(Ask A Question.) (Feedback.) (Discussion Board.) (Make Razhie A Favourite.) (Advicenators.)
Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
Favourite Collumnists.
(WittyUsernameHere.) (karenR.) (NinjaNeer.) (rainbowcherrie.) (DangerNerd.)
The Question
Okay, I'm going to try and type as calmly as possible...
Anyway, My boyfriend's Mother calls about 30 times a day. My boyfriend never wants to talk to her "he doesn't really like his mother much" anyway, We have told her that he doesnt' feel like talking. Yesterday I finally called her back and told her to please stop calling my house. His mother called back 2 minutes later leaving a nasty message saying how I was mentally retarded, and calling her son an ADD bast***.. so I saved the message and didn't call her back. Today she called again!!! only this time she asked us not too call her anymore and that my boyfriends ex girlfriend is going to find us and kick our butts. I'm extremely fed up and I'm extremely P.O.ed one more call and I'm probably going to go through the roof. I don't want to call the police for harrassment just yet because his mother is mentally ill and she's in the hospital for a fractured spine and taking some medication.. but I DO want her to stop calling my house and there is no way to block her on my phone system. I really need some advice PLEASE!!!
BahaiMa22
The Answer
Stop picking up your phone.
Seriously. Tell your friends and family that you are no longer picking up your phone, and if they leave a message you will call them right back, then ignore the phone.
OR, and I've done this before, tell those who call you to let the phone ring twice, and then hang up, and then call agian.
Either way, that wll mean you stop having to speak to her. She can leave whatever messages she would like, and frankly, being ill and in the hospital, you SHOULD be encouraging your boyfriend to speak to her every once in a while. That is only respectful, even if she is a pain, he ought to try.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
Sorry about the length. I'm so mad. I feel like i'm trapped in my house. My dad grounded me for 6weeks when i didn't do anything!! I have to get out of this house, i'm constantly crying and when i do something i feel like i'm gonna scream, i'm constantly hittin/kicking the walls to release my anger. I don't know what to do. My mom is being a bitch too. ANd i'm not going to go to my brother or sister. Should i start to go to a theripest? I just failed my bio test and got a c on my math test so yea, i'm stressed about that too. I don't know what to do. I went to the therepist for anger issues, and i think they returned. I need to get some of this anger inside of me out and i'm strating to beome emotional, and i neverr cry. Every now and then i break, because i keep everything bottled up inside till like the last absolote breaking point. I don't know what to do. I need to get out of here. 14/f/fresman highschool
The Answer
Yes, you need to go back to therapy.
As long as you stay that angry, you are going to stay this unhappy. As long as you are that angry, you will have trouble focusing and getting good grades. As long as you are too angry, you wont be able to talk things out with your parents, and they'll just punish you for what they *think* happened, because you can't get calm enough to explain yourself.
And, you’ll get punished for not expressing your angry correctly, and they’ll be right.
Take a walk. Take a bike ride. (Ask permission first, and calmly state you need some chill time, explain where you are going, and when you’ll be home). Go some place alone and yell and scream and cry. Punch the dirt or trees (not your house! Your parents don’t like that and you wouldn’t either if you had to pay for broken stuff). Then come back, take a long bath and sleep.
When you get this angry, you must get it under control or your life will continue to spiral away from you.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
My ex-best friend is getting married and I have been invited to the wedding through a series of undesirable events.
I have decided to attend the wedding; although, I do not believe my ex-best friend wanted me to at first (until I confronted her about it). She did eventually invite me herself so I feel it is a nice gesture to attend the wedding. I do want to show her that I was a good friend and go to her wedding appropriately.
I am wondering what would be appropriate to purchase as a wedding gift for her and her husband. I really need advice on this as I've never attended a wedding in my entire life.
She is almost 22 and will be marrying a guy that is 25. They have been seeing each other for a year and he actually proposed two months ago. The wedding is in late October 2008 and is autumn themed (even the wedding flowers will be in autumn colors). They have been living together in her house for about 9 months now with their two small dogs.
They both like to gun and bow hunt (deer and turkey) so he will be wearing a camouflaged tux (tacky, I know). They both drink heavily; however, I will not be purchasing them alcohol or alcohol related things. He works as a coal miner. She works at Lowe's. They are not virgins, sadly, but neither have children. I am uncertain if they will be honeymooning, but there will definately be wedding reception. Their house is paid for, and has been for years, so they really aren't lacking appliances or anything of that sort.
I am simply looking for nice wedding gifts. I really have no idea what is an appropriate wedding gift to give her and her new husband, but I am certain that I want to purchase a wedding gift for them even though we are no longer friends. I don't even know how much to spend on a wedding gift for my former best friend!
I am up for any and all ideas!
The Answer
The first question you should ALWAYS ask yourself about a wedding gift is: Where are they registered?
If it didn't come with your invitations, call the mother of the bride and ask.
Sure, not every couple has a gift registry, but most do and the easiest thing to do is simply to buy them what is on the list of things they have already said they want.
The rule of thumb, when attending a wedding, is to buy a gift that roughly covers your being there. For most weddings that is about $100. Of course, a more important rule is to spend what you can afford.
I have to add however, that you really need to change your perspective here. Whatever your history with this woman, a wedding is a happy occasion that every person deserves, not matter how much you dislike them. If you are really so unhappy with her then just send a polite card of congratulations and thank her for the invitation. You shouldn’t go to a wedding, or buy a gift, out of obligation or resentment. You shouldn’t go to someone’s wedding just to prove you are mature or a good friend. Thier wedding has nothing at all to do with you and you shouldn't attend for any other reason then to congratulate and share this moment with them.
I would strongly encourage you to either attend in a spirit of affection and celebration or don’t attend at all.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
One of my best friends has just told me she is pregnant and that they are definately keeping the baby. She is 18 years old and doesn't have a job. The guy she is dating is 19, has a minimum wage job, and is attending college part-time. They live 30 minutes away from each other--him with a couple of roommates in an apartment and her with her parents in their house. They are very much in love, but they're afraid because they don't know what they are going to do or how they are going to make it with a baby.
My best friend HAS to start college full-time soon in order to stay on her mother and father's insurance.
They weren't ready to have a baby at all. They are both still teenagers! This was unexpected and they are pretty nervous. They know this is going to be hard and that they made a very bad choice in having sex, but they also know that they have to deal with this consequence the right way.
They are wanting to move in together but I told my best friend it doesn't sound like the wisest thing to do with the baby on the way and no secure jobs. I'm not sure how to help them and they really need some advice on what to do and how to do about starting a family. I want to be a good friend, be there for them, and help them through this.
They want my advice on what to do exactly and I don't know what to say! I'm the only person they have told and my best friend is really looking for helpful support from me. Can anyone help me give them advice on how to make this situation work into something they can deal with?
The Answer
I've been in your situation, more then once actually, and the very best thing you can do is take a deep breath, and butt out a bit.
They are children themselves, and the people whose support and advice they must take and lean on is their parents. It is their parents who opinion matter the most and who support will affect if they can move in together or not.
I'll tell you that when teens get pregnant, there is for the first little while this fantasy they have that they'll just start their own little family and everything will be fine. They think they'll just move in together and play house. They can't imagine, or aren't ready to seriously think about, the reality of doing that. Of course it's not a good idea for her to move in to an apartment, and have a baby, and go to school. That's a really bad idea. There aren't enough hours in a day for her to make that work AND she'd need a hell of a lot of support. It's probably not going to happen. If her parents have any brains at all they will realize that and it's their job to discourage her and guide her in a more sensible direction. As the baby gets closer, she'll probably get more realistic about it.
The best thing you can do is listen, not advise. The only advice you need to give is that she needs to tell her parents. There are all sorts of details about her life, her family and their network and situation that you CANNOT know, and without them, you can't be sure what is and isn't possible for her.
Your role is just to be supportive and to listen. Not to give advice. She doesn't know what the hell to do and she is in the situation. You certainly won't know. So, simply encourage her to tell her parents, support her through the angst and pain to come and remind her to listen to the adults in her life, because she isn't one yet and as much as she might fantasize that having a baby will magically turn her into an adult, it wont.
(And being the friend of a pregnant teen won't magically turn you into an adult either! So don't try to have all the answers, just keep listening, and sending her to the people that do have them! If her parents are inept, suggest his. Look up support networks for young mothers in your area. Encourage her to see her doctor regularly and take care of her body. Just leave the life plans to her and her parents.)
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
it's always been really important to me to be kind and considerate to others, but recently I feel like my compassion for others is completely fake. I work with kids and when one of them falls and cries I act sincerely worried for them and cheer them up, but in my head I want to just tell them to suck it up! And my boyfriend's family is really important to him and they are all very nice to me, so I always act like I love them and talk to his mom when in reality I hate them all and think the mom is an idiot. When my boyfriend gets upset over things I act supportive, but after he is feeling better and he leaves I laugh at him. LAUGH! THAT IS HORRIBLE AND I KNOW IT!
I absolutely hate being around close families too. If I had a choice, I wouldn't ever meet anybody's family. And my boyfriend and I have been on break, so we are just friends who hook up now. he says he is so in love with me and wants to be my boyfriend again, even though we're still having sex and such on a regular basis, and I couldn't understand why. He's allowed to do whatever with any girl but he doesn't want to. I don't hook up or even flirt with anybody else because i still feel loyal to him, and I do love him, but I just prefer the hook up and leave thing way better than a real relationship (btw nobody knows I have sex or any of that either).
This is not who I want to be, and I have never let anybody see that side of me because it is aweful and I hate it - but I can't help how I feel about things sometimes it's just my reaction! I feel like I am becoming a miserable b***h and I hate that I am that way. I act so sweet and caring, and I would love to genuinely care about other people. I think I'd be happier if I were genuinely a good person. what can I do to stop these horrible feelings? I haven't always been like this, I don't know what happened. I just want it to go away.
The Answer
Separate your issues.
Issue 1: You think small kids should suck it up.
That doesn't make you a bad person. That makes you an adult. What also makes you an adult in the realization that although the child's pain in small and insignificant in the bigger picture, it's very real and important to the child, so you comfort them knowing that they will grow and learn to ignore and deal with their little pains in more mature ways. But for now, they are just kids, and they need to be gently taught how to ‘suck it up.’
Issue 2: You don’t like your ex-boyfriends family.
So what? You are polite and friendly with them, and that is as much as can be expected of you. You aren’t going to like and respect everyone in this world. You aren’t even going to think well of everyone in this world. You’d be a total idiot if you did. Some people are not very bright. Some people will piss you off. That isn’t about being ‘not nice’ that is about not deceiving yourself into thinking the world is all rainbows and sunshine full of basically kind and smart people. The world isn't that and you know it.
And finally, Issue 3. This is the REAL issue. This is the problem behind all your other problems that is fueling your self-loathing and is probably the main reason you are not currently happy.
You are fucking someone you have no respect for.
Doing that, will always make you unhappy.
I’m all for hook-ups and casual relationships between two experienced adults, who have a mutually respectful and beneficial understanding, but THAT, is NOT what is happening with this guy right now.
You two don’t want the same thing from your relationship.
You are being cruel to him by not ending it. He OUGHT to be mature enough to end a situation that isn’t giving him what he needs and makes him miserable, but since he isn’t, you’ll need to be mature for him.
You are going to keep feeling like crap until you make a clean break from this guy. The guilt is colouring everything in your life.
This is your minds way of telling you to GET OUT of this messy arrangement.
You are going to keep feeling like crap because you know you can’t make him happy. You are wasting his time and affection, and that doesn’t feel good.
You are going to keep being bitchy and short-tempered in other aspects of your life, because you aren't happy in this one.
You might love him, but I’d bet good money that a lot of the time you don’t really like him, or listen to his opinion, or take him very seriously.
This doesn’t make you a bad person. This makes you a person who needs to get the hell out of a relationship that makes them hate themselves just because they don’t, and can’t, want exactly what the other person wants.
You've tried to want what he wants. You now know it can't be done.
The situation you are in with this guy is a bad one. Of course it makes you feel bad. End it and get some distance from it and I bet a lot of negativity and inpatience will end.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
Hi. I'm 18, and yes, I am an adult living at home with my parents.
I hate being here. My parents try and live for me. I know that while I live under their roof, rules apply, and that I need to respect the rules and my parents. But I think my mom's too controlling. I still have a curfew (usually around midnight. EVERY night). My mom insists on meeting every friend I make before she allows me out of the house with them, and I'm FORBIDDEN to go to dance clubs or even the hookah bar a lot of my friends chill (even though I don't smoke, and she knows that). Everytime we argue, she ends up screaming at me, and when she gets really mad, she'll take my bedroom door away. She has to know where I am at all times, and if I'm not doing something she approved of, she'll take my cell (she pays the bill), my car keys (she pays for my car insurance), and my debit card (she's cosigned on it).
If I had enough money left over from paying for school, I would support myself and move out. But I can't afford anything besides school right now, and that's a priority. But I have NO freedom, and mom and i fight constantly.
tonight she actually wouldnt let me visit my boyfriend because he and I recently fought and mom thought it'd be best if i "didn't forgive him yet".
She's controlling my life completely and I'm on the verge of a breakdown. The very thought of coming home to her after class each day makes me want to cry, and I often do on the way home. She insists all my emotional stuff is "drama" and that she is never wrong.
What do I do to cope?
please help.
The Answer
You are not an adult living with your parents. You their teenage daughter who is still living on their dime.
Please, don't think I'm defending everything they do; it's obvious that you have it on very hard and unjust terms. Some of their treatment of you is most certainly unfair, but never the less, call this what it is: You are a dependant. You may be in adult under the law at 18, but in activities and actual freedom, you are still a teen, or at best, a young adult living at home.
Some things, however irrational and unfair, she is entitled too.
And based even on this question, your mom might have a point about you getting emotional. Again, I’m not defending her! It’s obvious she gets extremely emotional and drama filled too! But to rise above this mess, you need to stop engaging in it as well.
You need to be calm, decided and willing to deal with the consequences of your actions.
When you are decided and certain, instead of confused and fighting, it’s easier to keep your cool and remain focused. You need to keep your cool. If you continue to get pulled into shouting matches, you will always loose. Period.
You fight = You loose. You scream = You loose.
So, instead of fighting and getting confused, get some clarity on this situation. Sit down when you are quiet and calm and write down a list of what is and isn’t acceptable. For the things that are not acceptable, state what your response will be.
I’ll make this simple as possible for you. Here’s my version:
It is acceptable that I have curfew while living at home.
It is acceptable for you to remove privileges for which you pay.
It is acceptable for you to expect to have an idea of where I am when I am out.
It is acceptable for you to ask me not to go to hookah or dance clubs. (I know you might disagree, but I’m with your mom on this one. A daughter of mine at 18 would be forbidden to go to a hookah bar, and strongly discouraged from clubbing.)
It is NOT acceptable for you to remove my door. I am eighteen years old, and unless you suspect me of engaging in illegal behavior or harming myself, you may not remove my privacy. In the future, I will reattach my door or put up a screen if you remove it.
It is NOT acceptable for you to demand to meet any person I know before I am allowed to go out with them. I am entitled to make my own friends and I have proven myself responsible enough in my choices that they should not need your approval. In the future, I will go out in the company of the people I choose; regardless of them having met you are not.
As well as selecting my friends, I will choose the way in which I conduct all my relationships. I will speak to my boyfriend, forgive him or be angry with him, as I choose. Although I value your opinion on these subjects, I am entitled to not following your advice.
Set these boundaries, stick to them and know what it is will cause. Your mom will fight back and will remove everything she can from you: Cell phone and car, and maybe door, maybe your favorites foods. Basically anything she can think of. Accept the first two because they are on the acceptable list and she has a right to do them, even if her reasons are not rational. Use the house phone, a public phone or arrange get-togethers while at school. Have other people pick you up, or walk places. Do whatever it is you decide to when she removes your door. Maybe you’ll put something else up instead to maintain your privacy, or maybe you’ll sleep in a different room that does have a door.
She will scream. She will yell. She will do everything she can to make you mad and if you are actually going to make changes in this relationship, you are going to have to stay calm and stick to your guns and say, calmly and respectfully “No mom. You are wrong and I won’t accept that. This is what I’m going to do.”
It’s either that, or you put up and shut for a few more years. That is also a valid choice that works for many people.
Remember, when faced with adult who is acting like a child, you can only be victorious by out-adult-ing them. That means the very SECOND that you yell back, or name-call or do any of the immature things, you’ve lost the fight. It’s not enough to be right when arguing with someone who is convinced that they are right, you must behave perfectly in order to make your point.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
My muslim boyfriend wants to shave my vagina is this strange? Should I be concerned
The Answer
If he is bad with a razor you should be concerned about nicks.
If you don't want to do this, or are uncomfortable having him do it, simply say no.
But his interest in this doesn't make him a pervert or a bad person. Many guys like there partners shaven, some even like to do it themselves.
However, it is YOUR hair, not his and he doesn't get do to a damn thing to it unless you are comfortable with the arrangment. You are prefectly entitled to tell him 'No way.'
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
Ok well there's this guy, named ummm B. Yeah, it was a wednesday that I met him. Sometimes I instantly like people. Sometimes I instantly dislike them. Besides that though he was one of the ones I liked. Well we started dating later that night or whatever. See he doesn't live in the city I do. It's kinda the next one over but it's kinda close. Well Friday I asked him to come to my school's football game. I'm 15 and he's 17. So he graduated already. & he showed up and everything was good. Later Friday night though he tells me that we rush into a relationship. Which I understand. & That he'll need time getting to know me. Well the only thing he's asking is for me to send him "pictures". Only because he wants to see if he trusts me or I trust him. Some bullshit.
Am I being used though?
The Answer
Maybe, but no matter if he is using you are not, he is feeding you a selfish, bullshit line.
Tell him trust is something that is established over time when two people treat eachother well and with respect. It can't be tested or purchased with soft core pornography.
If he doesn't grasp that, then dump him, because a guy who can't apperciate that is only really after one thing.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
So I keep asking my mom if I can get peirced again or tattoed and she says no and I can live with that. Then today I find out we are moving this summer and she is changing my whole life while doing so and then I decied I was going to be a vegetarian [I have been thinkin about it for months] and I asked her about it and she said no. I didnt get it I asked her why and she said that she doesnt think I should. I think it's stupid that she is chaning my life without even asking me or me haing a say in it and I want to do one thing because I really cant stand hurting an animal anymore and she disagrees.
How can I get her to ler me do more things?
and how do I get her to agree to letting me be a vegetarian?
I mean you only live once and tommarow you may not be here
The Answer
You are the teenager living at home and she is the parent.
That's as complicated as it gets.
Now, you can't get a tattoo or piercing legally without parental approval, but if you don't want to eat meat, go right ahead. She can't force feed you meat, and if you are willing to buy some of your own food and/or go hungry when she makes meat for dinner... go nuts.
Like all life choices you must make compromises and be willing to take responsibility for your own decisions. The decision to become a vegetarian might mean buying some of your own food and occasionally going hungry. That is okay. Your mom is required to feed you, but not to feed you precisely what you want all the time.
I imagine if you take vegetarianism seriously enough for a while to invest in preparing your own food and picking some of it up, your mother will be more welcoming to the idea.
You might not be alive tomorrow, however, if you ARE, she will still be your mother and you will still be the teenager living in HER home. If you live to see enough tomorrows, you’ll be able to live in your own place, and do basically whatever the hell you want. But that isn’t going to happen today, and probably not next week, so the best thing you can do, is rather then arguing with your mom, just go ahead and DO what doesn’t break any rules or laws. Eating meat isn’t a rule and your mom will probably have a hard time making it one, because that just doesn’t make sense.
As a teen you often a have a HUGE sense of entitlement, and that’s cool enough but you’ve got to recognize that the adults in your life actually have many more ACTUAL entitlements then you do. They can vote. They can work. They can own homes and sue and be sued! They can drive and do a whole bunch of stuff you can’t do yet. If your mom wants to move, and take you with her, she’s entitled to that. If she doesn’t want to prepare vegetarian foods, she’s entitled to that.
But that doesn’t mean you don’t have any right at all. If you don’t want to eat meat, you are total entitled to that! Just don’t eat it. Don’t make a big deal of it. Just say “No thank you” and move on with your day.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
I like to meet new people online all the time, because I think it's interesting to talk to someone from someplace different from where I live. Well, a couple months ago, I met... "J." J lives across the country from me, and we've become very very good friends. I honestly can say I love him, in a very unromantic way. More of the way you love your best friend. Only, it's a bit of a problem because I'm a 14 year old girl, and J is 32, married, and about 3,000 miles away. I don't expect many people to understand our relationship.
I hate having to be sneaky to talk to him. We've talked on the phone once, and he actually sent me a birthday card. I love him enormously, like a family member or something. I feel a lot like we should stop talking, because it's not... socially acceptable for us to be such good friends, and I'm sure my mom or his wife or anyone would approve of our friendship. But it would break my heart to have to stop talking to him.
What should I do?
The Answer
Stop hiding this friendship.
You feel bad about this because it IS bad. It is bad for you two to be lying to the people closest to you.
When your mom, or his wife, find out, they are going to insist you end it. And they'll be right. It won’t be just because of the age difference, it will be because of the SECRET.
You shouldn't have a friend that you keep secret from your parents. They will be naturally terrified about this. If you had a 14 year-old friend that you talked to constantly but never breathed a word of to your parents, they would be terrified.
The fact that your 32 year old friend isn't sensible of this, and insists you be honest with your parents, is a HUGE strike against him. It's disrespectful of him to your family, and irresponsible of him an adult (especially since he could get in legal trouble for the way people might misunderstand your relationship, very it's foolish of him not to insist you be honest with your parents!)
And then think of his poor wife! What she might think? How terrified she would be? She might walk out on him over this. Is your friendship worth that kind of risk to his life?
If he is willing to risk his marriage for his friendship with you… doesn’t that tell you that your relationship with him might actually be a bit inappropriate, no matter how plutonic you insist it is? Teens might make hard choices when it comes to friends vs relationships, but for adult when it comes to marriage, the marriage should win hands down!
You feel bad about this, because it is bad. It’s not a sensible or mature adult friendship. It’s a secret liaison, even if you say it isn’t romantic, your behavior only makes it look more questionable!
There are two ways to make it right:
Either stop talking to him.
Or, tell your parents. Be prepared for a lot of questions, and probably to show them a few of your conversations and e-mails. I know that sounds difficult, but since you’ve misled them for so long, you really do owe them that much. And of course, to let him speak to them.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
I'm a married woman. My husband is a great man. He is the only person I can see myself ever having children with. However, I am still in love with my ex-boyfriend. I constantly think about him. I dream about him. I want to see him, smell him, feel his skin against my cheek. This is all crazy because my ex is not a good man. He used to choke me whenever we got into a really bad argument. I was afraid of him...but I loved him. I moved across the country so that I could get away from him and move on with my life. There are many good things about him, but he doesn't possess "husband-like" qualities. My husband is close to perfect in my eyes, but I don't feel the same way about him as I do towards my ex. How do I stop these feelings? Am I crazy for loving a man that is not good for me?
The Answer
It is pretty much the definition of crazy to think that 'love' is the feeling you have for a man who is 'not good' and who you fear. There is a disconnect there between your response and your reality that actually characterizes most mental illnesses...
Although I might miss a man who slapped me around, I might lust after a man who choked me, and I might even feel affection for him… I could never love him. It's not possible for me to love someone who beats me. I respect myself too much to give my heart to someone who would break it over and over again each time he treated me like a slab of unfeeling meat he could push around.
I'm baffled that you find it possible. It really makes me concerned about your mental health and self esteem.
Please, get some counseling. There truly is something off about your perspective on love and romance if you aren't able to let go of an abuser. Feeling affection or missing him is one thing, but you really think you still love him, even more then you love the man you want to have children with, then you have some work do to on your mind. You need to talk out these feelings with a professional so you can get down to the root cause of them. They aren’t normal, and they will prevent your happiness.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
I had a horrible yeast infection, and my gyno prescribed me genazyole-1 and that's cream you insert up there, and i ended up having to use it twice, and now.. It's slowly clearing up. I used it about 3.5 days ago, and everything was going good, and it was still comming out of me for those days. And then, now today i got a really bad itch again, and some white discharge that was fluid like and seemed pretty normal.
no horrible fishy smells or nothing, but i put vagisil on and i know i irritated the skin some from itching.
Is this normal?
The Answer
Make another appointment.
You might simply be in pain because of the all the scratching you did, or your yeast infection might be presisting. The only one who can really tell you is a doctor.
Some yeast infections can be very hard to get rid of, or can spread to other parts of your body and just keep coming back. Agian, only the doctor can advise you now.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
my granny is 90 years old and she can't really take care of herself so she's living with my aunt right now and whenever my aunt has to go somewhere i look after my granny so she isn't by herself and i wait on her hand and foot. I fix her coffee, give her meds,and fix her supper and she never appreciates any of it and it's really starting to bug me i mean i don't mind looking after my granny for my aunt but granny could at least say thankyou for everything i do for her and i want to tell her off somithing terrible but i hold in my anger and don't say anything about it but i don't know how much longer i can keep my mouth shout what should i do when i want to release my anger out on my granny please help!
The Answer
Talk to you aunt about this, calmly, and ask why your granny is the way she is.
Maybe your granny has always been this way. Maybe she has always been stoic, or even rude. Or maybe, she has just gotten old, and slow. Maybe her understanding of what is happening isn't very good anymore and she tries to mask that by not communication very much. Or maybe her understand is so bad, she is simply confused most of the time.
Or she might also simply have lived and grown up in a different time, when taking care of your elders what something you just DID. It didn't warrant thanks. It was owed to them.
Your aunt can probably help to explain to you why you granny is the way she is, and, the way that she used to be. She might also have some suggestions on how to deal with her and to communicate your unhappiness to her. Or better yet, if Grannys understanding of the world around her has gotten weak, she might be able to tell you things you can do or talk about that will make your Granny more fond of you.
Or your aunt might not. She might just tell you that granny is an ungrateful old witch and always has been.
Unfortunately granny is still family, and we don’t throw ungrateful old witches out in the street. We also don’t yell at them. We cope, as best we can. If you need to vent, vent with your aunt and your parents. Bitch and moan with them. Be respectful to your granny, because no amount of yelling or bursting at her is gonna changer at this point. Since you can’t change, and you can’t rid of her, you need to live with her and try to make the best of it.
Ask for your parents and your aunt’s advice on how to make the best of it. If the best is simply putting up with her, then that might be what you need to do.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
I'm a virgin. I've been proud of that my entire life, since I just entered my early 20's. It feels good to know I have pride in something. But-- It doesn't mean I've been completely prude.
Before my current boyfriend, I'd "hooked up" with one other guy, who I'd been with for 3 years. My new boyfriend and I are doing really great-- but I keep accusing him of giving me STD's, and going on and on about it until he freaks out. But, oral sex is still sex... And I could still catch something.
My vagina had some itching-burning going on.. so before getting it checked out.. I blamed him. Then, after a visit to the gyno.. turned out to be a yeast infection.
The other day, I reached to the back of my mouth.. because I felt like there was food stuck back there, and it wasn't. While trying to pull out food, I popped a blister back there! It was painless, but whatever was inside the blister, tasted sour and gross. Any idea what THAT was??
I got so mad, that I walked up to him and slapped him. This poor guy, he's been tested twice, and honestly doesn't believe he has anything. But I keep doing this to him.
Should I be worried about the blister?
How can I be nicer to him about this?.. he really might leave me one day.
Thank you
The Answer
First things first: You need to apologize. A lot.
I would have dumped you by now.
Baseless accusations are MEAN.
Hitting someone is WRONG.
He is far more forgiving then I would be in his place. I'm not sure by your question that you really get how totally out of line your treatment of him was. Please understand, I’m not trying to pick on you, but I think your fear is justified. A guy SHOULD dump a girl who has behaved the way you described. It’s totally unacceptable. You need to change this.
Sex is risky. It absolutely is. But if you can't accept those risks for yourself without resulting to treating your partner like dirt, then you are not emotionally or mentally prepared to be having any kind of sex. Its okay if you can’t have oral sex because of your fears, but you need to be honest about that, not abusive.
Now, as for your blisters: You are probably fine. The STDs that are most common in the mouth cause pain and generally do not burst. What you are describing is most like a mucocele which is a bit like a pimple in your mouth, and it's harmless and painless. If you get more of them, you should go to a doctor to make sure, but what you are describing is not in line with any STD I know of.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
I'm a 16 year old male, who is currently in a relationship. My current "girlfriend" is going to a different school than me, and we haven't spoken even over the phone for almost two weeks. I'm getting fed up with this. As I feel like I'm being brushed off when I do make the effort to call, either she's busy or her brother says she isn't there... but it's her cell phone so I don't really get that. Well I'm just wondering if I should break it off and move on to whatever else life has in store or if I should just stick it out for a bit to see what happens with us. We've only been going out for two weeks prior to the lack of communication.
The Answer
What is there to stick out? You aren't in a relationship at this point anyways.
She might not be communicating it very nicely, but the message is pretty clear, she doesn't consider you a boyfriend. Or, she isn't interested in treating you that way anyways.
Just end it in a nice simple way. Tell her you feel like it's just not working out and you are uncomfortable with where it's going. That's the truth. You don't need to be mean or accuss her of brushing you off. Just confidently tell her you aren't interested anymore.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
I'm a senior in high school. I like to use long sentences in my writing with many commas, and I and also a big fan of the semi colon. I don't write long sentences for the sake of it, it's just something that comes naturally. However, I was told by a friend that your writing should be written as if it were being read out loud, so long sentences would not be practical and they actually hurt the writing.
Is this true?
The Answer
Although part of this is a matter of opinion, I do think your friend has a point. Reading a piece aloud in a very good way to find out if the breaks and pauses are supporting the ideas and making them clear, or if it is convoluting and confusing them.
In good academic writing what kind of sentences you 'like' shouldn’t be very important. You should write the kind of sentence that best expresses the thought. A long sentence might be accurate, but it can also be muddled. Sometimes the best and most effective way to express an important idea, and to draw the reader’s attention to it, is to keep it short and simple.
Most writers could tell you that to hold a readers interest you need to vary your language and rhythm. You probably already know to try and avoid using the same word too many times close together. It’s distracting and unpleasant to read. You should consider your sentences in a similar way since reading the some type of sentence over and over again is also unpleasant. Using sentences of varying lengths is part of the way you can make your writing - not just clear - but compelling and comfortable to read.
My best advice to you would be to pick up a few of the novels you enjoy. Since you like to write in complex sentences, I imagine you read authors who write that way as well. If you pay a bit closer attention to their style I think you find even the more verbose authors will utilize the power of a short, punchy sentence when it’s called for.
I wrote in complex and compound sentences thorough most of high school. The novels I read were written that way so that was the way I naturally wrote. It was a love of poetry and the discovery of many modern writers whose structure was more poetic than prose-y that really led me to understand the power of that approach to structuring ideas. I write most of my advice in short, direct sentences because it can have so much more of an impact and can’t be as easily misunderstood.
Of course, the real trick is learning how to use the structure of your sentence to best support the thought it needs to express. If you have a habit of letting your sentences run on, then it would certainly be a good idea to work on breaking your thoughts up and highlighting key points through solid breaks, rather then partials breaks like commas and semicolons.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
is anyone here schizophrenic? it was one of my vocab words and the definition is "a state characterized by the coexistence of contradictory or incompatible elements." what do they mean by different elements? like you're living in two different worlds? i once saw a movie associated with someone who is schizophrenic, but what is life like?
The Answer
The definition you were given is NOT for the medical illness. It's for the word as a description of behavior. Behavior isn't a medical condition...
Let me see if I can make this a bit clearer.
The definition you have there is accurate when a sentence like this is said:
"Both the ex-husband and ex-wife exhibited schizophrenia about the possible outcomes of their divorce hearing."
That means that those two people took contrary and incompatible positions about their divorce case (which many couples do).
That is a perfectly valid way to use the word, but it's not the medical use of the word or the way we normally use it.
The medical definition of the word is much more nuanced and detailed, but to paraphrase it a bit, the medical definition is: a biological disorder of the brain characterized by some, but not necessarily all, of the following features: emotional blunting, intellectual deterioration, social isolation, disorganized speech and behavior, delusions, and hallucinations.
As for living with it, it confusing.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
In my math class, we took our first quiz today and I know I got no higher than a 60%. We have no other grades entered besides homework and this one quiz. I have turned in every HW assignment since the first day. So, given that, wouldn't I have had 100% before this quiz?
Our teacher weighs our quizzes and HW as 15% each. So, given that info, wouldn't that mean I would have to get a 0% on that quiz for my grade to drop 15% from a 100% to an 85%, right? Soo... if I failed that quiz my grade would only drop, at the most, like 3-5%? Help would be much appreciated. I am worried.
The Answer
If homework and the quiz are both worth 15% and you have no other grades, then right now they are both worth 1/2 of your final grade, or 50%.
That means, if you had 100%, and then got 70% percent on your quiz, you average would be 85%.
You got 100 out of a possible 100 on your homework, divided in half that is 50 (so it's now 50 out of 50).
If your homework is worth 50 of 100 possible percentage points of your final grade, you got all 50 of those points.
On your quiz you got 70 out of 100. 70 divided in half is 35 (That is now 35 out of 50). If your quiz is worth 50 of 100 possible percentage points of your final grade, you got only 35 of those points.
50 plus 35 equals 85.
If you got 100% on your homework, and your average is now 85%, then you received a 70% on your quiz.
If you had gotten zero on your quiz, your grade would be %50, because all you would have, is the 50 points you earned from your homework. It doesn't matter that they are both only worth 15% in the end, because there is nothing else right now. They are worth more. They are both worth 50%.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
so i'm fourteen years old, my birthday is in december, i'm verrrry mature for my age. i know whats right from wrong, and stuff like that. i just got out of a relationship that was basically based on sexuall things like handjobs, blowjobs, fingering, and stuff. me and my ex boyfriend (16) would do stuff everyday we hung out. it was okay and stuff but idk it made me more mature. i am now in a relationship with a boy that has been my friend since late july ish? i have kinda liked him since late july, but he had a girlfriend till mid august, and i dated my ex boyfriend from late july to late august. anyways, my "new" boyfriend was basically my bestfriend, and i feel really comfortable with him. i kinda want to have sex with him i'm just scared, and i think it's too early, but i still want to. i'm just scared about what would happen, and if i went to the doctors or something they would ask me and i dont want to tell my mom, because i really dont have a good relationship with my mom. i am definatly scared that somehow if one of our parents found out what would happen because my mom and his mom are good friends. he is 16, turning 17 on october 25th. also, we are in a long distance relationship (live about an hour away) but we try to see eacother every weekend beause he has a camp where i do. i need advice about what i should do, and basically a lot of information about sex. :/
The Answer
You should never lie to a doctor. Ever. They can't tell your parents. They exist to keep you safe.
Every time you have sex, you are taking a risk.
You are taking the risk that is too soon, and that the person will turn out to be quite different then you thought.
You are taking the risk that the relationship will end, and the intimacy of sex will make that even harder to deal with. This risk is even higher as this is a new, long-distance, relationship.
You are taking the risk of getting an STD.
You are taking the risk of getting pregnant.
You are taking the risk of your parents finding out.
SEX IS RISKY! If those risks scare you too much, if you don’t know how to deal with them, then it's not worth having sex. If you can’t handle what would happen if those things DID happen, then you aren’t ready to take those risks.
You've only been dating this guy for a few weeks. For goodness sake hun, I'm a rather sexually liberated 23 year old and I wouldn't sleep with a guy I'd only been seeing on the weekends for a few weeks! I’ve learned better then that! It sucks! It doesn’t bring two people closer at that point. It just screws everything up.
It's perfectly fine that you have some experience with sexual acts with your ex, but please, take things slower with a guy you really care about, or else you will have experience with a broken heart pretty damn quick.
Teens aren't told not to have sex because we don't want you to have fun. We say it because sex is risky. We say it because we did dumb things as teens and got hurt, badly, and want better for you.
Wait until you know the relationship has a bit more staying power to jump into bed with someone, and seriously consider the ways in which you are going to reduce the risks I mentioned above. If you can’t seriously address those risks, then having sex wouldn’t be a very smart move at all.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
Hey there.
I'm an 18 yo Female! : )
Basically school started on August 25th, and I've already missed 4 classes in a row in the past 2 weeks. Last week I had a cold and my doctor said I was too sick to go to school, and this week I had pink eye. so I've had to stay off.
Tomorrow's going to be the 4th day of class I've missed. I've been e-mailing my teachers letting them know what's going on. I just don't want to be completely lost when I go back to class, I've been keeping up with the work.
Do yall think there's anything else I should do? I don't want them to think I'm skipping.
The Answer
Deep breath. You are doing exactly the right things.
If it's just a cold and pink eye... these things will pass pretty soon and you can get back to class no problem. When you do get back, as a fellow student to borrow thier notes, or to go over the notes with so you know you've covered everything.
The truth is, your teachers are probably impressed that you even care this much. A lot of college students wouldn't bother as much as you have done. For now, just keep up with what they send you and focus on getting better. Once you get back you'll have a better idea of what you've missed and you can either contect with other students or ask your teachers, about how to best get caught up.
(View All Other Answers.)