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Family drama invading my life again
First, some history: I am the youngest of four siblings, and grew up in a very bad home. My sisters' greatest pleasure in life was to beat the tar out of me, belittle me, and basically make me miserable every time my dad's back was turned, and my brother actually molested me several times. My parents were divorced, and Mom never so much as sent a birthday card; Dad was always working, so I was on my own.
I cut my siblings out of my life after Dad died. Got married, had a couple of kids, bought a house, and settled into a nice, normal, kinda boring but very peaceful life. Everything was great until three months ago, when my oldest sister found me on Facebook. Like an idiot, I accepted her request.
She immediately starts in with the lies. Tonya lies about everything, apparently. I don't think she's told me one truth in the past three months. Then, she tells my brother where I live, and just to add a little drama, sent him photos of my 13 yr old daughter. All of a sudden, he wants to be my "friend" again. I'm expecting my middle sister to show up in my life any day now-that would be the one who tried to have my father commited to a nursing home so she could take over his estate.
I don't know if I'm being rational or not. I want to delete my FB, move, and just disappear again. I don't want these people in my life. But part of me wants to believe that maybe they've changed. I've had a great life without them. Should I allow my siblings back into my life for the sake of "family," or tell them to get lost because of what kind of drama they MIGHT cause my family now?
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I think you've managed to create the boundaries between you and your family that you needed in order to survive. Now you're a mother and you have other people to protect as well. Your instincts are telling you that it isn't in your best interest to reconnect with these people. I agree. Your brother MOLESTED you! He has no business EVER ever ever being around you or your daughter again. You need not feel guilty about that. HIS fault, not yours! Listen to your instincts. Its common for people who have been abused to feel urges to seek out relationships with their abusers. Its part of the cycle. You've manage, so far, to break free of that. Honey, delete your sister and cut your brother out of your life. It may seem harsh, but you have a family to think of. If you start going nuts now, they will suffer as well, not to mention the implications of bringing these clearly insane family members into their lives. Listen to your gut on this one and please PLEASE release yourself from the guilt. You are right to feel uneasy about this. You don't need to move (that's a little crazy) but you can refuse contact with these people. They may try to make you feel guilty, but I wouldn't be too upset over a what some crackpots think of you. And seek out some counseling/therapy. You're going to need some professional help to get you through all the feelings and emotions that have surely been dredged up by the sudden appearance of your family. Please. Don't worry about that "family", worry about the one you have now. They are who you must protect, in the way that your parents never did for you.
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1. You do not have to delete your facebook, Facebook comes with privacy settings, If you look on the top right hand corner under "Account" there will be a privacy setting. You can block people who you don't want to be associated with.
2. Moving and running away is not going to make matters any better, Running away from your problems is not the way to solve them. If anyone shows up at your house, Tell them you do not want anything to do with the family please don't stop by this house again. Your house is YOUR house, You make the rules that simple and remind them if they show up again you won't hesitate to get the police involved. Your sister is immature and full of drama, This option is up to you..Send her a message through facebook and let her know that you are removing her and she shall not contact you again. IF this situation was to go to the police after all so much of it before it becomes a possible harassment case you keep all conversations. Should you let them back into your life, Your first step was accepting your sisters friends request...She already started drama by spreading your location without your permission. Sometimes people can only be given so many chances, You are an adult now nobody is forcing you to have relations with your family. It's unfortunate if it leads to cutting our your siblings but you need to understand that some people just don't grow up and at least you tried. Whatever you decide in the long run, Remember one thing...You got married, Had a few kids, Bought a house...and live a happy life. That is your focus
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