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I'm pregnant but not by my boyfriend
This might be long, sorry.
I have been seeing my boyfriend for about 3 years now. He's really a great guy, comes from a wonderful family, works really hard in college, etc. He's probably the best guy out there. He's really perfect. I don't have anything bad at all to say about him.
Well, I've been cheating on my boyfriend for about a year or year and a half now. All the cheating has been with the same guy so I'm not like a whore or something. My boyfriend has NO idea that I've been seeing this other guy on the side.
Anyway, the problem is that I'm pregnant. I don't want to lose my boyfriend though!
Now, maybe you are asking, "Well, how do you KNOW it isn't your boyfriend's baby? Why not wait until you give birth and then have the baby paternity tested?" Well, because my boyfriend and I had decided to stay virgins until our wedding night. Yeah, in three years we haven't had any sort of sexual relationship. Yes, he thinks I'm a virgin just like him.
I REALLY love my boyfriend though! I want to marry him! I mean, I just feel like I'm totally in the wrong, but I know I'm not. If I tell him about cheating on him and stuff he's going to think I'm a whore. How can I like feel better about this?
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First, lets get the list of crimes in order:
1. The virginity oath was probably your idea which you used to follow and then forced it upon him
2. You broke your promise
3. You repeatedly engaged in sexual pleasures while depriving him from it. That's selfish
3. You repeatedly lied not once but over 1 and half year
4. You didn't even use the proper protection. Hence you were careless and didn't even bother that you may carry diseases that could be passed on to your future boyfriend should sexual intercourse with him occur in the near future
5. You permitted someone else to sow his owns in your garden while your boyfriend frustratingly controls his own urges
6. You're so arrogant over your mistakes that you dont want to tell him you cheated so that you can continue appearing that you are a pure virgin and equal to him.
7. You lied again....you dont love him
8. You are so incredibly selfish that at the end of this question, you didnt ask how you can tell him the truth or how you can save this relationship...but how can you feel better about this!!!!
Of all the lies, you did say one truth. You do want to marry him. But not because you love him. Because he's a decent hard working great person who can get plenty of girls better than a whore like you. You dont want him to know the truth. if anything else, you want him to pay for your mistakes. You'll probably have sex with him and lie to him that the baby is his. if so, then know this, i always believed women were whore. and when any women tries to prove me wrong, I'll always give you as an example and prove forever that not only all women are whores but liars, gutless and wuss just as you are.
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Losing virginity to the perfect one, just feels amazing, you really should have waited. It's something you remember forever, and feel the strongest bond towards them.
If your boyfriend is "really perfect", why are you cheating on him?
Well, I think, if you just come out and tell him. It will be BETTER in the long run. If someone told me straight out, I might forgive them, if they never told me and I found out, I would dump them.
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It won't happen.
In three or four months, when he's figured it out, he will dump you. With good reason.
There is absolutely no hope of saving this or marrying him. Obviously, his principles are important to him, and obviously they are not important to you.
How can you feel better about this? You can't. What you did is a terrible betrayal of trust. A year or a year and a half? Seriously?
As soon as he finds out, he will dump you.
Here is a life lesson. You are a selfish asshole. Completely utterly selfish. The last question was "how can I feel better about this?"
Really? You want to know how to feel better about this? Here's how. You break up with him. You decide to abort the kid or give the kid up for adoption (because you are not fit to be a mother in any way, shape, or form) and you learn the lesson that what you did is inexcusable.
And you need to learn it fast. "I feel like I'm totally in the wrong, but I know I'm not"
Yes you are! There is no more "in the wrong" than you are. You are 100% at fault, everything thats happening now is your sole responsibility, because of your choices and your choices alone. Its not humanly possible to be more wrong than you are right now without having a psychopathic personality.
As it is, you're showing sociopathic traits. You probably need to see a psychiatrist when all of this is said and done.
From here, you resolve yourself to never let yourself be that shitty of a person to anyone again. You recognize your ability to be completely self centered and how badly you can fuck up your life because of it, and you make positive changes so that you never do what you just did to anyone, ever again.
Anything less will make you a truly horrible person, and will make you continue to be a truly horrible person who ruins her own and others lives.
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First of all, don't get an abortion. Life is a precious gift and if you became pregnant, that means you were meant to have a baby. I would tell your boyfriend what happened. Now i know you think that might make things worse, but telling him now will have a lot less consequences instead of keeping it a secret until you have the baby. Let him be angry now instead a lot angrier later. If he really loves you and you say you're sorry, he'll forgive you and you'll get past this. Having a baby is a gift, not a curse. Good luck with everything.
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There is really no way to get around this. Obviously if you and your virgin never had sex, and you are suddenly pregnant, he will know its not by him. The only thing you can do that will give you a slight chance of keeping your relationship is to come clean and cut it off with the other guy. You have to tell your boyfriend everything and just hope he can look past it.
You have betrayed your boyfriend in more ways then one here, so I would say dont get your hopes up that he will forgive you. I know if I was him I wouldnt. Not only did you cheat on him for over a year and got pregnant by someone else, but you also promised him your virginity and took that away from him. Im not here to put you down or anything like that, everyone makes mistakes, but I really hope you learn from this one and let it better you as a person in the long run.
Please come clean to your boyfriend. At least give him that. And hopefully it will work out for the best. Good luck to you
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You feel like you are totally in the wrong because you are! Questions like this make me sick, because it's women like you that give females a bad name. What you are doing is terrible and inconsiderate. You have been cheating on your boyfriend for MORE THAN A YEAR! To most of society, that does make you a slut. But don't worry, I don't think you are a slut; I just think you are a cold hearted bitch. I am usuallly one of the most compassionate and understanding advice columnists on this site, but what you are doing is disgusting. Rate me a one, it's worth it. You deserve to hear it.
I am going to stop ranting, and give you some advice now. If you loved this boyfriend of yours so much, you wouldn't be cheating on him. You say you plan to marry him? So what? You were just going to start your marriage off while having an affair? That's really genious. *sarcasm*
You are probably right. If you tell your boyfriend you've been cheating on him, he will think you are slut if he's got even half of a brain. But what choice do you have? Being pregnant involves having a baby, so he's going to find out regardless.
First you need to assess your situation. What makes you want to cheat? What is it about this other guy that makes you so intent on having sex with him? If you want to stay with your boyfriend, you are going to have to own up to your terrible mistakes, and take responsibility for what you have done.
More likely than not your boyfriend will probably not talk to you for a long time. Whether or not he decides to come back to you, I have no idea. I am not so sure he would be smart if he did. But who knows? If you are 100 percent sincere in your apology (if you are even sorry, which I am not convinced you are) then he may take you back.
If you don't tell him the truth, and if you don't stop cheating on him, you would definitely confirm what I already think of you. That would obviously mean you have a black hole for a heart.
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I know this will hurt, but your boyfriend will very likely not forgive you.
It's one thing to cheat once. It's another entirely to cheat multiple times. It's a whole new kettle of fish to cheat for a year and a half.
But that might be forgiven. What will hurt him the most is that you made a promise (along with him) to stay virgins until you were married. That is a very big commitment, and you broke it.
If you had slipped up once, that would be understandable, and I would tell you to let it go, everyone makes mistakes. But how could you carry on a long-term sexual relationship with someone other than this perfect man who you love and want to marry? That takes thought. It isn't a mistake.
Your boyfriend has a right to know all of this. Everything. Let him decide what to do from here. If he doesn't want anything to do with you, please understand him. He did nothing to deserve this kind of treatment.
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First off, in order to move forward in this sitatuation you need accept this: You are completely in the wrong.
Period. It's never someone elses fault if you cheat. It was your body and your choice. Until you take responsibility for the weight of what you've done, you don't have a shot in hell of mending this with your boyfriend.
You should feel like shit about this. If you didn't, I would really worry about what kind of person you are.
But you also have to face that feeling and hopefully, let it motivate you to do the right thing.
If you want your boyfriend in your life still, you need to tell him everything. He might dump you on the spot. He might think you are a whore. But you can't control what he does or thinks, and it's the only chance you've got.
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if your boyfriend really loves you maybe he will forgive you , it might take him alittle time because when my boyfriend cheated on me i forgave him but its not easy to forget because all i was thinking was if he loved me that much why would he cheat on me with someone else? so eventually he proved to me and then i trused him again. so just give him timee and if he loves you then he might be able to forgive and forget especially if your pregnant. good luck!
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