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changing people...
SO many times i have heard over and over that you cant change people. Women cant change men, men cant change women... yet I've seen it happen. Right before my eyes. How is it possible that some of us are exceptions to this rule and some of us ARE the rule???? and how would one know...
I guess I'm just looking for some insight on how this psychology of changing occurs... I would like some opinions. How is it that no matter how stubborn a person is, someone comes along that can change them...and why is it that only that person can, nobody else...
any opinions, personal philosophies, that sort of thing?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I think a person can only be changed by their own will. Sure, someone can inspire them to make that change, but it could be because they fully respect that person. But like I said: nobody can change a person who isn't welcome to changing themselves.
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I don't think people can change other people. The only person who can change you is yourself.
I think people are constantly changing, sometimes more seriously and noticeably than others. For example, this year I changed a lot and my best friend, well, didn't. Long story short, I confronted her on it, she didn't change (because she didn't want to) and it cost us our friendship.
I guess my main point/view on this subject, is that you can only change yourself. You can't change others and others can't change you. But I also think that people are always changing, so it's not always a matter of choice. I guess it depends on the situation. Some things you can control (your actions?) but some things you can't (your maturity, etc.) I hope this makes sense.
-Laura (17-f)
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People do NOT change other people.
Unless it's through torture, coercion or brainwashing.
No love, no hate, no caring will every change a person.
People who are dearly loved die of drugs, alcohol and violence every day.
Women who dearly love their husbands or boyfriends, are beat into a bloody pulp everyday.
Love can bring salvation, but that doesn't mean it always will!
What does sometimes happen is a person will choose to change. They will make the effort to change, consciously or subconsciously, in order to make their own life better.
I know, I'm calling people basically selfish, but it almost always true.
For instance: The man who learns to put down the toilet seat doesn't do it because his wife screams and cries, or because she begs, or asks sweetly, he does it because at some point he recognizes his life will be better if his wife is happier, and makes that choice.
Another example from my own life:
I dated a man for a year who had probably cheated on every other partner he ever had.
I'm pretty damn certain he never cheated on me.
But I was not responsible for this change! We were not so madly in love. In fact, we had a lot of problems right from the beginning.
The only thing I did was, right up front, tell him how I would respond to cheating. I'd slap him, dump him and likely never speak to him again.
Perhaps you could say that knowing exactly what my response would be (and knowing that I almost always did what I said I would) helped him make the choice to change, but in the end, he broke the pattern of self-destructive behavior, not because I tried to make him do to for my sake, but because he saw that he could have a better and happier life if he made different choices.
So one could argue that love can support, enable even inspire change, but by itself, love is completely insufficient to actually create lasting change. Permanent and lasting change has to come from inside the person who wants too change, who sees a better life from themselves after changing and who chooses to change for the better. That is the magical ingredient, and without it, no amount of love will do the trick.
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Personal philosophies, right? Then . . .
(****No Guarantee of Accuracy****)
In my opinion, people change mainly because of 3 reasons: maturity, environment, and emotion.
1. MATURITY
Kid--->Teen--->Young Adult--->Adult--->Father--->Grandfather, and so on so on. Yeah, you know what I mean.
---Example: Me! I am still a stupid teen right now. In the future, I still have a lot of changes to go through.
---Another Example: You! Right now you are 18 years old; take a look back at when you were still a 13-year-old girl and compare that to the current you. So many differences that you hardly recognize yourself, right?
2. ENVIRONMENT
Sometimes in life, we may encounter situations that are beyond our control. And when such times come, we oftentimes do our best to adapt. Influenced by our environment, we change--whether by choice or forced to.
Example: A child who has never seen both of her parents' faces, whose only guardian is her grandmother! Her environment forces her to know and face what others--those of her age--shouldn't . . . yet, and in turns changes her.
Another Example: Yourself! Your parents, how you were raised, your friends, your peers, etc.--all have contributed to make the you today. Now, if (this is just an "if-then" example) you were to hangout with "bad" friends, you will turn bad too.
3. EMOTION
Humans . . . are fragile fragile creatures. When we are in doubt, our minds are easily manipulated. Emotion could twist our heart. We, as creatures born with fragile hearts, could go through drastic changes when painful events (such as losing someone important) or joyful events (such as winning millions of dollars in the lottery) swift through us.
Example: Love! Have you ever been in love? You know, when one day, one day a person whom you have always look at as a close friend--a close friend that is no different from any other close friends--say something dumb to you then do something stupid to you--like saying "I love you," and then kiss you. All the sudden you feel like all of your knowledge, your strength and your martial art have left you, leaving your body wriggling like jello in the refrigerator and your mind as blank as a white sheet of paper. And then that night you feel like everything is messed up, like a simple "maybe we should be just friends" cannot fix anything at all; you start to wonder this and that and so on so on . . . bleh.
Another Example: Yourself! How strong do you think your mind and heart are? How much do you think you would change if your current lifestyle is lost?
(***Oh, and speaking of heart, just a fun medical fact: a broken heart CAN KILL. Yes, that's right, and it has been proven.
So if you want to kill someone, get that person to fall deeply for you, and then BAM! Break his heart HORRIBLY. He's a goner, hahaha.)
So . . . long story short, external influences cause internal changes in a person--sometimes positive, sometimes negative. How much a person changes is depends on how powerful the impact is.
That's my thought,
=)
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Personally, I think the person has to be willing to change. They may seem stubborn on the outside, but inside they're not. I also think the person has to respect the person trying to change them, & should at least think that the person trying to change them is right, & the change is for the best.
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