I am married woman having an affair with a married man. The guy happens to be a client at a company where I work. We always flirted with each other when he came to the office. I knew he was married from inception and vice versa. One day he came to the office and gave me his phone number and asked me to call him, when I did, he told me straight up what it was that he wanted. I thought he was rather bold, but admired the fact that he was so honest. The affair has been going on for one year now. Here is how my story goes. I have been married for approximately nine years, I was nothing but the perfect wife to my husband. I never even dreamed of cheating on him. I cooked, clean, and did everything to make him happy, but he was the type of husband who does not know how to give a woman what she wants. My husband was never affectionate, we only had sex when he wanted it, he doesn't like kissing and he doesn't like to be touched. I on the other hand am the total opposite. He never complimented me on anything, he only knew of negative criticism. We argued on a daily basis because everything I did or said was never good enough. So we would argue. What made me start the affair was when I decided enough was enough. I was tired of being the good wife, living to make everyone else but myself happy, and I think curiosity played a small factor as well. I decided to take the married guys proposition and I must agree that that was the best love making I ever experienced in my life. Our body chemistry was great. We complimented each other. He would constantly compliment me and he was just plain nice. He would take me out to lunch, something my husband has never done in 9 years of being married to him. He would always be there to listen to me when I was down or needed a shoulder to cry on and he just always made me feel special. He told me from the beginning that he had no intentions of leaving his wife and children and that they came first, I had no problem with this. I feel that if he was to leave his wife that our relationship would not be the same as it is now, I think I like it the way it is. Because I knew he was married I would always build up this wall in my mind only allowing myself to go so far with him because I didn't want to allow myself to fall in love with him, but I did. I sometimes felt guilty that I was cheating on my husband and decided to end the affair, I talked it over with my lover and although he didn't want me to quit the affair he decided to give me my space. But I would become miserable when I couldn't hear from him for a few days. I have fallen for him, but I have no intention of leaving my husband. I love them both, but I love my lover more. My lover and I eventually became distant for about a month and now had lunch together yesterday and he is telling me that he needs me, and that he belongs to me. His wife is now pregnant and I sometimes I wonder if he needs me only because he is not getting any from his wife. He told me that he has never cheated on his wife before, but there was just something about me from the day he met me that he knew he just had to persue. I like being with this guy, but I don't want to be used for my body. I asked him if he loves me and he said yes. He never talks about his wife when we are together. We always have great sex, but I know our relationship cannot go anywhere and I don't want to be a cheater forever, but my husband will not step up to the plate. I've already suggested counselling, he won't go. I go to bed in sexy lingerie, he falls asleep. I touch him, he pushes me away, what am I to do... Any suggestions...
[ Answer this question ] Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category? Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life? thambo answered Tuesday December 11 2012, 4:48 am: your story is more or less the same as mine and well know one will tell you what to do, you are the only one who knows exactly what your heart want. With me, just some months after my marriage he started treating me differently and at that time i was pregnant with my second baby while my first son was just 2yrs. I didnt know anymore what was right or wrong, to him everything that i was doing was wrong, he didnt want to touch, kiss, sex, not even to talk about it, he was just a stranger even to his son. i though maybe it was because of the working distance. i tried different means of working in the same town as his but it couldnt help. later realised he was having an affair but he never had the guts to leave us and only to find out that the other lady was also pregnant same time as mine but she miscarred. the only thing that was supprising me was even though he was treating us like that, financial he continued doing his part and i will do mine.i reached a point were i didnt know what love is and that i will never give my love to any man. i asked him many times if he really loved us but he coudnt answer.i took the matter to both families but none encouraged me to leave. never had any intention to cheat but two years later i had an affair with an old friend who is also married, knew him for almost 10yrs but we were friends. it seems like it is working for me, i go to work with a smile and i taking care of my kids with a happy heart now than before, we are all glowing now. only God knows about tomorrow. [ thambo's advice column | Ask thambo A Question ]
123jimmy10 answered Friday May 8 2009, 3:09 pm: well. first off, im just going to say that im only 16 years old. maybe you wont read anything after that. but sometimes, i like to think that it is a bit easier to see from the eyes of someone who doesnt have all of the complications and biased opinions based on their experience with mairrage and their spouce. i can tell you pretty cut and dry. its wrong. but i know you already knew that. no suprise. but what gets me is.. why do you marry someone who complains, whines. insults, and does not like to be a bit phisical? that just sticks out to me. anyways. - just think- will your husband ever change? if so, how long? will your lover change? when it all boils down, would he pick mairrage over you? and most importantly, what do you want? we both know you certaily cannot keep cheating. i like ice cream. i also like a good steak. but i cannot enjoy ice cream with steaksauce, and i cannot enjoy steak with sprinkles on top.. get the metaphore?. overall. its just a plain decision you have to make, if your husband does not please you, and will not change, then you either have to learn to live like that, or leave. i hope i helped ya. [ 123jimmy10's advice column | Ask 123jimmy10 A Question ]
xkatiex answered Sunday May 3 2009, 10:33 pm: I know what you're going through... I really do! I had a very very similar experience a couple of years ago, except without each of us being married.
My lover and i ended up leaving our respective partners and now are happily living together and having a child. However it seems like your lover isnt going to leave his wife any time soon.
You need to leave your husband. Thats my first thought. There is no love there, he doesnt treat you right.
My instincts about your lover is that he wants you for one thing and he will say anything (like he loves you) for sex. He is having a baby with his wife and moving forward and it is clear to me that he wants you for just one thing.
If i were you i'd leave my husband. It will be hard and crazy and emotional but it will work out for the best for you. Whether or not you continue the affair is up to you and your conscience. Can you put yourself in his wife's shoes? What if she found out? She's at home, looking after a tiny little baby and finds out her husbands having an affair... It'd destroy anyone. Thats why i ended my affair and began a new relationship with the man i truely loved.
elw5039 answered Sunday May 3 2009, 3:56 pm: I think that you sound like a very intelligent woman who deserves much much more than what she is getting.
First off, why are you with your husband? You've basically said yourself that he does nothing for you. He doesnt compliment you, take you out, appreciate you, he isnt even affectionate with you. So why?? I cant see any logical explanation. In my opinion, you need to leave him ASAP.
As far as your lover goes, I can see why he makes you happy. He is giving you everything that your husband doesnt. But yet, you can never truly be happy with him because of the fact that he is married with children. And because of those facts, I say cut all ties. You can find another man who loves you and makes you happy and is not married.
It sounds like me that you kind of already know everything that I am saying to you. Maybe you just need to hear someone else say it. But I think that you know deep down inside what you need to do. Start a new life. Your own life. Where you can be who you want to be and you are free to find a man that loves and can spend his life with you.
I wish you the absolute best of luck and dont hesitate to message me if you need to talk.
Razhie answered Sunday May 3 2009, 9:32 am: In a nut shell:
Cut all ties with your lover.
Whatever his reasons are, he only wants what he had before, and neither of you can turn back the clock. It will never be the same, and he's only offering the exact same thing that didn't work for you last time.
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