My favourite quote is 'Do unto others as you would have them do unto you'.
Life really is a roller-coaster with it's ups and downs and varying speeds. Yet no matter how hard you try to stay on an even keel, something always comes along to kick you in the teeth and remind you just how fragile life is. We are all trying to live the best we know how and to get along together. So take time to appreciate those around you and tell them how much you love them occasionally. A smile and a kind word speaks volumes.
Gender: Female
Location: Dorset
Occupation: Housewife/Mother/Counsellor/Volunteer
Member Since: April 20, 2006
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Last Update: February 17, 2009
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I am 42 and I just recently got married to a woman I have known my entire life but we both got married to other people shortly after high school. She has three teenage daughters Sam is 19 Meagan is 18 and Audree is 16. Their father left them shortly after my wife had her youngest daughter and so she has raised them all by herself. They have always been pretty affluent because my wife's family has quite a bit of money and she is a magazine editor. She lets the girls get away with murder and they get everything rthey could possibly even dream of wanting. I have a very big issue with this since my three sons (19 18 aand 17) are expected to follow very strict rules. I was in the army for several years and my children are expected to abide by my rules or face the consequences.
The girls however are completely out of control, especially the youngest one, Audree. My wife and i both agreed on a curfew for the all six kids when they moved in. She convinced me to change the curfew of my sons to be midnight for all of the kids. I agreed but with hesitation. Like always before my kids have always gotten here on time or before their curfew while her daughters completely disregard the rules. For example, Audree was late for curfew 4 times out of the 7 days last week. My wife didn't even talk to her about it. When i confronted her al she said was "She is only 16. I think we should just let her live her life." I found out the other day that her girls have never been grounded, never had acurfew, and are very open about teh fact that they go to parties and drink. Sam has gotten in 4 accidents since she has lived here, and Meagan has her boyrfriend over all the time without supervision, all things i dont tolerate from my own kids. Audree came home in tears the other night because she got a ticket for driving 19 MILES OVER THE SPEED LIMIT! My wife just hugged her and tried to calm ehr down the entire night and i never heard a single word about the ticket, which i had to pay for sicne none of her kids have jobs. I almost feel as if she is condoning this outrageous behavior since she never repremands her kids. I don't know how to explain to my kids about thsi double standard in our house but i feel like i can't interfere quite yet with her disiplining (or lack there of)since i am not their real father and have only been in their lives for 3 years. I just don't know how much more of this disrepect i can take from them. They are beautiful girlsand i love them like my own. I wish i could treat them this way though. I feel like i owe it to them to lay down the law and punsih them for things like curfew and partying and bad grades but i dont know if it will just put more stress on our relationship that could eventually cause tension between my wife and I. How should i handle this? (link)
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You are in a very difficult position and I can understand your frustration regarding this. However, they are her daughters and it will be difficult to change a lifetime of upbringing. You really need to have a talk with your wife and then call a family conference and try and work out some ground rules for all of you. Listen to the children have their say and then they must listen to you and your wife. Explain how uncomfortable you are feeling because of these double standards and then suggest a few ways in which you could all work together on this. It is also highly likely that it won't go down well with your step-daughters and at 19 and 18,the oldest girls may well ignore you completely as they are now classed as young adults. The youngest however, should learn to respect a few rules. Please don't start laying down the law because that will not help at all. It would be better if you could explain why there are rules in place - for instance if they are late - you could be forgiven for thinking they had had an accident or been assaulted and needed help and if they were over curfew then you had good reason to go looking for them to offer help. But because it is a frequent occurence, should the worst happen, you would not be aware that something was wrong and wouldn't go looking to help out. You need to handle this all with kid gloves and try using a little psychology to help them understand your point of view. The biggest hurdle I think is getting your wife to agree to some major changes. If you present a united front change will happen, albeit slowly. Don't allow the girls to play you off against each other once you have agreed to the rules. I wish you all the very best with this problem and hope that I have been of some help.
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I've had my period for about 6 years now, and this whole time it has never been regular. I get it pretty much whenever it feels like coming, twice a month, skip a mont or two, get it for 2 weeks straight.... It's ridiculous. Ontop of it being irregular, I have the WORST PMS, terrible cramps to the point where I can't stand up straight, the WORST mood swings and so many aches and pains.
My doctor had suggested for me to go on birth control to make my period come on time, and to help with my PMS. I talked to my mom about it, and she doesn't want me to go on birth control because she says it's not safe. I even had my doctor sit and talk to her about it but she won't let me go on it. She says that it means I will start having sex and that she doesn't want that happening.
However, what she does not know, I have been sexually active for about 2-3 years now. I haven't been recently because my boyfriend and I broke up, but I do use a condom.
My question is how can I get my mom to let me go on birth control? Or, how can I go on it without her knowing about it? I know I can go to Planned Parenthood, but I don't know how I'd be able to get myself there because I don't have a car of my own, and I just moved to a new state and I don't know ANYONE.
I really want to go on it, my period is out of control and I DO want to protect myself more when I become sexually active again. Any suggestions? (link)
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You are an adult and you do not need your Mum's permission to go on birth control. Once you have a prescription from your doctors, all you need to do it have it filled and collected and start taking it. If you have a friend you trust perhaps they can collect it for you when you need a repeat. Your Mum can do nothing about you taking the pill, but I am aware that you may feel like you cannot disobey her. It is your life and you should be in control of it so please do what is best for you and not your Mum. I hope it all works out okay for you.
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ok so im 14 and im in complete love with my boyfriend and i know u here that all of the time but we hang out everyday and when im not with him its the worste feeling in the world and we've been together 5 months and we've been inseperable ever since so we were down in my basement the one day and me and him r kind of kinky haha and we like to fool around but we've never had sex and we arent going to b/c wer'e too young and there is too many risks so anyway, i went to put on a skirt [so he didnt have to pull my pants down b/c my mom was upstairs] and then i told my mom i was going to "model" the skirt for him so i wnet downstairs and out it on then he was laying on the floor and i went to step over him so he could look up my skirt and as soon as i did that my mom came down and saw that! i told her i tripped and she came down at the worste time ever it was soo bad and now she thinks im like a whore or something and i told her im not but im not going to tell her that ive done everything but sex esp. if she thinks ill ive done was make out yanno? and now my bf thinks my mom hates him but she doesnt so i dont know what to do! please help me! what do i do? :/ (link)
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Mum's don't like the idea or knowledge that their little girls are beginning to experiment with sex. She will only have your best interests at heart and she will be upset to think that you are "making out" at 14 (with all that it entails). Be honest with your Mum and tell her that you are not having sex and have no intention of going all the way until you are much, much older. There are still risks with fooling around and you should be aware that you can still catch STDs from a guy who has had unprotected sex with someone else. You and your Mum need to come to an agreement and fix some boundaries for you and your boyfriend. She was young once and will remember what it was like to be 14 and have raging hormones racing around her body. Listen to what she has to say and understand where she is coming from. Hope this helps.
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ok so heres the thing: my brother confessed a secret to me a while ago, he and my stepsister have a relationship and much more... so im like ok watever but like my dad and stepmom started suspectin about this but have not confirmed it yet. one day my dad asked me if i knew somethin about this, to help my bro i said i didnt but i felt hella bad b/c i lied to dad. im soo confused i cant tell my dad but i dont like lyin to him but if i tell him, i would betray my bro..omg wat should I do??? (link)
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Your brother's confession has put you in an awful position. There are no blood ties between your brother and your stepsister so there really shouldn't be any problems in them having a relationship. However, that said, if they do break up that is when the problems will start if they can't live in the same house together. You have not given their ages so I am assuming they are still in their teens. Yes you must have felt awful lying to your Dad and you should try to avoid doing so again. If he asks you if you know anything tell him that you were told some things in confidence and he should really be speaking to your brother. That way you are not lying to him and you are also keeping your brothers secret. I know this will inevitably mean that your Dad will realise something is going on and a confrontation may arise from it. This is not your fault and you should not take any of the blame should it come your way. Families are difficult at the best of times to get a good balance and if this does cause problems, please point out to them all that it is not against the law for your brother and stepsister to be together. I hope that when this relationship is out in the open, your Dad and Stepmum are pleased about it. Good luck.
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A little more than a year ago a friend was diagnosed with cancer. I decided to be optimistic and treated it like it wasn't a big deal. She would go through some unpleasant chemo and then it would be over.
We have kind of a teasing relationship so I made a point of not treating her any differently, while other friends were more sympathetic and altered plans to suit her condition.
Now I've learned that treatments didn't work and they give her about a year. I feel so bad about the way I treated her that I haven't been able to face her since. How can I make amends? (link)
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You have no need to feel bad about the way you dealt with her diagnosis at the time. Now that she has been diagnosed with terminal cancer you will find that however hard it will be, you must be by her side and taking whatever she dishes out to you. The only way forward is to talk to her and to treat her in the same cosy friendship you always have with less of the teasing if you don't feel comfortable with it. It is going to be very hard on you and you will need the support of your own family around you so that you can be strong for your friend. Be there with the tissue box when she is low, with a bar of chocolate and a DVD when she needs company and most of all just be there for her when she needs you. I wish you all the courage to get through this and when the time comes for her to leave, be proud of the friendship you two had. Take care.
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my boyfriend thinks vaginas are gross.
i need professional help.
what do i do? (link)
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There are many people who find the sexual organs distasteful. It is entirely a personal opinion and should be respected for it. Why do you think you need professional help if your boyfriend thinks vaginas are gross? You may find that as he gets older his opinions will change but if they don't you can't force him to like vaginas. If it is affecting your sexual relationship then you might have a problem if he is unable to perform in bed. You do not specify your age so I am going to assume you are still quite young - I apologise if I am wrong. Please give him a bit of time if he is still young too. At this stage there is nothing you can do. Wait until you and he are older if the problem becomes physical.
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well my weve been going out for like a month, and whenever im like you should watch the notebook one day he always says not unless im guaranteed dome after this.
like i dont always mind, but like i wonder if hes serious, or like joking.
and like does it mean he wants me to give him head.
you know.
&like i wanted him to watch it, because its romantic, but i dont want him to watch it just because he thinks hes gonna get head after.
what should i do. (link)
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You have only been dating for a month and he should not be expecting you to perform sexual acts on him already. He may well be joking, or just trying his luck, but I suggest you get to know each other a whole lot better before entering into any intimacy. Never feel pressurised into doing anything that you are not comfortable with - especially giving a guy a blowjob. Always use protection against infection and unwanted pregnancy when you do decide to go ahead. Please wait at least another couple of months before taking your relationship a stage further. All the best.
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what does it mean to 'pop your cherry'.
i know it has to deal with blood and private. (link)
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Basically it means to have sex for the first time. When you first have penatrative sex this small piece of skin is broken and there may be a small show of blood. It is not painful and if you are physically active - for instance ride a horse/bike, do gymnastics or cheerleading, the chances are that your hymen may have already been broken. That does not mean to say that you are not a virgin, you will remain a virgin until your have sexual intercourse. Have a look at the following link and it explains it in more detail.
http://www.starmatrimonials.com/hymen.asp
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16/f
My boyfriend and I had sex. His parents found out, how they found out is a long story that wouldn’t mean much to you. Anyways…to the point; I have never been so embarrassed in my life. Does anyone have a story, about their parents or this partners parents finding out, to share with me, so I don’t feel so dumb? Or any story at all that is. It’s silly I know, but I need something that helps me know... I’m not the only one whos parents have found out. Thanks :) (link)
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I wish I could answer this question without revealing details. However, what I will say is that I couldn't look my boyfriends mother in the face for a long time. She never breathed a word about it to anyone as far as I am aware. It was a very long time ago (when sex before marriage was frowned upon) and now I can laugh about it. You do get over the embarrassment eventually and probably a lot quicker in these more open-minded times. There will be scores of people with similar stories.
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ok... i know i sound insane, but im 14/f
some guy i love in florida wanted to kill himself
i felt helpless and i tried to stop him. i told him i would tell my mom, but we live a good day away from him.
i couldnt do anything, i dont know if he died.
i wanted to kill myself, i love him, and i couldnt stop him.
at first, i tried to hang myself, i became shaky and delirious
so i tried to calm down, and i couldnt.
so i went into the kitchen, and grabbed the nearest pill bottle, ibuprofen.
i put the bottle to my mouth, and swallowed.
the problem is, i swallowed seven. i know i sound crazy, but ive NEVER overdosed in my life with anything.
i am freaking, because after i realized what i had done, i researched it, and it says to seek immediate medical attention... but i cant.
i worked too hard to gain trust in my mom.
its ten of three in the morning.
i am afraid of the sideeffects of what i have done...
i need to know, its still early... is there anyway i can reverse it? stop the pills effects? wash them out of my system? anything. i dont need to be lectured, i need to know how to stop this. (link)
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You need to listen to ysgirls advice and seek medical attention immediately.
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So i was with my b/f and i was jacking him off and he was fingering me and then he came on my shirt and then i touched it and then directly after like about 5 minutes after i touched my underwear and put them on...and now i have not gotten my period yet. Now i am a teenager and i'm not that regular yet, but all i do know is that it always comes at the end of (or the very begining) of each month. We did these things about 2 weeks ago. I still havnt gotten it. And i wasnt on birth control. Now idk if this could make me pregnant. i know that theres always a chance, but i got on here to find out form some more experienced people what those odds are. so please help please! i appreciate it if you do..!
thanks for your time (link)
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It is very doubtful that you could be pregnant this time but you really should be a little more careful in future. It is highly likely that your anxiety is causing your period to be late. If your period does not come within the next two weeks you should do a pregnancy test just to be absolutely certain. It would be a very good idea to keep some wet wipes in your bag at all times so that you can clean your hand before touching yourself or your underwear. All the best.
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what are some of the scariest movies you've ever seen? i need a really scary one! thankss =) (link)
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For me I think it would have to be The Manitou. It's quite an old film now so I am not sure if you can get hold of a copy. It might be worth googling it.
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hey. i have a problem. OKay, so I always use my dad's $400 ish camera when im with my friends and when I go to the mall just to take random pictures. its 2 years old and is a Nikon.
2 days ago I was at the mall with my friend and i dropped all my stuff. I didn't notice that my camera had dropped, so i just went home. Today I was wondering where it was and I realized I had DROPPED IT. and my friend even saw it but she thought it wasn;t mine.
So basically I LOST my dads camera. and if i tell my parents, they will get so mad at me for it, since it contained a lot of my dads business pictures that he needed. My mom will definately start yelling at me of how irresponsible I am. My dad probably will get mad at me too just not as much as my mom.
I feel really bad. I have about 73000 in YEN(japanese currency), which is about $670 ish. and i have $50 in dollars. I dont care about paying them and getting them a new camera at all. I'm just mad at how stupid I am, and how irrespondible my parents are going to think i am.
my parents don't know yet. and soon they will start asking me for the camera. I seriously don't know what I should say. I dont wanna say i lost it.really.
How should i exchange my money (besides airport).
I don't know...I just feel really bad. (link)
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I agree that you should own up and take responsibility for the loss. However, just a quick thought, have you checked that it hasn't been handed in by some law-abiding citizen? I know it's a long shot but worth trying first.
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14/f
okay well, blah this sounds embarrasing. if anyone hugs me, my chest, like hurts. im only 32a and my doctor or w/e says i wont grow a chest && everything till around 15. But like can this be a sign of my chest growing? Cause it annoys me when i hug my best friend or boyfrienf good bye cause i have to be like "dont hug so harrd". or do i have like breast cancer or something? I dont know im so confused :/ (link)
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It's always a good idea to keep an eye on anything that may look or feel different to your normal breasts. Any changes should be looked at by your doctor but some girls/ladies have very sensitive breasts any way. Yours are still developing and this could be causing the discomfort so don't be too alarmed. All females develop at different rates. I find that my breasts hurt a lot more just before a period and I don't like being hugged hard either at that time of the month.
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do you think I should get my lip pierced, heres what I look like with a fake one in.
http://tinypic.com/view.php?pic=638mbeh (link)
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I honestly think you would look much better without a lip piercing. If you are old enough how about a tongue piercing or a belly piercing?
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This girl I'm friends with on Facebook, well her last name is Seiber, but on it she made it Seibs. Also, my other friend made it Fergie, from Ferguson.
Could I do anything like that with Lopez? (link)
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My personal opinion is that it is okay the way it is. However, you could add a star or a number or a derivation like Jennifer Lopez calling herself J.Lo depending on what your first name is.
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I just got what's called the "smiley" piercing.
Here's a link below to show you what it looks like, it's very unusual. (It's the upper piercing, if you didn't know.)
http://tattoo.about.com/library/graphics/lindasmiley2.jpg
It's my ONLY piercing and my teeth are perfectly, movie-star white and straight. I have a bar in it instead of a ring right now so you can't see it.
What does everyone think, is it tacky or just strange?
Would I look trashy even though it's my only piercing?
I don't dress trashy at all, I have a sort of "preppy/classy" look- I keep myself looking sharp and clean.
So.. Opinions? (link)
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I'm sorry to say but it does look uncomfortable and a bit strange. It will chip the enamel off your teeth if you are not very careful with it. It also looks quite fragile there.
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Okay well, all my life I felt like I have grown up all by myself. My parents weren't really there for me. I am the oldest out of four kids, and my parents would always leave us at my grandma's house when we were young. And when I started school they started leaving us at home alone. My parents would always be too tired, so they would never help me with my homework. I felt that I had to grow up and become someone important just so they can pay attention. So I would try so hard at school. I would get straight A's, get awards, and other stuff. But they simply didnt' show that they cared. They just always said "good job" and that's it. As I got older they kept pressuring me to become a lawyer at age 9. I felt so pressured. And now at age 15, I want to tell them that I don't want to be a lawyer. And that I don't want to stay in Anaheim or California. I really want to tell them, but they have so many expectations for me. I mean, they REALLY want me to be a lawyer and stay with them forever. I don't know how to tell them because my mom has panic attacks. And well, my dad can has had strokes in the past. I don't know how to break the news to them without them dying. What should I do? Am I a bad daughter for telling them that I don't want to be what they want me to be? Help, please. (link)
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If you know instead what it is that you want to do, it would be a good idea to do some research into the options. That way, when you do say something to your parents, you can tell them that although you don't want to be a lawyer, this is the career that you would rather have and then present them with any information you have gathered together. I agree with the advice on waiting until there is a low level of stress before approaching them with your ideas. You are in no way a bad daughter for wanting to live your own life and they should be proud of you for being an individual. You may have to give them a little time to come to terms with not getting their own way though. Good luck.
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Me and my boyfriend have been dating about a month and a half. And I love him already. And I've never been in love. It's real. I haven't told him yet because I'm scared he won't say it back and that worries me. He almost told me that he did after like two weeks but then another guy kissed me and everything got messed up. But it's way better now that I mean it. I want to tell him, I don't know if I should yet. I mean I know I love him though. (link)
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I agree with Hollister in that it is a little too soon to be telling him you love him. It would be worth waiting a little while longer to say anything. If he tells you first then you can reply with honesty. However, if you say it first and he says nothing back, you may feel a bit let down. You will know when the time is right so just use your judgement.
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Can your dad/father/parent be arrested for slapping/hitting you?
Heres the low down.
My mom doesnt live with me and my dad.
He blames everything on me.
He calls me everything in the book.
Uses the word fuck in every sentence.
Calls me worthless piece of shit, little fuck, bitch, bastard, remarked about braces and he said fuck your teeth, says "I'm getting sick of you", "go live with your mom".
He accuses my mom of EVERYTHING.
He says that people break into our houses, just to justify that he's better than my mom.
He apologizes, but it's getting to be worthless sorries. I get it all the time.
He's stubborn and he won't listen to anyone.
He's over protective.
I'm getting sick of it. I mean I can take it.
I've been taking it, but sometimes I want to just run away to friends houses just to get away from all the shit.
What should I do?
THANKYOU IN ADVANCE. (link)
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If he has actually assaulted you then you can go to the police. The verbal abuse is very strong and I would take exception to it too. Can you talk to your Mom about it? Does she know exactly what is going on? You have not specified your age so I will assume you are still a minor. There must be an adult in your life that you can trust and go to. They will then be able to help you get the assistance you need to get this situation sorted out. Please don't just run away because that may well create more problems. Have a plan in place so that you will be safe. Would your friends parents be able to help you out temporarily? Do you have any siblings and does he treat them the same if you do? You say your father is over-protective and stubborn - is there a reason for that? I will also assume that you have tried talking to him with little change. You can change this around but only with guidance from adults and people in authority. Please ask for the help you need and take it. I wish you well and if I can be of any more help please let me know. Take care.
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