|
Ready For It?
How do you know when you are ready to have sex with someone? I've had a boyfriend for a year sort of. We started dating in July last year, then he broke up with me in April of this year. We got back together in May after he realized he didn't want to be without me. He's not really pressuring me into sex. I know he wants it, but he claims to care too much about me to want to pressure me into doing anything I'm not ready for. I've given him head before but he hasn't done anything for me yet. He's tried, but it didn't go the way we wanted it to. Sorry if I included unnecessary information, but I'd just like to know when or how you know you're ready to have sex.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Sexual Health and Reproduction category?
Maybe give some free advice about: General Sex Questions?
You know you're ready when you're not afraid, when you feel comfortable talking about protection, when you're excited about it, and when you know in your heart you won't regret it.
Also, until you're getting sexual pleasure out of foreplay, I'd hold off. Half the reason to have sex is because it feels good. If the foreplay isn't doing it for you yet, the sex will not be worth having.
I can see you're 14. I think most girls your age feel the same way, wondering if they're ready and feeling unsure. The ones who have sex just to please their boyfriends are the ones who miss out.
As for him trying to please you, female genitalia is harder to figure out than male genitalia. Don't feel like there is anything wrong with you if it didn't go well. To enjoy it, you have to feel comfortable with the situation, with your boyfriend and with giving instructions.
In the meantime, try and focus on your own body and genitals. Learn what makes you feel good. Your sexuality belongs to you and the best way to enjoy sex when you're a grown woman is to learn your body when you're young.
]
Alright I had a best friend (guy) that I loved. We had been best friends for about 4 years, he knew every detail, good or bad, about me. He would know what I was feeling before I knew. I can't even describe how close we were. Anyway! When things finally worked out between us back in October there was one night and we were so close to having sex. Like down to underwear (barely) and in the heat of the moment. I was sure that it was the night I would lose my virginity. What better way than to have sex with your best friend who you'd trust with your life right? Well when it came down to it I was telling myself to go for it but my body completely shut down and I couldn't do it. I tried telling myself that it was alright and that was what I wanted and althought my mind was convinced my body wasn't. Two days later we split up.
A few months later I met my boyfriend. We talked about sex since day one and he always said that he'd never pressure me and he's not expecting anything and he was true to that. Sex was my idea. I reconvinced my mind that I wanted to have sex and this was the guy I wanted to do it with but I was worried that my body would lock up again when it came down to actually doing it. Well the time came and he lit the candles, played the music and put in some real effort into making it really special and memorable for me. My body didn't freeze up like the last time, there were no voices in my head, my mind was clear and free and yeah I had butterflies but that's going to happen. You just have to know the difference between butterflies and nerves. I think nerves tell you something's wrong, butterflies are from excitement and love. Also I always told myself I'd wait until I was at least 17...and I did. If you're under 15 please don't do it. 16 is alright. I think 17 is perfect.
I didn't write all that to bore you with my stories I just wanted to make the point that even if you're really close with someone it may not be right to have sex with them. I don't think you'll really know until it comes down to that moment.
~K~
]
If you are wondering if you are ready to have sex in general, this is my litmus test:
You are ready to have sex when:
Both of you must accept that there is no 100% safe sex. Pregnancy and STDs are always a risk. Always. End of discussion.
You must know how to make that risk as small as possible, that means having spoken to a doctor or nurse about your contraception choices. Reading ALL of the literature that comes with the condom box or your birth control pills is a good start, for both of you. Both of you should know how to use your contraception properly, including, and perhaps most importantly, how to properly use a condom.
You must know what to do if one of those risks becomes reality. Talk to your partner about their views on abortion and/or tell them what yours are. Know what your choices in the case of an STD or pregnancy scare. Know a doctor or clinic you can go too if PlanB is an option for you. Be aware of the laws and policies in your state so you know what sort of treatments your parents must be aware of or consent too, and what ones they don't. If abortion is an option you would consider, look up the nearest clinics. Basically, have a serious talk about the worst case scenario.
You need to know the law. The laws governing what kind of medical attention you can seek (I am thinking specifically abortion and/or PlanB.) You also need to know the laws about who you can have sexual relationships with, and what the Age of Consent is in your area.
You BOTH must be mature enough, and confident enough in your choices to WALK INTO A STORE and purchase whatever contraceptives and or lubes you want. It's strange, but this is the one I find stops teens the most. All the others they go 'Yeah Yeah, I can do that'. But this one stops them. If one of you, is not capable of this, neither of you should have sex. A person who cannot do this, is not ready.
Finally, you have to want too, and you need to want it for it's own sake. It's okay to be scarred and nervous, but you also have to be confident and excited. Do not have sex because you think it will improve a weak or struggling relationship. It wont. Don't have sex because it will bring you closer if you are feeling distanced from your partner. It will only make the distance greater. If you want sex because you think it will make your love stronger, or your relationship more 'real', don't do it. Sex doesn't simplify anything. It doesn't make anything clearer or more real. It complicates and confuses any confusion that was already there. You need to have a relationship that is already strong in order to handle that.
As I'm 'reading between the lines' of your question, I would hazard a guess that you don't really feel ready right now. I wouldn't be ready either if a guy had only gotten back together with me a few weeks ago.
]
More Questions: |