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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
i am a 28 year old female i don't know what it is aout me but i can't seem to keep any friends. its not anything that i did its just that people don't like me. ESPECIALLY WOMEN. Women hate my guts they are always talking about me behind my back.I was friends with this girl since 7th grade she slept with my boyfriend behind my back. And i got her a job working where i work and she started talking behind my back spreading rumors about me to all my co-workers.
I was also friends with this girl from high school. and one day for no good reason she just stoped talking me LIKE LITTERALLY she stoped when i called her she did not pick up when i stoped by her house she acted like she wasn't home. and i knew she was home cause i saw her peeping through the window. I was so embarresed. I keep trying to figure it out does my breath stink am i annoying to people its nothing like that at least i don't think so.
And then recently this other girl stoped talking to me. I've known her for years too. She asked me for $500 dollars to pay the rest of her rent. (mind you she always asks me for cash and i always give it to her) $10 here $20 there gas money stuff like that and she never pays me back. This time she asked me for a whole $500 when i told her that i didn't have it she stoped talking to me she acted like i betrayed her or something.
i don't know if i'm the one with the problem or if its everyone else. What do you think?
The Answer
Go to therapy, and talk it over with a pro.
You do have a problem. Maybe that problem is the company you keep and not having high enough standards for the people you begin friendships with. Maybe you are a pushover. Maybe you are a bitch. Maybe the problem is just a run of bad luck.
Whatever it is, when a problem seems to keep cropping up in your life it's rather sensible to assume that something you are doing is contributing to it.
Maybe you aren't contributing to it at all! If you were 18 I'd say you had a run of bad luck, but at 28 it's tougher to assume that. If you suspect you are could do better and find something to avoid these pit falls, and to explore the possibility of changing past patterns of interactions - therapy is a good tool.
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The Question
Hi,
I say a link to your profile on a response to another's question about Mika (the pop artist) golden shoes in his music video We Are Golden
They are white with gold on the heel and the toe and i absolutely love but can not find them anywhere
the person who responded said that you can help with this so I figured I'd asked
The Answer
Well, this is a link to my answer when I was asked about those shoes once before. It's not really the perfect answer, but hopefully it gives you some small kind of help...
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=573232
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The Question
my boyfriend he doesn't like to do anything fun.. he's so boring!! and i went to this party n made out with his bestfriend, what should i do????
The Answer
Break up with him.
There really is no other decent thing to do.
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The Question
I had brown pierd blood but its close to the end of my cycle what does that mean?
The Answer
That the blood is old. Towards the end of your period you are loosing the blood which has been inside you the longest - it's the most dried out.
Old, drying blood turns brown, even almost black. It's perfectly normal.
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The Question
ok i gotta ask this now..i heard someone say something bout there bf bein bipolar..what does that mean? is it like split personality?! also..my ex was really mean and called me hoe and stuff then like the day before that he was like baby i love you ill never leave ur side..is that bipolar?
The Answer
Bipolar disorder is a mood disorder where the person has huge high-energy, manic phases, and then also very low, depressive, low-energy phases. It’s not a split personality at all. True split personality disorders are really, really uncommon, and each personality is separate with its own memories. The personalities usually have no idea the other personalities even exist. A person who suffers from a bipolar disorder is only one personality; they are just experiencing really drastic, even dangerously drastic, highs and lows.
For most people who suffer from bipolar disorder, these different phases last for weeks, and usually months - not hours or days. So although some people joking call others bipolar, often they just mean 'moody' not that the person actually has bipolar disorder. If your exboyfriend was hot and cold one day from the next, he was moody, or a jerk, or maybe he had some other problem, but he probably wasn’t bipolar.
It’s really important to remember that bipolar disorder is a real, serious mood disorder , and you shouldn’t go around just calling people bipolar as a joke, or as an insult. It’s not nice, and it’s not accurate.
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The Question
My ex boyfriend and I broke up 2 months ago. We were together for just over a year. He broke up with me (Long story) I didn't want to break up with him but I couldn't control what he wanted, he wanted to stay friends but I said no. He has still tried contacting me quite often and tried kissing me one night in a bar. I asked what he was doing, and whether that meant he wanted to be with me again and he said he doesn't know what he wants really.
I made it perfectly clear I did not want to speak to him anymore...I don't want to be his friend as it's too hard to deal with and he started going mad at me for it. He told me he loves me but he is just unsure what he wants.
I said we won't be friends etc and he said well you never know, you could get a new boyfriend and then break up with him, and we could get back together. anything can happen you don't know what can happen in the future.
Why is he saying that if he doesn't want to be with me???
The Answer
'cause he's a turd.
Sorry, name-calling isn’t fair, but what he doing is also horrifically unfair to you. Fundamentally he is just confused and trying to figure himself out, the problem is that he is dragging his ex girlfriend (you) through his bullshit with him, when the whole point of being an EX is that you don’t have to step in it every time he does something dumb.
You on the other hand, are doing exactly what you should be doing - You are trying to establish a healthy distance and clarity about your own feelings and position. He is trying to muddy the waters, keep things confused so to keep all options open to himself by never really committing to any course of action, despite how painful or disrespectful that might be for you.
Stop talking him. You've told him clearly you don't want to be friends, so now let your actions speak and do NOT act like his friend. Don't talk to him, or at least, end any conversations that drift into 'feelings' and 'future plans’ areas. Those are conversations he'll need to find a friend to have with. You are not his friend, so you get to say "Sorry, I got to go now."
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The Question
Well, my E. science teacher was saying that my future is going to be very different. He says that technology is becoming more disturbing to the point where it would soon be possible to use memory chips & download info to a human brain, it would make us geniuses BUT would take away our free will. Also, he said something about human DNA in a tiny gel chip or something, that they can use our DNA on technological machines and they can possibly get minds of their own. He says that with radio & some other material, that he can produce frequencies or something that can control our moods. It seems creepy. He also said that we are slowly being brainwashed by the things we read & do at school. Is this possible in the future? Will technology become a problem? He says a cause of crime is a shortage in work that doesn't require much education. Such as factory work- Done by machines, tolls EZ pass- Less toll workers, farming- technology takes away jobs. If thy want to make jobs, un-make some technology & many jobs will co
The Answer
In science, one can almost never say anything with 100% certainty. So I have to say this:
I am 99% sure, that you will not see, in your lifetime, a computer which can upload complex information into the human brain.
Many people who study it think it is actually impossible. But even if it possible, we don't have nearly a good enough grasp of 'brain code' yet, and how the brain stores and collects information, to even begin to build a computer that can speak in 'brain code' and upload information.
What we CAN do, and will probably be able to do in the next few decades is instruct computers FROM our brains, somewhat like we instruct keyboards with our fingers now. A few years ago, scientists in Germany, implanted a chip in monkeys that let the monkeys give a computer basic 'Up' 'Down''Left'and 'Right' instructions.
But the other way, with the computer telling our brain what to think or how to access information, is not on the horizon. At all. Period.
Honestly, you should consider talking to your VP about what your teacher is saying to you. Some of it is BASED on real science, but he is twisting it all around to make it horrifying when it really isn't. We are still at least a few decades away from being able to make a computer as powerful as the human mind (if that's even possible, which it may not be). Sound frequencies do affect people's mood (much like say, eating too much sugar can affect your mood!) but it's not brainwashing, and we've known that sound affects moods for almost a century now. That isn't new information.
People have always been afraid of technology, even when that technology was just the typewriter or a sewing machine, people feared it. Now we would laugh at those people, but even if they were right, we can't 'unmake' knowledge. That will simply never happen.
There are lots of things worth being afraid of! But you have to remember that these changes are going to happen slowly, and we will have a lot of time to address them. Jobs in the technological world is a real problem - but it can't be solved by pretending we are dumber than we are.
Take a look at this link to help you feel better and get a perspective on your teacher's silliness. In 1990 this article was written about what they predicted would have happened by 2000.
Some of the predictions include:
No Mosquitoes nor Flies.
Few drugs will be swallowed or taken into the stomach unless needed for the direct treatment of that organ itself. Drugs needed by the lungs, for instance, will be applied directly to those organs through the skin and flesh.
Peas as Large as Beets.
Some of the other predictions are a bit better, some even came true! But basically, your teacher is one of those dangerous people with a little bit of information, and a lot of imagination, who is making wild predictions. Even if he turns out to be right about it, he'll only have made a lucky guess, and much of what is said is just plain factually wrong.
http://www.yorktownhistory.org/homepages/1900_predictions.htm
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The Question
I started working for a medical office 6 weeks ago. To say this is a crappy work environment is an understatement. I am a female and am managed by a female. She is constantly giving me more thatn i can do, while she shops on the internet. blames me for very small things that can easily be fixed. belittles me EVERY DAY. we have one other office employee who is also a female. they call patients who they ASSUME are gay "shitpackers", they call dancers "midget strippers" If poor class people come in for promotional free massages, they call them ghetto and tell me to refuse them and "get rid of them".
I try to tell the doctor my problem with her and he does not want to hear it. He hates overweight people, I believe he fired my friend because she is heavy, and calls her a retard and jackass. This is starting to weigh on my soul. My sister is gay, my father who died at 33 was 500 pounds
It is very hard to be bullied and watch them mock sweet innocent people. Problem is, i have actually been employed by him in another office and need to stay for a total of a year so i can buy a home. Im so tortured!! what should i do!??? Do I have a lawsuit in the future, should i keep a journal? thanks guys =)
The Answer
Start looking for a new job.
I know that might mean changing your plans to buy a house but you need to seriously consider changing your plans so you can leave this job. Maybe it's worth it to you to stay in this horrible office and suffer, and hope it gets better, for the sake of your financial goals and buying a home.
If it were me, I'd delay buying a house for a few months, maybe even a year, for the sake of spending a year in a workplace that isn't toxic.
It is unlikely there is anything else you can do.
You likely do not have a lawsuit. You are not being discriminated against, or it sounds like, harassed. Unfortunately, being nasty, rude and all around lousy human beings is not against the law. It's just being nasty, rude and all around lousy human beings.
At least you don't owe them anything or any kindness when you go - start looking for another job now and don't leave until you are set up for the future. Then double-check your contract and leave the very first moment you are able too.
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The Question
I know this guy at school and he has genital warts. He was telling us he got it from his ex girlfriend who had hpv. Well, I saw him coming out of the bathroom a couple of times and it always looks like his hands weren't washed. I have a computer class after him and we set at the same desk so I have to touch the same computer he's used right after. Can you get stds like this? I thought about like bringing some wipes with me and just wipe off the keyboard first just in case. What do you think?
The Answer
Go ahead and wipe down your computer.
It's extremely unlikely you'll contract HPV this way. It's good to remember that HPV is the virus that causes almost all warts on humans: genital warts, warts on your hands, feet or even eyelids.
Different Types of HPV prefer different kinds of skin. So the type of HPV that like to cause genital warts will almost never cause warts on any other part of your body(OR be contracted by any other part of your body but your genitals). This is one of the many reasons that washing your hands regularly is important - so as not to transfer things that you have touched to other more sensitive parts of your body.
In most people, HPV doesn't even cause symptoms. You may even already have some form of HPV in you. Some experts believe that only 1% to 5% of the people who are infected with HPV ever show symptoms. If you are sexually active, you have a 75-90% chance of contracting it sometime in your life.
So there is really no reason to panic about this. Wiping down a shared keyboard is perfectly reasonable for lots of reasons - and if it makes you feel better you should do it! But it will have almost no effect, on your already very small risk of contracting HVP in this way, and nothing about the very real risk of contracting HPV at some point in your life, in some other way.
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The Question
Ive been married just over two years. Were both in our forties. my wife makes three times what i do. shes always harassing me about the time i spend with family and relatives and time/things i try and do with my two boys from my first marriage. she says i dont put her first but she always does according to her. i just found out on my own that she changed her life insurance policy over a year ago to where i get 10% and her family and two grown kids get 90%? Im upset about it and confronted her with her answer being i juust want them to be taking care of and thats it. im seriously thinking about filing for sep. or divorce. any advice on what to do?
The Answer
Your problems have nothing to do with life insurance.
If her children are grown, and you have no dependant’s together, it's perfectly reasonable for her to want to see her life insurance policy support her children primarily.
You didn't marry her for the money did you? Probably not. So back off about the money. The problem here is that you aren’t even able to talk about these plans civilly and you’ve dissolved into secret keeping and blaming.
Get your butts to marital counselling to help negotiate your different values and goals from the relationship. At very least, go to counselling to help you end the marriage in the tidiest most decent way possible.
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The Question
16/f
My boyfriend (19) and I both have a very close friend(18). He's gay and is, for the both of us, our best friend. My boyfriend and I have decided to not put a label on our relationship and to just simply, take our relationship for what it is, so I wouldn't really say we're tied down to each other; we just chose to be with each other. In the past, both my boyfriend and I have expressed an attraction to our close friend (We're both bi).
Lately, it seems as if our relationship as a group has just become...extremely relaxed. We've all been through a lot and tend not to really care anymore. We all will snuggle and sleep with each other and for the most part, might as all well be dating each other. It's weird, and I'm not quite sure what to think about it.
I love my boyfriend, he loves me. We love our friend, and our friend would be willing to do anything with me, but likes my boyfriend.
The possibility of a threesome has come up in conversation jokingly, however, due to certain events as of recently, the event of a legitimate threesome seems to become even more so plausible...and it's a little scary. (considering we all talked about it somewhat jokingly before)
I'm not sure what to think or even do about this. We all love each other but...the situation just feels a little off.
Please, I'm in some need of advice. I don't want to lose my friends.
Thanks.
The Answer
Probably a bad idea.
I think you sort of know it's probably a bad idea.
There are lots of reasons people will give you (inexperience, drama, emotional bullshit) but I'm going to offer you a slightly different one:
The guy is gay.
He is 'willing' to have sex with you.
I would bet at least a bit of your discomfort comes from feeling like a third wheel.
One the people you are considering having sex with is only 'willing', not excited, not eager, not attracted to you. Just willing to have you there.
No wonder you are feeling a bit off. He might love you as a friend, but if he doesn’t have any sexual attraction to you and your lady parts that could feel like a bum deal for you. I couldn’t have a threesome, I couldn’t even have sex, with someone who was honestly not attracted to me sexually at all. Where is the fun in that?
Don’t get me wrong – you could still have a threesome and have a fun time but everyone needs to acknowledge what is likely going on here – One some level the two guys think the only way that they can have contact is with you in the room.
Whatever you do, the topic has come up and now you should try and face it. Just ignoring it might mean something happens BEFORE you are able to talk it through, and that is always a disaster. Have a really honest talk with your boyfriend first and foremost. Ask what excites him about the idea of threesome. Ask him what he imagines would happen. Tell him what you would imagine. You have to be explicit to find out if you have compatible desires from a threesome. Then, if you both are comfortable and have a good idea of what you want, approach your friend and see if he is game and thinking in the same way you both are.
However, I still advise against it. You won’t like to hear it, but it is true: You are full young to dive into the deep end of group sex and all the emotions it drags up and its complicated negotiations. I have nothing against threesomes – but what you describe here I wouldn’t, personally, be game for. There is too much at stake. You don’t have the age and experience that comes with it to handle it. And the guy indentifies as gay. I wouldn’t do it.
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The Question
17/F
saturday my bf and i made plans to go out but my phone was out of minutes and i was stuck at home painting the walls. when i finaly turned my phome back on i called him, talked, and we rearanged plans. our new plan was for me to go home with him and his family, relax and eat there then go to the movies, we agreed i asked my mom and he did the same.
my mom said i was ok with her if i could clean up the livingroom, den and kitchen (with us painting the house those 3 rooms were messy) so i stayed up all night cleaning up. when i finally tried to go to sleep my alarm went off for me to go to church. during service i fell asleep (which is not like me) aand he woke me up, but i was only sleep for like 1min.
after church i went home with him and his family when we got to his house his mom started cooking and i started to fall asleep, untill he asked me to come out side and have some "us" time so i did after talking and picking up his aunt we went in his room to iron our clothes (and nothing else, the door was open) after i ironed my clothes and he did the same. i layed on the bed and started to fall asleep again untill he woke me up asking "are you ready to go?" my reply "when ever you are." so we got dressed and left.
we went out to eat and i paid (because every other week i pay and every other week he pays, it works for us) and instead of going to the movies we went to the store to waist time. when we were at his house, and i was going to sleep he told me what was on his mind. he wanted to "go some where with no interruptions just the 2 of us and have sex"... my reply was "i'm tired." well after we left the store we didn't know where else to go so he said "lets go somewhere quiet and just talk" so i said "ok"
we went down this dark road and finaly he pulled over in the middle of no-where. so we sat ther eno one said anything it was just an oquward... so i asked "whats on your mind?" and he said "its just me, you, and the earth. your voice and mines, no interruptions. i don't see why we're not having sex." i told him " my mind set is different form yours right now." so after an arguement and some quietness, i said "hey if you want, you can take me home." after 30min he took me home. so yesterday i texed him "hi" but he never texed back (i guess he was still mad) so now its another day and i haven't texed him and he hasn't texed me. i'm starting to say its over but b4 i do that, i wanna know, am i wrong? is he wrong? was i leading him on or something? i don't get it..
if i did something wrong, let me know i acept my faults. if he's wrong i believe in forgiving. i just need to know before i do something i'll regret. can u help me? please. (sorry for the misspelled words, i was rushing)
The Answer
In the moment, it wasn't really a case of who was wrong.
You wanted different, incompatible things. It was impossible for you both to get what you wanted.
That will happen in every relationship. What is ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ and how you deal with wanting different things.
Maybe you could have been a bit betterr: Without being there, I would say you could probably have been a bit clearer with him about what you needed: You needed to NOT have sex. You needed to relax. You were physically exhausted.
And he definitely handled this in a wrong way. He should have been a lot more respectful of what you had told him about your state and how tired you were. He could also deal with this disagreement in a much better way than giving you the silent treatment after the fact – that’s always immature and wrong.
Honestly, from what you've told me here, I would end it with this guy. He was too focused on his own orgasm - it was impolite at best - and his radio silence now is simply and completely rude.
If you’d like to make it work with this guy, don’t focus on who is right or wrong, and focus on how you can handle wanting different things better in the future. That’s the first place where it fell apart for you both.
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The Question
ok im single male 41 yrs old, always have been 100% dorky but now gianned weight with age. nevr have been any good with females at all. started masturbating and continued regular since high school about 5 times a day. lately i have been experimenting with cross dressing in panties as a way to get off, as the regular got manotinous. my doctor told me that its like doing drugs i have to keep upping the ante for same effects.
my question is - i have NO feelings for dudes or being a women , but does wearing panties make me gay or bi, even though i have none of those thoughts or feelings or is it just being a horny lonley guy?
The Answer
You aren't gay or bi unless you are sexually attracted to men, period. End of discussion.
You are a horny, lonely guy.
You are a horny, lonely guy, who should probably see a sensible, sex-positive therapist to deal with your feelings of isolation, and honestly, what sounds a bit like depression.
Your doctor was irrational harsh on you, but to put it the possible concern a bit differently than their silly drug-addict metaphor:
It's quite possible you are developing a bit of a sexual compulsion. If you feel your solo-sex activities are negatively affecting your life and feeding into your isolation and unhappiness, then that is a problem.
Masturbation and Cross-dressing = Perfectly Normal.
Feeling a compulsion to behave in a way that seems to further isolate you and feeds into thoughts of self-loathing = A problem.
You get to decide, inside yourself, if what you are doing has turned into a problem.
If you think it hasn’t turned into a compulsion that is contributing to your negative self image and unhappiness. Fantastic! Go have fun in your panties!
If you think it has, go find some non-judgemental help to get yourself to a place of better balance and more potential. Cross-dressing isn't a problem by itself, neither is masturbation - but both things can become problematic when they are used as band-aid solutions to broader issues of unhappiness.
You certainly sound to me, even in this brief question, like you could use some help – a friendly supportive kick in the ass from a professional – and that has almost nothing at all to do with sex.
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The Question
ive been seeing someone for almost a year and within 6 or 7 months i have been wanting to be with him, more than what we were being but he wasnt ready...my feelings for him was growing stronger and i couldnt resist! i ask him would he be with me (one last time) he said he is still not ready. so i told him it would be a matter of time that i would start seeing other pple! well i meet someone...and it began to take him off my mind somewhat! i still found myself wanting and thinking of him. long story short the new guy found out about us and the one i love found out about the new guy. as soon as i started talking to the new guy, the one i love show up and out strong for me...like he knew it was someone else or he saw i was getting distant!! im like where was this love like 5mths ago. and now that i see what my love has to offer i want it and him. but now everyone is hurt including me! it felt like my back was up against the wall. i dont want the new guy..im so in love with my long friendship. the only thing is now everyone is hurt! my love is hurt because i tried to move on, and the new guy is hurt because he wants to be with me and im hurt because i want my love!!! what the hell to do?? somebody help me please!! It feels like im on drugs and im going cold-turkey!!
The Answer
Your love has been a selfish prick.
It's okay, he might also be a great guy and your perfect partner. You may also live happily ever after with him - but please, give yourself the comfort of calling a spade a spade:
Your love behaved very badly. Selfishly. He didn't want you until he was struck with the fear that you might not be crazy about him anymore.
And now he is hurt because you tried to move on after WAITING FOR HIM FOR A YEAR!
It's okay if he is hurt, but he needs to recognize that if he wants to be with you, truly be with you, he needs to let go of the selfish expectation that you were going to wait forever, after he rejected you again and again.
Obviously, the pain will take some effort for you both to work through, but please, keep that spine you developed when you first told him you were done waiting, and tell him he doesn't get to punish you for choosing not to wait for him! You are now ready to be with him. If he is also ready, it's time for him to step up and let the past (his game playing and stalling and your attempt to move on) be IN the past.
Apologize to the other guy. Give him space and respect. Of course it hurts, but it happens in life. The best thing you can do is respect his feelings and be honest with him.
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The Question
My boyfriends ex girl friend will sometimes text my boyfriend and tell him that she wishes things would have worked out differently in their relationship & that she misses him. She'll also tell him that he isn't truly happy with me & that he's just using me as a rebound. He won't change his number due to work reasons, and he keeps telling her that she needs to stop texting. This is really upsetting me because I dont want him to listen to her & start thinking that he really isnt happy with me & he'll take her back. He says that he would never do that to me & I believe him. Its just the fact... Should I confront her myself or leave it to him to handle?
The Answer
He needs to handle it.
And it sounds like he is trying too. So give him the space and trust to do so. Remember that he is learning how to handle a crazy ex - it's not a skill you are born with. If he truly wants you, he'll figure out how to stop her, but it make take a little while for him to make it stick.
Your interference would only encourage her and give her more to talk about with him. Stay completely out of it.
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The Question
Well I'm in a Co-op placement at the hospital you're supposed to report weekly to your teacher of any concerns you have. Even though it is asked of all emplyers and even principles in school, students/employees still don't.
So, everything is going great. EXCEPT that the manger of my department is a bitch and either treats me like shit or pretend that I do not exist! Which is ridiculous to me since she's the one who interviewed me and let my teacher know that I got the placement.
So everyone's nice and all, it's just HER. And I guess she's not exactly part of my placement since she's the manager of the department. But she still pops in for an hour every day and when she comes in, she'll say hi to everyone except for me and I'll even try to say hi first and she doesn't even say anything back! And she has a sweet voice so when she's talking to me, to others she may seem nice, but if you were actually listening to hat she was really saying, it's not nice.
I was informed of a mock fire dril the other day and (this may sound funny but) somehow, none of the nurses /clerks knew of how it runs so she called everyone to come in a circle. But she liek purposely left me out so it was akward, her talking to everyone while I was standing in the corner. After they were done and she said bye to everyone but me, I took the initiative to find the emergency proceedure book and read the whole process of it myself.
So should I report to my teacher of this or no? I mean, for future students doing their placements there, it could be bad. It's kind of like a handicap, really. But, maybe it'll make things worse? My friend is doing a placement here too, but in a different department. Same manager. She told me that it is a concern so if I'm really bothered by it, I should go for it. But I know that if she was in my situation, she wouldn't (well, she is in the same situation, but she's way more tougher than I am so she's alright).
The Answer
Rather than 'reporting it', why not ask your teacher for a bit of guidance in dealing with it?
Not all 'concerns' need to be formally reported. Sometimes a less formal chat can be the right approach. It sounds as though your manager isn't doing anything technically wrong, or formally incorrect, you are just finding her difficult to interact with.
Instead of deciding to report or not report, why not bring up your concerns less formally with your teacher and ask for their advice, on how to deal with your managers behavoir, and even their advice on whether you should go a more formal route and report your concerns too.
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The Question
Well i used to be really really jealous and me and my boyfriend of four years broke up because of it, because he kept lying to not hurt me, and it bothered me when he watched porn and stuff, but later he begged me back and he said he loved me & wanted me back. So now that we were together i asked him not to look at porn and if he wanted pictures or something i would send him some and even though i'm trying to get un-jealous like before i wouldn't let him go out without me(yeah i was psycho lol) but now i let get him get away with a lot but i still have jealous thoughts every once in a while, so the day before i wanted my moms number that he had on his phone and i had just gotten a new phone so i asked him for it and he didn't want to give it to me so i got suspicions? And i was like are you doing something wrong? Later he admitted he had porn on it, and i got kinda upset in my head, and later i couldn't stop thinking about it and i was sad and basically said told him i know it's because they look better or you fantasize about other girls but i was saying it not asking it.It was really supposed to be a rhetorical question. And he said well i do fantasize about other girls cause you're the only one i've been with, ( i told him he wasn't supposed to answer and he said he didn't know) and that hurt me really bad and i was like so you'd go with another girl and do her and he said "i just want to" and i was like so you do want to, and he said yeah. Like is that normal? Should i be mad or break up with him? Like now it disgusts me cause we're not even married like i know that happens to married people that have been together for a long time, but us i'm young i have the same body as the porn stars except without the fake big boobs mine are real so i just don't know how to react or what to do. i Just hung up on him cause without saying anything cause this happened right before he went into work so he didn't call back.
Please just tell me your opinions.
The Answer
Should your boyfriend fantasize about others? About winning the lottery? About being a race car driver in an illegal drag race in Tokyo?
Yes. You are not entitled to policing your partner's fantasy world. They get to have it, and whatever is in it. It's unkind and counter productive to blame them for it.
Sexual fantasies about others (and yes, porn) is normal, natural and healthy in most cases. Some people do engage with it badly, and neglect their partners, get stupid ideas about sex or watch porn that is not created ethically, but most people who watch porn are loving boyfriends, husbands and even fathers. They understand that fantasies are fun and great, and that porn isn't real, and that their relationships are a different, and better, kind of thing.
If you dump every guy in your life who watches porn or fantasizes about others, there are three possible outcomes for you:
One, you will always be nervous, suspicious and insecure, waiting to catch your partner in doing these things that they deserve to be able to do without blame.
Two, you will find one of the very, very, very few men who never watch porn. But don't kid yourself - they will still have sexual thoughts about women other than you - unless they are almost completely disinterested in sex all together and will never make you feel desired either!
Three, you'll end up with someone who is a good liar, and will hide their interest in porn and their fantasies, however large or small, from you, forever. This is the most likely - and the most sad - since you'll never truly know that person.
If you are a jealous of fantasies and pornography, you will be miserable for the rest of your life. You will never trust and never feel wanted. Guaranteed.
However, just because you are wrong in being jealous of fantasy or healthy engagement with porn, doesn't mean this is the right guy for you. He's obviously a bit clueless- and still figuring things out himself.
If your trust is broken and you no longer want to be with him, don't be. But please consider what I'm saying. You might have made great progress in dealing with your jealousy, but you are still trying to have waaaay more control over the thoughts and actions of your partner than you will ever get.
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The Question
My boyfriend won't change his Facebook status. Mine says in a relationship with so and so, but his says single. We've been dating exclusively for TWO YEARS now. What do I say to him to make him understand that this hurts me because it stirs up a lot of drama when you click on his name from my profile and on his it's glaring at me: SINGLE. Do you think maybe I should wait longer, or am I right to ask him after two years to update it...
The Answer
Even if he doesn't want to list that he is in a relationship for whatever reason he might have - you can fairly expect him to at least remove the SINGLE tag and have no status listed.
It's not about what 'rights' you have. It's about the fact he is presenting himself to people in a dishonest way. Point it out gently, but clearly.
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The Question
Ok so I have a boyfriend. He's on the school football team. Nd I went to the game today to find him sitting on the bench with the parametics. Nd they took him in an ambulance. Nd he's at the hospital with a concusion. Idk how bad it is. Nd bc he's at the hospital I'm sure he doesn't have his phone. Nd I wanna tlk to him. To c if he's ok. I'm really nervous to c how he is. I googled it. Nd it sed something about short term memory loss. Does tht mean he culd forget who I am or something. ???
The Answer
Generally, short term memory loss after a concussion, means you forget the hour or two before you got the concussion, nothing more. If you’ve been dating for more than a few days, memories of you are now ‘long-term’ memories.
If he just has a bad concussion, he’ll be fine in a while. He’ll just need to take it easy. If he broke something as well getting a concussion, or had internal bleeding, it might be a bit worse. But a concussion by itself isn't usually too horrible.
I hope you can speak to him soon.
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The Question
I have been with my boyfriend off and on for about 5 years now.For some reason he has a problem with me staying up late even if I cant sleep right away.He told me its because when he gets off of work he would like to spend time with me.I said to him okay..I did change my sleep patterns for him.When I did that he never did spend time with me he always just played his game online.Yesterday night I stayed up one time because I could not sleep and he had a fit about it.I told him why should I Do what you had asked if you dont spend time with me..?He said yes I do,but he doesnt..its like he wants me to believe what he thinks.I dont know its weird to me.
The Answer
Set 'together time' in advance.
Make plans a day or two in advance to rent a movie, or order a pizza or some such together in the evening when he comes home.
You two are both expecting the other person to just magically be available, but with different schedules and different interests, that isn't going to happen. Instead, decide together when you’ll both be available. Then you can plan your sleeping schedule as best as you can, and he can plan his gaming one.
Pick a night or two next week, and tell him as much. You both have valid complaints, but you’ve got to deal with them better.
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