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I'm really hurt
To give a little background, my boyfriend and I have been together for over a year I'm 16 and he's 17. He would always get things in the mail from the Army, Navy and the Marines. He would save them, show it to me and I'd rip it up and tell him he's not going. The thought of my boyfriend going away to war is something I just CAN'T handle.
I was in his room, cleaning it up while he was in the shower like I always do and I found a flyer that had the information about the Navy on it... I was getting ready to rip it up when I saw that he had signed up for it..
I always told him that I'd be heartbroken if he would sign up for anything that COULD get him killed.
I'm trying SO hard to understand... But I can't. I don't know why he would do this to me. He keeps saying it's for the best but I KNOW it's not the best for him. He always told me he'd never leave me, but by doing this I feel like he is. He always told me, "You don't know what I would give just to see your beautiful face every day and just to have you in my arms, even if it's for 5 minutes." He's told me he wants to be the father of my children, my husband, my one and only.. If he's at war, how is he going to do that??
I really want to convince him NOT to go, but that's just being selfish... But at the same time I want him here with ME. I don't want to live every day in fear that I'll get that knock on my door and having someone tell me that the love of my life was killed.
So my questions are... SHOULD I convince him not to go and explain to him why I don't want him to?
If not, how can I get over this? How can I deal with it every day knowing that my boyfriend is risking his life?
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id be shocked to death if i were you! i say you tell him strongly what you feel and tell him what you would do if he died then listen to his point of view and have a conversation but DO NOT start yelling at him. do the best to keep things calm and perhaps be spending the night at his house that night or day... and tell him to think about it over night.... if he decides to go then what i would do is cry right infront of him... guys think its beautiful to see a tear coming down your cheek but they hate it to see you upset and together mixed will just make him want to never let you go! and it might change his mind!
although true its still his decision so you got to make yourself sound not very selfish! a lil will be ok but dont make him mad! try to understand or atleast fake the understanding but then try to make him understand how you feel!
hun right now dont think about it! it will be alright!
hope everything works out for you!
write back!
<3Vic
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I understand your pains. Explain to him how much you need him at home. You also need to respect his needs. He would do the same for you if for example, you went away for a few weeks and he couldn't come. Don't think about someone knocking at your door and announcing him dead. Respect his needs, but voice yours for him at home. Hope I helped!
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I know how you feel, b/c a few people who are very close to me are interested in signing up for something like that! I hate it too. But unfortunately, if it is something that he really wants to do..there might not be any way to convince him to stay. And if it's supposed to happen, it will! You just have to pray, that if he does sign up..we won't go to war, and he won't have to fight or do anything along those lines that might hurt him! Just tell him how you feel, and see what he says. He seems like a very caring guy, and I'm sure he will atleast listen to what you have to say. Good luck!
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im soory for this but if i were you i would suport his dessishion, now that might sound crazey. But hes doing this for you and your future family!
now if he does go to war make sure you tell him to send a letter to you every week or day!
hope that helps
from dreamist16
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If you do succeed in talking him out of doing something he really wants to do, it may come back and haunt you later. YOU will always be the reason he didnt do it. Even if he ultimately agrees not to.
Not everyone in the military goes to war. It is a good way to get an education. It is noble to want to protect your country.
In all honesty he risks getting killed and not coming back every time he walks out the door.
They do have excellent support groups within all military groups for the families of the troops. I am sure you would be welcome there among other women and girls going through the same things you would be going through.
Be proud of your guy and support his decision. Don't make him feel guilty about it. You can voice your concerns and desire for him to stay...just don't get in the way of his final decision. Let him know you stand behind whatever he decides to do. :)
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I wouldn't convice him not to go, but I think that you should tell him, calmly, how you feel about the whole situation. Tell him that you're afraid and that you don't want to lose him because you care about him. That's really all you can do, because you can't make him not join the military.
If he decides to join the military, then support him and pray (if you're religious) for him.
I hope that everything goes well, and if you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
♥Manders
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You should have a serious talk with him about it. I think that would be the best thing. Just dont go crazy and start yelling about it. You talk then let him talk! It would be the easiest thing to do.
Hope I helped Jessica♥
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First, I'd adress the issue. I don't get how he possibly could have enlisted at 17, I thought the minimum age was 18, but anyway. What you need to do is go up to him personally and adress the issue. Make sure you have tears, as tears sway any man. Then, tell him the you really do not want him to go, but if it is something he wants to do, than you can accept it.
And to get over it, just remember that he is doing something he is enjoying. He is enjoying the Navy, and he's doing what he wants. If he dies, he's going to die doing something that he loves, no in a bed at 85 with a respirator hooked up to him.
If you really want to, there is an option you may have overlooked. You can be with him by elisting yourself. Therefore, whatever happens, it happens to both of you. It'd be a romantic setting. And I do believe that the US forces will let you join with him, they have let other friends go together.
And also, very few Navy people actually go onto the ground and fight. They specialise, and become something they want to be. There are Dentists, Veterinarians, Counters, Salesmen, etc. Make sure that he specialises in something.
I hope this helped!
-Steven
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Welcome to the adult world. Life is messy, and things very rarely go the way you want them to, or think they should.
You've already told him how you feel about this, and he knows it. The fact that he's going ahead with it means that he feels very strongly about it. You *could* try to convince him not to go, but you risk having him resent you for not being supportive of something he obviously wants to do.
True love knows no distance. If you two are meant for each other, then the distance won't make a difference in the long run. It's only temporary, though I know when you're young it may seem like a lifetime. If he's not worth waiting for, then he isn't the one for you, anyway.
Yes, it's dangerous. But people die in car accidents driving to nice "safe" office jobs too. Why not find out more about why he wants to go, and what part of the military he wants to be in. Some parts are a lot safer than others. If he's determined to go into the military, maybe you can steer him to one of the safer areas of it.
But the bottom line is that love means compromising. If he really wants to do this, I'm sure he'd be happier (and more likely to be able to keep his mind sharp and stay safe) if he had your support.
Good Luck.
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It is his life, and you are only 16 and 17. You have a very long time ahead of you and you should realize that while you want it to, it may not last forever. Dont force him to make a choice he doesnt want to make and ruin his chances for a good future. I understand how you feel, Ive had friends go over there, and yes, one did die. But he died doing something he believed in, and while it pains me, it was his choice.
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if i were you i would tell him just how you feel and try to make him realize how bad it would really hurt you!!i no i couldnt deal if i had a b/f going into the war!! i hope i helped!! xox stacey
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You're only 16, you're acting REALLY selfish and irrational right now. If he wants to join the military, then let him. It is HIS life, not yours, and you shouldn't get mad at him for making choices. My advice, let him do what he wants. I've seen some kids go from futureless to having happy successful futures by joining the militry.
You're right, I don't know what it's like. But, if I were your boyfriend, and you did this, I woudln't want to be with you anymore. Let him live his life, and also learn not to rate someone low just because you want people to give you pity and say, "If he goes he doesn't love you," and they didn't.
You shouldn't feel hurt. Feeling hurt only makes you more and more selfish. You only want the truth to be fabricated, you're waiting for people to tell you what you want to hear.
You're completely right, a relationship is all about compromise. You should allow him to do what he decides is his life dream, even if it might get him killed. Chances are he is not going to die, and he's only going to end up with a very nice education and have a great job when he's done. So even with the very slim 99% he'll live, you're willing to ruin his chances at a great future? Selfish.
Ok, he COULD go to those...but he wants to go into the Navy. Notice that one small detail, he. He shouldn't have to base his decisions off of you, neither of you are even legal adults.
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This might not be very good advice, but tell him what you just told all of us. Make him see how much this is hurting you and tell him how scared you would be if he left and that you can't handle being in pain every day. Good luck!
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