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Trouble with my ADD boyfriend
My boyfriend has a history of depression and ADD. He forgets nearly everything; favors, promises and misc. I even need to remind him to take a shower. This prior summer/fall we got into a big tuffle where he snapped at me for "nagging" him to get a job, where I was just reminding him every now and again to do applications and stuff.That has really stuck with me and ANY TIME I want to remind him to do something, I'm hesitant and depressed. He's semi-aware of his problem. He takes medication for depression and ADD. However there are times were he's annoyed by my reminders.I'm really tired of this. Sometimes I feel like he doesn't even want to try and help himself. He says stuff like "we just need to find a way to help me." and when I tell him that I feel like a failure for not being able to help me he tells me stuff like "nonono, you're doing fine..." but I just don't know what to do. We tried to keep a notebook for writing things down but that didn't really do anything...
I told him that I'd like to back off and have him help himself while I'll still be here for support and I didn't quite get the reaction I wanted.
this all took place via text
I told him I was hurting too much and that he needed to help himself. Then I told him about the ADD self help file I was making (made of tips from the internet) He got depressed and told me "you do so much for me and all I can do is sit back and try to help myself... a-and I can't... It's too hard, I'm not used to doing this........... I feel so bad............." and then he started crying and saying that he didn't wait all afternoon for me to guilt trip him about how useless he can be when it comes to helping himself. Then he said that "I don't want another psyche person telling me how fucked up I am... I don't want pills to make me 'normal'... I don't want that." I then asked him what he wanted and he replied "I don't want the people closet to me reminding me I'm incompetant... I just want to go to sleep... have some aspect of my life I can control..." he told me to email him the file once I was done and that no matter what else he says, he's grateful. Then he went to bed crying, I apologized for hurting him and he said it doesn't matter..
It's morning now. Like usual he's pushed this incident to the back of his mind while I'm still worried. What should I do?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I understand that you feel bad about this, but its not your place to control his life, and make desicions for him. It's his life, and if that means that you have to break off the relationship, so be it. It may have to be done. Do what you think is best for you, and look into your heart, and make the descion that will benefit you in the long run.
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You should stop acting like his mother and let him make his own mistakes. If that means you can't have a relationship with him if he won't take care of himself, then so be it. It may seem harsh to you, but you actually don't help him by being his nanny. It is already hurting him, not having to take any responsibility for himself. Control your urge to control his actions and back off. You might be surprised at what will eventually happen if you have the guts to let him fend for himself for a while.
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