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my granny is getting on my nerves
my granny is 90 years old and she can't really take care of herself so she's living with my aunt right now and whenever my aunt has to go somewhere i look after my granny so she isn't by herself and i wait on her hand and foot. I fix her coffee, give her meds,and fix her supper and she never appreciates any of it and it's really starting to bug me i mean i don't mind looking after my granny for my aunt but granny could at least say thankyou for everything i do for her and i want to tell her off somithing terrible but i hold in my anger and don't say anything about it but i don't know how much longer i can keep my mouth shout what should i do when i want to release my anger out on my granny please help!
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Talk to you aunt about this, calmly, and ask why your granny is the way she is.
Maybe your granny has always been this way. Maybe she has always been stoic, or even rude. Or maybe, she has just gotten old, and slow. Maybe her understanding of what is happening isn't very good anymore and she tries to mask that by not communication very much. Or maybe her understand is so bad, she is simply confused most of the time.
Or she might also simply have lived and grown up in a different time, when taking care of your elders what something you just DID. It didn't warrant thanks. It was owed to them.
Your aunt can probably help to explain to you why you granny is the way she is, and, the way that she used to be. She might also have some suggestions on how to deal with her and to communicate your unhappiness to her. Or better yet, if Grannys understanding of the world around her has gotten weak, she might be able to tell you things you can do or talk about that will make your Granny more fond of you.
Or your aunt might not. She might just tell you that granny is an ungrateful old witch and always has been.
Unfortunately granny is still family, and we don’t throw ungrateful old witches out in the street. We also don’t yell at them. We cope, as best we can. If you need to vent, vent with your aunt and your parents. Bitch and moan with them. Be respectful to your granny, because no amount of yelling or bursting at her is gonna changer at this point. Since you can’t change, and you can’t rid of her, you need to live with her and try to make the best of it.
Ask for your parents and your aunt’s advice on how to make the best of it. If the best is simply putting up with her, then that might be what you need to do.
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You just mentioned that she's 90-years-old and can't care for herself. That should be a clue that she may not even be able to process what is happening around her.
Maybe she has Alzheimer's for all you know and that's why she can't remember to say thank you or converse normally. Then again perhaps she does appreciate it but doesn't voice it as she figures her family knows this.
It could also be that she's totally not functioning at the ability to process everything around her. You haven't said this but the fact you said she's 90 and can't care at all for herself suggests it.
I wouldn't confront her unless you want your whole family to perceive you as a brat or stupid for doing so. They would think it despicable and downright cold to try and upset her like that.
You may be angry but let it go as you have no idea what that woman can think or if at all. You're in this to help someone out and not for recognition. Learn to be humble and selfless no matter what as that's rewarding and of benefit to you.
This situation may be here to teach you a few things such as patience, loyalty, humility and how to be selfless and not expect praise or even thanks all the time from people. Just imagine what it must be like for her to be that age and helpless or having to rely on others for EVERYTHING.
One day that might be you with your kids or grandchildren caring for you. Bless this woman silently and keep your anger to yourself and remind yourself that she probably doesn't know what's going on half the time.
It's not about what you do for her and being thanked. It's about the fact you're doing it because of what she means to you and your family. She might not even know your name or recognize you only periodically. You just don't know.
Maybe you should tell your mother and aunt what's bothering you about caring for her. I'm sure they'll be able to get you to see that directing anger her way or anywhere else isn't right. Let it slide like water off a duck.
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First of all, take in mind she's 90 years old. Old age will take its toll on the her and she may not really think about saying thank you. Not because she doesn't appreciate it, but because her brain doesn't point it out fast enough. Or maybe sometime in her past, something happened in which she doesn't say thank you. Such as not being taught, forgetting, or some event that made her stop. Overall, you should try to feel good about yourself for helping someone at her age, because there is a lot of things she can't do on her own.
Secondly, if you start to get angry with her, try walking out of the room and count to ten. Take a deep breathe and then continue what your doing. though make sure your not doing anything at the moment first. It will help most of the time. If you already frustrated with her, before you approach her or do anything with her, take a deep breathe so that you calm yourself down before helping her. You can always talk to your aunt about it if you want to, but I understand if you don't want to. But she might have a good explaination or be able to talk to your Granny. But point being, you should remain calm at all times.
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Try to look at it this way.
Granny is 90.
I'm pretty sure, all of her life, she's done for herself.
Now she doesn't have independence.
She can't even stay home alone and be to herself anymore.
Such things can really weigh heavy on a person's mind. They can make that person depressed. When a person can't be independent and feel sad and angry about it, they don't often think to say thank you.
Don't take it out on her, ok? She can't help it that things are as they are.
Maybe you can make her feel better about her life, and in turn, she will perhaps feel more appreciative.
When you take her a cup of coffee, sit down and ask her what things were like when she was growing up. Showing interest in her life will make her feel good. Also, she may have some really awesome stories to tell you, if only you ask to hear them.
I know my grandma did.
Try that out and see if it helps. Just don't blow up at her. It will only make you both feel worse.
ygs-30/f
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