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mother and my bf!!
ok so i have a bf that im soo inlove with.weve made a plan for ourselves that we want to get married in 3 years once iv graduated and worked alittle etc.
2days ago i told my parents about my bf.at the time my parents were both good with everything and happy for me.my dad (bless him) even called my bf just to say hi and stuff.now everythings changing.my dad hasnt said much but my mother is driving my crazy!shes trying to talk me out of being with him because shes scared hes going to control me and shell never see me again after we get married etc.shes asking me all these questions about him and when i sy "i dont know"she makes it as if i dont know him well enough etc.i know i should just bring him home and introduce him properly but i cant with the wway my mother is reacting im scared my bf is going to get scared and leave.i dont know what to say to my mother.shes really pissing my off!my bf has anger issues and gets angry quickly.hes never been angry with me yet but she thinks hes going to get angry at me and hit me or soemthing.she thinks hes not going to be good to me.i dont know what to do or what to say because im angry at her for telling my brother about my bf when i told her not to tell anyone because i wnate dto tell him myself when i was ready now my brother is angry because i didnt tell him and kept it from him.
i dont know what to do or say..its driving me further and further away from my mother.sorry but right now i cant stand her.
i need major advice before i say soemthing ill regret!
thank youu
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You're going to have to introduce them sometime. Its not exactly an emergency situation unless you're living at home, I'd say talk with your mother and tell her that you're grown enough to date whom you choose and that she's going to have to respect that. If you were 15, it would be a bit different, but you're in college, you can date whom you choose.
Your dating life is not their business, and its not your job to tell them any more about it than you wish to. Getting engaged or married is about the only exception there, you should tell your family that, but you don't need to tell them "hey, I've been dating this guy for four months and things are getting serious"
You need to assert yourself. You're 20, its time to tell your mother that you are an adult and will act like one with regards to your privacy and personal life, and that if she is going to get angry at you for telling her things that you are only going to tell her less, and there's nothing she can do about it.
I will, however, give you a warning in turn. Anger issues will out. If you haven't had a fight, you will, and he will at some point lose it around you. You both need to be prepared for that, because fights happen. No two people have ever or will ever be perfect matches with no gaps, flaws, or differing opinions about life and how you live it. Bridging these gaps is the biggest part of what being with someone is, and if you two haven't left the honeymoon phase yet, don't think its going to last forever.
[Edit]
I wanted to specify something.
Your boyfriend will hopefully be trying to make a favorable impression. Thats how he's supposed to act. That said, parents seldom act the way they're supposed to act, they forget the concepts like "our kids are growing up" and "our daughter needs to learn to make her own decisions and mistakes" and will try to control or comment on your life based on what they value in life and disregard what you value.
This is entirely common, and its not your job to be an emotional punching bag because your mother is a control freak. If that is the situation, put a stop to it.
Do the best you can for a favorable impression, but don't take your mother's shit because she wants to see you married to a guy she thinks is right for you and is willing to be a dick to get what she wants.
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you need to sit both of your parents down and explain to them. You don't plan on getting married for at least 3 years at the earliest. That gives your plenty of time to get to know him and make sure he is the one for you. tell your mother that you love her very much and no one is going to make you stay away from her and if they were to try they obviously are not the one for you. inform her that you would like them to meet your boyfriend but not the way they are actting. if they have questions answer them calmly if you do not know the answer tell your mom hm that is something i havent asked him. inform her that you will ask and find out.
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If your boyfriend is scared off by your parents, you shouldn't be marrying him anyways. A guy who runs because of parents isn't mature enough, and doesn't love you enough, to be your husband.
Introduce them NOW.
You made a mistake by keeping them apart and by keeping it secret from other family members. Secrets are suspicious and worrisome among family. You are going to pay for that mistake with a bit of extra discomfort when they finally do met, but suck it up; it’s your payment to make, and it’s the only way to heal the breach and begin to build trust between you, your boyfriend and your mother.
Your mother might be annoying, but she isn’t wrong. You’ve asked her to accept a complete stranger as being a person worthy of the rest of your life. She deserves a bit of evidence to back up such a huge and serious claim besides “But I Love him Mom!”
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