sbloemeke's advice column

asksbloemeke

advice column ask question view feedback favorite columnist advicenators

Q: I've heard this word used many times before when questions come up about fingering. So, what exactly is a woman's cilt?

Clit=Clitoris. It's an organ located inside the vagina which is used for pleasure, and only pleasure. There is no other function. Since it's located close to the surface, it can be reached and used.

Q: i dont get how people are anerexic or belimic or w/e im not sure wich one it is
but i dont get how they throw up! its not like im going to do it.. thats totally wrong but i just dont get what makes them throw up
i rate easy 5's!
*im curious to know

Bullemia is throwing up, anorexia is not eating.
Don't do this, but to throw up, they put their finger down their throat. Nothing'll happen except a congestion every so often. They play with the flap of skin that seperates the air from the food, and the get convulsions from the stomach. Eventually, they make loud burps, and then throw up. Takes about 30 minutes.
-Steven

Q: i love making brownies and i have a great receipe What do i do with it?

Go to google, search "Cooking Forum", and you'll find a forum. Just post the recipe and see what they think. :)

Q: Some abbreviations I have no idea what mean
what does i.e. mean???
i sometimes rate

id est. It's Latin. est developed into French for "is", and id is latin for "That". I think. It's used for examples, i.e. this example here.
;)
-Steven

Q: To give a little background, my boyfriend and I have been together for over a year I'm 16 and he's 17. He would always get things in the mail from the Army, Navy and the Marines. He would save them, show it to me and I'd rip it up and tell him he's not going. The thought of my boyfriend going away to war is something I just CAN'T handle.

I was in his room, cleaning it up while he was in the shower like I always do and I found a flyer that had the information about the Navy on it... I was getting ready to rip it up when I saw that he had signed up for it..

I always told him that I'd be heartbroken if he would sign up for anything that COULD get him killed.

I'm trying SO hard to understand... But I can't. I don't know why he would do this to me. He keeps saying it's for the best but I KNOW it's not the best for him. He always told me he'd never leave me, but by doing this I feel like he is. He always told me, "You don't know what I would give just to see your beautiful face every day and just to have you in my arms, even if it's for 5 minutes." He's told me he wants to be the father of my children, my husband, my one and only.. If he's at war, how is he going to do that??

I really want to convince him NOT to go, but that's just being selfish... But at the same time I want him here with ME. I don't want to live every day in fear that I'll get that knock on my door and having someone tell me that the love of my life was killed.

So my questions are... SHOULD I convince him not to go and explain to him why I don't want him to?

If not, how can I get over this? How can I deal with it every day knowing that my boyfriend is risking his life?

First, I'd adress the issue. I don't get how he possibly could have enlisted at 17, I thought the minimum age was 18, but anyway. What you need to do is go up to him personally and adress the issue. Make sure you have tears, as tears sway any man. Then, tell him the you really do not want him to go, but if it is something he wants to do, than you can accept it.
And to get over it, just remember that he is doing something he is enjoying. He is enjoying the Navy, and he's doing what he wants. If he dies, he's going to die doing something that he loves, no in a bed at 85 with a respirator hooked up to him.
If you really want to, there is an option you may have overlooked. You can be with him by elisting yourself. Therefore, whatever happens, it happens to both of you. It'd be a romantic setting. And I do believe that the US forces will let you join with him, they have let other friends go together.
And also, very few Navy people actually go onto the ground and fight. They specialise, and become something they want to be. There are Dentists, Veterinarians, Counters, Salesmen, etc. Make sure that he specialises in something.
I hope this helped!
-Steven

Q: I need help I feel like I want to end my life and I don't know how to over come this feeling. I get so down I can't get back up! What should I do? My friend don't understand and my dad doesn't know. I am so scard of who I am!!! Any advice will help!!!

All teenagers feel like they need to end their life. However, what you need to do is look at the potential you have with life. You're a teenager, as I'm assuming. Your life is not even 1/5 over. That leaves 4/5, or around 70 years left to go. You may be thinking that is too long to suffer, but you won't suffer. It jsut doesn't happen.
You only feel depressed because of adolescence. You have a lot of stress on you. That all goes away after college. People may complain about stress in older ages, but work is a lot easier than school. There is less pressure on you, as what you do does not affect your life. Adolescence also plays a chemical imbalence. This causes depression. It is because by changing, you are in effect highering hormones, causing imbalences.
Just don't kill yourself. You have the potential listed about. You also have the people who care about you, who you would cause much harm to. These are your parents, friends, family, yourself, teachers, neighbors, minister, SS Class members, etc. They don't even have to know you, and harm would come to them.
Now, if you want to talk about why you want this end, feel free to drop one in the inbox. In fact, even if you don't want to, drop one in the inbox. I love messages. :)
-Steven

Q: i have really curly hair & it poofs easily, but my question is what are some cute hairstyles for someone with curly hair? i've tried a lot of things & i juss want something new. scrunching doesn't really work though & my hair is almost like ringlettes.

thanks!

Honestly, from the male point of view, I prefer seeing a girl with a half down half ponytail approach. Just let it go down and dry, keeping it from not poofing, however you do that. Then, just grab half and make a ponytail.
I also have always liked it down, with some in front of the sholders on each side. I always thought that was kind of cute.

Q: I'm not sure how to do a wow'kerpow introduction so I'll get right into this.

I have a friend who I sometimes can't stand. It's not that she's not nice to me or anything. She just has the way of manipulating things to get them her way, and to make everyone side with her, no matter what the situation. She could MURDER someone and somehow get everyone to sympathise with her. Or something.

Before I go into the next thing, here's something you should know: I'm incredibly jealous of her. I'm jealous of the fact that she can manipulate people and they don't see what's going wrong. She's also really pretty and really clever and I could stomach that before because it wasn't my whole life, but here's the next part.

Ever since I met her, she's been taking bits of ME and making them better, but making it herself. For example, I get a haircut, and so she gets one exactly like it, but somehow pulls it off better. I say I like some bands and people say it's wierd or something. She says she likes the same bands and HEY! ISN'T SHE THE COOLEST?

So, my friend, who this girl Im jealous of had an argument with has a new bunch of friends outside of school. I met them and they are really lovely, and I have a crush on one of them.

I told Brainy + Clever about it and she said he sounded cool and asked me how someone awful like my other friend managed to meet someone like that. So anyway, I'm going out with them this Saturday, and told her so because she asked me if I was busy.

Suddenly, today, she's best friends with the girl she had an argument with and I can already feel myself getting pushed out of the picture, because I KNOW she'll manipulate this other girl to get what she wants - the GUYS.

I'm just so frustrated because I thought this could be the one thing that I had that she couldn't have. But she's gone and twisted it again and now it's hers.

How can I stop feeling so JEALOUS of her and stop feeling like she's taken my whole LIFE? How can I not feel so worthless and think that I can't be myself anymore because all she'll do is take that and turn it into something bigger and better and make it a characteristic about herself?

Don't tell me to find new friends, or talk to them, because I tried that and it didnt work. Plus, she'd only befriend my new friends and make them like her better anyway.

Sorry for the long question, answers are much appreciated.

To end jealousy, you need to start being happy for her. Here's what I mean. You are jealous because of a talent she has. Well, you know that you don't have that talent and you know that what you do will be mimicked by her. So, instead of trying to fight it, join it. Be happy that she has the ability to adapt, and happy that she is getting along really well.
And know that because of her, everything YOU do is immediately considered good. Like the bands. When you liked it, it was considered "Uncool". Now that she like it, it is considered "Cool". So, if you say you like certain bands, they cannot say the it is "Uncool", for that would contradict her. And not only that, but you can say that you like them when they were "Uncool", and show proof from CD's and dates of purchace and junk.
One thing that I want you to remember before I end this. This girl is nothing. Absolutely nothing. She is only what you put into her. She has no personality whatsoever, as her personality comes from what you give her. You do. And who is going to succeed in life? One who leads, or the one who follows and copies?
Think about it.
-Steven

Q: my question is how can you tell that guy is a virgin or not girl you can tell pop cherry but what about guys do they have some sign taht they are virgin? thx

Nope. There is no clear cut evidence, unless you see chaffing on them, or evidence of an STD. I'm a guy, I know.

Q: hey i talked to you last night... what'd you decide to do about you and your boyfriend?
-shrink2be

Note: If you want to ask somebody a question, go to their column, and click on "Ask me a question" or "Ask so and so a question".

Q: well...saturday noght I was Iceskating and my friend Brittany was there(I am a girl by the way) and so was the guy I really liked well, brittany said 2 me, want to see how h0rny we can make these guys? and I said yeh so me and her ended up makin out and I kinda enjoyed it (i was drunk, BUT STILL) and it was all 4 show but I think about it now and i am worried and now all of my friends at school are callin me a lezbo but I still make out w/ guys and i like guys more than girls.. But, does all this mean I'm Bi?

You aren't bi unless you like her as a lover. You obviously don't, and did it because you were drunk. You do things you normally wouldn't do when you are drunk.
Just ignore the situation and wait. Things will work out fine.

Q: Lately I have been having thoughts of suicide. Like I used to have it once a month or once every two months, but now it's almost everyday. I even think about how I would do it, how it would feel, what I would say in my suicide note(I have even written one out), I think how my funeral would be and all, I like thinking about it. It gives me a thrill. I know this sounds sick and weird, but it's how I feel. Then there is another part of me that wants to live, that's trying so hard to fight back, but this other side of me is taking over so fast and Im afraid it will lead me somewhere I dont really want to do. I am seeing a therapist now, have told her everything, but Im just so scared it could be any day now. Just tonight my boyfriend was over and while he lay sleeping on the couch I got up and went into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of pills, I think I would have done it but then I thought about him and reached into the drawer and cut myself to relieve myself from the anxiety and tension. After I cut I didn't want to commit suicide anymore and I felt better. Could someone try to explain what they thin kI might have? I am so depressed and so scared.

The scared part is going to keep you alive, because you do not want to commit suicide, you just have the urge. Don't worry, I have the same urge sometimes.
Remembering your boyfriend saved you, no doubt. But, there's a reason. You saw that somebody does care. Some people do care for you. Like, your parents, your friends, your boyfriend, yourself, your relatives, and people who don't even know you. You know that if you killed yourself, about 10% of them would go into the same stages you are too. Don't let them down either.
I hate giving advise like this, but just don't kill yourself. It is not worth it. You are young, and you have a thing that only a few people have. Potential. Life can change, and make you into a rich, famous, and happy person. Just let life be, and you'll survive these next few years, get a good job, marry a rich man, become famous for discovering the cure to cancer, etc.
-Steven

Q: well im 16 and im a gurl and im still a virgin in every way but what i want to know is ,is ok to masterbate and when you have sex for the first time does it hurt also when you masterbate does it feel different when you acually have sex or does the pleasure feel the same please help iam i disuging or normal

Yes, it is fine to masturbate. 60% of all females do before they are 18. It is considered healthy, and is considered to relieve stress. Sex usually will hurt a little from what I hear, but not much. Sex is warmer than masturbation, and it's a different than masturbation in pleasure only slightly.

Q: Yesterday one of the guys that lives in my appartment complex knocked on my door and asked me out. I told him that I had plans and he didn't look too happy.

First of all, I've always been told to never date a guy that lives in the same building as you because if it didnt work out it would be very awkward. Also, he's about 15 years older than me and I don't find him very attractive, he's bald with glasses and is really nerdy.

I've also heard from other people in the building that he can be a real jerk. One of my friends asked him once if the mail came and he told him to fuck off.

I've always been nice to him because I wanted everyone in the building to like me.
But now I don't know how to act.
I have no interest in him AT ALL.
The worst part is he lives only 3 appartments down the hallway from me, so we will always be running into each other.
What should I do?

Just act as you have always acted. If he becomes a jerk to you, just ignore him. Love always comes over friendship, and if you don't love him, you need to remember that if love is neccassary for friendship, and you don't have the love, don't be friends. Besides, it doesn't seem like any harm can come from your morale in the building, he is seemingly hated.
Just don't be overly nice to him. Stick it to the point.
-Steven

Q: i know this guy and i think he is hott but he is one of the ones that you might not want a relationship with. But this has turned into a life or death situation. Today in 9th pd. he was all like "shit, ive been turned down way too many times and its pissing me off. I cant wait till i get home so i wont have to live this fuckin' life ne more." those were his exact words. Im sorry if they are a little... how would you say... explict? ne wayz. there was a point not too long ago that i was considering telling him i would go out with him. that feeling passed. but i dont know if i should go out with him or not. We are like bestfriends and i really dont want him to kill himself! I rate hi!

First, that was not a suicide threat. He was using life referring to school life. However, he may be a danger to himself.
Call him up, and talk to him, letting him feel good about himself. Let him know that you really do care a lot for him, and it would be terrible if he went. If he does not listen, and still wants suicide, tell him to call a suicide hotline first. www.suicidehotlines.org. If there still is nothing, then call the police. Non-911, but the regular number. Tell them that your friend is a danger to himself, and needs police assistance to get him out.
And yes, you should go out with him. You should not judge a person based on depression. If anything, that should be a factor to dating. For you can easily drag him out of depression, and make him happier being with you. Girlfriends have dragged many boys I know out of depression/suicide. And you do love him, I can tell by the way you care about him so much here.
-Steven

Q: I knew the answer to this riddle when I was little, but I can't remember it now.

Here is the riddle:
What is greater than God
worse than the devil
the poor have it
the rich need it
and if you eat it, you'll die?

Nothing. It's a tricky one.

Q: i heard that cracking your fingers releases stress. is that true? becuase it is a natural habit for me and i can tell you... i am under a ton of stress!

Cracking fingers does relieve stress, no doubt, but it is also a form of alternative relief. I find that people who try and get rid of something by another method tend to lose the ability to deal with it themselves. Like, you have stress. You cracked fingers to relieve it. But, by doing so, you began to lose the ability to relieve stress yourself when you did it, if that makes any sense.
I suggest that you stop cracking your fingers and try and deal with the stress. You'll find stress levels decrease with it. It'll increase at first, then go down.

Q: how can i increase my metabolism?

To increase metabolism, go to a doctor. He'll give you a pill to take. There may be an over-the counter pill, but I wouldn't trust it.

Q: this is so bad. this is so so bad! i had sex with this guy who is 20. im 13. dont think im a bad person please! but anyway, a lot of things "werent right" so i bought a pregnancy test and it came out posative. im in my 2nd trimester right now. im so scared i cant even deal with it. every day i cry and cry! my parents dont know what to make of me! i didnt tell the guy! what do i do? im so scared! i dont want to give her (yea its a girl) up for adoption because ive wanted kids since i was like 6! this is horrible. i could DIE in childbirth because im so young. what do i do? any tips? ANYTHING! im so mofo SCARED!!

anything helps

no smartass answers

bye

You may not want to give the girl up for adoption, but at your age, you may have to. You are too far into pregnancy to have an abortion, so you are left with 2 legal options. Have the child, or send her for adoption. You can have the child and survive. Just do not do a regular birth. Get the child out through cencarian sections, and you will have a lot easier time.

After that, you have another option. The man who had sex with technically raped you. Yes, it was concentualy, I know. But, if a man over 18 has sex with a girl under 16, it is automatically rape. You can press charges against him, and prove it with the child. He will be forced to support the child, and you'll be able to live your life.

But, I suggest sending him to adoption. It really ends the problems, and you can still parent when you are older. This isn't the end of your parenthood. Just wait, your time will come.
-Steven

Q: ok! i did the whole virus scan & it said nothing was detected, but i didn't turn it off er anything, because i was doing stuff. is that neccasary? like if i turn it off & then when i turn it on i do have a virus er something like that?

thanks!

No. Viruses are attained through web pages, and do not spontaniously appear if you turn off your computer. Web pages or files, I should say.

bio

THE PENGUIN RULES ALL! AHAHAHAHAHAHA! *Cough*
Hello! My name is Steven, and I am a mentor. Yes, that does mean that I help other people. I have helped over 1000 people to date, and have helped some individuals for over 1/2 a year. The miracle of my life occurred 17 years ago. I say miracle only because 1/4 babies survive to be born.
I am the first born of 2 children, and I am also the black sheep. I listen to Classical Music, so you can call me a weirdo. :P. I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, so take no offense if my answers never seem to end.
In school, I get As and Bs. More Bs really. I play trombone, and was the section leader of the trombones at my school. This year, I am the captain of the entire brass section. I am an Eagle Scout, so I guess that says I'm persistant? You make the call. I am a 3 time varsity letter winner, looking for a 4th next winter. I also participate in the musical, where I am a Bass 2. :)
I am straight, and have never had a relationship beyond a friend. However, I have survived the bumps in the road, and can advise you if you wish it. Though, it's not my strength.
I'm here for you, and only you. That means that my advise will not always confort you. Heck, it may even scare you. Yet, I want you to do what is best for your mind. Not what is typically seen as best for you, but what YOU see best for YOU. Heck, if you wanted what was seen as best for you, you would've asked your parents what you should do. They give you what's typically best.
Alright, before I start getting tendinitis from writing that over and over again, I'll just say what I mean. I mean that if you ask me about something, let's say walking 10 miles a day, and I think it's rediculous, yet you are asking for something to do, I am NOT going to say "10 miles is the type of a thing a anorexia athletica would do. Try 5." I'll give you something to do.
Oh, and I'm a L1 moderator, which means I rate questions.

Don't hesitate to IM me, I'm usually on. If I'm not, just drop one in the Inbox!

Oh, by the way, I am liberal in everything. That means that abortion is a woman's RIGHT, and gay marriage should be LEGAL.

Ask away!
-Steven