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should i? or shouldn't i?
14/f
what happens if i get pregnant? like will i be able to move out of my parents house? and live with my boyfriend? or will i have to stay home? and how would i tell my parents? what if i runaway and call my parents and tell them. will i have to go back home? because i know my parents dont want me to do this. and would pretty much beat me if i did. but i dont care about them. they just make my life worse and worse everyday. and starting a family sounds like the best thing to me right now. im not actually pregnant. but im kinda thinking about it. because of things ive talked about with my boyfriend. i know your gonna say dont do it. and im not ever sure i want to do this. so PLEASE dont tell me i shouldn't do it. or how its going to ruin my life. because it wont ruin my life. my boyfriend already has things planned out if i do want to do this. and no. he's not pushing me to do this. its only if i want to. and i just want these questions answered before i do make a decision.
thanks for the help.
- cuttechick24
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Seriously, you are so young...
I got pregnant by choice at 17 and it was the best but the hardest thing i've ever done. The pregnancy was physically draining on my young body and extremely difficult on my emotions...
At 14 you are not mature enough to decide how to raise a child. Its really selfish to even consider creating a human at your age. You think a baby will fix everything??? IT WONT!
Finish school, get a job then have a baby.
You can not ask a question like this then sy "dont say i shouldnt do it"...
DONT DO IT!!! Easy answer!
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Rahzie pretty much covered the runaway questions. Basically, anyone who takes in a 14 year old runaway without notifying authorities is committing a crime.
I won't tell you how it will ruin your life.
I'll tell you how it will ruin your baby's.
Children take their example from their parents. Kids are utterly dependent on their parents for an example.
Part of that example that forms a basic foundation, is watching your parents provide for you. Watching your parents be a structure around yourself, and watching them provide an example of adult behavior for them to imitate.
You are 14. You are a child yourself. A child cannot raise a child, its that simple.
You cannot provide for a child. You can't pay for their medical bills (or your own). You cannot provide a roof over the childs head on your own. You are not an adult, and so you cannot provide an adult perspective or a mature example for them to follow. You won't be able to get a job, have a career, and save for THEIR college when you haven't been yourself.
Well, you can have a kid without going to college, but at least you should be in your own place, paying all your own bills, etc first.
If you did this, I hope your parents would beat you. If nothing else knocks sense into you, maybe that would. Having a child at 14 is an incredibly selfish act. You aren't doing it for the kid, if you were you'd be waiting. You are a kid yourself, and you want to feel like an adult, so you are trying to imitate adults.
Thats no example to provide a child. Your parents would end up raising the kid, and then your kid would probably be stupid as hell and end up with a kid of his or her own earlier as well, following your example.
Your boyfriend has things planned out? No he doesnt. Not unless he's 25+ making more than 30 grand a year with a career, in which case we have problems other than you having a baby and some statuatory rape charges are in order.
What does he have planned out? At 14 theres no way you're dating a guy who has his shit together. He can't pay for this kid any more than you can. And if he wants to knock up a 14 year old, he's no better as a role model than you are. He's a child too.
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actually idid the exact same thing i told my parents i as pregnant just so they would kick me out and they did now im going to counseling cause cyfd wants me too but other than that my fiances parents are getting cutody of me soon so things are going great right now but i never did get pregnant i lied to them so i would have to say if youre that un happy then find away to move out and get your boyfriends parents to call cyfd and get guardianship im enagaged now and almost ready to graduate and everything!!
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i don't know your boyfriend's age. but if he got you pregnant and was older there could be a number of legal problems with it all. it's quite possible that he could go on a sex offender list or be charged with statutory rape. the baby would just be simply evidence. you're not alone. many people that have bad family lives want to have a child because they want unconditional love. maybe you could do it. maybe you'd do a great job. but there is more to raising a child than simply love. there is more than just getting by financially. babies constantly need doctor's care and bills add up in a hurry. there is just a lot to consider. if you are serious, there is a site called "www.babycenter.com" but they have a calculator on the costs. but it can give you a clue of what you'd need financially. all i'm suggesting is you do your homework if you decide to do this. babies are great. but they don't fix things. if this is a mistake, you may resent the child later in life.
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Ok well no you cant move out of your house your still a minor. And if your parents dont kick you out you would be considered a run away and depending on how old your boyfriend was he could get into trouble for running away with you or letting you move in with him. If you run away and call your parents they have this thing called screening and they will find you. well having a family isnt going to fix anything i promise.
Ive been through the same thing you just want someone who will love you unconditionnaly no matter what. Well if you really think about it you still want to party and hit 21 and dring and everything. If you have a child you wont be able to do this, unless you leave your kid all the time so you can carry on with your life. and your not going to be financially ready to take care of a kid either. Im not telling you not to just think about this twice before you do.
Hope i helped =]
and if you need anymore advice feel free to go to my column and ask me personally.
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Under sixteen, if you run away and you will simply be brought right back home with almost no questions asked.
You go live with your boyfriend, and he or his family could get charged with a crime, and then you’ll be brought home.
The law won’t care that you are pregnant. You are still a child under the law.
If you can convince the police you are in danger at home, they will connect you with social services, and you’ll likely be encouraged to live in a group home for young mothers. They might allow you to stay with a family friend, other relative or with your boyfriend’s family during the investigation; they will NOT allow you to stay with your boyfriend by yourselves. You’ll still be a child under the law and social services will insist on you being some place with responsible adults. If your boyfriend IS an adult under the law, they will probably still not let you stay with him, because you being pregnant and him being a legal adult means statutory rape in most states.
If someone asked me “What would happen if I shot at my neighbour’s dog?” and I didn’t tell them it was a bad, horrible, immoral and poorly thought-out plan, I would be irresponsible and in the wrong ethically.
So I must tell you that having a baby at fourteen is a bad, horrible, immoral and poorly thought-out plan.
It doesn’t make you a bad person. You might be a very good person, but you have a flat-out fucking bad idea right now: The very idea that you think now, when you are still legally a child and a minor, living in a home you worry might be abusive, with a clueless enough boyfriend to support you in this, is all perfect evidence that you are NOT capable of being responsible for another life form. You have not yet taken responsibility for yourself and your situation. It would be selfish and wrong for you to actively try to get pregnant. This is not the situation to bring a child into if it is at all ethically avoidable.
It might not ruin your life, but hell, drunk driving might not ruin your life either! Drunk driving is still a flat-out fucking bad idea.
You can get angry at me for saying that if you would like too, but I don’t think you are a moron, I think you are probably pretty smart, so you already know this is horrible idea. So get swallow your pride for a moment and keep reading:
I understand you want out of your situation, but what you are trying to here is make a baby save you from your own unhappiness, and your family and this bad situation, and that is very wrong.
Babies DO NOT have jobs.
Babies DO NOT have responsibilities.
Babies DO NOT fix anything, ever, at all.
Babies DO NOT create an escape plan.
Babies DO NOT magically turn you into adult.
It is the responsibility of the adults in the situation to fix things for the baby, so the baby has the best opportunity and situation possible.
You can’t do that for a baby. You aren’t an adult, and you haven’t fixed your situation yet! Until your situation improves, UNTIL YOU MAKE THINGS BETTER IN YOUR LIFE, you will be making a victim of any child you have, and that is inexcusable and morally reprehensible. That is even without mentioning the burden you are more than likely putting on tax payers to take care of your family.
If your boyfriend and you have a plan, and you think you are in danger at home: Act on that plan NOW.
If you think you and he can make a go of it finically or if his parents are willing to support you, move in with his family NOW. Start the investigative process into your home life, connect with social services and make the changes you need to make to keep yourself safe.
If you need to change something so drastically that you feel getting pregnant and running away is your best option, scratch the pregnant part, and deal with the actual situation you've got now! Talk to a school counsellor, talk to a family friend, call the cops if it’s that bad, and make a sensible plan that doesn’t victimize a child because you can’t think of a better way to change your life.
Get some counseling and some guidance from other adults. There are better ways to make changes. There are smarter, ethical ways to make changes and having a baby simply isn't one of them.
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