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A little more than a year ago a friend was diagnosed with cancer. I decided to be optimistic and treated it like it wasn't a big deal. She would go through some unpleasant chemo and then it would be over.
We have kind of a teasing relationship so I made a point of not treating her any differently, while other friends were more sympathetic and altered plans to suit her condition.
Now I've learned that treatments didn't work and they give her about a year. I feel so bad about the way I treated her that I haven't been able to face her since. How can I make amends?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Face her. Go talk to her.
The cruelest response to someone in pain isn't to say the wrong thing, Saying the wrong thing can be fixed. "I'm sorry. I care. I just said the wrong thing."
It's to say nothing. Silence, you can never take back.
Go talk to her. Now.
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Everyone deals with illness in a different way. If at all, treating her the same probably makes her feel better. You are her friend and the fact that you are willing to treat her the same will make her feel less scared.
Instead of sitting by her and being sad and crying, do something fun together. Sitting and worrying about her death will only make her worried and frustrated. Take the time to take her to her favorite restaurant, take her to the park or the movies, have a picnic together, color together, do anything!
Whatever you do, try not to dwell on the the inevitable future. Make her last year a fun one and make sure she knows that she is loved. Thats what friends do.
Deepest sympathies,
sugarplum07
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You have no need to feel bad about the way you dealt with her diagnosis at the time. Now that she has been diagnosed with terminal cancer you will find that however hard it will be, you must be by her side and taking whatever she dishes out to you. The only way forward is to talk to her and to treat her in the same cosy friendship you always have with less of the teasing if you don't feel comfortable with it. It is going to be very hard on you and you will need the support of your own family around you so that you can be strong for your friend. Be there with the tissue box when she is low, with a bar of chocolate and a DVD when she needs company and most of all just be there for her when she needs you. I wish you all the courage to get through this and when the time comes for her to leave, be proud of the friendship you two had. Take care.
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Tell her you didn't want her to think just because of this that you were gonna change your friendship. And tell her it was to keep her comfortable. She will understand.
Most people hate friends being sympathetic and changing their whole relationship.
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