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heart torn and conflicted


Question Posted Tuesday May 5 2009, 4:21 pm

How do I show a guy whom I am in love with what he means to me when we don't live in the same town and he now has a new girlfriend, but he does like me because he said so but to be fair to his girlfriend he has pushed those feelings out. I want to be with him and would do anything for him but how do I show or prove to him that we are meant to be together and how much I care?

I know he still likes me but he says it is different now because of this new girlfriend. We talk but not often. I did tell him that I was in love with him and he couldn't say anything to it. He says on certain level he is in love with his girlfriend and yes he says he has 'strong feelings' for her? Is he a lost cause? Should I just put my feelings that tear my up inside aside so he can be happy or do I continue talking with him? My heart wants to be with him and it's killing me that I'm not :(.

I have tried moving on from him - actually I am 'seeing' this guy (guyx) but everytime I talk to 'guyx' all I think of is the other guy who consumes my thoughts and heart. I don't know what to do :(


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Janie93 answered Tuesday May 5 2009, 11:27 pm:
I know that what you are going through is hard. My advice to you would be to not talk at all to him if all you want to do is date him and be nothing less than that.

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Razhie answered Tuesday May 5 2009, 4:35 pm:
You do NOT show a person who is in a relationship how much you love them.

It's unfair to everyone involved. It puts him in a very, very uncomfortable position. It's unfair to his partner, it's weird for all your mutual friends, and you aren't exactly doing yourself any favors either!

Loving someone means respecting their choices: Respecting his choice to be with someone else means not burdening him with expressions of your love.
You don’t back down out and suffer silently so they can be happy. He MIGHT be miserable with her. Lots of people choose to stay in relationships that make them miserable, or not as happy as they otherwise could be. We still must respect those choices.

You have already been honest with him, now it's time to be honest with yourself: He has made his choice. He is an adult who is entitled to that choice. As a friend, as someone who cares for him and as decent human being, you MUST respect his choice. Anything less than acceptance and respect is simply selfishness.

If you can’t have contact with him, and be respectful of his choice when you speak to him, then you need to cut off contact with him until you can be respectful of his choice and his relationship.

If you don't want to be with the guy you are with, dump him.

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