|
People Treat Me Differently Online vs Offline?
20 year old female. Second year in college.
I have problems making friends in person. It's so simple online when you say whatever, and people "add" you for liking the way you think, or liking your sense of humor. I feel like I act the same way offline as I do online, except I'm a little more shy in person [even tho' somtimes I can be pretty quiet online as well].
SO I pretty much act the same way both on and offline... why do people act differently towards me? For example... I can be getting along well with someone from a class, then the next time I see them they act as if they don't know me. Why would they do that? VS online, when greeted with enthusiasm.
Also, I've gotten more compliments on my looks online than I have offline. When I have gotten compliments offline, it was usually to get me to buy something [or for modeling, when I was a kid]. But the only guys who have approached me were womanizers, just trying to get into as many pants as they possibly could. They were pretty indiscriminate, too. I've never dated anyone since no one ever approached me, and I never thought too much of myself, either.
But the rare occasions I've showed a picture to people online ["i'll only show you my picture if you show me yours"], i get "9/10" ratings [i wouldnt even ask for one, so this always makes me feel weird] and people saying how beautiful i look and how they're surprised i was never asked out on a date, etc. I tell them not to say things like that if they wouldnt dare say it offline... All this makes me feel strange, and I wonder:
-why is it that people act kind towards me online, and shun me out offline?
-what makes me unapproachable offline?
the only people i have been interested in [to date] i've met online. ive been told it's pathetic to meet up with online people for dating, even tho there are a lot of dating sites and success stories, but i keep getting told i seem like the kind of person who would be successful offline. I'm just really confused and sometimes I feel alone and sad over this...
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
why is it that people act kind towards me online, and shun me out offline?
-what makes me unapproachable offline?
It could be that you spend SO much time online, you've lost some of your social skills. You may come off as awkward or unsure when you're around real people, because you've been out of practice when it comes to dealing in the real world. Of course online relationships are more successful. You can present a sanitized version of yourself to the other person. They never have to get to know ALL of you, you can decide what they see and what they don't. They don't get the chance to witness you as you interact with those around you. Spend less time on the computer and more time out and about, meeting people face to face and learning to find value in personal relationships. Be brave enough to let people see you as you really are. You're robbing others of a special gift if you don't.
]
First, Hello.
When I read your "story", first that get on my mind was : why you are so obbsesed with internet so much ? I understand you very well, and i really share that one with you: people when are online are acting free and are talking all kind of stuffs wich when they meet you will think twise would they dare to say all those same net-sharing talks in your face . But it`s the human nature and you should not be so negative and hard to your self. You are not the reason for that kind of responses and as i said It`s the human nature . So I will give you next advise : 1st- try to make friends more in real world , forget the internet for a while... And if that does not help you you can always try next : When you will chat with someone online try to get him/her to ask her/him self what kind of person you are and dont "undress" your full personality in front of her/him.Hugs and I hope you will understand the point here , and that is - don`t get so opsed with that internet friendship couse there are always those Real friendship .
]
People want different things online, than offline.
You are right: Online all people want is interesting content.
Online websites also REMIND people who you are and they have time to consider a response. People can look at your profile and message history right away and say "Oh right. That girl. I like her."
Those same tools and extra time is why it's easier for you to BE interesting content online.
So where are things falling apart? I'd bet they are falling apart in two places for you.
The first is that in the offline world you aren't necessarily interacting with people who find your content immediately interesting. The online community is self-selecting. People come together over a shared topic, or even just a share understanding of HOW to come together online. That is a group that is pre-screened for one another.
Look for groups you can join offline where your content, your interests and skills are already valued, and join them. Just like you would join a forum or fan page of something that interested you and just dive in.
The second is the failure to create the "Oh right. That girl. I like her." moment in real life. People don't have your profile in front of them. They forget, they get distracted. As a shy person you probably aren't doing the follow up work necessary to jar their memory. The next time you have a good first conversation with someone, brainstorm a question to ask them next time "How's your puppy? How was the trip home? Did you manage that awful essay?" That will remind them of the pleasant conversation you had.
And date online for goodness sake! You know it’s a good idea and you feel it would work for you. I’ll be honest I’ve had more fun, and at the moment, more success dating online than I did dating people I met in ‘normal’ ways.
Just practice safe online behaviours and meetings, and be prepared to go on some practice dates, make mistakes, and meet some losers as well as nice people who might not be right for you, and hopefully a nice person who is.
]
It's because you don't act the same way offline as you do online, really no one does. You said it yourself: "I'm a little more shy in person." Confidence is a big part of how people treat you, and it's a lot easier to be confident online. I have the same problem pretty much, often hearing things like "you're so sweet, how are you still single?" when talking to girls online, but I haven't had a girlfriend in 3 years, with only a few dates here and there since then. As for giving you compliments, well remember other people are less shy online as well, I know I've said things to girls online that I couldn't work up the nerve to say in person. It could just be that non-womanizing guys are too shy to approach you offline. If you are after guys to date, you can just try making the first move yourself. If you are after friends, join a club for something that interests you. Discussions on the subject at a meeting can end up being not unlike an online discussion, and you can see who you get along with and try to meet up with them again later.
]
First, please don't allow other people to determine how you feel about yourself. Second, that's what modern technology does to society...makes it easy to hide behind the anonymity of the computer and pretend we're something we're not. These people who sit behind their computer screens are no better, prettier, smarter, etc. than you. That's why there are so many problems with mean evil people who spread hate and lies (otherwise known at internet trolls). Just about everyone has some self doubts. But who cares if someone sitting at a computer in their mother's basement votes you a 9 or a 10? Are they really that important in your life? My advice would be to try to get out into the real world. Join some singles clubs, volunteer, take night classes and meet some real people. You are valuable and are lovable. Don't let anyone else tell you otherwise. Hope this helps somehow.
]
More Questions: |