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Best friend is young, pregnant, and scared. How can I help?
One of my best friends has just told me she is pregnant and that they are definately keeping the baby. She is 18 years old and doesn't have a job. The guy she is dating is 19, has a minimum wage job, and is attending college part-time. They live 30 minutes away from each other--him with a couple of roommates in an apartment and her with her parents in their house. They are very much in love, but they're afraid because they don't know what they are going to do or how they are going to make it with a baby.
My best friend HAS to start college full-time soon in order to stay on her mother and father's insurance.
They weren't ready to have a baby at all. They are both still teenagers! This was unexpected and they are pretty nervous. They know this is going to be hard and that they made a very bad choice in having sex, but they also know that they have to deal with this consequence the right way.
They are wanting to move in together but I told my best friend it doesn't sound like the wisest thing to do with the baby on the way and no secure jobs. I'm not sure how to help them and they really need some advice on what to do and how to do about starting a family. I want to be a good friend, be there for them, and help them through this.
They want my advice on what to do exactly and I don't know what to say! I'm the only person they have told and my best friend is really looking for helpful support from me. Can anyone help me give them advice on how to make this situation work into something they can deal with?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
I've been in your situation, more then once actually, and the very best thing you can do is take a deep breath, and butt out a bit.
They are children themselves, and the people whose support and advice they must take and lean on is their parents. It is their parents who opinion matter the most and who support will affect if they can move in together or not.
I'll tell you that when teens get pregnant, there is for the first little while this fantasy they have that they'll just start their own little family and everything will be fine. They think they'll just move in together and play house. They can't imagine, or aren't ready to seriously think about, the reality of doing that. Of course it's not a good idea for her to move in to an apartment, and have a baby, and go to school. That's a really bad idea. There aren't enough hours in a day for her to make that work AND she'd need a hell of a lot of support. It's probably not going to happen. If her parents have any brains at all they will realize that and it's their job to discourage her and guide her in a more sensible direction. As the baby gets closer, she'll probably get more realistic about it.
The best thing you can do is listen, not advise. The only advice you need to give is that she needs to tell her parents. There are all sorts of details about her life, her family and their network and situation that you CANNOT know, and without them, you can't be sure what is and isn't possible for her.
Your role is just to be supportive and to listen. Not to give advice. She doesn't know what the hell to do and she is in the situation. You certainly won't know. So, simply encourage her to tell her parents, support her through the angst and pain to come and remind her to listen to the adults in her life, because she isn't one yet and as much as she might fantasize that having a baby will magically turn her into an adult, it wont.
(And being the friend of a pregnant teen won't magically turn you into an adult either! So don't try to have all the answers, just keep listening, and sending her to the people that do have them! If her parents are inept, suggest his. Look up support networks for young mothers in your area. Encourage her to see her doctor regularly and take care of her body. Just leave the life plans to her and her parents.)
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Here is a link to a very useful website which I found:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Hopefully, that should be able to answer all of your questions
I hope it helps,
triquetra
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