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If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.

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Laura/22/England



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advice

16/m
Hi- I had sex with my boyfriend about 3 months ago without realizing he had HIV.. I asked him..and he lied and told me he didn't have it..
So- When I went for my yearly doctor check-up(last week).. my doctor wanted to give me an HIV test because I'm homosexual..
and it came out positive.. and I know its from my boyfriend because he's the only one i've had sex with.. ever..
So should I be mad at my boyfriend? or should I be mad at myself because I didn't know he had HIV...

Also- my doctor told me that my HIV is going to result in AIDS in about 5 years..

Please help!
-Jason

I'm sorry to hear what you've been through. and if you should be mad at anyone, it's your boyfriend for lying to you. He knew he had it, yet still had sex with you.
Unless of course he was uncertain himself, then you're both really to blame for not being tested.
Seeing as you can't change the past and what's done is done, you will have to learn to live with it and prepare for the future. Do your research, keep healthy and go for check ups when necessarry.

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Can you get pregnat if a guy doesnt insert his penis in your anis and you never had sex vaginal sex before but he had his penis like really near your anis and it was really close to going in?

It depends HOW near his penis was.
and if ANY cum could have got to your vagina.
If you think it's possible, a pregnancy test wouldn't hurt anybody.
But it's very unlikely.
Next time, be more careful.

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whats better friend with benefits or girlfrined? cause i can have a girlfriend or friend with benefits and i really liek both and both like me but i donno which i want cause if i choose to stick with friend with benefits then the girl will get mad at me but if i date the girl then the other will get mad at me

Having friends with benefits can give you a reputation.
Plus, would you really like the idea of knowing the friend with benefits could be seeing lots of other people without you knowing?
I can't give you an answer here as I don't know the people.
But if it's commitment you're after, you know what to go with.
Follow your heart.

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ok well my boyfriend and i had unprotected sex and he pulled out a while before he came. and i didnt feel any pre cum or anything goin inside me. so is there still a possibility im pregnant?

Yes, you could be. Doesn't matter if you didn't feel it. The possibility is still there you could be pregnant, because you were foolish enough to have unprotected sex.
Get a pregnancy test to put your mind at ease.

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hi, Im new to this site, but i just really need some advice.
its my first year in highschool, and I am beyond nervous. I suck at all sports, and next semester I have gym first period. What do we learn in gym in grade 9? Like, I cant hit a volleyball over the net or do a cartwheel.. Also, i will be all sweaty, and my hair takes an hour to dry, so what will I do every morning?

Thank you

Firstly, welcome to Advicenators!
It's normal to be nervous about your first day. Don't let the fact you have gym first thing make you unhappy about school. It's better this way. It gets it over with as first periods normally go quicker.
Sadly, in England, our sporting activities are different to yours, so I can't be 100% certain on what you will be doing.
and don't panic if you aren't that great at sports! If you try your best and dedicate yourself to the lesson, the teachers and other people on your teams etc will be proud of you. Not everyone is amazing at sports, so you won't be the only one feeling this way.
and now the bad thing about having gym as first period is the feeling of being uncomfortable for the rest of the day.
Are you forced to use the showers? Don't wash your hair if it will take long to dry. Or if you don't mind putting it up whilst it's wet, have it like that. Make sure you take deodorant and a change of some items of clothing if you wish.
I wouldn't worry about it too much. Alot of people will be in the same boat as you!
See how your first gym lesson goes.
Best of luck. If you need further advice, feel free to ask.

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ahh i can't wait! i obsess over christmas bcause thats when i get to see my crush (at camp) i don't care about anything anymore, i dont care about how i look, or what i do.. all i care about is that during christmas i have to be perfect. nothing really matters for me anymore because it feels like only christmas matters! if that makes sense? haha i just want to see him so badly! so what's my question?
i have a few..
1) is this healthy?
or should i maybe get over it?
2) what can i do to make the days go faster?
more specifically: is it a bad idea to count the days?
will that make it so that it feels like time goes slowly, or the otehr way around.. like the days just fly by??

thanks advicenators :D

To make the days go faster instead of only focusing on Christmas, get outside, see your friends etc etc. Activities will speed up the days alot more than sitting there hoping for Christmas to hurry up and come.
As for it being healthy, it's only natural to be excited about seeing your crush, but it seems like it's getting in the way of your every day life, as you've said you don't care about anything else any more, such as your appearance and what you do. You need to change this if you can!
Christmas will be here before you know it.
So don't let this crush stop you doing things, get out there and time will fly!
Feel free to ask away if you'd like further advice :)

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I need help on fashion. I usually wear baggy clothes and I dont know how to mix n match things. I like cutesy stuff but when I wear it, it seems weird.

Is there any websites with fashion pictures? So maybe I can try to copy that look. What are some stores that i should go to? urban outfitters?

It seems weird because you aren't use to it, meaning you probably aren't comfortable in it.
Don't dramatically change your wardrobe from the usual baggy clothing to "cute clothing". Buy one new item at a time to help you get used to it. Get accessories to go with it too.
Don't worry about mixing and matching, it's pretty simple.
Find some shirts etc you like, all of them will go with jeans etc. Just look at the colouring and styles :)
As for fashion pictures, buy a fashion magazine and steal some of the styles in there. They're all up to date too, so you can be at the height of fashion.
You'll soon get used to the change and then it won't feel weird!
Need any more help, feel free to ask. Good luck!

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how do you guys say no jokingly to someone that offers you a smoke?like do you say"no,carry on and enjoy yourselves" or "I feel bad about taking your share",how do you guys push away the offer in a good manner?

The worst thing you can do is take it if you're against smoking and don't want it.
Either tell them you're a non smoker, or just plainly say "na, it's alright!"
They won't be offended whatever you decide to say!

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my friend keeps say she goes "ddfd" or someting like that. does anyone know what it stands for?

If you really aren't sure, ask her, because I've searched for ddfd, but the only searches which came up are ddf, which means:

1.) "Drug and Disease Free."

2.) "Acronym: Distant Distortion Factor
When a girl looks good further away, but not up close."

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i like this girl but she one of my best friends and she only want to be my friend and nothing else what shall i do

You accept her decision and find someone who would like to be more than friends. Easier said than done, but moving on is the only option.

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I have an advicenators column and I'm really good, however I encourage my friends to visit my advice column if they need any sort of advice. It seems that none of my friends really care to tell me about their problems. I really like helping people. But none of my friends even bother to take a visit to my advice column. My question is- How can I make my friend's seem more interested in my advice column and get them to trust me with their problems. Help??? thanks!

If your friends ever need advice, you've told them about your column, so they know it's there and will use it if they want to.
However, I think they'd feel more comfortable telling you face to face.. than having their problems posted around on the internet for everyone else to see.
It's not about trusting you with their problems. They may simply not want to tell you and that is that.
Focus on the people that DO want your help. You will still get the recognition you deserve for your good advice, no matter who you help. :)

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Can you get aids from kissing someone. I know its usually passed on by blood but what about saliva?

Absolutely not!
Other bodily fluids such as blood and semen etc, then yes. :)

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I missed a lot of secondary school......................and as a result have only gained a few 'G' grades in my GCSEs.(apart from a C grade at English) HELP! have i got no future? What are my options? I live in England. HELP!!!!

Failing GCSE's isn't the end of the world. If retaking them isn't an option, have a look around at college courses you may be interested in and they might take you on board, despite your grades.
What matters now is you work harder for your A-levels.
You can always see a careers advisor. They help with things like this. Research Connexions. They're good!

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17/m
I just had sex with my boyfriend of a year and I noticed that pubic hair was falling out.. gross.. I know.. but do I have anything to worry about?
Was I being to rough on his behind?

Please help!

Probably not. Hair does fall out!
As for being too rough, all you can do really is ask him :)
Don't worry about it too much though. If it keeps happening, bring it to his attention. Or maybe you are being a little too rough.

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f/15
Why is it that mothers don't want their daughters to wear thongs?

Wearing them too much can cause yeast infections.
So really, they're only looking out for your health.
and mothers these days always associate thongs with boys and the likes! and don't like to see their daughters growing up and experiencing other things. :)

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hiii i have really curly hair.
and when i starighten it,it looks good
but somtimes it looks sorta dried out?
what can i do to make it not looking that way

I have the same problem.
Once a week, use an intensive hydrating hair mask to put the moisture back into your hair.
If you don't already use conditioner when you wash your hair, use it.
Have a look around the stores near you. They should have them.
Also, after straightening, add on some serum which is for straightening. It makes it straighter longer and look silky smooth!

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okay this might sound like a weird question, but could you get aids from period blood?? you coming into someone elses blood is a bit of a weird topic, like lets say you were in the bathroom, didnt notice, etc. im just wondering because a few girls were talking about it. also, they say "fluids" can affect you. what exactly do they mean by that??

thanks!!

Fluids means things like blood, semen..
Although you CANNOT catch aids through kissing.
and yes you can catch aids through period blood if that person is infected.. and then it comes into contact with you in some way eg) an open wound.

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i know this is kind of gross but i used a banana to try and pop my cherry to get the pain over with. but i havent got my period yet. will this hurt my body? will i get my period?

Using the banana would not have affected your period. Don't forget, periods can take a few years to regulate and are affected by stresss. Don't worry too much and it should come. It's completely normal.
In the future, take more care if you insert objects into your vagina! If they're unclean it can cause infections etc.

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I was wondering if any of you guys knew the name of the song in the scene.. when Patrick and Kat are paint balling..
and the song says like "You are lovely and.."
I dont know the rest.
I searched the soundtrack but I couldnt find it.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00000IGPN/102-8914999-2808920?v=glance&n=5174


This has the tracklisting. Browse through them and see which it is. You can listen to them through clicking the link too.
Good luck.

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i met this kid matt at the movies he was rilly cute and we gave eachother our numbers and screen names and we havent talked since. hes always online but i never talk to him because i dont know what to say!! I dont want to rush into a relationship yet i want to get to know him more. i want him to know im interested but i dont want it to seem like im obsessed.. what should i say and what should i talk about with matt when we talk online?

Saying "hey!" won't rush you into a relationship!
Maybe he's too shy to start the conversation, or assumes you don't want to talk to him because you haven't said anything to him since.
Say hello, ask about his day and what he's been doing since you last saw him and see where it goes from there. If all goes well, ask to meet up so you can both hang out.
Best of luck! Don't be shy when it comes to just chatting online. :)

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