mollyschroeder's advice column

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Q: I like this boy, and well, we broke up about a year ago, and I just can't get him off my mind. He goes to a school miles away from me, and we use to be really close. Now we've drifted and I still love him. I've tried talking to him multiple times. He just doesn't seem to want to talk to me. I still hope everyday that he'll come around, but, I just don't know any more. It's like everyone knows I like him, but he just doesn't see it. I'd do anything for this boy. Even go to his school, I'm actually planning on it,(not just because he goes there). And then, I hope something happens, but like I said before I just don't know what to do.

Well, if you already tried talking to him and he still doesnt see it, i would just tell him how you feel, go into great detail, or take it slow, and just ask him out. if you plan on going to his school, that would be an advantage, you'll be closer and have more time to get together with him. be honest and good luck.

Q: Okay. I'm still in love with my ex. We dated for seven months and broke up eight moths ago. I thought if I gave it enough time I'd eventually get over it but I haven't. I still miss him and think about him every single day. Granted, we broke up for a reason but there were faults on both sides. We rushed into some physical stuff I thought I was ready for but I wasnt. I got clingy, super clingy, and he tried to talk to me about it but I denied it and told him he was the one that changed. But he hadn't... True, he was a huge jerk when we broke up but I wasn't exactly a peach ahoy the whole thing either. I just feel like I've grown up and advanced from the last time we were dating. (I was going through a rough time with my parents getting a divorce around that time as well). I feel like he's grown up a lot too (hwhen we were dating I was 14/freshman and now I'm 15/sophomore and he was 16/sophomore and he's now 16/junior.) we both have been involved with other people since our split and both relationships didn't work out. I just really miss him. And he admitted he still thought another us the other day but that's the only that's been said about the matter. We barely talk. But when we do I'm happy for days. I don't wan to text him... I dunno I just want it to happen naturally but I dont know what to do... Help!

the only thing i can say is to apologize for your part in the breakup, tell him about your parents' divorce, that that may have had something to do with your attitude at the time. if he still likes you, he will look past what happened in the past, and just focus on the present. forgive and forget. also, try to talk to him more often, get back to the friend zone to start off with. then move up. good luck.

Q: so my ex boyfriend and i are having a huge disagreement over something. we broke up a while back ago. like june. and over summer/fall we were talking about getting back together but i wasn't sure so i kept putting it off and denying him.

now we are having a huge dilemma. he keeps saying that i was hurting him intentionally and that i was using him and playing him (because i kept his hopes up of getting back together but it never happened). yeah i made a mistake. guess what? i admitted it and i said sorry to him. i told him i was truly sorry for playing him but i wasn't doing it on purpose. he won't believe me though. he is so stubborn and nothing will change his belief that i did it on purpose to make him hurt. but thats not true.

this dilemma has been going on for about a week now. us 2 fighting and him saying i was hurting him on purpose but im telling him i didnt know what i wanted and that i care about him and want to be friends and i asked for his forgiveness. I'm practicaly begging him to forgive me. want to know what? because he is my first love. and to be honest, i feel like he and i have unfinished business. (we broke up over nothing really. we went out for a year) i guess you could say i still love him and care about him but he is pretty determined that i was doing this whole thing for revenge since he broke up with me.

any advice on what to do? i've been debating if i should leave him be and let him do what he wants, but i can't stand the idea of him and i not talking. i miss him. i want to be friends with him. i want to prove to him i wasn't doing it on purpose and that i was confused about what i wanted. how do i change his mind? i was thinking about driving over to his house after school to talk to him face to face? i really don't want to lose him because like i said, i feel like we have unfinished business and i dont want to risk losing that. i really care about him and i will fight until i bleed to keep him and make him realize i care about him more than anything and that he should consider forgiving me for my mistakes.

thank you!

First you need to find out what you want, to be friends, or get back together. if you get back together, then you need to prove to him that you love him and that you r sorry for playing him. explain to him that you didnt know what you wanted yet, but now you do. but just sitting in between choices will just put you two further apart and i know you dont want that. if it's just being friends, then if he really likes you, he'll understand, and you'll be friends. he won't want to lose you in its entirety, he'll rather have you as a friend than not at all. gook luck, dont be afraid.

molly

Q: i'm 18 female and my parents and boyfriend and best friend are all talking to me about the future. At first it was ok but now i feel like its gotten way out of hand and i feel like i'm about to lose it!

my parents are talking to me about college (which is fine because i already know what college i'm going to) but then they were talking about moving and studying abroad and studying international school and living there when i'm older like 2 or 3 years from now.

my boyfriend was talking to me about our future together. at first that was fine because i thought it was cute that he wanted to stay together when i was in college. but now he's talking about marriage and where we would live and kids etc. i'm freaking just a kid still!!! i feel like i'm so overwhelmed with him talking about the future and i haven't really given it a thought but it hurts my brain to think about the future

my best friend was talking to me about college (that was fine because we were discussing which colleges we were going to) but then she started talking about how when we are older we could travel together and get an apartment together and be roommates and do everything together. at first i was fine with it because she is my best friend and we are like sisters and i can't imagine life without her.. but now its just weird how we are basically planning our future..

i dont know if i'm overreacting but i just feel so overwhelmed with everything. i do have a lot of stress in my life, so that could be a factor. but i just feel so stressed and anxiety and i wish i could scream at people! help what do i do?

It's ok to be scared of the future. it's a big step and the real world is scary. but, honestly, it's just talk. it never hurts to have a plan. nothing is gonna happen all of a sudden. you got plenty of time. take things slow and you'll be fine. the important thing is for you to be happy, cuz if your not, it is very upsetting. hang in there.

Q: i have been seeing this guy for a month or so..and we are very serious about our relashionship..we both love each other a lot..and the guy has proved to me time and again that he is always gonna love me..and be there for me..i think am ready to take the next step..and go all the way and have sex but the problem is the age thing comes in..i am just about to turn 16..so i dont know if i should do it right now or not?! is it the right time?! is it too early? my guy has left the decision upto me saying that he can wait until the time i dont want to do it .. HELP!!!!!

Absolutly not, i would wait. the reason i say this is because i have seen too many people have sex early and have an accidental baby, and it ruins their lives. trust me u dont want that. then again, if you really LOVE him, the decision is yours, just be safe. but being 16, i dont think you quite know what true love is. hope this helps.

molly

Q: i've had a minor crush on a guy for a couple months, we didn't hang out outside of work, just talked a little at the office. I knew he was going through alot. he told me about how he didn't know what to do with girls. he felt that he just gave and gave and when he needed something they didn't care about how he felt or what he needed. (which is something i've experienced as well... its very discouraging and you begin to think that there are no good people n the world)

he also is in the military and hates his job with a passion... he feels that it is a waste of his talents. he says "i've owned two businesses and employed over 500 ppl, yet they don't trust me to do the simplest tasks because of my rank" ... i was retired from the military because of the extremely OVERWHELMING anxiety i experienced from these SAME feelings.

just knowing what he was going through made me like him even more because not to long ago i was going through the EXACT same thing.

also...after spending 3 years as a lesbian because of bad experiences with guys... we slept together very soon after starting hanging out. I forgot how different sleeping with a man is. I wanted friendship... something casual, that grows naturally with time and when both people are ready... but sex made me scared and feel like i had to be important in his life or i would become a sex object... so i told him we cant do that any more. he agreed, and said he'd still like to hang out.

I still really like him, he's a super sweet guy who's going through a lot. i dont know that i'm ready for something serious... and for sure he isn't either. I think friendship is a good option because I've been where he is... but how do i separate my feelings for him from the friendship? or should i?

Just because the sex made it feel wierd, it doesn't mean that you can't be together. Go with you feelings, if they say i like him then go for it, if they say this is too wierd, then just be friends. i'm sure he will understand.

Q: How do you tell a laid-back guy that you like him? I don't want to do it in as a 'serious talk', I'm thinking to like make a joke in a serious way - if that makes any sense at all... and see how he reacts.
Help? D:

I don't think it's a very good idea to sort of joke in order to go out with him. it may give him the wrong impression, that you are joking that you two should go out. look for some signs as to if he likes you or not. Does he get nervous around you? does he look at you and then immediately look away and then look back again. etc. i think that a serious talk or a friendly talk to tell him your feelings is the best way to go. if that doesn't work then he isn't for you because the one that is for you won't care how you tell him you like him. lol, i think i just contradicted my own advice. lol

Q: My boyfriend broke up with me about a month ago. He was going through a depression and cut off all connections with everyone. He says he needed time alone and that he was no longer happy with anything. First he stopped talking to his best friend. Then all other friends, then he broke up with me. I tried to still be there for him and told him to call me whenever he needed me. But after a couple of weeks of roller coaster emotions and not being sure if he was going to call or not, i decided to end the whole thing. He kept telling me that he will come back one day and that I just need to be strong and move on for now. So thats what I told him that I needed to move on and not to call me anymore unless things were going to be different. he told me he didn't know if he loved me anymore. because he doesn't know how he feels about anything anymore. He said that his depression was getting worse and needed to find jesus. So we said our finally goodbyes 3 weeks ago and haven't talk since

-Other details:
we were really in love and didn't have a bad relationship. Even planned marriage
he was in a depression when we were both in freshman year. He stopped talking to all of friends then too and then later regretted it and tried to get back in contact with them a year later when we started dating.
we are both seventeen and are in our junior year of high school. We were together 9 months but have know each other for 4 years. We liked each other freshmen year but he became very depressed because he was backstabbed by his friends and his first love cheated on him. He cut off all connections with everyone at school then to. He moved schools our 10th grade year. We didnt talk all school year but I texted him out the blue during summer and we began to have a relationship. He tried to get back in contact with the friends he cut off because he regretted doing that to them.
I REALLY MISS HIM AND IN YOUR OPINION DO YOU THINK WE WILL EVER TALK AGAIN? Should I call him or should I wait for him to call me? ( i don't think he will though...thats what scares me..)
he was my best friend and i was his. We talked about everything
Please do not tell me i need to just move on. Because i am doing that. When i am ready to date again. I will do so. But I just really want him in my life again... .. do you think it would be weird if i wait a couple of weeks give him his space... then call him to check on him?
i will do anything to have him in my life again... even if its just as friends. Every night i fight myself to call him and my friends tell me he dosent care anymore. but i have a hard time taking advice from them. He hasnt called me but i do talk to his ex bestfriend (who he cut off contact with too) and he tells me to wait for him because he is going through alot right now. I just dont know what to do anymore.

& please excuse any misspelled words and my grammar I wrote this in a rush..Thank you in advanced

Additional Details
Remember he did this before with his friends then regretted it a year later?

Depression is a terrible thing to have. My mom has is, but she is on medication so it isn't so bad. Is he on medication, if not, then maybe he should try that. But, yeah, he is going through a tough time and he would or will need you more than ever. Don't give up unless he tells you directly or you are put into danger. it's up to you and how much your emotions will let you do to help. don't push your limits. good luck and hang in there. p.s. professional counseling may help him too. try talking to his parents.

Q: I had this boyfriend, and he said it was true love. But we broke up, because I've disappointed him, by believing a rumor that wasn't true, and by cutting myself, and then breaking a promise about not doing it again. He was going to give me another chance but, I broke the promise.

He says he doesn't like anyone else, but he constantly flirts with these two girls at school. I really like him. I should probably say love. So, I really love him, and I want us to be together again. But he says he wouldn't get back together with me until after a year or so. He says his life is really busy but, again, he flirts with those two girls.

What should I do? Should I try and get him back, or should I just move on and give up?

Thanks for the help.

First of all, cutting yourself is never the answer to anything. It just makes you feel worse and it doesn't solve the problem. Second, the guy you like may not be flirting at all. Take this from me, i have friends that are girls and i talk to them in a way that seems to others as if i am flirting with them, but i'm really not. I am just having fun and being a good friend. The guy you like may be doing the exact same thing. As far as getting back together, never give up. There is always hope and until he tells you directly that he doesn't like you anymore, it's not over yet. If you really like him, you will wait the year or so. Bring up your relationship every now and then, but don't come on too strong, don't sound desperate. Hang in there, if you two really like each other, you'll get back together again. Remember, the whole or part of the reason he broke it off was the promise. Prove to him you can keep it again. Good luck.

Q: Junior in high school to be. 16f.

I met this guy in eighth grade and we became really good friends. We had a couple classes together. Unfortunately, when he told me he liked me the summer after eighth grade (I had liked him the first half of eighth grade whereas he liked me the second half), nothing came to be out of it since this other guy liked me at the same time, and I didn't want to hurt the other guy since he was my friend, as well. Although I don't regret making the decision that I did, I definitely have strong feelings for him again after two years; maybe it's better now than two summers ago since recently, we've discovered that we have a lot in common, and we connect better than we have ever before. We've hung out a few times this summer with our mutual friends. I leaned on his shoulder as we lay watching the fireworks on July 4th, and held onto his arm during a movie we watched together. The most memorable time with him was a couple days ago when we watched another movie, and I held onto his arm, just as I had before. In return, he put his hand on my knee. Slowly, though, he reached for my hand and interlocked fingers with me (I read online that that's a signal that he wants to be serious with you), and kept and smiling the whole time. He has complimented me before and helped me with troubles with another recent past crush (the getting over the last guy resparked my interest in this guy), saying that normal guys don't pass up girls as funny, smart, and attractive as I am. My worry is that he wouldn't ask me out again and waste time, especially since that awkwardness a few years back. I'm not ready to tell him I like him just yet, though. What do you think of the situation? Do you think anything will come to be out of it, or am I wasting my time just like on my last crush? I feel like I'm making it pretty obvious I'm interested without being pushy or forward, but is there something that I'm doing wrong or should be doing more / less of?

He's showing all the signs that he likes you. He might ask you out again and if he doesn't, ask him out. Take it slow, i think that aren't being pushy or forward. You're doing just fine. I hope everything works out. It should.

Q: okay so my best friend [ he's a guy ] is leaving in a week to go to an early summer program for college then starting college.. i want to get him something either just for him or for his dorm.. he already has picture frames and stuff and i dont want it to be cheesy... help?

Gifts don't need to be bought. Make him something to remember you by or give him something he'll remember you by. That's not cheesy, it says that he is a great friend and that you'll miss him. It doesn't have to be alot. Something simple will send him the message.

Q: At work, im known as the blonde little girl who is friends with everybody. I answer the phones for the company and nobody takes that postition seriously. I just wish that there was a way that i could get everyone to see that its not that easy dealing with customers calls all day. Any advice on how i can make my co-workers respect me more?

17/f

Explain to them in detail what you have to do, what problems you have to deal with, the customer complaints, saying things to keep a customer with the company. i know it's not that easy and they probably don't know either. Don't let them get to you. If they don't respect you well screw them, who needs them. Right?

Q: 15/F
i've like this guy for a while, since we just started being friends. Since then, we've become much closer friends. Although he is my guy best frien, i've developed strong feelings for him. A few of my other friends say he most likely has feelings for me to, but i don't know whether to believe it or not.Part of me thinks he likes me, but the other part questions that if he liked me, wouldn't he have said or done something about it by now? Should i tell him how i feel in chance that we may have a relationshio together, or should i remain silent, hoping my feelings will blow over and keep our valued friendship? Please help. Thank You :)

Guys are just as shy about their feelings as girls are. If he isn't saying anything that doesn't mean he doesn't like you. Tell him how you feel, if he likes you GREAT! if not then you'll still be friends.

Q: Hi all =) I'm kinda stuck with this guy that I really like. Usually I ask my friends for advice for this sort of stuff but they seem just as confused as I do =/ I'm sorry if this is long!

Basically I know this guy who I really like, I met him through a close friend a couple of months ago and we were just friends at first but we got close and he told my friend he liked me, and his friends told me that he had told them he liked me. So I told him I liked him and he said it back =)

anyway more to the point, lately we have just been talking and kissing, but he when I was at his house with his friends and we had been drinking, he will just go in a mood with me. I used to ignore it b/c he only does it when he's drunk and it doesn't last long. But since the last time I went to his house and he was a bit moody with me when he was drunk, he hasn't spoken to me properly. I have text him and he didn't reply so I left him to it as I gathered he was still in a mood. (His friends say he isn't in a mood with me, and that they don't understand him sometimes). So he text me days later and asked if I wanted to go to his house for some drinks but I couldn't b/c I was working that night. So I text him a day later and asked how he was, and he hasn't replied to me. Does this mean he doesn't like me? I'm so bad at telling whether guys like me, like the worst! I wish guys were simple, i'm sure you girls agree.

I'm sorry this was so long ha! What do you guys think I should do? Some people are telling me to walk away but it's easy to say that when you aren't involved. Thanx =)

It sounds like he is just going through a phase. I don't think it means anything. But if it continues for a long time, then he may not like you anymore. You should still talk to him and be loving and gentle. He'll come around. Don't break it off too soon, give him some time. He may be having family issues or is feeling depressed. If he is, then he will be needing you the most.

Q: my birthday is coming up soon. i can't decide what i want. there are two things that i'm thinking about asking for. i either want this coach purse or an ipod touch. i already have 2 coach purses. the last time i got one though was a little after christmas. so i kind of want a new one. the coach purse i want is soooo adorable, its one of the new poppy ones.. all of those are so cute, actually. i really love coach, its like my favorite thing. but if i'm good and stuff, when my mom goes to buy herself a new purse, she will buy me one too.. so that's my reason why i'd rather have an ipod touch.

the only thing is, i'm not that obsessed with going on the computer. i mean i go on it, like once a day, but i don't know. what do you think is better?

oh.. & if you don't like, like coach purses, replace it with something else you really like..

& if you have ipod touch please tell me anything and everytyhing you possibly can about it!!!

an ipod touch is really handy to have, especially when you are long trips and have nothing to do, plus it costs more than a purse. you should go for the ipod touch. let your parents buy the more expensive thing. you could buy a purse by yourself or like you said with your mom when you are good, plus you have two purses already.

the ipod touch is a music player. you can download songs from the ipod store for the cost of $1.00 each song or you can buy CD's and rip the CD's onto the ipod touch. it also has games and internet. the only thing you can't do is call someone like on a phone. that is what the iphone is for. p.s. the iphone is an ipod touch except it also includes text messaging and phone calls.

Q: 16/f

im the new kid and i no absoutly no one im going to be a junior and im pretty shy so how can i make it easier on myself so im not so nervous

get involved in sports or some other activity. when i was a freshman in high school i went out for soccer and i made tons of friends just by doing that.

Q: This girl and i have known each other for 6 months. She says she dosent like me but still wants to go on dates and says if she liked me she would love to be my girlfriend. She and i planned a date for next week. then an hour later she said she was busy actually. isaid its okay and we would try for another time. She then said nevermind i will just cancel my plans. i told her not to but she did. Then i found out the plans were to hang out with a guy. i told her to just go along with her orginal plans but she inisted that we go on our date. I agreed that we would just go on our date. a little later she text me saying the guy says they really need to hang out and says she cant cancel so she cancels our date. i tell her its okay and i told her to have fun, and she says i will hope u do too. so i said i would by taking some other girl on a date that night. then her other guy friend takes her phone and starts texting me and she lets him be rude and cuss me out and condones his actions. What should i do with our friendship? Is she still worth liking?

Maybe she did try to stop his rudeness but he didn't care. or maybe she was mad at you for taking another girl out. now i know she did the exact same thing but that rule for some reason doesn't apply to us girls. give her another chance, if she does it again then you should break it off. but first explain to her that you don't like that guy to be rude to you like that and that when you have plans she shouldn't make plans with someone else later on.
please tell me what happens and good luck.

Q: my bf and i just had a reaaaaaaaaally rough breakup. we havent spoken in about a week 1/2, and earlier i tried to IM him, making peace, i guess. and he never responded.

i know we probably wont get back together, but i couldnt stand it if we werent at least friends. how long should i give it before i just give up? i dont want to, but i know eventually ill have to. he doesnt seem to have any interest to even talk to me. not even through a computer. what should i do?

I would keep on trying to talk to him. Be kind and say things that a friend would say to another friend. If he continues to not respond then he doesn't want to be your friend and he is being really IMMATURE about this whole thing. You tried and that is all that matters.

Q: Hello.
There is this boy who I've been talking to for about a month or so.He seemed really interested in me and would text and talk to me ALOT.I mean like we'd be texting for like 12 hours.I went on a trip for about 2 weeks and he texted me every single day and i was excited to see him when I got back.When I got back,we talked and hungout and whatnot.He seemed like he liked me.Until recently when he started hanging out with me and my friends as well he told me that he only wanted to be friends and that it would be awkward if we were any more than friends around "everyone else". I think that he just got so comfortable in my group of friends that he started seeing me like a friend! He stopped talking to me as much and began treating me differently(like a friend).
I want to get back to what we were at! Can I get out of the friend zone?
Thank you!

Does he know that you like him as more than a friend, if not, tell him that. Be sweet, cute, and honest. If he doesn't like you back then the worst that can happen is you being friends again. There isn't much else you can really do other than talk to him about how you feel.

-Molly

Q: 16/f

my boyfriend is going to be gone the rest of the summer. i won't be able to see him or talk to him that much. the only thing we have discussed about communication is writing letters. so we plan on doing that. but the thing is, i'm crazy about him. i can't describe it. i'm just so in love with him. ahhhh i dont even know exactly what i'm asking for... i just need advice on how to deal with this. how do i prevent myself from going crazy everyday without talking to him?? i feel like i might jump off a cliff if i don't talk to him. i can already predict that i'm going to cry almost everyday because i will miss him so much.

i'm also asking this- do you think i'm taking this too seriously?? because when i talked to him the past few days, and was around him, it seemed like he wasn't that upset or sad. but here i am, freaking out about how to handle myself.

i'm also scared. i'm scared that when he is away, he will find another girl. i'm scared that he will break my heart. i've never had my heart broken, and i love him sooooo incredibly much, i just don't want to lose him. what do i do???

please and thank you.

- a very confused and in-love girl.

If you have ever seen "The Notebook", the main character Noah writes a letter to his girl every day for a year. Do that or something similar to stay in touch. Him hearing from you often will decrease the chances of him seeing another girl because it tells him you love him and that you care about him and that you miss him. Guys like it when they are missed. it'll make him want to see you as soon as possible. Also tell before he leaves that you love him and that you'll miss him. If he finds another girl, then he is not the right guy for you if he will let a little time apart ruin a good relationship.

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Anyone can ask me anything and i will answer your question honestly and without judging you. I love giving advice and i hope to be a counselor one day. :)