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married and need advise on life insurance
Ive been married just over two years. Were both in our forties. my wife makes three times what i do. shes always harassing me about the time i spend with family and relatives and time/things i try and do with my two boys from my first marriage. she says i dont put her first but she always does according to her. i just found out on my own that she changed her life insurance policy over a year ago to where i get 10% and her family and two grown kids get 90%? Im upset about it and confronted her with her answer being i juust want them to be taking care of and thats it. im seriously thinking about filing for sep. or divorce. any advice on what to do?
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Your problems have nothing to do with life insurance.
If her children are grown, and you have no dependant’s together, it's perfectly reasonable for her to want to see her life insurance policy support her children primarily.
You didn't marry her for the money did you? Probably not. So back off about the money. The problem here is that you aren’t even able to talk about these plans civilly and you’ve dissolved into secret keeping and blaming.
Get your butts to marital counselling to help negotiate your different values and goals from the relationship. At very least, go to counselling to help you end the marriage in the tidiest most decent way possible.
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There are bigger problems in your marriage than life insurance. Like lack of communication and trust. Dearcandore picked up correctly.
Honestly, life insurance shouldn't matter. She has her kids, you have yours, and she wants to make sure her kids are taken care of. It's an understandable sentiment.
I have the possibility of inheriting a significant amount from my parents. If they haven't disinherited me my wife and I have already discussed that that money will be saved specifically for our kids. We're starting to work on our own retirement plans together, but the money we get handed down goes to the kids first.
I don't see her thoughts being any different. If you have a problem bring it up. If you want to stay married for any significant further period of time, get to counseling. If you want a divorce get to counseling anyway so you're sure you aren't making a mistake.
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There are other issues here apart from your life insurance cut. I'm sensing a huge lack of trust. You guys need to seek out counseling. You are both facing a huge challenge. Second marriages (I'm assuming this is the deal for her too, since she has kids) have TWICE the failure rate of first marriages. You both married into a ready made family, as opposed to creating one together, and of course that can cause stress. Counseling can help you both cut through all the baggage and get to the heart of the matter. Don't give up on your marriage before you've sought help, please. You CAN work this out, but it will take work, just like anything else. It sounds like you guys maybe both had certain expectations when you entered the marriage, but you never really talked about what those expectations were and now its creeping up on you. I understand you're upset and I'm not saying you shouldn't be. What you should be, however, is concerned and willing to explore all of your options for saving this marriage before you walk out the door. After all, you promised. For better or for worse. The worse part can get pretty bad sometimes. Don't rob yourself of a happy life by giving up too soon. You'll never regret trying.
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