I am an advice hound. I love to give advice, get advice, read advice columns. I love telling people what to do ; D
Truly, I have a love for people and an honest desire to see every individual excel and succeed in their personal lives, to shed themselves of as many burdens as possible and enjoy this strange and terrible and wonderful gift that is LIFE
Location: Los Angeles
Occupation: advice guru and life coach
Member Since: June 9, 2009
Answers: 900
Last Update: February 5, 2012
Visitors: 32931
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I have a huge problem. I'm in 10th grade and the school wants me to pick what I want to be when I "grow up" and go to college. What I REALLY want to be is a stay at home mom who raises kids and takes care of a husband. I know most girls don't want that any more and they want to be out there in the workforce but it just isn't what I want for myself.
The school wants me to choose a "real" job though. We have an occupation list we can choose from with some ideas and nothing on there says what I want. I tried to explain that I don't want to go to college and become a brain surgeon. They told me I HAVE to choose something. I think it's GREAT other girls want to do those types of things, spend all of that time in college, and earn great degrees...but that ain't me.
What do I do? I don't plan to go to college for anything other than to take a couple of classes just to have that experience. I figure after I get out of high school I'd work as a cashier or in a daycare or something until I end up getting married and settling down with someone. The school won't listen and tells me it's nonsense.
So, what do I do? I mean, what should I choose, if anything? I feel like I'm backed into a corner here. What ever happened to being able to grow up to be whatever you want to be? I told my mom and my dad and they're both kind of mad that the teachers won't acknowledge what I want to be. Nothing else really interests me as something I want to do for the rest of my life. I just want to get married, have babies, and take care of my husband, children, and home. What do I do? (link)
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I am all those things. I didn't have that as my goal as a teenager, but here I am. It is a valid and important CHOICE and one you shouldn't be ashamed of. However, you need to think about what will make you the BEST wife and mother. THAT's where the plan comes in. I went to college, worked and made a life for myself. I discovered a lot about myself, what I liked, what I wanted in my life, and all those things gave me the ability to, when I finally found the right man, become a good mother and wife and housewife (well, the housewife part I'm still perfecting ; ) I just say all that to let you know that while your choice is not a silly one, and is every bit as important as someone who wants to be a doctor or a scientist, there is still preparation that has to go into it. So, with that ultimate goal on your mind, think about what it is you'd like to do while your WAITING for that part of your life. You like kids? Do you like to write? Do you like taking care of people? Think about how those desires could lead you into a profession that you would be happy to work in until you become a stay at home mother with a husband. After all, you'll need to support yourself until it all comes together. No man wants a useless woman. No man wants a woman who doesn't know what real life is like. The more you work toward being independent and happy, the closer you will come to being a worthy wife, mother, and homemaker. That may sound weird, but trust me. I know what I'm talking about. I've been a wife and mother for 12 years. Good luck!
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I have a really spoiled best friend and I really can't stand being around her anymore. Her parents have lots of money and my friend gets showered with money all the time. The last time my friend and I went to the mall her dad gave her $200 and said here honey have fun! I have an allowance and I actually have to work to get my money and my friend has never done any work in her life! She wears expensive clothes and has a container ten times the size of a shoebox chock full of makeup she never wears! She makes me so mad! She brags about it too!
Please help me!
Thank you :) (link)
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Sounds to me like the biggest issue is your jealousy. Its really none of your business what her parents do or don't give her. It has nothing to do with you, what you're worth, or what you have. You'll understand when you get older the true advantages you have over her by knowing how to earn your own money. But for now just know that her having more doesn't mean you have less. Her life has other challenges that you may not even know about, so don't be so quick to judge her situation as "perfect". And when she brags, look at it as her sharing her happiness with you, and try to feel happy for her that she doesn't have to work as hard as other people, if she really is happy. Trust me, with a healthy and positive attitude about it, you will come out on top in this one.
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My fiancé's parents are divorced and my future mother-in-law is not very close with her son, but his father does help out a little more with everything. Do i seat the father and mother in the same pew at the church, i know properly its the mother then father behind. Both have relationships with other people but not married. (link)
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Place them where the groom's parents traditionally belong and let them work out their personal issues themselves. It is not your business nor your concern on your special day. Its YOUR day, not theirs, so leave them to solve their own problems, or at least set them aside for a day.
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Is it ok for a guy to hit his girlfriend, even if she did something to piss him off really bad? (link)
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No.
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Hi friends, I am the captain of my cricket team of my school. Last month I made specifications for my teammates about the game plan on ground but now find some specifications are wrong. I have already distributed them all. Now what can I do ?? Please give me your helpful suggestion… (link)
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Sound out an email explaining you are wrong. If you can't contact your teammates, let your coach know. But you just need to act quickly. Everyone makes mistakes, but the true leaders admit their mistakes and act quickly to rectify them.
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i am from india and am a muslim.... i have been in a relationship for a year now with a guy who is a muslim too and hard core one... i love the guy deeply and i have changed a lot for him... but he has a lot of expectations from me and wants me to change completely and adopt a new life all together... he has changed and so has his attitude towards me....he gets angry and doesn't behave in the same way as he used to... he is not like the guys i loved.... even though i really love him but i cant compromise on being myself... i cant leave him because i cant live without him.... m too used to him... n even if i do i know he will hurt himself.. he is very suicidal and can do anything.... i feel like m in such pool of mess and so confused... what should i do? (link)
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Get out of that relationship. Now. You can't change, and he HAS changed into an angry woman hater. You can't be responsible for what he might or might not do to himself. You can only decide how YOUR life may be affected by staying with him.
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Ive been wanting to commit suicide for the last 3 years, i think ive not done it yet because of fear. Im 23 i live with my parents, my 2 brothers and sister. My family are nice to me, ive been trying to tell my mum about my situation, all she says is dont do it u will go to hell. I dont get love from my family the way my sister and btothers do. im a very shy guy, i struggle to make friends, ima student at uni, i just hate going there. ive told my family i dont want to study and i will get a job somewhere, but they are forcing me to study! Ima muslim my parents want me to have an arrange marriage with my 1st cousin, which i find disgusting because ive always treated her like my sister, ive got a feeling i might have to marry her because i will get emotionally blackmailed. for the past 6 months ive been constantly getting headaches, i get chest pains, i know that im not wanted, i need to take big deep breathes all the time and i jus want to kill myself. i can leave my family, but i dnt want to do that because they raised me.
SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME? (link)
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You have two choices: Stay with your family in order to keep their traditions but end of hating yourself, your life, eventually your family, and maybe kill yourself. Or, find a way to leave their home and find some peace in your life. If it were me, I'd be making plans to leave. I wouldn't be able to live the life you describe. But only you truly understand the consequences. Could you ask your parents to get a part time job while you study? That way you could have some time away from the house and earn some money. If you save enough perhaps you could find a way to leave home. I do know that if you spend enough time outside of the influence of your parents, you're going to look at the world, and your life, in a whole different way.
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My boyfriend has a history of depression and ADD. He forgets nearly everything; favors, promises and misc. I even need to remind him to take a shower. This prior summer/fall we got into a big tuffle where he snapped at me for "nagging" him to get a job, where I was just reminding him every now and again to do applications and stuff.That has really stuck with me and ANY TIME I want to remind him to do something, I'm hesitant and depressed. He's semi-aware of his problem. He takes medication for depression and ADD. However there are times were he's annoyed by my reminders.I'm really tired of this. Sometimes I feel like he doesn't even want to try and help himself. He says stuff like "we just need to find a way to help me." and when I tell him that I feel like a failure for not being able to help me he tells me stuff like "nonono, you're doing fine..." but I just don't know what to do. We tried to keep a notebook for writing things down but that didn't really do anything...
I told him that I'd like to back off and have him help himself while I'll still be here for support and I didn't quite get the reaction I wanted.
this all took place via text
I told him I was hurting too much and that he needed to help himself. Then I told him about the ADD self help file I was making (made of tips from the internet) He got depressed and told me "you do so much for me and all I can do is sit back and try to help myself... a-and I can't... It's too hard, I'm not used to doing this........... I feel so bad............." and then he started crying and saying that he didn't wait all afternoon for me to guilt trip him about how useless he can be when it comes to helping himself. Then he said that "I don't want another psyche person telling me how fucked up I am... I don't want pills to make me 'normal'... I don't want that." I then asked him what he wanted and he replied "I don't want the people closet to me reminding me I'm incompetant... I just want to go to sleep... have some aspect of my life I can control..." he told me to email him the file once I was done and that no matter what else he says, he's grateful. Then he went to bed crying, I apologized for hurting him and he said it doesn't matter..
It's morning now. Like usual he's pushed this incident to the back of his mind while I'm still worried. What should I do?
(link)
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You should stop acting like his mother and let him make his own mistakes. If that means you can't have a relationship with him if he won't take care of himself, then so be it. It may seem harsh to you, but you actually don't help him by being his nanny. It is already hurting him, not having to take any responsibility for himself. Control your urge to control his actions and back off. You might be surprised at what will eventually happen if you have the guts to let him fend for himself for a while.
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I have been seeing this guy for 2.5 years, we both came out of a bad breakup and neither of us were looking for a relationship at the time. As time past I fell in love with him, he was in financial debt so I lent him money that he promised he would pay back, took out a loan as he told me he was selling a property and would have the money to pay me back which he lost and now in shortfall.
I believed what he was saying, he manipulated me into paying his bills etc as well and promised he would pay me back but never did. I had to ask to contribute to the loan otherwise he would not have paid me anything. Total is around $18,000.
In April this year he went from single to a relationship on his facebook and said he had to do that so girls would not go after him. During that time he told me that, a girl was hassling him and he owed her money, so asked me to call her for her bank account details. After I spoke with her she told me she was in love with him and I felt like I was in the same situation, he denied sleeping with her. I broke off seeing him because I had the suspicion he was seeing other women, which he denied. After I broke it off he said he wanted to move on and meet someone that his family would approve of, they would not approve of me as I am older than he by 12 years. I am 49 and he is 37. He kept wanting to see me, didn't want me finding anyone else.
Two days before Christmas he called and said he needed money as he was in trouble. I told him I didn't have any and could not get any as he has drained me dry. I recently found out that this guy is now engaged with a baby on the way with the girl he denied being in a relationship with in April.
I know this guy is not good for me and I want to cut him off but don't know how to do it as he owes me money. I have the feeling he will not pay me back as he has lied and cheated, not only with me but with the girl he is engaged with, as he was seeing me at the same time. So do I cut my losses and run and how should I handle it??
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Cut your losses. Chalk it up to a very hard lesson learned. Stop taking his calls, emails, facebooks, etc. Cut off ALL communication completely. You can't trust yourself around this guy. your will is not strong when it comes to him. So do the hard thing, which is the RIGHT thing, and walk away from this and don't look back. And remember, you can help people without giving away your savings. And never lend money to ANYONE unless you KNOW you can afford to never get it back, because many times, you won't.
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I am a 23 yr old divorced female. I have always been one to be in committed relationships. And now I find myself unable to commit to a man. I tell myself I want a relationship. But the reality of it is I don't.
I lost my father in january 2010 and a few weeks after that my relationship with my boyfriend ended. I loved him with all my heart and still do to this day.
Since then, I have not been the same person. I don't know who I am any more. I hate to admit this but I've become a bit, how do I put it, permiscuous. I find myself not wanting to be with one man. I find myself just havin partners. This isn't me. And I don't know how to change it. I don't know how to get back to the old me. I don't recognize the person I have become. And I sure don't like it either.
Any input would be helpful. I don't know what's going on with me. So any advice or views would be helpful. Thanks. (link)
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You don't want a relationship, but you ARE looking for comfort and love. That search is getting twisted into promiscuity, but the reality is, you're searching for comfort. If counseling is an option for you, seek it out. Either professionally, or through your church/religious organization or the local community center. If not, try to find comfort in friends and family. When you feel the urge to "hook up" randomly, turn to your trusted friends, family member. Go out to eat or see a movie or just hang out. Or go to a church service or some other uplifting event. The point is you need to start finding alternative ways to satisfy your need for comfort. You're not crazy, but you need help. Your dad dying triggered a lot of emotions in you that were probably long buried. And now your mind and heart are struggling to cope with that. You're acting out, but you don't have to. But you do need to reach out for help. this is a start, but now you need to find others around you that you trust to help you further. Good luck.
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What to do with a four year old who wont listen to anything. He screams, talks back, throws temper tantrums, you try and put him in time out and just makes the situation worse. I cant get him to listen to anything I say. If there is something he doesnt want to eat he screams about it. Its like this all the time. He didnt used to be this way. hes even told me husband that he is not his father (step dad). He does what he wants when you ask him to stay out of the fridge or put something back he throws a fit. (link)
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This is so much more complicated than anyone would have time to answer appropriately. You and your husband set the tone in your house for your child, so the fact that he does all that (to the extreme, not just like regular kids) tells me you guys are probably inconsistent. Watch Supernanny. No joke. She has awesome advice and she deals with this stuff all the time and you won't be disappointed.
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Hello I am a 23 year old female. I have always had a difficult relationship with my mother that stems beyond the typical "curfew arguments, money for a prom limo ect..." My mother has the mind of both an adult and a child. When she was 10 she was forced to sell her belongings and move to a third world country, and she has never gotten over it. She has since spent the rest of her life trying to "gain back" everything she had to give away and more. She is obsessed with shopping at antique stores for toys that remind her of her childhood. She acts like a spoiled brat- throwing a fit if she does not have the most gifts under the Christmas tree. She spends all of her money on herself to fund her erratic shopping problem and even admits to giving gifts that she knows the reciever will not like (and instead buys things SHE wants) so she can "take the un-wanted gift off their hands." My mom is the most selfish person you will ever meet. She is terribly mean and condesending to my father (who works really hard teaching 8th graders just to have my mom spend all his money away.) My mother is truly a small, spoiled bratty child in her mind. She talks in baby-talk, she is never considerate of others as long as she comes out on top. Sometimes she is okay and seems to be able to have a decent conversation. Other times she is angry and scowling and irritated by everything and everyone and does not make sense when she talks. She slurrs her words like she is drunk. She does not have a drinking problem to my knowledge but she has had back surgery and takes painkillers like a pro (she has been hooked on them for 10 years) Also- she has had multiple affairs on my father (one with a 15 year old boy) and will never admit she was wrong. Her and I never got along and I moved away as soon as I turned 18. But now that I am older I am genuinly concerned and curious. What do you all think is the reason behind her erratic and hurtful behavior? (link)
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You seem to have a really good handle on her situation. Sounds to me like that traumatic event at the age of 10 seriously stunted her intellectual and emotional growth. She's been trying to get back that "childhood" she lost ever since. Your mom needs professional help, no two ways about it. I don't know if anyone has ever told her that, or if she would even get it, but at least you have the comfort of knowing that your mom is suffering some real mental issues and it has nothing to do with you or your dad.
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Hey! I'm a fifteen year old girl, sophomore. So I was at this party last night and there was this guy that used to go to my school (he got expelled for getting busted with pot) so he goes to a school nearby (he's a junior, 17). So I barely even knew him until last night and a few factors, ahem, impaired my judgement and I went up to him and sat in his lap while he was playing cod. He taught me how to play and then we stared dancing. For awhile. And we hooked up, but just making out. He asks for my number and I give it to him. He texted me today. I don't know what to do. Im kind if interested in him but I know he's not what you'd call a "good kid". Okay I'm not exactly a good kid either but I've never been interested in a guy this bad (I try to avoid potheads) and I know I barely know him but there's something that's making soooo curious about him and I dunno why. (link)
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Ohhhhh... its an AGE old problem. Why do us good girls like bad boys? Dunno, but I do know it never works out for the better. But, saying that, you can only do what you feel is right. I just caution you to not let any boy, bad or good, push you to do things and say things that you know aren't good for you. Good luck! And Merry Christmas!
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He says there just friends but she comes up too me and tells me that they still have sex everyday. i really want to believe him but at the same time i care about getting hurt. (link)
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Women don't trust their instincts enough. I think your instincts have already spoken to you about this situation. If you want to ignore them and continue to expose yourself to STDs and you like being disrespected by someone you care about, then by all means, help yourself. But if you want to be happy, knowing that you've set standards for respecting yourself, then walk away from this one. Yes its going to hurt. Welcome to the real world. Put your big girl panties on and take responsibility for yourself.
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i think i have an over-eating issue.
im a skinny girl. 5'1 110-108 pounds.
but im obseed with being skinny.
i do a lot of starvation diets then i binge and eat ALOT.
ill have like 4 chocoalte corissants, 8 oreos and a lot of nuts and pasta.
then ill take laxatives.
and i do it every day. it goes in cycles
once im in the mod i cants top and i just eat for weeks liek this!
im scared for my health and im scare dimg una gain weight.
what do id o. (link)
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No. You need help. Go see your Dr. right away and say just what you said here. You realize you have a problem. That's a HUGE thing. Admitting it is half the battle. Now go seek help before your body can't keep up with your disorder anymore.
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20 year old female. Second year in college.
I have problems making friends in person. It's so simple online when you say whatever, and people "add" you for liking the way you think, or liking your sense of humor. I feel like I act the same way offline as I do online, except I'm a little more shy in person [even tho' somtimes I can be pretty quiet online as well].
SO I pretty much act the same way both on and offline... why do people act differently towards me? For example... I can be getting along well with someone from a class, then the next time I see them they act as if they don't know me. Why would they do that? VS online, when greeted with enthusiasm.
Also, I've gotten more compliments on my looks online than I have offline. When I have gotten compliments offline, it was usually to get me to buy something [or for modeling, when I was a kid]. But the only guys who have approached me were womanizers, just trying to get into as many pants as they possibly could. They were pretty indiscriminate, too. I've never dated anyone since no one ever approached me, and I never thought too much of myself, either.
But the rare occasions I've showed a picture to people online ["i'll only show you my picture if you show me yours"], i get "9/10" ratings [i wouldnt even ask for one, so this always makes me feel weird] and people saying how beautiful i look and how they're surprised i was never asked out on a date, etc. I tell them not to say things like that if they wouldnt dare say it offline... All this makes me feel strange, and I wonder:
-why is it that people act kind towards me online, and shun me out offline?
-what makes me unapproachable offline?
the only people i have been interested in [to date] i've met online. ive been told it's pathetic to meet up with online people for dating, even tho there are a lot of dating sites and success stories, but i keep getting told i seem like the kind of person who would be successful offline. I'm just really confused and sometimes I feel alone and sad over this... (link)
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why is it that people act kind towards me online, and shun me out offline?
-what makes me unapproachable offline?
It could be that you spend SO much time online, you've lost some of your social skills. You may come off as awkward or unsure when you're around real people, because you've been out of practice when it comes to dealing in the real world. Of course online relationships are more successful. You can present a sanitized version of yourself to the other person. They never have to get to know ALL of you, you can decide what they see and what they don't. They don't get the chance to witness you as you interact with those around you. Spend less time on the computer and more time out and about, meeting people face to face and learning to find value in personal relationships. Be brave enough to let people see you as you really are. You're robbing others of a special gift if you don't.
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So, long story short: I went back to my school after graduating because I wanted to pick up a couple extra classes. Theres this new young teacher there and when I first saw him there was a rush through my heart. He is soo good looking (hot!), friendly, and charming. He came from Thailand, so he has this really cute accent too. He's in his early thirties and Im 19. I don't know if I could ever date him but I wish I could get to know him even more. After talking to him a few times I told him I had already graduated. He seemed to spark up a bit after I mentioned that. There was also a school dance and he told me he wasn't much of a dancer anymore, but later we had fun dancing beside eachother for part of the night. I said: so much for 'not a dancer anymore' :p
From what I hear he is loads of fun in the classroom. I heard this from students (he teaches elementary here now) and lots of people in my community. He seems to be kind of going through a rough patch though because deciding to teach here was a quick decision and he had to find a house quick, get to know the community quick, and adjust to the position quick, you know? He is doing a great job though finding ways to survive lol. I can see he is dedicated to his teaching cause he stays at least five hours after school most nights prepping and stuff. He doesn't have many close friends just yet, so at school I bought him a candy cane when our school did a candy cane sale for Christmas. He came to me later when I was at work and asked "was it you that sent me the candy cane?" I said yes, and he said "it was greatly appreciated... really. Greatly appreciated" with a big smile. I could see that he was happy just to be thought of in this new, crazy place. He's only here for this year, same with me and I want to know if getting to know him better or asking for his e-mail would be wierd
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I don't think so. Ask him if you can send him an FB request. If he doesn't have an account then ask him if you could exchange emails. You're both adults. I can't see that it would hurt to get to know someone different and interesting.
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First, some history: I am the youngest of four siblings, and grew up in a very bad home. My sisters' greatest pleasure in life was to beat the tar out of me, belittle me, and basically make me miserable every time my dad's back was turned, and my brother actually molested me several times. My parents were divorced, and Mom never so much as sent a birthday card; Dad was always working, so I was on my own.
I cut my siblings out of my life after Dad died. Got married, had a couple of kids, bought a house, and settled into a nice, normal, kinda boring but very peaceful life. Everything was great until three months ago, when my oldest sister found me on Facebook. Like an idiot, I accepted her request.
She immediately starts in with the lies. Tonya lies about everything, apparently. I don't think she's told me one truth in the past three months. Then, she tells my brother where I live, and just to add a little drama, sent him photos of my 13 yr old daughter. All of a sudden, he wants to be my "friend" again. I'm expecting my middle sister to show up in my life any day now-that would be the one who tried to have my father commited to a nursing home so she could take over his estate.
I don't know if I'm being rational or not. I want to delete my FB, move, and just disappear again. I don't want these people in my life. But part of me wants to believe that maybe they've changed. I've had a great life without them. Should I allow my siblings back into my life for the sake of "family," or tell them to get lost because of what kind of drama they MIGHT cause my family now? (link)
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I think you've managed to create the boundaries between you and your family that you needed in order to survive. Now you're a mother and you have other people to protect as well. Your instincts are telling you that it isn't in your best interest to reconnect with these people. I agree. Your brother MOLESTED you! He has no business EVER ever ever being around you or your daughter again. You need not feel guilty about that. HIS fault, not yours! Listen to your instincts. Its common for people who have been abused to feel urges to seek out relationships with their abusers. Its part of the cycle. You've manage, so far, to break free of that. Honey, delete your sister and cut your brother out of your life. It may seem harsh, but you have a family to think of. If you start going nuts now, they will suffer as well, not to mention the implications of bringing these clearly insane family members into their lives. Listen to your gut on this one and please PLEASE release yourself from the guilt. You are right to feel uneasy about this. You don't need to move (that's a little crazy) but you can refuse contact with these people. They may try to make you feel guilty, but I wouldn't be too upset over a what some crackpots think of you. And seek out some counseling/therapy. You're going to need some professional help to get you through all the feelings and emotions that have surely been dredged up by the sudden appearance of your family. Please. Don't worry about that "family", worry about the one you have now. They are who you must protect, in the way that your parents never did for you.
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i dont know why but for some reason i feel as if i need a man to love me. Even though i know the love of god should be enough i just feel so alone. its like everybody i know found someone who loves them unconditionally but when it comes to me i always end up with the ones who can care less for me. How do i get over feeling unwanted. Or what can i do to be happy without having to be in a relationship. oh yea im a 17f (link)
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Are you distant from you father? That has a LOT to do with it when women say things like you just said. I'm very familiar with the feeling. It took me a long time to learn to love being with me. And yes, it sounds cheesy, but you are right, God is your father and if you ask, he can fill that hole that was left by your earthly father. I also urge you to learn to forgive the men in your life that hurt you. Now, you don't forgive because you FEEL like it. And you don't forgive so that you can pretend it never happened.You forgive because it is healing for you. Unforgiveness is like taking poison and hoping the other person dies. It hurts you. When I learned to forgive my father it helped me to get rid of those feelings of needing approval of others and searching for that kind of love in relationships with men. I was able to heal and it changed me. My dad never apologized to me, but it doesn't matter. My fate is not tied to his anymore by my grief. Ask God to start healing your heart, changing your heart, and start forgiving. You start by saying it. You keep saying it, doing it, until one day, you'll actually mean it. You need to learn this because the reason you always end up with the jerks is that you are putting out those "vibes". The abusers will always find the women who are weak and vulnerable and unsure of themselves (not saying you're abused, but just jerky guys that abuse your kindness). When you learn to be confident in who you are and what you believe, you will attract like-minded people. It gets better, if you do the work. I promise. But you can't sit and feel sorry for yourself. You have to be proactive and learn. Seek out counseling with a friend or through your pastor or school. Find your comfort in the word, when you are sad or confused. Pray and ask God to show you how special you are to Him. Because you are, and He doesn't want you wasting your gifts and time on people who will never see you for what you really are.
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Ok, so I like this guy, I'll refer to him as Bob. I'm 17 and he's about to be 22, but the age isn't the problem because I turn 18 in two weeks and we agreed that our relationship wouldn't go past friends until then. So that is not the problem. What I wanna know is how can I tell if he's in it for me or because he wants to get laid. Is there any warning signs? If so, please let me know, because I really like Bob, and I'd rather not be fooled because of that. Please and thank-you! (link)
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The only way to know is to not have sex. If he hangs around, he's not just interested in getting laid. If he backs off, well, there's your answer.
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