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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
Is it just me or is it weird that my husband who is 31 years old sits on his mothers lap when we go to visit, or cuddles up next to her on the couch?
Maybe its just me, but i find it odd that a 31 year old would even want to do that. I mean I feel like maybe he does this because of unresolved issues from his childhood.
Unless I'm wrong, and this is completely normal and I just have no feelings.
The Answer
Unless there is something else, something deeper and much more substantial causing you to question this man's relationship with his mother, then you ought to let this go.
Although the modern mental health movement has been great for thousands of people, it also has us looking for the 'deep psychological reasons' in things that are simply weird or uncommon, not unhealthy.
So, if there is something else nagging at you, something specific about their pattern of interacting, or something you feel this man is not dealing with in a healthy way, bring it up and an open, questioning way (not an 'I think you are fucked and and mentally sick' way). But if now shrug your shoulders and file it under weird, not unhealthy.
You need a great deal more information then you have here to even start psychoanalyzing him (and really, it's never kind to for a layman to go off psychoanalyzing a friend or partner). So don't.
HOWEVER, as his wife you are certainly well within your rights too tell him it makes you a bit uncomfortable. Not to tell him you think he's unhealthy, and not to tell him to stop it, but certainly to tell him that you find it awkward.
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The Question
what does the phrase "if you will" mean? i think its a useless add-on to the ends of sentences
The Answer
Being polite is never useless.
When you learn french, 'Please' is translated to 'S'il vous plait', but 'S'il vous plait' actually literally translates too 'If it pleases you.'
That is where we get the word 'Please' from, because when you think about, please is kind of a stupid word when use it at the end of a request as well! Technically, 'to please' is to give pleasure. What we are implying when we say 'Please pass the potatoes' is actually, "If it gives you pleasure, pass the potatoes."
English is a weird language though, and we value economy in our everyday words, so we shortened it up to just 'Please.'
'If you will' comes in a similar way. It's tagged onto a thought or sentence as a way of softening a request that was not phrased as a question. When someones says 'Open the windows, if you will.' what they are saying is “Open the windows if you would like too/if it would please you/if you would will it done.” They are just getting it out with less words.
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The Question
alcohol lowers inhibitions, but does it really make people more horny too, just because, or could it just be an excuse for a guy kiss you? like, if the guy was only a little buzzed. do you think the guy would have to like the girl too, or would just kiss any girl available?
The Answer
There is no science to it. None.
Some people will get aroused while intoxicated. Other people absolutely cannot get aroused while intoxicated. There is no rule that governs everyone's behavior while drunk. Some people get depressed and/violent, others get absolutely wild and energized. It's different for everyone. There is also no way to know how drunk a person is and determine if they actually where functioning on low inhibitions, or just using the alcohol as an excuse.
This is ALL you can know, until you speak to the guy in question:
For a moment, for whatever reason, he wanted to kiss you, and he did.
You CANNOT know
if he wants to kiss you again
if he wants to sleep with you
if he wants to date you
if he someone else would have done just as well in that moment.
If you feel you need answers to those sorts of questions, then you need to talk to the guy.
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The Question
is it considered cheating if i let my ex girlfriend shit and/or piss on my chest?
or sniff and lick their butthole?
The Answer
Yes.
Definately Cheating.
You were right when you called your question 'sexual activities'. What you are describing is definately sexual. Unless your girlfriend and you have an understanding that says it OK for you to seek out sexual acts with other people, then that is completely, 100%, cheating.
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The Question
i was just wondering if having a facebook is absolutely pivotal to have an active social life in college. i just have never liked the idea of social networking websites (i hate taking pictures and i think people get too engrossed in the "drama" of it all), and prefer to contact my friends via text message, e-mail, aim, or WOW! over the good ol' phone.
so... will i still be able to go to parties, hang out, whatever if i don't have one in college?
The Answer
If it's important to you to get invited to every huge party on campus, then yep, Facebook is a damn good tool to help make that happen.
But if what you want is to hang out with a more select group of friends. Go to their birthday shindigs and catch movies, you are probably fine without Facebook.
Last year I joined Facebook. I also don't take photos or enjoy the 'drama', but it was necessary for work. Honestly, now I rather like it. I didn't change my mind about the bits of it I don't like, but I have found things about it that I find really useful.
You could always give it a try if you were concerned about 'missing out' and delete your profile if you find it useless or uncomfortable.
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The Question
so i like this guy verrry verry much and he said he liked me a whole lot. he seemed like the right one for me.. we had so much in common, he sent me the sweetest text messages.. whole package.
earlier today, we were talking and i told him (to be open with him), that i had sexual intercourse with a girl 4 years ago, drunk, disoriented, and "went with it" like drunks do during sex.... and when i told him, he freaked and said it wouldn't work, i am disgusting, i am not good enough.. a few mins later he deleted me off myspace and is ignoring me
i wanted to tell him to prove to him i don't want to hide anything from him.. and i looked past his flaws. but when i mention 1 flaw he dumps me.
what did i do wrong? what can i do?? please help!
i of course regret doing that.. it was a party.. and i never did it again! now he makes me just want to repeatedly hit my head against the wall and repeatedly call me stupid.
please, don't tell me what i did was wrong about with the girl.. it was years ago, and i thought he wouldn't mind b/c he didn't mind anything else i told him.
anything would help =[
The Answer
You didn't do anything wrong. Not with this guy.
You were honest, but you hit a deal breaker for him. We all have deal breakers, things we just can't accept from people.
Some of them are rational and 'fair', like not being able to accept drug use, or people who've cheated in the past. Others are sort of stupid, like not being able to deal with someone who hates dogs, or who thinks Scream2 was a good movie...
With this guy, you simply tripped over a stupid deal breaker, and it is his right to have a stupid reason. It is also his problem and his mistake, not yours.
There are lots of fantastic people out there who have made drunken errors years in ago, and he is going to miss out on all of them, because he's made up his mind on a stupid, irrational, and unfair deal breaker.
Take a deep breath and remind yourself that someone, no matter how nice they seemed to be, who cuts you off because of a mistake long in your past, is someone who is probably prone to doing other stupid, selfish and intolerant things as well. Let him go. Cry it out, and be grateful he showed his true colours now, rather then months from now.
And please don't let one judgemental ass keep you from taking the risk of trusting someone else.
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The Question
SO many times i have heard over and over that you cant change people. Women cant change men, men cant change women... yet I've seen it happen. Right before my eyes. How is it possible that some of us are exceptions to this rule and some of us ARE the rule???? and how would one know...
I guess I'm just looking for some insight on how this psychology of changing occurs... I would like some opinions. How is it that no matter how stubborn a person is, someone comes along that can change them...and why is it that only that person can, nobody else...
any opinions, personal philosophies, that sort of thing?
The Answer
People do NOT change other people.
Unless it's through torture, coercion or brainwashing.
No love, no hate, no caring will every change a person.
People who are dearly loved die of drugs, alcohol and violence every day.
Women who dearly love their husbands or boyfriends, are beat into a bloody pulp everyday.
Love can bring salvation, but that doesn't mean it always will!
What does sometimes happen is a person will choose to change. They will make the effort to change, consciously or subconsciously, in order to make their own life better.
I know, I'm calling people basically selfish, but it almost always true.
For instance: The man who learns to put down the toilet seat doesn't do it because his wife screams and cries, or because she begs, or asks sweetly, he does it because at some point he recognizes his life will be better if his wife is happier, and makes that choice.
Another example from my own life:
I dated a man for a year who had probably cheated on every other partner he ever had.
I'm pretty damn certain he never cheated on me.
But I was not responsible for this change! We were not so madly in love. In fact, we had a lot of problems right from the beginning.
The only thing I did was, right up front, tell him how I would respond to cheating. I'd slap him, dump him and likely never speak to him again.
Perhaps you could say that knowing exactly what my response would be (and knowing that I almost always did what I said I would) helped him make the choice to change, but in the end, he broke the pattern of self-destructive behavior, not because I tried to make him do to for my sake, but because he saw that he could have a better and happier life if he made different choices.
So one could argue that love can support, enable even inspire change, but by itself, love is completely insufficient to actually create lasting change. Permanent and lasting change has to come from inside the person who wants too change, who sees a better life from themselves after changing and who chooses to change for the better. That is the magical ingredient, and without it, no amount of love will do the trick.
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The Question
This girl and i have known each other for 6 months. She says she dosent like me but still wants to go on dates and says if she liked me she would love to be my girlfriend. She and i planned a date for next week. then an hour later she said she was busy actually. isaid its okay and we would try for another time. She then said nevermind i will just cancel my plans. i told her not to but she did. Then i found out the plans were to hang out with a guy. i told her to just go along with her orginal plans but she inisted that we go on our date. I agreed that we would just go on our date. a little later she text me saying the guy says they really need to hang out and says she cant cancel so she cancels our date. i tell her its okay and i told her to have fun, and she says i will hope u do too. so i said i would by taking some other girl on a date that night. then her other guy friend takes her phone and starts texting me and she lets him be rude and cuss me out and condones his actions. What should i do with our friendship? Is she still worth liking?
The Answer
One: If you actually said "That's okay your busy, I'll invite another girl out on a date." Then you were the one who started the rudeness. Of course it is all right to ask someone out else to join you, but it was not a nice thing to say, and if you said it to her the way you said it in this question, that was downright mean. I think it should be very clear that any girl would feel slighted by the idea that she can be so easily replaced by another.
Two: Only you can decide if she is worth liking, or being friends with. Perhaps before you make up your mind you might give her a chance to explain her side of the story by asking her about it in an open and non-confrontational way. It is not right to expect her to end a friendship, or disapprove of someone just because you do, but if she does like you she probably does feel bad about her part in allowing it.
Whatever you decide about this girl, try to be a bit more courteous. You are more likely to get treated with respect that way.
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The Question
Me and my ex went out for about 19 months. Near the end of the relatinship, i worked two jobs working every single day almost and went to school full time. (im 17 hes 18 in college) Whenever i wanted to hang out on my one day off or whatever, he would find other things to do. I felt like his last priority, and i finally broke up with him just cause i was so pissed one day cause we were supposed to hang out and he completely ditched me, he never acted sorry. Anyways, that night he got with a girl. I wouldnt talk to him no matter what he said for 2 months. Then i saw him at a party. Ever since hes been trying to get me back. But one weekend he went away for this drink fest concert, he claims he heard shit about me and another guy talking and he got his dick sucked by this bitch and he fingered her, and he showered with her twice cause it was like all muddy there it was outside. Anyways, he never told me, and i found out about 4 days later. He says he did it cause he heard shit about me and this guy, which everyone around here thinks was true so its not like a suprise, but still. To not tell me and do that shit fucked up. Its been a few weeks since, Day in and day out he has been doing anything anything and everything he possibly can to get me back, to the point where its so annoying. I loved him the first year of our whole relationshio, i couldnt have pictured anyting better but as all relationships shit changed.
Honestly, i know taking him back would be stupid. I wont let him kiss me nothing. I wanna be his friend till i figure things out, cause its summer and im having so much fun. Would it be stupid to take him back honestly if he never gives up for like four months? Cause i dont plan to anytime soon, i just know its easier to find excuses and forgive someone and be with them, and i dont wanna be stupid like that cause i see a lot of my friends do it.
The Answer
Taking him back is stupid. It would still be a pretty stupid thing in four months.
Actually, I'll go a step further here: TALKING to him isn't the brightest move either.
He's a drama-loving little boy. He made excuses throughout your relationship to go out and do whatever he wants. Now, he wants you back, but he still has a whole bunch of handy excuses each time he does something he knows it's going to help him win you over.
This isn't a 'serious of bad choices' or 'a few mistakes', this is the person he is.
Do you think he's changed?
Why? He is doing the exact same thing as before?
Why would a second time be any better?
Is three or four months of making him beg going to turn him into less of a selfish child?
Let this relationship be over. Don't be his friend. He isn't a friend.
Part of growing up is learning it's okay to just leave this sort of shit behind you.
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The Question
Sooo I think I might have a yeast infection because I found a little red dry patch on my vagina. My mom does not know that I have been sexually active. So my concern is, is having sex or oral sex the only way to get a yeast infection? HELP!
The Answer
Nope. Yeast infections can be more common in sexually-active women, but you can also just get them spontaneously, even as a virgin.
However, a little dry red patch is not really a symptom of yeast infections. Yeast infections are gennerally a deep itch, all over and a slight redness eveywhere and a change in the discharge. Dryness is not generally a symptom.
So, you need to see a doctor. You would need to see a doctor anyways, if it was your first yeast infection ever.
You could certainly use the yeast infection excuse to get the appoitment, since it's not related to sexually activity. Your doctor can't tell your mother anything without your permission, and it's very important you be totally honest with your doctor.
So, make an appointment. Hide behind the 'yeast infection' reason with your mother if you would like, although it's probably not that.
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The Question
Is if justified to side with one friend who has recently admitted to a physical affair over her husband who has had and is having an emotional affair with another woman? The other woman was friends to all of us and they're both in denial about any wrong doing. The marriage is splitting up due to the wife's physical affair, yet he is accepting no responsibility for his emotional affair. Am I justified to feel this way?
The Answer
Get your emotions out of thier marriage difficulties.
Supporting your friend doesn't mean absolutely 'taking her side'. You can support her and love her without demonizing her husband. It would also be possible for you to remain civil with him, despite disgreeing with him, if you wanted.
Clearly there is blame to go around here and you will never know the full extent of either of their crimes. There marriage is ending, it doesn't matter who was 'more' wrong. All that matters is whose friend you would like to be.
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The Question
I heard that some scientists somewhere made artificial human sperm. The sperm were claimed to actually have little "heads" and propelling "tails" just like real sperm! My friend told me about this and said it was horrible news, as it was a step closer to weeding out the male species in general. I don't know about that but I was curious if scientists REALLY did make this fake sperm and which scientists did it. Were they from the U.S. or what? Just any information anybody can tell me about would be helpful...
The Answer
A small group of British scientists from Newcastle University used stem cells to create what they are calling sperm.
Live births of other animals, puppies and mice, have already taken place from use of this kind of manufactured sperm.
But most scientists are pretty skeptical that the Newcastle 'sperm' could actually fertilize a human egg anyways.
Think about this fear for a moment though:
A huge percentage of adult American women will never have children. Many don't even want them.
Do we weed them out? Do we slay them because they are not valuable to us as a species?
No. Of course we don't.
Do we 'weed out' bind people? Nope. Society changed and adapted to provide people with new and valuable roles when we either realized that our treatment of them was not just, or when their old roles became obsolete.
It will be no different with men. They will continue to naturally occur. Some will impregnate women, and others wont. They will laugh when their friends get badly hurt and the WWE will post record profits.
The gender roles will continue to evolve, just as they always have been doing. This huge experiment called human society will keep rumbling onwards, but with a bit of common sense and a functioning conscious, no one is going to be 'weeded out'.
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The Question
This might be long, sorry.
I have been seeing my boyfriend for about 3 years now. He's really a great guy, comes from a wonderful family, works really hard in college, etc. He's probably the best guy out there. He's really perfect. I don't have anything bad at all to say about him.
Well, I've been cheating on my boyfriend for about a year or year and a half now. All the cheating has been with the same guy so I'm not like a whore or something. My boyfriend has NO idea that I've been seeing this other guy on the side.
Anyway, the problem is that I'm pregnant. I don't want to lose my boyfriend though!
Now, maybe you are asking, "Well, how do you KNOW it isn't your boyfriend's baby? Why not wait until you give birth and then have the baby paternity tested?" Well, because my boyfriend and I had decided to stay virgins until our wedding night. Yeah, in three years we haven't had any sort of sexual relationship. Yes, he thinks I'm a virgin just like him.
I REALLY love my boyfriend though! I want to marry him! I mean, I just feel like I'm totally in the wrong, but I know I'm not. If I tell him about cheating on him and stuff he's going to think I'm a whore. How can I like feel better about this?
The Answer
First off, in order to move forward in this sitatuation you need accept this: You are completely in the wrong.
Period. It's never someone elses fault if you cheat. It was your body and your choice. Until you take responsibility for the weight of what you've done, you don't have a shot in hell of mending this with your boyfriend.
You should feel like shit about this. If you didn't, I would really worry about what kind of person you are.
But you also have to face that feeling and hopefully, let it motivate you to do the right thing.
If you want your boyfriend in your life still, you need to tell him everything. He might dump you on the spot. He might think you are a whore. But you can't control what he does or thinks, and it's the only chance you've got.
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The Question
I know that Sarah Palin announced that she was no longer going to be governor of Alaska and wouldn't even be finishing her term! It probably shocked everyone, I'm sure, but I never caught her reasoning to stepping down. Does anybody know why Sarah Palin is resigning as governor of Alaska?
The Answer
We can only speculate, and listen to what she said:
She said she felt unable to function properly as governor with all the negative media attention, and she said she felt her last term with would be 'lame duck', effectively, that should wouldn't be able to get anything done because of the political games that go one when everyone knows it's your last term.
She didn't say she was intending to run for president in 2012, but of course that might be a large part of what this is about.
The other rumor, for better or worse, is that there is another big scandal about to break in her administration, and that it would be better and safer for her to not be governor when it happens.
Only time will tell what her plans are. My bias: I hope she just goes away now.
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The Question
My mom says she thinks I have social anxiety, one of my close friend said she agreed, and I think my psychologist might agrees although she hasn't said so to me directly. I have always disagreed and think I'm just fine but recently I have started to wonder. I avoid people at all costs, even my friends because I'm afraid of doing something wrong, saying something stupid, or otherwise embarassing myself. I hate meeting new people and I can barely talk to people I don't know, its hard enough talk to those that I do know. I can't even bring myself to go up and talk to anyone outside my immediate family (my mom and two sisters)without being poked and prodded. I don't like leaving my house and I try not to because I'm afraid I might look stupid or act stupid and people will laugh at me. I'm always worried people are thinking I'm stupid in their heads. I can't even call my best friend about asking to stay the night because I'm afraid of saying something dumb. It isn't normal, I know that. But is it really social anxiety? I kind of want another opinion.
The Answer
"Avoid people at all costs..."
"Don't like leaving my home..."
"Always worried..."
You pretty much just defined social anxiety right there. You've almost quoted the text book.
But the truth is, if your psychologist either doesn't feel they have enough information to place such a label on you OR doesn't think placing a label would be helpful to you... well, they are expert, not anyone here, not your mother or your friends either.
Take this question up the psychologist. Labels aren't really so important. What's important is getting the tools to fix something you know is causing problems in your life.
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The Question
I play volleyball for my school, and I like it, but I wouldn't say it's my LIFE. I mean, I know it won't be my career or anything, I'm mainly just doing it as a hobby and because it's a good way to make friends. Well, my coach is kind of...religious. Not "kind of" actually, like REALLY religious. I don't normally cuss or anything but she won't let us use any swear words or substitutes for swear words (dang, darn, shoot, etc.) She also is completely against us having boyfriends. On of my friends who was on the team gave her boyfriend a little kiss and my coach saw, and my friend got kicked off. She doesn't allow piercings or tattoos. We can't wear certain things to school even if they aren't against the dress code of our school. Basically, she's just REALLY strict. I mean, I understand that we have to represent our school and stuff and she is a REALLY great coach. Like, the best I've ever had. But I don't really like that some of her rules involve my personal life... For example, I've been thinking about getting a belly button piercing. I've wanted one for a long time, and my mom would let me because she thinks they're cute. But if my coach saw she would totally kick me off :( I've been thinking about quitting lately... I love playing and all my team mates, but it just puts limits on my personal life. I just don't like having to always think "Is this going to get me kicked off?". Well, thanks for reading. Any and all advice is welcome.
The Answer
You might try talking to your principal or vice principal, or someone who supervises this teacher.
What your coach is doing is not really okay when it begins to restrict your personal lives. Restricting your behavior while at school, at practice or at school event is one thing, but restricting piercings or tattoos or even PDAs that are otherwise allowed by the school is a a problem. That's your parents domain, not hers. At the very least, your school admin should be aware of how intense the pressure she is putting on you is.
You might also decide this isn't a fight you want to have, especially if you already know she has the support in this behavior from the school. No matter if it is wrong, if her bosses support her in doing it, there isn't much you can do but live with it, or quit.
It's okay for your coach to have standards for her students, but there could be trouble from parents (and the law, frankly) if she is being too restrictive, especially if it is on religious grounds. Teachers and coaches need to know they don't have a complete carte blanche to enforce their own values on their students. A degree of tolerance for different values is necessary at a public institution.
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The Question
I recently went to my cousin's house for her senior graduation party. This kid was there that I have had a major crush on for nearly a year now, so I was by him a lot. He likes me back, for now, so he was being rather cooperative. When I left that day, we were making plans to see each other again. Randomly, my cousin texts me telling me she doesn't want me and the boy talking, so in result, she will never invite him over if I am there. She tells me that we should see each other on our own time. She also freaks out about how all her friends have my number. On Friday, I'm s'posed to go to six flags with a bunch of her friends, but I didn't invite her because she doesn't know this girl I'm friends with that was originally going with me. She found out and is upset with me for not inviting her. I told her that she didn't get an invite because she didn't know my friend and because she always said she hated roller coasters. I also didn't think of inviting her because when she told me she wasn't inviting her friends around if I was there, I thought she didn't want her friends and I in the same environment at the same time. And then she went on to say, "Way to put friends before family" just because I didn't invite her this once. Am I supposed to invite her to every single outing I go on?!
So, what is her problem? Why is she acting like this? What do I do? & am I in the wrong for not inviting her and reacting the way that I'm reacting?
Thanks in advance.
The Answer
Don't talk to her right now.
She's cutting herself off from her own friends to spite you. The best thing you can do is take a deep breath, and let her deal with her friends, who will certainly ask her where she was and why she wasn't there, and who might also starting asking her why you aren't around.
If they ask you, tell them the truth, but tell them it kindly without gossiping or being a brat about it. Tell them your cousin doesn't seem to want you hanging out with her friends, and is angry you didn't invite her to 6 flags and leave it at that. Shrug it off and don't make fun of your cousin or call her names.
Let them say she's being silly. You just be polite and friendly when you do speak to her or about her. 'Cause the moment you are nasty, is the moment she is right. And you can't let her be right.
It would have been smart and nice to invite her, or to make sure of her friends have invited her, when you are going any place with her friends. So yeah, it was sort of wrong of you not too, but it was the kind of wrong that should have been solved by a simple 'Sorry.' You owe her that apology, but you don't have to take her shit along with it.
So if you haven't really apologized for not inviting her, the next time you speak to her you should. Otherwise, just ignore her behavior. The person she is hurting is herself. You are wrong for reacting with anything besides calm, and shrugging off her insecurities. Let her friends who have to deal with her day-to-day be the ones to deal with her. As long as you are nice to them, and respectful to her, things will work out.
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The Question
How do you know when you are ready to have sex with someone? I've had a boyfriend for a year sort of. We started dating in July last year, then he broke up with me in April of this year. We got back together in May after he realized he didn't want to be without me. He's not really pressuring me into sex. I know he wants it, but he claims to care too much about me to want to pressure me into doing anything I'm not ready for. I've given him head before but he hasn't done anything for me yet. He's tried, but it didn't go the way we wanted it to. Sorry if I included unnecessary information, but I'd just like to know when or how you know you're ready to have sex.
The Answer
If you are wondering if you are ready to have sex in general, this is my litmus test:
You are ready to have sex when:
Both of you must accept that there is no 100% safe sex. Pregnancy and STDs are always a risk. Always. End of discussion.
You must know how to make that risk as small as possible, that means having spoken to a doctor or nurse about your contraception choices. Reading ALL of the literature that comes with the condom box or your birth control pills is a good start, for both of you. Both of you should know how to use your contraception properly, including, and perhaps most importantly, how to properly use a condom.
You must know what to do if one of those risks becomes reality. Talk to your partner about their views on abortion and/or tell them what yours are. Know what your choices in the case of an STD or pregnancy scare. Know a doctor or clinic you can go too if PlanB is an option for you. Be aware of the laws and policies in your state so you know what sort of treatments your parents must be aware of or consent too, and what ones they don't. If abortion is an option you would consider, look up the nearest clinics. Basically, have a serious talk about the worst case scenario.
You need to know the law. The laws governing what kind of medical attention you can seek (I am thinking specifically abortion and/or PlanB.) You also need to know the laws about who you can have sexual relationships with, and what the Age of Consent is in your area.
You BOTH must be mature enough, and confident enough in your choices to WALK INTO A STORE and purchase whatever contraceptives and or lubes you want. It's strange, but this is the one I find stops teens the most. All the others they go 'Yeah Yeah, I can do that'. But this one stops them. If one of you, is not capable of this, neither of you should have sex. A person who cannot do this, is not ready.
Finally, you have to want too, and you need to want it for it's own sake. It's okay to be scarred and nervous, but you also have to be confident and excited. Do not have sex because you think it will improve a weak or struggling relationship. It wont. Don't have sex because it will bring you closer if you are feeling distanced from your partner. It will only make the distance greater. If you want sex because you think it will make your love stronger, or your relationship more 'real', don't do it. Sex doesn't simplify anything. It doesn't make anything clearer or more real. It complicates and confuses any confusion that was already there. You need to have a relationship that is already strong in order to handle that.
As I'm 'reading between the lines' of your question, I would hazard a guess that you don't really feel ready right now. I wouldn't be ready either if a guy had only gotten back together with me a few weeks ago.
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The Question
in their 'about me'
i just wanted to get to my best friend's and boyfriends myspace so i can write nice stuff about them.
i know its easier just to ask for their passwords, but i find it would be useful in the future.
The Answer
No one here will tell you how to do this.
It's immoral and illegal. Even though you only want to be nice, it's STILL illegal, and it's still dishonest and unfriendly to access someone's personal information without thier consent.
Think of it this way: If you didn't know your friend's birthday, but wanted to get them a present, you could open their mail from the IRS and find out what day it was. Just because you wanted the information for 'nice' reasons, doesn't make that any less of a criminal act. You could still get in a shit-load of trouble for opening someone elses' mail and it also doesn't make it any less of a wrong thing to do to people who are supposedly your friends.
Either ask them for their passwords with the promise of a nice surprise, or don't do anything at all.
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The Question
14/f
Alright i went to the doctors in december 2008 and she said i would get my period by around january-february. And now it is JUNE going on JULY and nothing. I get alot of discharge but no period. i mean i have to change my underwear alot because of it. it happens EVERY DAY ! it is normally clear but it changes sometimes. but for the most part i am wondering if thats Ok.? also im wondering id the colour of discharge but no period is normal
@ 14 going on 15?? everyone in my grade has theirs BUT i dont. even the girls who look 10 have it.?
Should i be worried or not ?? wat do i do??
sincerely, MMR
The Answer
Your doctor was just guessing. There is no way to accurately predict, just by looking at a girl’s body, when she'll begin to menstruate.
You are still young. Unless you experiencing pain, I wouldn’t worry about it. Getting use to discharge and changing your underwear accordingly is part of being an adult woman. The different colours and consistency is fine too. Agian, unless you are in pain or discomfort, you are probably fine. A lot of women I know change when they get home from school or work, and that is part of the reason.
Get another check-up this winter. You should be doing them annually anyways, but until then, don’t stress out about it.
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