine being more than friends with someone you aren't really attracted to. i'm just so angry with myself...but i can't help it...i can't see myself being able to introduce him to people as my boyfriend or kissing him. it drives me up the wall being unsure of what i want just because he's far from good-looking! i've never thought of myself as shallow; i've been with other guys who couldn't have been considered that cute and it didn't bother me because i liked them for their personality, but this guy is just so far from even that...what's worse is that recently i met another guy who's really cute and who seems interested in me, and even though i don't feel nearly as much of a connection with him as i feel with my other friend, i'm tempted by him because he's just...so much more tempting!! i don't want to hurt anyone and i don't want to make the wrong choice because something stupid is holding me back. sorry for this being so long, but if anyone has any advice i'd appreciate it VERY much!
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u cant stand the thought of kissing him? you should talk to him and tell him you would just ike to be friends. shure you lke his personallity, but are you really attracted to it? my best guy friend is adorable and really really nice and hes in to the same things as me, but for some reason i realised i couldnt stand the thought of being b/f g/f w/ him. i ended up going out whith this guy (he wasnt egsactly the most beautiful male in the world either and was like 4 in. shorter than me)who was so freakin confident and he just didnt care what other people thought. i mean, one day he just walked up to me and told me i was the hottest woman he had ever seen (and im 13 lol). that takes gutts, and thats what made me attracted to him. he just didnt seem to care. but if you are attracted to his personality, then how about this: you try it out for a little while, or get to know the other guy befor you make an absolute dissision. i hope i helped! good luck
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ok well you definetly need to give the guy uve known for a long time a chance. it seems like he relly likes you and his looks shouldnt make a difference. at least give this guy a chance and see how it works out. if it doesnt then go for the cute guy.hope i helped XoXo
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I apologize if any of this sounds mean (which it probably will):
Think about it-- everything you've written about your guy friend.. well, to me, it has "friend" written all over it. You both are a good match personality-wise. You can't picture yourself kissing him, or introducing him as your boyfriend.
Animal magnetism is part of the human nature. If you're just not physically attracted to this guy, well, uh... I don't know. But most relationships revolve around affection, and if you don't want to kiss this guy, well I can't blame you!
I'm going to tell you a story, just skip this paragraph if you don't want to hear it:: Ok, so like 4 years ago I dated this guy (we'll call him Jack.) Jack was the most physically unattractive guy I could ever imagine. But he was my friend, and he had a crush on me, so I was like "Why not give it a try!?" It was the worst thing I ever did. I found every hug he gave me repulsive. Every time he moved closer to me, I'd make an excuse to get up or ask if anyone else (we were at my house) wanted something to drink. I broke up with him after a day. We're still friends, but it was just kind of disturbing... it still is.
As for the other guy, give him a chance. If his personalities not as attractive as his looks, chuck him. I believe in 'the one' (yes, I am that corny) so I kept looking until I found him (I hope it's him, anyway!)
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Alright, I have totally been there. And I know exactly how you are feeling. You don't want to be one of those stuck up, superficial girls that just dates a guy for his looks. But if you feel bad about it and you know that you aren't like that, then stop beating yourself up about it. You know you have a connection with him, but attraction is far from what you would want/need in a relationship. So here is the deal: you shouldn't think that it is so wrong not to date him because of his looks. I've dated guys that weren't exactly hot as hell, cute, or even decent in many people's views, but to me their personality made them so amazing that looks didn't matter. But there have been a few guys that just didn't even strike me as okay looking. They had great personalities and I could totally connect with them on an emotional level, but if I thought about anything physically I would feel sick. THAT is not a good sign! You may love his personality, and you may feel an emotional connection with him, but that's not the whole issue. To have a good, lasting relationship with someone there HAS to be attraction as well. This doesn't mean that you are superficial. Everyone knows that there has to be attraction and a connection emotionally for a real relationship to actually work. And if you date him because you don't want to hurt his feelings you will be hurting him even worse in the end and you could mess up a great friendship. So just lay low and then let him know that you're just not sure if dating would be a good idea because you guys have been friends for so long and it could potentially mess things up between you two if something happened when you guys were dating. He should definently understand. Now the other guy that is super cute and you are tempted by? Give him a chance. And by that I mean get to know him. You may be tempted by his looks, but you got to make sure there is more to him then just his looks. Get to know him, talk to him, and see if you guys have more than just that physical connection. Now if you guys do end up getting together just be wary of your guy friend. He will most definently be hurt by this because he wished he was that guy, and he will probably sense the real reason why you won't date him is possibly because of his looks. But if he gets offended and says you never dated him because of his looks, let him know that that was NOT the problem. Sometimes lying can be a good thing. lol. Well I hope my advice has helped. If you need anymore advice feel free to message my inbox. Good luck!
~Sherah
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i think you should go w/ the first guy bc he seems like a nice guy. you should not be ashamed of him. you just have to think to yourself "you dont find guys like this often and i think i will be really happy with him, so no he doesn't have the best looks, if i love him i will get over that" i dont think looks matter too much in a relationship. all that matters is how much you love them. love will hold you together, not looks. go with your heart and if you do that, everything will turn out for the best.
<-- sorry soo long-->
brunettecutie**
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you should just go with the person who makes you more happy.. who you like to be with more. i would rather be with the person that makes me happy the with the person is cuter
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Aight, everyone says that it matters how the person is...not their looks, but that's lying. Unless you meet someone on the internet wit out pics then the first thing that attracts a person is look. People don't go over to ugly people to start talkin when lookin for a relationship, they go to the one they think is cute or hot. If you don't have that attraction to him then don't go out with him, especially if you're gonna be embarassed to do stuff like that wit him...and that's not your fault, so don't worry about that. I don't mean to sound mean, but that's the truth...and sometimes the truth hurts. Hope I helped a lil.
BD
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Im a boy but ive had this happen to me cause (not tryin to brag but im that kida hot jock everyone looks up to).You should like just keep on talking to him but see if you can help him out on his looks dont make it obvieous that you think he is ugly though. Alright!!
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Well, first of all, at your age, this is totally common. And the way you think isn't entirely your fault. A lot of it has to do with society and their preceptions of people and the way they look on the outside. In my opinion, it's good that you notice and are aware of the way you are thinking/acting. Most people can't even do that. To an extent, you are right. It is hard to maintain an intimate relationship with someone you are not physically attracted to. What you need to ask yourself is if you CARE MORE ABOUT the way he looks, or the way he acts and treats you. It is often times that when we are in a relationship with someone, they become MORE attractive to us after time because we like them so much. Keep that in mind as a future possibility. Also, you might want to think about making yourself have one of those "I don't care what others think" mentalities. Who cares if when you introduce him people are like "Eww". You should be proud of the fact that you get along so well and that he treats you well. I can't make this decision for you. But you know you, better than anyone else. Can you find it within you to look beyond this? Or, if you do presue something with him are you just going to end up hurting him, because that's not fair to either of you. Be honest with yourself. You could tell him that you want to date CASUALLY but don't want a full blown relationship with him yet. That way, you can see what it's like to be on dates, without being too serious. If it doesn't work out, then later on you can say your feelings aren't as strong as they were or you don't think you could commit to him, OR you can realize that looks aren't everything. Just be honest, that's the key. :)
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