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What mental illness or substance abuse issue does my mom have?
Hello I am a 23 year old female. I have always had a difficult relationship with my mother that stems beyond the typical "curfew arguments, money for a prom limo ect..." My mother has the mind of both an adult and a child. When she was 10 she was forced to sell her belongings and move to a third world country, and she has never gotten over it. She has since spent the rest of her life trying to "gain back" everything she had to give away and more. She is obsessed with shopping at antique stores for toys that remind her of her childhood. She acts like a spoiled brat- throwing a fit if she does not have the most gifts under the Christmas tree. She spends all of her money on herself to fund her erratic shopping problem and even admits to giving gifts that she knows the reciever will not like (and instead buys things SHE wants) so she can "take the un-wanted gift off their hands." My mom is the most selfish person you will ever meet. She is terribly mean and condesending to my father (who works really hard teaching 8th graders just to have my mom spend all his money away.) My mother is truly a small, spoiled bratty child in her mind. She talks in baby-talk, she is never considerate of others as long as she comes out on top. Sometimes she is okay and seems to be able to have a decent conversation. Other times she is angry and scowling and irritated by everything and everyone and does not make sense when she talks. She slurrs her words like she is drunk. She does not have a drinking problem to my knowledge but she has had back surgery and takes painkillers like a pro (she has been hooked on them for 10 years) Also- she has had multiple affairs on my father (one with a 15 year old boy) and will never admit she was wrong. Her and I never got along and I moved away as soon as I turned 18. But now that I am older I am genuinly concerned and curious. What do you all think is the reason behind her erratic and hurtful behavior?
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You seem to have a really good handle on her situation. Sounds to me like that traumatic event at the age of 10 seriously stunted her intellectual and emotional growth. She's been trying to get back that "childhood" she lost ever since. Your mom needs professional help, no two ways about it. I don't know if anyone has ever told her that, or if she would even get it, but at least you have the comfort of knowing that your mom is suffering some real mental issues and it has nothing to do with you or your dad.
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From what you have written, and I am in no way a professional, your mother has some of the signs of some one with manic depression. This is a wild ass guess on my part as I am going only on what you have said and my limited knowledge of depression.
I also find it worry some that she occasionally slurs her speech. She could be overdosing on her pain med, quite possible considering how long she has been on them; or it is symptomatic of other problems.
My advice is to speak with your mothers family doctor. Make the doctor aware of your concerns and ask if your mother can be referred to a psychiatrist and Neurosurgeon for full examinations. It would be best if your mothers doctors could find a reason to check her into a hospital for a few days then your mother would have no excuse not to be examined.
As to the back pain your mother suffers. This is something I can relate to as I suffer from chronic back pain as a result of an auto accident. There are Pain Centers that specialize in the treatment of all types of pain with out the use of Narcotic pain killers.I found the best pain centers is the one I use which is apart of teaching hospital. If you have a teaching hospital near you I would suggest you inquire if they have a pain center. They will both work to relieve moms pain and assist in weaning her off the narcotic meds.
The one thing that stands out to me is that your mom is in trouble and needs help. The problem for you will be getting her to accept help. Depression is a disease that requires a person to realize they are in trouble and ask for help before they accept help.
You are a good daughter for wanting to help your mother. I urge you to continue to try but bear in mind that you could also injure your own mental health in doing so. This is definitely a case of leafing a horse to water but not being able to force the horse to drink. In other words there may come a point where for your own best interest that you may have to say,I did my best and walk away.
Good luck & Happy New Year.
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