|
Friendly Love Triangle = Threesome?
16/f
My boyfriend (19) and I both have a very close friend(18). He's gay and is, for the both of us, our best friend. My boyfriend and I have decided to not put a label on our relationship and to just simply, take our relationship for what it is, so I wouldn't really say we're tied down to each other; we just chose to be with each other. In the past, both my boyfriend and I have expressed an attraction to our close friend (We're both bi).
Lately, it seems as if our relationship as a group has just become...extremely relaxed. We've all been through a lot and tend not to really care anymore. We all will snuggle and sleep with each other and for the most part, might as all well be dating each other. It's weird, and I'm not quite sure what to think about it.
I love my boyfriend, he loves me. We love our friend, and our friend would be willing to do anything with me, but likes my boyfriend.
The possibility of a threesome has come up in conversation jokingly, however, due to certain events as of recently, the event of a legitimate threesome seems to become even more so plausible...and it's a little scary. (considering we all talked about it somewhat jokingly before)
I'm not sure what to think or even do about this. We all love each other but...the situation just feels a little off.
Please, I'm in some need of advice. I don't want to lose my friends.
Thanks.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I've heard this one before! This is where you come back in six months and tell us you turned your boyfriend gay!
Seriously though it's not a good idea. Especially not at your collective ages. You know, if you were in your late 20s and the situation didn't feel off and the gay friend wasn't "willing to do stuff with you" and several other things I'm sure you forgot to mention I might say "ehh, whatever"
Not at 16. You're too young to "not be putting a label on the relationship" and such. There's way too much complex emotion which you've barely dipped your toes in at this point behind it all. None of you has a clue about what this might do to you emotionally. You're dragging drama into your life on the slight hope that "it'll all just work out okay"
Adults know you don't screw around with "maybe it'll all just work out ok."
]
Probably a bad idea.
I think you sort of know it's probably a bad idea.
There are lots of reasons people will give you (inexperience, drama, emotional bullshit) but I'm going to offer you a slightly different one:
The guy is gay.
He is 'willing' to have sex with you.
I would bet at least a bit of your discomfort comes from feeling like a third wheel.
One the people you are considering having sex with is only 'willing', not excited, not eager, not attracted to you. Just willing to have you there.
No wonder you are feeling a bit off. He might love you as a friend, but if he doesn’t have any sexual attraction to you and your lady parts that could feel like a bum deal for you. I couldn’t have a threesome, I couldn’t even have sex, with someone who was honestly not attracted to me sexually at all. Where is the fun in that?
Don’t get me wrong – you could still have a threesome and have a fun time but everyone needs to acknowledge what is likely going on here – One some level the two guys think the only way that they can have contact is with you in the room.
Whatever you do, the topic has come up and now you should try and face it. Just ignoring it might mean something happens BEFORE you are able to talk it through, and that is always a disaster. Have a really honest talk with your boyfriend first and foremost. Ask what excites him about the idea of threesome. Ask him what he imagines would happen. Tell him what you would imagine. You have to be explicit to find out if you have compatible desires from a threesome. Then, if you both are comfortable and have a good idea of what you want, approach your friend and see if he is game and thinking in the same way you both are.
However, I still advise against it. You won’t like to hear it, but it is true: You are full young to dive into the deep end of group sex and all the emotions it drags up and its complicated negotiations. I have nothing against threesomes – but what you describe here I wouldn’t, personally, be game for. There is too much at stake. You don’t have the age and experience that comes with it to handle it. And the guy indentifies as gay. I wouldn’t do it.
]
I always say women don't listen to their intuition (gut) enough. Its a special gift we have but we've been taught to ignore it. Your gut is telling you that, no matter how interesting this idea sounds in conversation, something is not right. So listen to your gut. Don't do it. Introducing a 3some into this relationship with your friend could really cause complications down the line. You may end up losing someone you love a lot. I wouldn't think about exploring a 3some with a friend. If you feel you want to, look outside your current circle of friends. Friendships can get a bit messy once you introduce sex into them, no matter what your sexual orientation. Just read all of the letters on this site about sex with friends. Your gut is sending you a warning. Don't ignore it.
]
More Questions: |