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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
Hello. I have a very difficult situation and want to remain anonymous please.
I am a 26 year old very devoted Muslim (my father was American Indian and my mother Jordanian). I am married with 2 beautiful girls and a wonderful husband. He works in IT and I am a stay at home mom who is on the internet much too often.
I was raised in Jordan. We went to a very good school and Quran school. I learned to memorize most of the Quran at a young age.
This is the first time I am opening up about this and REALLY need your advice.
My parents sent me and my brothers and sisters to a Quran boarding school for 3 months out of the year every year since I was very little. I learned a lot.
You see I lost my father when I was young (12 years) and the man who headed and taught the school and his wife where very helpful in helping me heal in ways no one ever did!! I loved my father, he was the greatest man I ever knew.
But this teacher that trained me had sexual relations with me since I was a little girl in that school. He was a very kind man who really knew how to teach well. But sadly I had to have two abortions before I was 17 years old. He was the only one I was ever with other than my husband. His wife was the one who took me to get these procedures to save my family and myself the shame. I am very grateful to her for being a mentor and confidant. But this is a shameful thing in my past I never told anyone about. The strange thing is that it has not bothered me or haunted me like I hear on Oprah and others who had these experiences. I do not have ill feelings toward this man and his wife. They are people I still respect because of how ethical and kind they have treated my family through out the years. They paid for all my education and my brothers and sisters as well. They provided meals for us when my mother did not have enough, etc. When we see them as a family we just pretend this stuff never happened. I never bring it up and he or his wife never do. It is all in the past. Until now.
My girls are now in Jordan with my family and they are sending them to the same school to learn the Quran. The same man is still teaching there. I asked around if anyone else had my experience and no one would talk about it. It is a very shameful thing for a Muslim Arab girl to talk about these things!! But my aunt, who is about my age, opened up to me and told me she had similar experiences with this man. She is also married now with five children and wants to leave the past in the past. She begged me not to tell anyone about him and to just leave things as they are since we both went through it and we turned out “OK”. He is still teaching now.
It would be devastating to our family to bring this news out about what he did with me and the other countless girls ?. I would never bring that kind of shame on him, my family or my religion. But I don’t know what to do because now my girls are in that same school. They are young I am concerned that the same thing may be happening to them that happened to me. One of my girls, the oldest is doing private things to her body that he told me to do. I confronted her about it and she does not want to talk about it. She is the same as I was when I was her age. I fear the same thing may be happening to them.
I really want them to learn from this very good school, but I don’t know what to do!! Please advise me at jihan.ali@europe.com
Anonymous
The Answer
I believe your very first, highest moral obligation, is to protect your children from sexual abuse.
If you suspect they are being abused now then you MUST REMOVE THEM FROM THE ABUSER NOW.
There is no other moral course of action. You cannot allow your children to be victimized, for any reason.
Absolutely everything else, all shame and embarrassment, all promises and all secrets, must come second to their safety and innocence. It is your greatest responsibility as a mother and as a moral human being. Nothing should stop you from taking action to absolutely GUARANTEE your girls are not sexually abused. Nothing, not your religion, not shame, not other members of your family, can be allowed to stand in the way of you protecting your children from harm.
I think the best, and most important place to start, is with your husband. Although this will be very difficult for him to hear, he is also their parent and plays an important part in deciding how best to protect your children. He deserves to know they are at risk, and why.
Then, you both must remove them from that school, immediately. You cannot abandon your child to sexual assault. There is no excuse for that. Would you sell your child into prostitution? No, of course you wouldn’t. For the exact same reason you wouldn’t sell her body on the streets, you must remove her from that school.
If you do not wish to be public about your reasons for removing your children, that’s fine. I believe that is wrong. It is wrong to leave all those other young girls as his prey, however, I cannot force you to do anything. I can only beg you to be the mother who values her daughters above her own pride, and removes them from a situation which she knows will harm them. They do not deserve to be harmed because you cannot face your own fears and embarrassments with this issue. If you do not do something, you are as guilty as the man who abuses them.
Find another 'good school'. A school where they are harmed is not 'good'.
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The Question
Ok so I'm 17 years old and my boyfriend is about to be 20 years old. We always talk about how we can't wait to finally live together and start our own live together. Now the only problem I have is that I want to have a baby already. How should I tell him that I want to have a baby? He loves children and we have both talked about how we would like to have a large family together. I know that a baby is alot of work, but I feel that we are ready for it. Please help!
The Answer
Feelings are all well and good. I don’t doubt how much you feel ready and how much you’d love a baby. But Feelings are NOT a plan. And a baby deserves a plan. A baby deserves a life where its parents know where the next meal and paycheque are coming from. Parents who are mature enough to have lived in the world for a bit, even parents who know where a baby fits into the other plans in their life: career, education and travel.
Your desire for children is something you should totally talk about with your boyfriend. But talk about as your desire, and your hope, and start to make those really important plans, like, Who is going to go to school, when? Will we have enough money? Will we need daycare? What kind of house will we need? Where will be live?
Show your relationship, your future child, and yourself, enough respect to wait until you have started your life together, before you add another life to it. You might feel ready, but just like a person who feels ready to buy a house, but has only $100 in the bank; feelings don’t actually make you ready. There is some real, objective stuff you have to get out of the way first. Start those conversations about how you’ll make yourselves ready with your boyfriend. It’s time for those talks. It’s not time for the pregnancy yet.
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The Question
When I was 14 I was dating an 18 year old. I am now 18 and he is now about to be 23. His mom and my mom were really good friends. We dated for about 7 months. We were so good togther and were deeply in love. Being best friends with my mom I decided to tell her that he was smoking pot she was furious and mad our live miserable! We would constantly argue about my mom. One day he just broke up with me I was so hurt. I had always had a great realationship with his family so when I came across his mom at school over a month ago I was stoked! She asked for my number and we have kept in contact since. I visit her once a week. He no longer lives at home anymore so I haven't seen him since we broke up 4 years ago. He told his mom he still likes me but he always tries to avoid being there if he know I'm there or on my way there. Which is fine cuz I'm there to see his family but it bothers me that he avoids me! Should I just give my hopes up and stop trying to see him and hopefully get back together or should I just be patient. I feel like I'm kissing up to him if I keep trying.
The Answer
Yep, you are definately being a bit of a doormat to keep holding out hope after four years... That't not patient, that's just stupid.
Give up on him and keep mum about it. If he wants to run away from you, fine. That's his choice. Your choice is to move on and develop interests in other people.
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The Question
so theres this web page that offends me. i saw on you tube you can shut a web page down but i am no computer geek so i need help i need some one to take down the web site. please any one?
The Answer
We probably can't help you, because shutting down a website simply because it offends you, would mean attacking it, or otherwise behaving immorally or illegally to crash it.
I could say that weight loss pills advertising offends me, and I hate their web pages (and it does and I do!) but that's not good enough. Just like there are still sites on evolution and websites that have spells on them, even tho these offend some people, they are still allowed to exist. You can't just say 'It offends me, take it down!' That is not in line with the principals or laws that protect free speech. We are allowed to offend one another, within reason.
HOWEVER, if the the content is illegal, or harassment and slander of someone, or needs to be removed because it's harmful like that, ask another question outlining the exact problem (don't send a link if it's really inappropriate content) and people will be able to point in the direction of the proper authorities to report the particular problem too.
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The Question
Im 20 years old and I want my boobs bigger without the surgury..any wayy i can???
The Answer
You can gain weight, get pregnant, or building up your chest muscles will work a little bit...
But basically, no. There are no products, no diets, no pills, no magic spells, that will make your boobs bigger or make your arms shorter, or make your ears smaller. Bodies just don't work like that.
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The Question
Can a vigin have a STD? I was reading someone's answer here on Advicenators and they said that virgins can also carry STDs and spread them to new partners. The person even said that some babies are born with STDs or something and pass it to you later as adults if you have sex with them. Is that true or what?
The Answer
It's true, but uncommon, that a baby can inherit an STD from the mother. Herpes is the big one that can be transferred this way and doctors are pretty good at avoiding it during delivery if they know it's a risk. Obviously there are other as well, but like I said, it's uncommon.
There are also a few STIs that can be transferred without sex. There are types of herpes that happen on the soft pallets of the mouth, like the lips, and many kinds of HPV aren't actually STIs, like warts on your feet, and they can be picked up without sex (obviously, who has sex with feet?).
This is the reason regular check-ups and STI checks for sexually active adults are always important. But most important is simply to practice safe sex. You could spend your whole life dodging every possible little thing that could go wrong, and still get caught by honest ignorance. But if you aren't practicing safe sex, with partners you know and have some trust and respect with, your chances go through the roof for contracting an STI.
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The Question
My boyfriend hasn't been tested for STDs in a few years. I think he was tested when he was 16 because he found out his girlfriend at the time had herpes. He tested negative for herpes and everything else then, I guess, because he didn't say anything came up positive.
Well, he's had sex with maybe like 5 girls since then and so maybe 7 girls altogether. I've had sex with 2 guys and have never had a STD test because I'm only 17 and the guys I've been with before told me that they're clean.
I have a few bumps on the inner part of my vagina lips though. I don't remember having them a year ago though. My boyfriend said it looks like a couple of the other girls he's been with and it's probably nothing to worry about. The bumps don't hurt or anything but they're pretty noticable and they aren't going away. My boyfriend doesn't have these bumps though and the other guy I had sex with didn't have the bumps. I saw my best friend's vagina before though (don't ask!) and she didn't have bumps like this.
Is it normal to have bumps in the vagina?
The Answer
Go to a doctor for an STI test and an exam.
Bumps can be harmless, or they can be STIs. There are number of things the bumps *could* be, so I'm not going to start throwing out a diagnosis here, because I'm not a doctor and I haven't seen you. But if you are 17, sexually active you really ought to have an STI test and gyno exam even if you didn't have a concern. It's just part of being a sexually healthy adult.
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The Question
Okayy so first off I am 17 and a female. And please don't say that I'm too young to be havin sex or whatever. Anyways my last period ended like January 10th and me and my boyfriend had sex on the 12th. We used a condom but we only did it for literally like 5 seconds cause we heard his mom coming upstairs. But when he pulled it out we noticed the condom was broken. He said that he was not even close to cuming and he didn't feel Any pre cum come out but I'm still really paranoid that like there could have been pre cum before he put he condom on or something. Idk I'm just paranoid right now cause I have to wait like 20 days for my next period. Do you think I could be pregnant ?
The Answer
Yes, it's possible. Very unlikely, extremely unlikely, only a little more likely than 'impossible'.
The best thing you can do is try not to worry too much. Putting a great deal of stress on yourself is a good way to delay your period and cause even more stress.
Wait it out, and read up on how to properly store condoms and apply them. Doing one of those two things wrong is the most likely reason to have a condom split. So take your fear and do something productive with it: Like learning how to decrease the chances of this happening again.
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The Question
Alright then... This is gonna be long but, main topic: sex. Here's whats up. When me and my girlies were like ten haha we made this dinky little pact/promise that we would wait for marriage to have sex. And since then thats what Ive always wanted. I am a pretty strict catholic so not only is that like a big rule in the church, Ive just wanted it done that way. I wanted my first time to be with that special guy that Ive waited my life for, and will spend the rest of it with him. I'm a sucker for that romantic stuff hahah. Plus to me (tooootally not passing judgement here) Ive always found it kind of trashy to have sex in highschool. Not that I look down on anyone or think any differently of those who have, thats just what Ive always thought for myself, if that makes sense. Then again, when I made that pact and when I thought those things, I didn't have a boyfriend, I had never even kissed a boy. Those same girls have been my buds since pre-k and were still tight. I know they still want to wait... There are four of us girls k? Ones had two relationships, both wierd and awkward and not very physical, and the other has had a realllllly fast moving relationship and I'm not quite sure how far they went, could be third base, I don't know. And the last has only kissed. (Were fourteen/fifteen; freshmen by the way). Well I've been dating this awesome guy for like four months (Ive been friends and known him for much much longer) and we haven't gone past second base, skimmed third... kinda... hahaha. Anyway. The thing is, I find myself wanting to have sex with him. Badly. Maybe its just lust and its all stupid and dumb but I want to. Guys have tried to have sex with me before, and I wasn't ready. And when I started dating my current boyfriend (who is sixteen; sophomore) I let him know that I am not ready for sex. And he's totally cool with that. He's amazing, hasn't pressured or pushed it AT ALL, this is all me here. But I want to do it. But I don't know... there are certain things that make me not. The fact that its going against my religion, I KNOW my friends would totally not be cool with it, and I don't know, I'd feel dirty. But I want to. I want to so much. I love him and I think I'm ready. Maybe I need a reality check. So give it to me guys. Talk me out of it. Do something cuz I don't know what to do...
The Answer
You should always live by your values and principles.
But before you can do that, you need to know what those values and principles are.
If you truly believe that sex belongs in a marriage, then you aren't ready for sex, because you aren't married.
If you believe that you ARE ready for sex, then you need to rethink your position about pre-marital sex, and understand why you’ve changed your mind and why your values and principles have shifted.
Please don’t kid yourself here: You are probably not going to marry this boyfriend. It’s just unlikely. Very few people marry the person they date when they are 15. If you sleep with him, it’s very likely that you will sleep with other people in your life. How do you feel about that possibility? Do you think that sexual intimacy is something you only ever want to share with one person?
What else does ready mean to you? Does ‘ready’ include protection? Knowledge of risks and how you will handle those risks? In my mind, ready should definitely include a trip to the doctors, knowledge of how to properly use your chosen contraception, access to that contraception, and an idea of what to do if a risk becomes reality.
I’m all for pre-marital sex. I have no problem with it at all. Hell, I practice it. My only concern is that you do what you feel is right without any unrealistic ideas cluttering you up and accept your own changing opinions before you get in too deep. If you are comfortable with your own decision, it will matter less what other people think.
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The Question
Okay, so I know this does sound really mean, but I cannot stand my boyfriends sister. I've been with him for a year now. I'm 16, he's 17 and his sister is 10. I can't even explain what it is about her that winds me up so much. We actually had a good relationship to start with, and we did get on really well. She was brought up to be polite and nice and that but, up until a few months ago she's just been so needy and clingy and sucking upto my boyf soo much than she used to. Like, the other day was a snow day at school so we weren't in, so I went round his house during the day, but I wasn't feeling well, and he knew this. But, I only had about an hour and a half with him that day and we played xbox for about half an hour, then his sister insisted on him going out in the garden with her. He did ask me but, obviously I wasn't feeling well so I really didn't want too. But he still went outside with her knowing I only had a little longer left there! Now, I did think this through and to begin with I thought I was being selfish, but after a while I realised that he could of done that any other time! He can't exactly see me alot, yet he lives with his sister?? :/. The thing is, it isn't my boyf, she's always the one asking to do something with him when I'm there. I don't exactly see him that much during the week, 2 days at the maxium and thats from about 4 til 6 or 7pm maybe.
Sorry, abit off track there. So anyway, recently she's been like slyly insulting me. Like, when just me and my boyf were playing xbox (like split screen, top and bottom) and she knew damn well that he was top screen and she said "oh whoever's top screen is so good" then looked at me and said "no offence". And whenever me and my boyf just want to spend time together she always interferes. For example, we were watching a film in his room and about 5 mins after it finished we were quite tired and she came into his room and said can we watch this film in here. I know it was wrong but I was being annoying throughout the film, but it actually gave her no right to tell me to "shut up".
I feel so bad for disliking her this much, I mean she is only 10 and my boyf loves her, obviously, and I know it'd be different if it was my little sister. I do try to get along with her but she just throws it back in my face (quite literally the other day, me her and my boyf were having a snowball fight, me and her against my boyf although she kept on throwing snowballs at me....??). Tbh, I'm just fed up of it. Not just her, but me not liking her.
I can't tell my boyf about all this though, it would cause extreme awkwardness whenever I'm at his house and I just really don't know how to explain this to him without sounding selfish and like I only want him to spend time with me. Because it's really not like that, I just want to see more of him without his sister there.
I guess this is more of a rant than a question, but I really don't know what to do :/
Help!?!?
The Answer
If you aren't willing to talk to your boyfriend about this, then there is really nothing you can do but rant.
It's tough for siblings, especially when they are much younger, to understand what a 'relationship' is. If you don't step up a bit and say tell your boyfriend that you are getting a bit annoyed with her constant presence and feel like she doesn't like you... while then you are shit out of luck.
Because there is nothing you can do to change her behaviour. As you’ve noted: It doesn’t even really need to change. She is ten after all, she is going to be selfish and attention grabbing to an extent, and your are in her home and she’s going be around. Your boyfriend is the one who has to navigate through this and make sure that everyone’s needs (yours, hers AND HIS) are being met as best as possible. He can’t do that if you don’t speak up about needing more time alone with him, and he is unlikely to help his little sister learn boundaries if no one ever tells him he ought too.
The only other thing to do is to take charge and manufacture the alone time you want: Take a walk, go to a bookstore, see a movie, go to an arcade, get out of the space that is as much hers as it is your boyfriends.
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The Question
My best friend of 6 years. Really did me wrong last night. She wrong on her statis on facebook. "mynamehere,Is a dirty slut & a liar"
Then all my friends started attacking it and writeing on it and curseing her out. but then she got mad, nd wrote all over my wall,4 paragraphs.On everything sexual ive done,My weight,nd alot of other stuff.I got so mad.Like so mad. Then for some reason my mother got in it.And started curseing on it. And all this 15 years olds didnt like it.So they were telling my mom to square up & what not.When i read all of this today.I was like how stupied can people be?
But any way.I really don't know what to do.i did talk to her cause her mom called the school and tryed to say that i started it when i had to proof she did.So were not friends anymore.BUt i kinda want to get back at her.Or will that let me down to her leval.What should i do?
The Answer
Delete everything that appears on your wall that you don't want there, and than let it go.
People love drama, espcailly drama they don't even have to deal with face to face.
Right now, you have the high ground in this. If you try to 'get back' at her, you WILL be sinking down to her level, and this thing that you hated so much happening, will happen agian, and probably be even less controllable than the first time, and the only one to blame will be you.
Don't sink, and don't stir up more public trouble for all those little drama seekers to latch onto and share thier useless little opinions over. Simply walk away, literally and figuratively, while you have the high ground.
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The Question
Okay so, This boy that i am in love with, the girl thats treats him bad just broke up with him becauze they do not get along.So now i thought we would go out cuz he told me we would. But he is now like.I am only useing you for sex,& you let me. I cant help my self he is like a drug to me for 2 years now. Should i let him go? Or should i keep trying?
The Answer
He told you he is just using you for sex.
What would you 'keep trying' at? There is nothing to 'try' for. This is not a relationship. He told you straight up that you are just a quick fuck.
Either learn to help yourself, resist him and let it go, or continue on as his casual plaything. Your choice.
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The Question
soooooo pretty much my best friend was fightnig another girl because she slept with his boyfriend. so she has to go to court. buttttt i was wondering if i can get in trouble for a few things too.
1. i videotaped the fight. and my best friend had my phone and sent it to 2 people and it got around the school
2. i drove us there and had 8 people in my car. im only 16 so thats not allowed. can i still get charged with that if i tell the court that?
3. on the video you can hear me say "aw why you cryinnnn" in a sarcastic kind of mean voice. and i was egging my friend on. can i get in trouble for that?
and are they going to check my phone for the video in school because my friend told the security that i deleted it but i really didnt
THANKSSSS!
The Answer
Yes, you can get in trouble.
You can get in trouble for driving with too many people in the car.
You can get absolutely get in trouble for allowing, encouraging, and recording a fight.
And I hope you do.
What you did was violent bullying, dangerous and cruel. You deserve to be punished.
Frankly, it might go easier for you if you hand over the video willing, and admit everything, and apologize up front.
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The Question
I'm 19, my boyfriend is 21. I still live at my parents house, as I attend a local college. My boy & I are in a long distance relationship, & haven't met yet, but are scheduled to in mid-march.
I just told my dad about it today, because I planned on buying my plane ticket tmrw. He freaked out horribly, told me I'm banned from talking to this boy, end it now, blah blah blah. But, I'm terrified that if I don't do what he says, I will be kicked out of the house, & I'm not finanically able to live on my own yet.
My boyfriend lives in the UK, I in America, and I'm going to have to tll him we have to break up. This is killing me, I'm going to be severely depressed, I can already tell. And I know he will too. I need advice on what to say to him?? I do love him, but I can't go against my dads wishes. Btw, my dad has his mind firmly made up, & there is no way I could continue on with my boyfriend. I mean, maybe years down the line, when I am financially independent, and can make my own decisions. :/ But I don't see that happening, after I break this news to him. :(
Please help!! :(
The Answer
Did you actually, seriously, want to be with this guy? Because your actions here make me feel like you were probably ready to end this relationship anyways...
You just told your overbearing father today, that you are in a relationship with someone online and, apparently without feeling the need to mention this before, you had made plans to buy a plane ticket, travel across the planet, alone, to meet this guy.
At 19, I'm sure you are not an idiot. You knew how your father was going to react to this revelation. You knew it wasn't going to go well. You did know you weren't going to get his blessing right?
No matter how much your father might have over reacted on this, if you were my 18 year old living at home, I would also be telling you that you may peruse that course of action over my dead body.
So, my question to you, is if you really wanted to be with this guy, why didn't you make a plan to visit him that might have actually had a chance in hell of working?! Like warming up your Father to the idea over several months? Like getting a friend or group of friends together who might want to go? Like investigating a semester at a school near him?
Be honest with this guy: You can't be in a relationship with him. Deep down, I'd bet you didn't even want to be with him before you spoke to your father, but your father's anger gives you the perfect out. End it as honestly as you are able too, and move on with your life.
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The Question
18/m
Im in college. Me and my girlfriend were long-distance. we saw each other over summer but waited six months until we visited again last week. during that six month waiting period I gradually went from being in love with her to to not really enjoying talking to her for too long. I thought that when we saw each other again in December that things would be better but they were not. Im not sure If I was just over-worrying or if I genuinely didn't enjoy my time with her because there were times when we had a lot of fun, we were laughing and joking and getting along. but other times, I couldn't enjoy myself because I was too worried about how much I would miss her when we parted.
Because things didn't get much better, I decided that maybe it would be best if we went our separate ways. I had already decided that if things weren't better when we were together again that I would break up with her. We were best friends is the thing and we're still on good terms with each other so its not like I can't talk to her, but I just think I need a buffer. She has completely respected my personal space since I told her I needed it, so its she's not the problem. I'm just having a hard time dealing with not talking to her. Im not sure if I really miss her or if I really miss not having someone there but Its one of those two. I don't feel like I could get back together with her because I think things would still be all crappy. I just don't know what to do. Is it a bad Idea just to call her to talk for a few minutes? We are still friends. She would like it if I called Im sure.
If someone maybe has a good way of dealing with this loneliness or something because I really don't want this to affect my studies.
Thanks
The Answer
Don't lean on her at this time.
You'd be doing both you, and her, a disservice to use her as a crutch in handling in your loneliness. Not only would you be risking confusion on her part, you'd be slowing down your own transition and movement out of this relationship.
You are not actually 'friends' at the moment. You are exes. You might be friendly exes, and that is great, but it will be several months before you can responsibly and respectfully pursue a friendship with her with a clear head and honest intentions.
It would not be a bad idea to call her and talk for a few minutes if your intention was to see how she was, or follow up on a past conversation, or any of the hundreds of reasons one friend might call another. But too call your ex because you are lonely is not a good intention. To call them cause you miss talking to them, is also not okay. It is fundamentally selfish, it would be using her (despite her appreciating it), it would be a mixed message and it would be self-defeating.
The hard time of not speaking to an ex, of not having the same intimacy, or the same knowledge of their life, and of just not having the relationship as something to do, is the very important penalty for breaking up with someone, and that is something you must accept. You don't get a “buffer” on your requested personal space. You don't get personal space but only so much, when you end it with someone. You get all the space and time in your life they used to require, back.
Reach out to other friends or groups in the university. Develop other interests and lean on other people to help you make this difficult transition. Give her the space to deal with your absence and the end of your relationship. And take the space you made, the space you wanted, the space you demanded when you ended the relationship, to accept her absence and process the end of your relationship.
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The Question
I'm 18 and a virgin -- no man's penis or fingers had ever entered my vagina. However, once my boyfriend and I were making out and I only had boyshorts on and he only had boxers on, but we didn't dry hump, he only came in contact with me for for less than twenty seconds. I stopped him and after checking himself, he assured me that he was fully dry and hadn't let any cum or "pre-cum" go, but we stopped anyway. I'm still worried that this could somehow make me pregnant. It was only 10 days ago, so it's too early for me to even have a clue. Is there any possibility?
The Answer
Semen from the male must at least come in contact with the vaginal fluids of the female for pregnancy to occur.
Semen isn't smart. It doesn't know which way to go. It can't navigate it's way through fabric or across dry skin. It needs fluid to travel in, either it's own or the woman's.
You cannot be pregnant from what you've described.
You might not like to hear this, but if you are this nervous about pregnancy, you aren't ready for that degree of sexual contact. It's not, never, worth this degree of concern or stress. Stay fully clothed until you are a bit more comfortable with limits and the functioning of your body. You aren't ready for this degree of intimacy if it causes you this degree of anxiety.
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The Question
Sometimes, I wake up in the middle of the night in my baby sisters room over her crib with a spoon, screaming random things. It's really concerning me. It happens at least twice a week, and its always in my sister's room. I'm confused because 1) Where did the spoon come from? (I don't keep any in my room..) and 2) What is wrong with me? My doctor said it was just sleep walking, but I think there's a psychological issue there somewhere.
The Answer
There is not really an established connection between sleepwalking and any deep psychological issues. In most cases, it's not even stress related. People who are perfectly mentally healthy sleepwalk, just like people who are perfectly mentally healthy have nightmares or night terrors or any other odd sleep behaviour. It's just a little bit of mis-wiring while you are asleep that has little bearing on anything else. If you think you have a mental health issue, it is likely a completely separate issue from your sleep walking.
If you are worried about your mental health, see a therapist. A sensible one who will talk to you about what is actually happening when you are awake, what you are thinking and feeling, not one who jumps to assumptions about things that you can't control or even remember while you are asleep.
If you are finding your sleeping walking worrisome, go back to your doctor and explain your concerns and ask for techniques (medication, diet ectra) or medication, to stop the sleepwalking.
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The Question
so iv been goin g out with this guy for 2months now and we ve both fallen for eachother.yes i know it didnt take long to fall for him but it is how it is.anyway we started to get physical about a weeks ago.were not having sex yet but i gave him head and he sucked on my tits and rubbed himself against me etc.i have a few questions...
1. why am i not turned on?i should be,hes touching me and feeling me up and i think hes extremely hot and all but im just not turned on!like weve been physical almost everyday for the past week...
2.it kinda feels like now he just wants to hang out to get physicla.i mean every time we hang out he takes me out for a drink then we go and get physical and do all that stuff and then we hang out abit more.but before when we werent physical it felt like he actually wanted to spend time with me for me,not for any physical action.am i being used?
overall whats to do?please just advice nothing judgemental
im 21/f
The Answer
If you've 'been physical' with him everyday for the past week, you are probably right that it's the only thing he really wants and expects when he gets together with you. The only way to fix that is to start spending time with one another again, and remind you both that you like eachother's company as well as bodies.
As for why you are not turned on, no one but you can answer that question. Maybe you are stressed out or overtired. Maybe doing this all the time has made you a bit bored with it. Maybe his approach just doesn't get you going.
When it comes to figuring out your own sexual arousal, you are the only expert.
So give your responses to him some serious thought, and ask for what you want in your relationship, including more time just enjoying eachothers company.
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The Question
ok so i have a bf that im soo inlove with.weve made a plan for ourselves that we want to get married in 3 years once iv graduated and worked alittle etc.
2days ago i told my parents about my bf.at the time my parents were both good with everything and happy for me.my dad (bless him) even called my bf just to say hi and stuff.now everythings changing.my dad hasnt said much but my mother is driving my crazy!shes trying to talk me out of being with him because shes scared hes going to control me and shell never see me again after we get married etc.shes asking me all these questions about him and when i sy "i dont know"she makes it as if i dont know him well enough etc.i know i should just bring him home and introduce him properly but i cant with the wway my mother is reacting im scared my bf is going to get scared and leave.i dont know what to say to my mother.shes really pissing my off!my bf has anger issues and gets angry quickly.hes never been angry with me yet but she thinks hes going to get angry at me and hit me or soemthing.she thinks hes not going to be good to me.i dont know what to do or what to say because im angry at her for telling my brother about my bf when i told her not to tell anyone because i wnate dto tell him myself when i was ready now my brother is angry because i didnt tell him and kept it from him.
i dont know what to do or say..its driving me further and further away from my mother.sorry but right now i cant stand her.
i need major advice before i say soemthing ill regret!
thank youu
The Answer
If your boyfriend is scared off by your parents, you shouldn't be marrying him anyways. A guy who runs because of parents isn't mature enough, and doesn't love you enough, to be your husband.
Introduce them NOW.
You made a mistake by keeping them apart and by keeping it secret from other family members. Secrets are suspicious and worrisome among family. You are going to pay for that mistake with a bit of extra discomfort when they finally do met, but suck it up; it’s your payment to make, and it’s the only way to heal the breach and begin to build trust between you, your boyfriend and your mother.
Your mother might be annoying, but she isn’t wrong. You’ve asked her to accept a complete stranger as being a person worthy of the rest of your life. She deserves a bit of evidence to back up such a huge and serious claim besides “But I Love him Mom!”
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The Question
ok so i had the begings of a yeast infection and sex with my boyfriend and every thing was fine and like a week or to later he textes me saying he was washing and found something he didnt tell me what it was but he wasnt my first and never had any complaints and now hes furious but im fine my yeast infections gone soooooooooooooooooo could it have been contatious or what
The Answer
Although it is technically possible for a guy to contract a yeast infection from a woman, it's pretty damn unlikely, and perhaps more importantly, he wouldn't have 'found something'. Yeast infections leave no marks, they simply itch like damn hell. Maybe a bit of redness, but it's the itching you 'find' first, which makes me a bit suspect of what your boyfriend said.
Tell him go to a doctor before he wags any fingers at you. It's true you shouldn't have sex when you have a yeast infection, but it's a bit unlikely that he contracted it, and it's completely curable.
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