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How come I can't keep friends
i am a 28 year old female i don't know what it is aout me but i can't seem to keep any friends. its not anything that i did its just that people don't like me. ESPECIALLY WOMEN. Women hate my guts they are always talking about me behind my back.I was friends with this girl since 7th grade she slept with my boyfriend behind my back. And i got her a job working where i work and she started talking behind my back spreading rumors about me to all my co-workers.
I was also friends with this girl from high school. and one day for no good reason she just stoped talking me LIKE LITTERALLY she stoped when i called her she did not pick up when i stoped by her house she acted like she wasn't home. and i knew she was home cause i saw her peeping through the window. I was so embarresed. I keep trying to figure it out does my breath stink am i annoying to people its nothing like that at least i don't think so.
And then recently this other girl stoped talking to me. I've known her for years too. She asked me for $500 dollars to pay the rest of her rent. (mind you she always asks me for cash and i always give it to her) $10 here $20 there gas money stuff like that and she never pays me back. This time she asked me for a whole $500 when i told her that i didn't have it she stoped talking to me she acted like i betrayed her or something.
i don't know if i'm the one with the problem or if its everyone else. What do you think?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Go to therapy, and talk it over with a pro.
You do have a problem. Maybe that problem is the company you keep and not having high enough standards for the people you begin friendships with. Maybe you are a pushover. Maybe you are a bitch. Maybe the problem is just a run of bad luck.
Whatever it is, when a problem seems to keep cropping up in your life it's rather sensible to assume that something you are doing is contributing to it.
Maybe you aren't contributing to it at all! If you were 18 I'd say you had a run of bad luck, but at 28 it's tougher to assume that. If you suspect you are could do better and find something to avoid these pit falls, and to explore the possibility of changing past patterns of interactions - therapy is a good tool.
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dont ever doubt yourself you just havent found the right friends yet. these peopledo use you, by the sound of it you have hade a lucky escape friends dont always ask you to lend them monyand if they did they would pay you back friends are ment to be their for you keep clear of these people you deserve better.
good luck :)
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It would seem to me that people consider you to be weak and an easy target for abuse. That's being blunt about it. They also see you as someone who can't and or won't stand up for herself.
The friend who slept with your boyfriend is a piece of work especially after you got her a job. It's worse if the job happened afterward and she started talking. You should have done something and put her in her place.
Then there's the issue of being conned out of $500, gas money and who knows how much from a so-called friend out to milk the situation for all it was worth because she knew you needed somebody.
Not surprising she wasn't a real friend and split the moment you did the right thing for once and said NO. She betrayed you and not the other way around.
People are definitely seeing you as a pushover and someone easily manipulated and desperate for companionship so they prey on your insecurities.
What you need to do is see a good psychiatrist (and no you aren't crazy and need not be to see one.) and tell him/her about your inability to keep friends, what's happened in the past and how you are easily used and manipulated by anyone you befriend. Get their support and tips and work on social skills and becoming tougher.
Then you should put the past behind you and try to find people who have the same interests and really need friends who are often ignored by others. Start there and build outward adding more people and start to judge who you can trust based on interactions at work, school etc.
Is the problem with everyone else? No. Is it with you? yes and no. The problem is with their behavior but also with you setting yourself up and not looking harder at whether they should be in your circle or not.
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First off, you shouldn't have to PAY for a friendship. Why would you give her money? Her rent is not your rent. Being a good friend means being there emotionally. Financials are her responsibility.
There's no way to tell who is part of the problem. Sometimes people get tired of each other and move on. Don't take it personally. Grow a thick skin and don't let it get to you.
Try choosing friends with different qualities than the "friends" you just mentioned because it sounds like you were being used.
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