|
please help me with my 4 year old
What to do with a four year old who wont listen to anything. He screams, talks back, throws temper tantrums, you try and put him in time out and just makes the situation worse. I cant get him to listen to anything I say. If there is something he doesnt want to eat he screams about it. Its like this all the time. He didnt used to be this way. hes even told me husband that he is not his father (step dad). He does what he wants when you ask him to stay out of the fridge or put something back he throws a fit.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Domesticity category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Parenting?
Children thrive on structure and boundaries.
Your child clearly doesnt respect you as an authority figure and i think before anything you need to ask yourself why that is.
Give your child exercise daily in games that promote working as a team such as football or supervise an hour in the park where he can continue to develop important social skills.
Give him a daily routine of up at a certain time, ready at a certain time, slots for meals and activities as well as a bed time. When he has free time get his mind going with learning his abc's, 123's, language skills.. theres so much for their spongy brains to soak up! Or perhapps get the creative juices flowing with some painting. Or when you have chores get him involved in picking the groceries from his child shopping list. Bond with eachother and do activities that help him grow as an individual.
When you give him a time out be consistent. If he runs off you keep putting him back there, even if it takes three hours, until he gets the message. Let it be known that you wont entertain his bad behaviour, teach him what you expect of him, and even though its so frustrating and hard, keep your cool and dont intimidate him by shouting or being in his face. Youre the parent, youre in control, you set the examples.
]
I agree with the other Advicenators, definitely seek the advice of a pediatrician. Certain food allergies can cause young children to behave this way. Once you remove the allergen the difference is often like night and day. It could be something as simple as that. Good luck!
]
Hey,
I understand you my daughter used to do that but she was 9 so it was a little more diffucult then but since your child is little itll work best for him.What i did was i sent her to a strict all girls school where they had to be their at 6:30 and came out until 5:30 and it really helped her get straight.Once you think that your child is ready to act responsible again you can take him out of the school if you want and put him in a public school.I found a private school really cheep for $60 a month.If you liked this solution plz rite back and i will give you the rest of the info
Love,
strawberry2330
]
I agree for the most part with Ciao77. You should also talk with a child development Pediatrician.
Some children just need a firmer hand then others as they have learned that if the scream long enough they can get their way. I know it is hard put sometimes you just have to let them scream. Your job when this happens is to make sure your son has not hurt himself, cannot hurt himself, then let him scream, walk away from him. He will probably follow you as he wants you to see him screaming. He is trying to get on that last nerve so he gets his way. Put him in his room and tell him he can't come out until he stops screaming. If he leaves his room walk him back and close the door.
My son use to throw temper tantrums, drove my wife up the wall. When I was home an he threw one I would get down to his eye level and throw one with him. Amazingly his tantrum stopped almost immediately. I believe it was because he couldn't figure out why I was screaming right along with him and possibly because neither of us were getting anywhere. Now I started this when he was much younger than your son but it did seem to work about 60% to 70% of the time.
Children, especially infants are smarter than we give them credit for. They learn fast what they can do to get what they want and how they can control their environment. They will always test their limits right up to the time the leave home.
As parents are jobs are to assert our authority as parents along with our love. We must constantly remember and remind our children that we our parents first, their friends second.
I constantly remind my son that I am his father and I am responsible for his well being &to see to it that he grows up to be a responsible member of the community. I am very proud of what and who my son has become. It wasn't easy and age age 4 I could have written the letter you wrote. Today he is a Paramedic/Firefighter with a degree in Emergency Medicine. He has saved many lives but there is one life he saved that I am very proud of. A young girl was clinically dead when he got to her. She is alive today because my son was her paramedic.
I tell you this because it does get better. Do seek the advice of a behavioral pediatrician. Be careful about allowing labels such as HDAD or others. Seek second and even third opinions if you think it necessary to make sure before allowing any type of treatment you are not fully in agreement with.
]
You might want to talk to his pediatrician, and see what they suggest. If you feel like the situation is extremely difficult to deal with, and you don't really know what else to do, in spite of any other advice you might get on this site or from his pediatrician, you can try contacting a family therapist. A family therapist can help you with child development/parenting issues, that many parents face with their toddlers and young children.
One thing that stands out for me, is that your son told your husband that he isn't his father- this indicates that he is likely affected by your divorce from his biological father. His behavior might be an outlet of his frustration toward that situation, which is normal. It is also normal for young children to go through periods where they act out, it is sometimes a way of asserting themselves and trying to be their own person. But if children hardly ever cooperate and constantly throw tantrums, they might be frustrated and angry inside, and not know how else to express their emotions. For this reason, it wouldn't hurt for you to express your concerns to your son's pediatrician, and see what he/she suggests you do. They might give you tips/pointers, and can also refer you to a family therapist who can help, if needed. All the best :)
]
This is so much more complicated than anyone would have time to answer appropriately. You and your husband set the tone in your house for your child, so the fact that he does all that (to the extreme, not just like regular kids) tells me you guys are probably inconsistent. Watch Supernanny. No joke. She has awesome advice and she deals with this stuff all the time and you won't be disappointed.
]
More Questions: |