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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
can blukimia kill you
The Answer
Yes, Bulimia kills. It can causes a range of chemical imbalances in the body which can trigger heart failure. Hearts attacks are one of the leading killers for bulimic patients.
It can also cause the rupture of the stomach or esophagus, which leads to stomach acid leaking through the rest of the body, as well as lung collapse, internal bleeding, kidney failure, liver failure; pancreatic and ulcers.
Suicide is also much more common among people with bulimia then it is for people who are not. Unfortunately, disorders of thinking often come in packs, failing to treat one can give power to another.
If you know someone who is suffering from this, get them help, even agianst thier will. They aren't thinking straight, and they are risking thier lives.
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The Question
ok so i wrote this poem and i want some feedback on it. If u dont like it, please be nice about it. lol. Thanks. Also tips and suggestions are welcomed. :) and also, it has no name so....here it is;
The overwelming feeling you get in your chest.
The tear jeaking moments of joy.
Unforgetable Happiness,
The long, endless nights together.
Little trivial things in life
Butterflys fluttering around in your tummy, the feeling of being able to fly light as air.
The never ending feeling of pure joy.
Knock Knock Knock.
The stomach droping moment they leave forever.
The tears and heartache day after day never ending pain.
The endless nights crying and wishing they'd come back.
Empty, Empty, Empty is all you feel.
The hollowed out place youe heart once was.
Until finialy, You feeling nothing ar all except pain. Then you relize what really happened...and its to late to change it back.
Until...It starts all over again.
-Callie
The Answer
I am going to assume that you actually do want tips and suggestions... So, if you don't want to change or improve your writing and poetry skills, you can pretty much just ignore me completely.
Your poem is inconstant with the use of punctuation. Sometimes things are sentences, with periods and commas, and other times they aren't.
Like the period at the end of 'Knock Knock Knock.' and the fact that ‘Empty, Empty, Empty’ has commas when Knock didn't... Its repetition, but it’s not very similar at all, so it just looks a bit odd.
Punctuation is really very important in poetry, even when a poet chooses not to use it at all. It's tells a person HOW to read the poem – where to pause and emphasize. It's best to be consistent or the reading is muddled.
Also take a look at your capitalization. I can see you made some choices to capitalize some extra words, which is great, but you also capitalized the beginning of each line, even if it was continuing a thought from the previous line, and that isn’t always the best choice. A capital reads much like a period, it grabs our attention and declares a new thought, so like periods, you need to take a look at them. With so many capitals and so many periods there are a lot of ‘new thoughts’ going on this poem. If I were you I would get rid of a few of them to slow it down a bit, focus on a thought for a bit longer and give all your thoughts more connection and flow.
You use the phrase ‘endless nights’ twice. I see why you mentioned it twice, to bring the idea back around (but unless it's the endless nights who ARE doing the crying), take the oppertunity to vary your word choice.
Tear jerking is a clichéd phrase, and the idea of a hole where your heart is a clichéd image.
We call things clichéd when we see or hear them a lot. They aren’t horribly bad, but they aren’t IMPACTFUL. They don’t make you feel anything. They just make you nod and think “Yes, of course. I’ve heard that so many times before that I know exactly how I am supposed to feel about it.”
FEEL the difference between these two lines:
There is a hole where my heart was.
My heart was a bullet wound, cleared through and cruel.
They are telling you the same thing “Dude! My heart is EMPTY!” but I bet you felt more of an emotional connection with the second one, because it told you the heart was empty in a new way, a way that gave you a new mental image, a way you hadn’t heard before.
Keep writing and have fun.
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The Question
I'm not sure where to put this exactly so I'm sorry if this isn't the right category.
I have really broad shoulders for a girl and it's one of the things I've always been self-conscious about. I always wear shirts with sleeves on them because I feel really uncomfortable showing my upper arms which are kinda flabby and my broad shoulders. I was just wondering if there was any way for me to make them a bit.. smaller I guess, not so manly. Any advice will be greatly appreciated!
The Answer
Build up your hips and thighs.
Seriously.
You can't make your shoulders any narrower. It's bone. It's just not going to happen.
You also can't lose the flesh under your arms just by doing upper arm exercise. You can tone it, and make it appear firmer and less flabby, but it won’t shrink. You can't 'spot treat' fat, you either lose weight all over, or you don't. Arm exercises are a good idea, because your upper arms will look less droopy, but they won’t appear any smaller.
What you CAN do is build up the muscles on your lower body to compliment your strong upper body. It's more about proportions then anything else and what we think of as 'normal' on women is a weaker upper body then lower. So tone up and thicken your butt, thighs and calves.
Finally, learn to stand up straight. Practice correct posture while you are sitting in class or at the computer. Google some techniques for learning how to carry yourself comfortably. Learning to roll your shoulders down and back is tough, but it’s better for your back in the long run, it will help you build muscle and it will probably make you feel more comfortable with your proportions too.
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The Question
I have been living with my boyfriend for 5 years now. He is 41 and I am 24; we have overcome a lot of obstacles and personality conflicts, but most of all was his alcoholism. His drinking has been a problem in the past; he used to humiliate me in front of his kids and call me names and kick me out of 'his' house; but the last couple of years it has mellowed out to just an annoyance. He no longer triesd to kick me out of the house; and he doesnt talk shit about me to his kids nearly as much when hesdrunk - but, i confess, it still does happen occassionaly. Despite all of that, I am still here, in a house with BOTH of our names on the lease; and we are now engaged and we would have celebrated our 5th anniversary together 2 days ago. Trouble is, he never came home on our anniversary. He knew I had plans for us to go out to dinner and that I was home waiting for him with a gift. After worrying all evening, night, and the next morning; I finally got a hold of him. His excuse was that he got drunk, swore to me there was NO other woman around, and that he crashed at his daughters house. The next day he went away for the weekend on a job 300 miles away. He apologized profusly over the phone and told me he feels horrible for putting me through that heartache and that I deserve so much better than him; but that he wants to make it up to me. He promised to talk to me the next day in more detail; but failed to call me. When I finally got a hold of him, he was telling me he is 'done' and I need to move on because he will never change. After a couple minutes of hearing this, he switched to saying he wanted to talk to me when he got home about it and that he did love me; and that he would call me later that night before he went to bed. Now he is out with his work buddies at a bar (he left his cell phone with his son who told me) after telling me he would call before bed. It is 1AM and he still hasnt called. His actions and his words arent matching and I am so confused. I love this man with all my heart,I have made him my whole world, but I dont think I deserve all these lies and deceptions. Especially since everything seemed normal up until our anniversary. I dont know if I have the strength to leave him; but I dont think I can accept this behavior any longer. I haven't even had time to react properly. Ive just been crying wondering what I did wrong or what I could do to get things back to normal. I think after 5 years, this relationship is worth saving; but why would he get so destructive and then constantly start lying to me and breaking my heart? I really dont think he was cheating, I believe he would just tell me he was so the breakup would me easier. But I cant be positive. But I jsut dont understand or even know what to do! I dont want to become the psycho girlfriend who keeps calling every 5 minutes; but waiting for him to come home to finally discuss this is killing me, and I feel like Im going crazy in the meantime. Does anyone have ANY advice on how to handle a self-destructive man??? What can I do to make everything go back to normal?? How do I find the strength to move on and start a whole new life after 5 years?
The Answer
This man is not suddenly being mean to you, he is suddenly being mean-er, and he is trying to get rid of you.
He doesn't have the balls to actually end this relationship, and he is probably aware that a young woman who would put up with his shit would be hard to find, so dumping you would be hard, he is trying to make you do the dirty work.
I doubt you’ve done too much wrong, and why would you want things to go back to normal anyways? Normal was his only sometimes insulting you in front of his family. Normal was him at least respecting you enough to not try to kick you out. What you had accepted as ‘normal’ sucks ass. What you accepted as normal was abusive, frightening and cruel behaviour.
You are 24 years old. You are not ‘starting over’ again. You are doing what many people do at your age: You are going to move out and learn to live on your own. It’s terrifying and overwhelming, but you are certainly ready for it and capable of it. You’ve got little to lose, and everything to gain by moving on.
Leave him. Please.
Don’t listen to anything more he has to say. His words are cruel, and his actions are worse. He either wants you to leave him, or he thinks you are so weak and desperate you’ll stay with him even as he treats you like crap. If it’s the first one, things will only get worse until he kicks you out, or you finally do leave. If it’s the second, he doesn’t love you. You are less to him than a pet.
Call a friend, a family member, called a hotline for abused women. Find someplace else to stay for a while. Don’t take his calls for a few days. Cry it out. Make a plan that doesn’t involve him. Make a plan for starting over, even if it’s just a temporary one. Only when you are feeling stronger about your options and plans should you speak to him again. Only then can you face his as an equal, and not as his victim.
As long as you stay, you are his willing victim. Leave.
Take that first step and your strength will start to grow.
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The Question
17/f.
In my math class their is this girl, who is a dyke, and I have nothing against gay people or anything. I actually have a friend that is gay, just to clear that up right now.
Anyway, she always does really weird things when she is sitting next to me, like she put her lighter on, or she'll stick her tongue out and be like oh this is what i do to my girlfriend! and she just says all these things about her sex life, or her parents sex life too.. its really disturbing and I don't want to hear it. She isn't usually talking directly to me, but she is talking to the girl who sits on the other side of me, who i am friends with and is really the only person i talk to in class. I personally don't like hearing about anyones sex life, no matter who they are. Its awkward and to me personal information between them and their boyfriend/girlfriend.
I feel like if I say something, I'll come across rude, because she is kind of depressed and I don't want to make it worse or anything, and she is nice besides that, I just don't know what to do. Any help?
The Answer
Oh for goodness sake: This is NOT sexual harassment. This not gender-based discrimination OR sexualized behavoir directed at you or a praticular gender.
Nothing you've described here is a voilation of your human rights.
Some things are just rude and inappropraite.
Yes, it needs to stop and be addressed, but what this girl is doing is rude and inappropraite, not criminal.
The first and simpliest solution would be to switch seats with your friend who she is speaking to, so you don't get caught in the middle of these conversations.
You might also try talking to this other friend and letting her know these conversations make you uncomfortable. Maybe she doesn't mind them, or maybe she does, but she might also try to turn them off a bit for the sake of your comfort.
The second very simple and easy solution is to stop her when she begins to get too detailed and say "Look, I'm trying to work here. Please stop talking over me."
Don't worry so much about being rude. You can't walk on eggshells around unhappy people your whole life. Unhappy people who do rude things need to be told so in the same firm by friendly way any other person would be.
If none of these are things you can do simply, talk to your teacher about moving seats.
I have to add though, if you really have no problem with homosexuality, you shouldn't use the the word 'dyke'. Although I know some lesbians use it to define themselves (just like some gay guys call themselves or others fags) it's still a a word with negative and insulting conotations and should be avoided in polite conversation.
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The Question
To start, I hate porn. A couple weeks ago my computer was messed up so I asked my boyfriend if I could use his. I didn't know what I was going to find. After confronting him about it, he promised he'd stop if it meant me staying (we have been together 3yrs, lived together 1yr). I explained how my trust took a dip and that I'd be checking the computer periodically to see if he was being honest and he was ok with that. I haven't checked the computer like I said coz I'd like to think I can trust him, until today. I noticed the last place he had been was the recycle bin, everything deleted. I restored it and found tons of porn that he's looked at since our argument. I haven't talked to him about it yet. What should I do? Btw..I'm 27 and he is soon to be 35.
The Answer
You are absolutely entitled to your opinion.
He is EQUALLY entitled to his own.
Although it was wrong of him to lie, he probably did the most respectful thing he could when you threatened to leave him over something perfectly legal, that he does privately in his own home.
He wanted you to be happy, and not to have to fight for the fact his opinion happened to be different than yours. Lying certainly wasn’t the best thing he could have done, if he wanted to continue to watch porn he should have stood up for himself and his opinion of it.
If you love and respect this man, you MUST stop assuming the worse of him! He lost his job. He is stressed the hell out. He is probably miserable and bored to death. He isn't looking at porn to see 'what else is out there’; most pornography is all the same looking! He is wanking off to images because it’s something to do that feels good and is cheep and distracting. It takes less emotional commitment, because he is emotionally strung out and stunted. Stressed out people don’t turn to porn because it’s better than real people, they turn to it because they can’t disappoint porn, or be unworthy of porn, or fail porn, or make porn unhappy, or argue with porn. If you have nothing nice to say, because you feel like shit, porn doesn’t care. Porn doesn’t give a damn if you forgot to shower, or if you are unemployed, or if you lied about your porn habits, AND PORN ISN’T THE CAUSE OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS, IT IS A SYMPTOM. A symptom of his stress, insecurities and the unhappiness of both of you.
If you want to break up with him because he thinks porn is acceptable and you don’t, go ahead. But if you want to stay with him, put your disagreement and anger over pornography on the back burner and speak with him about your relationship, the changes that have happened in his life and yours sex life, and the stress he is experiencing. Share your own disappoint and unhappiness but be respectful and supportive of any effort he is making to improve things. The conversation about porn can wait. Right now this very unhappy man could use some support and respect, if you love him enough to offer it.
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The Question
19/f
I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, post traumatic stress disorder, borderline personality disorder, insomnia, ADD, and severe depression. I am on four different medicines right now. Trileptal for bipolar disorder.
Trazodone for depression and insomnia.
Lamictal for bipolar, and Adderal for ADD. I have been a self medicating pot smoker for 8 years now and it has worked pretty well. Weed calmed me down when i had spouts of anger,made me happier,and more hopeful for my future. but weed also made me feel less dedicated to those around me and more like a different person. I am a lot less social and I used to be miss social. I started adding these four meds about a year ago and Within the past 7 months or so I have started noticing significant changes. I am slowly becoming stupid. My brain is slow and I cant grasp even simple things. My ADD has worsened and I cannot remember anything whatsoever. I never eat much anymore and my body just rejects food. I have also become much more irritable. I get headaches all the time and I'm constantly weak. Because of this I failed all my courses in college and have been suspended. I have never had this problem before. I am a smart girl and have always loved school. Although these meds have multiple side effects, they seem to help with the suicidal tendencies and mood swings. My question is along the lines of should I quit meds and smoke or should I stay on the meds and only smoke occasionally?
The Answer
Don't set up a false choice.
It's not a black and white thing. It doesn’t have to be:
MEDICATION or WEED
Go back to your doctor and talk about your symptoms, ALSO be honest about your past and current marijuana use.
Remember that there are many different medications out which are similar but work in different ways and different people experience different side effects.
The first medication I took ruined my short-term memory and killed my attention span. I had trouble focusing in class, or even watching a whole TV show. I tried two others before finding on that really worked for me with almost no side effects.
Also, if difficulty with memory and learning are symptoms, you need to keep in mind that the main detrimental effect of smoking marijuana is on your short-term memory. Young, healthy people who regularly smoke pot have more difficulty acquiring new skills and grasping new information and this effect can linger for quite a while after the THC high has left. That's not anti-pot propaganda; scientists have been seeing strong evidence of this effect since the 90s.
None of here are doctors, so we can't really advise you on the details. Just go back to yours and have a real and honest talk, and probably a full check up while you are at it (for all you know, there might be something completely unrelated wrong with your body). If your current doctor isn't open this sort of dialogue, find one who is.
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The Question
I found out that I have chlamydia. My doctor just called to tell me. I know it can be treated and so on. They also wanted to know my partners name. My bf and I broke up and I dont think I should give his name or information out about him. He doesnt even know that I have it. Also I dont even know if he is the one who has it. I looked it up and found out a lot about the disease. But my question is, how do i know which guy gave it to me. Obviously i am sexually active. and have had sex with three different guy. Can the doctor tell me when i got this disease or if i have had it for a while? I dont want to tell all three guys that i have it and they need to get tested is why. Thank You very much.
The Answer
There is NO way to know which of your partners has Chlamydia. It can take days or weeks to develop symptoms, and some people may never experience symptoms at all. There is no way to figure out when you got it, or who from. There is no way to date it. That is why most doctors strongly encourage you to contact everyone you’ve slept with in the last three months.
If you have slept with all three of them in the last few months it’s entirely possible that all three of them now have Chlamydia and you need to tell them all they should get tested. Chlamydia can led to complications and permanent damage if it’s left untreated and they could also go on and infect more people. That's just not okay to allow. As a decent person and a respectful sexual partner, you are ethically obligated to tell everyone who might have been exposed.
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The Question
Ok, so i want a ouija board but my mom and dad don't want me to have one because they think it's too dangerous. I know if i disobey them, i will get grounded. I know at school if i bring it, i will be labeled a "satanist" which i know isn't true because i believe in god, but what can i do? I mean, i really want one and have for a year or so but my mom keeps saying no. Every time i ask her she says "If you get one, you have to move out of the house." I am only 15 and have no job and go to school when i am supposed to. I do my chores with barely any complaints, so why can't i get a ouija board because i am responsible. Should i disobey my parents and get one because i feel the need to talk to spirits, or just settle for "not getting in danger of demons"?
The Answer
I'll start off my advice with what would become painfully obvious to you by end of reading this anyways:
I don't believe in Ouija Boards. Not a tiny bit. They simply take advantage of some delightful little tricks of human physiology and psychology. I won’t tell you what you should believe, but I won’t pretend I think they are actually a doorway to allow demons to possess you either, I don’t believe that.
However, I can give you this much advice about them: Owning one would be dangerous for YOU.
Screw the dangers of ‘demons’! If there is a very real danger of your father kicking you out of the family home, at your age, because of a piece of cardboard with the alphabet written across it, then DON’T own one. This is not a difficult choice in my mind. If you are really compelled to give it a try, go a friend’s home where this sort of thing is permissible and can be kept discreet. Don’t bring something into your home if the stakes are that high. No toy is worth it.
And whatever else you believe the Ouija Board is, it’s also a TOY. ‘Ouija’ is a trademark owned by Parker Brothers (Just like Monopoly!). They are made at the same factories that make Scrabble boards... They are based on the talking boards of the ancient Chinese, who I feel I have to point out, didn’t believe in your Christian idea of God, Satan and demons. The people who invented the idea of talking boards had probably never even heard of the God of the Jews, Muslims or Christians. They worshipped their ancestors and sometimes, the spirits of the land. They did not believe in one creating God, or one ultimate evil Satan. They believed demons could be good or bad or anything else that humans could be. They used talking boards to speak to those kinds of spirits. It’s was a very, very different understanding of the spirituality then the Christian one.
But seriously, don't bring one into your home if it is going to fuck up your home and family life. That should be a no-brainer.
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The Question
How long before people inbox you?
And what's the quickest way to get them to inbox?
I wanted to add this ad for myself.
Kimiko_Gaara
Good with Relationship & Friendship
questions. I go on everyday please, I'll help all I need is- someone to help. Inbox me, please?- That is if you want...
-Sakura Lillen Kaori
15 year-old female.
The Answer
The best way to get people to ask you questions directly is to answer a lot of questions in the pool, and answer them well. I've been very active here for years, and I still don't get too many inbox questions and honestly, most of the inbox questions I DO get, are just people who think I'm online right then and they'll get a quick answer to basic question, or people who sent the same inbox question to a whole bunch of collumnists. It's really not the personal or special.
A good place to start on the site is to read the FAQ thoroughly, so you don't do anything that breaks the rules. Because when you added a add for yourself and your collumn name to this question you probably broke the rules of this site.
There is a question on the FAQ called
"What is “account whoring,” and why can’t I do it?"
Click here to read it: http://www.advicenators.com/faq.php?f=109
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The Question
How do I show a guy whom I am in love with what he means to me when we don't live in the same town and he now has a new girlfriend, but he does like me because he said so but to be fair to his girlfriend he has pushed those feelings out. I want to be with him and would do anything for him but how do I show or prove to him that we are meant to be together and how much I care?
I know he still likes me but he says it is different now because of this new girlfriend. We talk but not often. I did tell him that I was in love with him and he couldn't say anything to it. He says on certain level he is in love with his girlfriend and yes he says he has 'strong feelings' for her? Is he a lost cause? Should I just put my feelings that tear my up inside aside so he can be happy or do I continue talking with him? My heart wants to be with him and it's killing me that I'm not :(.
I have tried moving on from him - actually I am 'seeing' this guy (guyx) but everytime I talk to 'guyx' all I think of is the other guy who consumes my thoughts and heart. I don't know what to do :(
The Answer
You do NOT show a person who is in a relationship how much you love them.
It's unfair to everyone involved. It puts him in a very, very uncomfortable position. It's unfair to his partner, it's weird for all your mutual friends, and you aren't exactly doing yourself any favors either!
Loving someone means respecting their choices: Respecting his choice to be with someone else means not burdening him with expressions of your love.
You don’t back down out and suffer silently so they can be happy. He MIGHT be miserable with her. Lots of people choose to stay in relationships that make them miserable, or not as happy as they otherwise could be. We still must respect those choices.
You have already been honest with him, now it's time to be honest with yourself: He has made his choice. He is an adult who is entitled to that choice. As a friend, as someone who cares for him and as decent human being, you MUST respect his choice. Anything less than acceptance and respect is simply selfishness.
If you can’t have contact with him, and be respectful of his choice when you speak to him, then you need to cut off contact with him until you can be respectful of his choice and his relationship.
If you don't want to be with the guy you are with, dump him.
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The Question
I am married woman having an affair with a married man. The guy happens to be a client at a company where I work. We always flirted with each other when he came to the office. I knew he was married from inception and vice versa. One day he came to the office and gave me his phone number and asked me to call him, when I did, he told me straight up what it was that he wanted. I thought he was rather bold, but admired the fact that he was so honest. The affair has been going on for one year now. Here is how my story goes. I have been married for approximately nine years, I was nothing but the perfect wife to my husband. I never even dreamed of cheating on him. I cooked, clean, and did everything to make him happy, but he was the type of husband who does not know how to give a woman what she wants. My husband was never affectionate, we only had sex when he wanted it, he doesn't like kissing and he doesn't like to be touched. I on the other hand am the total opposite. He never complimented me on anything, he only knew of negative criticism. We argued on a daily basis because everything I did or said was never good enough. So we would argue. What made me start the affair was when I decided enough was enough. I was tired of being the good wife, living to make everyone else but myself happy, and I think curiosity played a small factor as well. I decided to take the married guys proposition and I must agree that that was the best love making I ever experienced in my life. Our body chemistry was great. We complimented each other. He would constantly compliment me and he was just plain nice. He would take me out to lunch, something my husband has never done in 9 years of being married to him. He would always be there to listen to me when I was down or needed a shoulder to cry on and he just always made me feel special. He told me from the beginning that he had no intentions of leaving his wife and children and that they came first, I had no problem with this. I feel that if he was to leave his wife that our relationship would not be the same as it is now, I think I like it the way it is. Because I knew he was married I would always build up this wall in my mind only allowing myself to go so far with him because I didn't want to allow myself to fall in love with him, but I did. I sometimes felt guilty that I was cheating on my husband and decided to end the affair, I talked it over with my lover and although he didn't want me to quit the affair he decided to give me my space. But I would become miserable when I couldn't hear from him for a few days. I have fallen for him, but I have no intention of leaving my husband. I love them both, but I love my lover more. My lover and I eventually became distant for about a month and now had lunch together yesterday and he is telling me that he needs me, and that he belongs to me. His wife is now pregnant and I sometimes I wonder if he needs me only because he is not getting any from his wife. He told me that he has never cheated on his wife before, but there was just something about me from the day he met me that he knew he just had to persue. I like being with this guy, but I don't want to be used for my body. I asked him if he loves me and he said yes. He never talks about his wife when we are together. We always have great sex, but I know our relationship cannot go anywhere and I don't want to be a cheater forever, but my husband will not step up to the plate. I've already suggested counselling, he won't go. I go to bed in sexy lingerie, he falls asleep. I touch him, he pushes me away, what am I to do... Any suggestions...
The Answer
In a nut shell:
Cut all ties with your lover.
Whatever his reasons are, he only wants what he had before, and neither of you can turn back the clock. It will never be the same, and he's only offering the exact same thing that didn't work for you last time.
Then go to counseling on your own. Let the rest follow from there.
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The Question
which behavior is more likely to get a guy to get back together with you:
A. telling him you still love him and being clingy
or
B. pretending to have fun without him
i'm going to prom (with my ex)and i would do anything to get him back..any advice pleasee
The Answer
Why are you choosing between lying to him and being clingy!
Neither or those work!
Tell him the straight up truth.
Tell him you want him back and ask him if you've got a chance and what it might take.
THEN have FUN! With him or without him. Do your best to have a backup plan, some friends to joke with or old pals to dance with so you can make sure you DO have fun.
No one wants to be with someone who only pretends to have a good time, and no one wants to be with a clingy person.
He'll choose whatever he does. You can't control his decision. Just let him know what you want, and then have a good time.
Be honest, and then go be awesome. If you do that, you'll have done all that can.
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The Question
18/F
Okay so I got my period on April 16th, finished at about 7am April 23rd. In the afternoon of my finish date I had sex and the condom broke. The very next day I saw a doctor and gave me a prescription for the Levonelle-2 Morning after pill so I took it. now this morning I have experienced some vaginal bleeding. at first it was heavy but within about 1 minute it went to very light bleeding. Im freaking out though, is this normal for me to get this symptom 6 days after taking The Morning After Pill??
The Answer
What the first collumnist said here is false.
Spotting is a common and genrally harmless side effect of PlanB and it's not abnormal for it to happen at some point in the month after you take it, maybe even more then once, until your next period.
The reason you bleed is because PlanB contains a huge dose of hormones that seriously confuses your body. In it's confusion it let go of some mentural blood. No biggie.
It DOES NOT mean that conception was stopped. There is NO way of knowing if conception was going to happen if you didn't take PlanB.
It very, very unlikely that PlanB killed anything at all. Doctors aren't actually exactly sure all the ways that PlanB works. There are some people who think it might actually prevent a fertilized egg from implanting in the wall of the uterus (if the egg doesn't implant, it dies, and that sometimes happens naturally as well). But that is only a theory, and even people who believe it also know that the primary way PlanB works is by preventing an egg from getting fertilized in the first place.
Don't freak out. You are probably just fine. If it keeps happening, just head back to the doctor.
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The Question
My period is late 9 days, should I be worrying?
When should I start worrying that I am pregnant?
The Answer
If you are sexually active, and there is a risk you may be pregnant, now would be a good time to take a pregnancy test.
At 9 days late, a home test will be fairly acurate.
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The Question
14/f
what happens if i get pregnant? like will i be able to move out of my parents house? and live with my boyfriend? or will i have to stay home? and how would i tell my parents? what if i runaway and call my parents and tell them. will i have to go back home? because i know my parents dont want me to do this. and would pretty much beat me if i did. but i dont care about them. they just make my life worse and worse everyday. and starting a family sounds like the best thing to me right now. im not actually pregnant. but im kinda thinking about it. because of things ive talked about with my boyfriend. i know your gonna say dont do it. and im not ever sure i want to do this. so PLEASE dont tell me i shouldn't do it. or how its going to ruin my life. because it wont ruin my life. my boyfriend already has things planned out if i do want to do this. and no. he's not pushing me to do this. its only if i want to. and i just want these questions answered before i do make a decision.
thanks for the help.
- cuttechick24
The Answer
Under sixteen, if you run away and you will simply be brought right back home with almost no questions asked.
You go live with your boyfriend, and he or his family could get charged with a crime, and then you’ll be brought home.
The law won’t care that you are pregnant. You are still a child under the law.
If you can convince the police you are in danger at home, they will connect you with social services, and you’ll likely be encouraged to live in a group home for young mothers. They might allow you to stay with a family friend, other relative or with your boyfriend’s family during the investigation; they will NOT allow you to stay with your boyfriend by yourselves. You’ll still be a child under the law and social services will insist on you being some place with responsible adults. If your boyfriend IS an adult under the law, they will probably still not let you stay with him, because you being pregnant and him being a legal adult means statutory rape in most states.
If someone asked me “What would happen if I shot at my neighbour’s dog?” and I didn’t tell them it was a bad, horrible, immoral and poorly thought-out plan, I would be irresponsible and in the wrong ethically.
So I must tell you that having a baby at fourteen is a bad, horrible, immoral and poorly thought-out plan.
It doesn’t make you a bad person. You might be a very good person, but you have a flat-out fucking bad idea right now: The very idea that you think now, when you are still legally a child and a minor, living in a home you worry might be abusive, with a clueless enough boyfriend to support you in this, is all perfect evidence that you are NOT capable of being responsible for another life form. You have not yet taken responsibility for yourself and your situation. It would be selfish and wrong for you to actively try to get pregnant. This is not the situation to bring a child into if it is at all ethically avoidable.
It might not ruin your life, but hell, drunk driving might not ruin your life either! Drunk driving is still a flat-out fucking bad idea.
You can get angry at me for saying that if you would like too, but I don’t think you are a moron, I think you are probably pretty smart, so you already know this is horrible idea. So get swallow your pride for a moment and keep reading:
I understand you want out of your situation, but what you are trying to here is make a baby save you from your own unhappiness, and your family and this bad situation, and that is very wrong.
Babies DO NOT have jobs.
Babies DO NOT have responsibilities.
Babies DO NOT fix anything, ever, at all.
Babies DO NOT create an escape plan.
Babies DO NOT magically turn you into adult.
It is the responsibility of the adults in the situation to fix things for the baby, so the baby has the best opportunity and situation possible.
You can’t do that for a baby. You aren’t an adult, and you haven’t fixed your situation yet! Until your situation improves, UNTIL YOU MAKE THINGS BETTER IN YOUR LIFE, you will be making a victim of any child you have, and that is inexcusable and morally reprehensible. That is even without mentioning the burden you are more than likely putting on tax payers to take care of your family.
If your boyfriend and you have a plan, and you think you are in danger at home: Act on that plan NOW.
If you think you and he can make a go of it finically or if his parents are willing to support you, move in with his family NOW. Start the investigative process into your home life, connect with social services and make the changes you need to make to keep yourself safe.
If you need to change something so drastically that you feel getting pregnant and running away is your best option, scratch the pregnant part, and deal with the actual situation you've got now! Talk to a school counsellor, talk to a family friend, call the cops if it’s that bad, and make a sensible plan that doesn’t victimize a child because you can’t think of a better way to change your life.
Get some counseling and some guidance from other adults. There are better ways to make changes. There are smarter, ethical ways to make changes and having a baby simply isn't one of them.
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The Question
hi. 17/m.
whenever i get close to a girl..i always enter the "friend zone". And once i enter said zone..i cant leave. So basically, there's this girl that i like. We recently have been getting close, and i asked her out...she said "i dont want to ruin our friendship...." etc etc, and that maybe one day there may be something ( i told her it was a dare after she said no..so it wouldnt be awkward later on).
The next day, i see her and her two friends, and she walks away. When her friends see me..they just look at me...i asked the girl i like, why she was looking..she said, "nothing...dont worry...it was good..."
i think she's got here eye on another guy, but what my question iss...is...is she brushing be off politely, or does she actually think that there may be something oneday. how do i know? like body signals, etc. thanks.
The Answer
Either she has absolutely no interest in you but doesn't want to hurt your feelings
AND/OR
She isn't really interested but is keeping you in her back pocket 'cause it's never a good idea to say absolutely no to anyone, just in case you change your mind or get really lonely.
OR
She's flattered enough to give you chance.
You don't really need to get into reading the 'signals'. It's pretty much going to be one, or more then one, or those things.
Either way, don't sit aruond and wait. One of the reasons boys get stuck in the friend zone is because they just keep harping away at girls who only see them as friends. This turns off other women big time. So don't pine and don't wait.
You are best to assume it's not going to happen because the chances that it will are pretty small.
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The Question
I was just recentely put on birth control pills for the first time. For regulating my period. My doc put me on Alesse (sp?) After reading reviews about it and interent site comments.. it seems like one of the most hated bc pills. All I read was horror stories over and over again about it making your skin so much worse. I've never had a problem with breakouts before, so I'm hoping this won't affect me. It's deff freaking me out!! Have any of you tried it? How'd it work for you girls?
And.. kinda awkward question but once I finish my 1st pack of bc pills I have to go in for a pap smear. All the girls in my family said it was just uncomfortable not painful. But they're all older, and I'm a virgin so I'm REALLY scared of how that will be :-( How was it if you had it done before??
THANKS!!
The Answer
I'd just like to throw out there that one of the reasons you'll find a lot of negative talk about Alesse is because it's pretty much THE most commonly prescribed birth control right now. In Canada is it the most used birth control pill, and in the States it is the most common birth control suggested for new prescriptions.
And there are good reasons for its popularity with doctors and patients: It's a very low dose, so the side effects are pretty minimal and rare. That means less risk of weight gain, mood swings and all the other unhappiness’s that can go with the pill. It’s also inexpensive.
So don’t get yourself all worked up, there is just the most number of people on it then anything else! The more people = the more complaints. That just makes sense. And as far as the skin goes: Acne is a side effect for ALL birth control. Although it CAN be used to make it better, it can also make it worse. It depends on the person and it’s always a gamble, even when a doctor prescribes birth control for the purpose of stopping acne, there is still the risk it will only make it worse. That’s just the truth about the pill.
Also, make sure you are actually reading about Alesse, and not Aviane. Aviane isn't Alesse, it's made by a whole different company. For some reason lots of people get the two mixed up or call it 'Alesse Aviane', which is just silly, they are similar, but not the same at all.
I took several forms of the pill, and like Alesse best of them all by far.
And your sisters are right about the pap smear. Being a virgin just means you are even less used to the sensation of having those muscles moved around, but otherwise being a virgin has no effect at all on the pap smear at all. It can be a bit painful for a moment, but if you relax the pain will go away and it will just be uncomfortable and weird. It’s an unpleasant necessity, but frankly, I’d take a pap smear over a visit to a dentist any day of the week... an hour in a dentist’s chair is way worse than a 5 minute pap smear.
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The Question
Lately, my principal has been getting closer and much nicer to me. Since I am usually a student who gets into a lot of trouble, i visit his office often. Last time i visited his office, he started massaging my shoulders, and sweet talking me. He was slowly kissing my neck and cheeks. He told me he wants us to go to the next level, if I knew what he ment. I did. I am starting to have feelings for him, though i am only 16, and he is in his 40's. It's not illigal if i come onto him. Or is it ? Please help me, I am not sure what to do.
The Answer
It's illegal.
Pretty much everywhere on this planet that has internet access, it’s completely illegal.
Even if the age of consent in your state is 16, it’s still illegal. He is in a position of authority over you, so if he has sexual contact with you, it will be statutory rape in most states, and sexual assault in all others.
YOU won’t get in much trouble, but he will. He will lose his job, and probably go to jail for a while. The more he does with you, and with other young teens, the longer he’ll get locked away.
Think about that for a second: This is a man on such a power-trip that he would risk his job, his reputation and his career to have sex with a teenage girl. That is not the behaviour of a well-balanced adult. That is the behaviour of someone with a problem: A problem in understanding boundaries, an obsession with control and very poor judgement.
It is always okay to have feelings. It’s not always okay to act on them. You are a teen, so the courts understand that you are learning which feelings you act on and which ones you do not. But your principal knows better than to act on every passing fantasy, and if he doesn’t know better than to solicit sex from a minor, then he should not be allowed to work in a school.
Also, in all honesty, men of that age who prey on teenage girls (and yes babe, he IS preying on you, even if you like it) generally don't just stick to one girl. It's very, very likely, that you aren't the first student he has pursued for sex. Unless you tell another adult what he is doing, you probably won’t be the last one either. He might tell you that you are special to him, but he is probably lying. You are just vulnerable, and attractive to him. He can use his position, and his experience to get what he wants from you, so he will.
Tell an adult you can trust, or at very least, find another adult to help guide you. This man isn’t your friend. He is simply playing the role.
Stay safe.
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The Question
I wrote a novel a while back, been trying to get it published. I had a bunch of people beta-read it. Not people that have like deep insight in the technics of English language things, but just people that know a good story. They all gave my novel shining praise in that, asked questions and made comments when things needed clarifying, and I did what I could for what they brought up.
Recently, a friend who is a very technical person when it comes to literature read my first few chapters, and kinda ripped my book apart for its use of passive tense all the time, and several things. So far, no comment about the plot. And she asked me to stop submitting the book until she reads it all, and sees if there's more to rip apart and tell me.
Until just recently, I thought I was ready for publishing. Did my earlier readers lie to me? Were they just dumb? Is my current beta-reader being overly technical? Should I even keep bothering with writing if I can't even spot these technical things?
HELP!
The Answer
I used to eagerly beta-read and offer advice to all kinds of writers, but I've recently started to avoid it. I avoid it because I began to work with some lovely, talented professionals whose actual job it is to counsel, edit and offer dramaturgical advice to writers.
I’ve learned that although I can offer my own opinion and experience, I do NOT have any expert advice, and truly successful, communicative writing, requires expert advice.
I don’t mean to slight any of your other readers, but who are they exactly? Are they editors? Editorial assistants? Are they working on their masters in creative writing? Do they have jobs with a publishing company? Do they regularly read and offer feedback on unsolicited manuscripts? Are they published? Are they any of creative writing professionals or even academic writing professionals? Do they have ANY credentials at all besides being avid readers?
Avid reading might be a damn good place to start as a writer, but it certainly doesn’t make you a good writer, or a good editor, any more than watching a lot of movies makes you Spielberg.
If you weren’t going to professionals for advice, then you need to understand that in many cases you get what you pay for: Your book didn’t get edited, or even beta-read really, it just got perused by some literature-savvy friends of yours. Which is a good place to start, however, is woefully insufficient if you are aiming to be a professional writer.
Is this new friend of yours being technical? Yep. But she is also DEAD RIGHT. Passive voice, especially in the first chapters, is a very good way to get your unsolicited submission tossed into the reject pile. It grates editor’s nerves. I know that plainly enough, they bitch about it over drinks.
Now, I have a bias because I am staunch supporter of the school of thought of ‘well-made’ literature and writing, as perhaps your friend is as well. However, this school of thought is not necessarily evil and elitist. Many famous modern writers (Steven King and Anne Marie MacDonald come to mind) also teach and write about form, structure and the technical precision which lends strength to their writing.
So whose opinion should you trust? As an artist, I think you need to trust everyone’s and no one’s at all. Which is to say, listen carefully and put each opinion in its place: The opinion of a friend that don’t quite believe such and such a character is a useful one. The opinion of a technically skilled writer that you use far too much passive voice is certainly an important thing to consider. The opinion of an editor or someone with a masters in creative writing that chapter five lags, that you are blowing your load to soon, or not earning your conclusion, or mixing your messages or any other kind of crime you can commit, is obviously important.
I’m sure your friends didn’t lie to you earlier; I wouldn’t even call them dumb. I would simply say their area of expertise is limited to being readers, not to being editors or offering serious ‘big picture’ guidance to a writer.
So send the manuscript to this technically minded friend, then go one step further: Find someone who doesn’t know or like you, but who has an area of expertise you think you could use. Many creative writing Masters and PHD students will take a bit of cash from you and rip your writing apart and give you some great academic advice and new things to think about regarding your work.
Don’t get down on yourself. Just reach for new resources and if you want to be a professional, start approaching professionals, not peers.
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