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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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(WittyUsernameHere.) (karenR.) (NinjaNeer.) (rainbowcherrie.) (DangerNerd.)
The Question
Hey Kids, its time for an off-the-wall question!
Here's the deal: Just got back to my European home base after a year in Afghanistan this week. haven't seen a girl in that whole time (yes, there are girls in the military, but where we knuckle-draggers go, women are not allowed). So, in the spirit of complete drunken debauchery, I shotgunned a pretty fair amount of tequila, and set off with my medics to inflict ourselves upon the hapless european locals. now, if you've been in the army, you know medics are the most depraved individuals god has seen fit to set upon the earth. In a nutshell, we drank every pub dry, then followed the lead of my good friend, who happens to be the most unrepentant scoundrel on the face of the earth- to the whore house. I'll keep it out of the NC-17 realm and just leave it at this- Prostitutes were solicited. here's the interesting part: During the deployment, a girl that I'd been friends with for approximately 8 years got involved. I've known since 2007 that she's wanted a relationship, and through chatting online for the past 7 months, its developed into something, yeah she's pulling the whole "I love you" card on me now whenever I sign off, and I'm letting it slide. I don't move quickly in relationships unless tequila is involved, hence my wonderful stock of "I started drinking tequila and woke up in bed with a polish chick and had an awkward breakfast with her family" stories. good times... anywho, I have no idea what the protocol is with this whole "I love you" thing, and until I'm well and ready to say it back, I'm going to ignore it. though, mind you, once I get home I plan to be serious with this chick and try to develop my first non-alcohol related meaningful relationship. I consider the relationship to be in the planning stage, and don't plan to ever reveal this recent incident or any of my other wonderful booze-soaked adventures. She's kinda fragile and I'm pretty confident the truth would be a little traumatic.
so, ladies and gents, your opinion? is my recent behavior "cheating"? social norms are not my forte.
and as a disclaimer for the wonderful social activists out there: I know its human trafficking, but when you've seen the horrors of the world outside the comfort zone of North America and europe, petty things like that tend to get dwarved by real concerns like genocide and neofascism.
I appreciate your time and the intellectual discussions that this may breed, as they will determine next weekend's alcohol consumption plan and the resulting mayhem.
The Answer
It's not that the sleeping with the random European chicks that is 'cheating' darling (of course it is, if she is under the impression you are sexually exclusive with her and you haven't bothered to tell her otherwise... also barring that fact that soliciting sex is one thing, but knowingly supporting human trafficking is morally revolting, war or no war, you get no pass on that. Not all prostitution is human trafficking. If you hung out with her family, she probably wasn't a victim of human trafficking. I don't have a huge issue with prostitution, but human trafficking is Wrong with a capital W. Don't matter what you've been through in your life, you still have a responsibility to make sure you are paying for sex, not the enslavement of a trafficked individual.) Whatever else is going on you are engaged in a kind of systematic betrayal of confidence and lack of respect for this girl that makes you two a lousy match.
Ignoring her love remarks and calling it a card, is a cheap move. It's great that you know your own mind well enough to know your plans and intentions in this relationship, and to stand up for them, but you are fucking asshole if you haven't TOLD her what those plans and intentions are.
You want to be a decent, ethical human being, you need to two things:
One. You need to tell her exactly how you perceive this connection. That it's not a relationship yet, that it is in the planning stages, and that you are not ready to say the big L word, but that you want to give a relationship a real try when you get back.
Two. You need to get a full STI check before you do so much as disrobe in the presence of another female. I don't care if you used a condom or not. Get checked.
(Three: Use some caution when dealing with prostitutes. Favor the locals and talk to the prostitutes, not the pimps. Avoid human slaves.)
Finally, please consider the fact that you are basically talking about planning a relationship with a woman you think is so emotionally fragile and unhinged that you can't imagine being honest with her about actions and opinions that you believe are right and okay.
I'm not saying there is anything wrong with your actions or opinions (beyond what I've said about knowingly supporting human trafficking of course), but that you should seriously consider if it's worth giving a relationship a try with a girl who you don't respect or trust to handle you, the real you, warts and all.
I date a guy like you (despite the fact I think prostitution is just fine, but human trafficking is NOT, and I'd need to see your STD check paperwork). None of your opinions are deal breakers for me. I'd actually respect your honesty and self-knowledge. Girls like that are out there. Go for a girl who is a better match for you, one you can actually have honest conversations, even if it's not all all of the gory details. A girl who who you manage with silence, confusion and lies of omission is really not much better than a tequila induced hook up.
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The Question
I have a feeling of having a erotomania disorder. I have schoolmate that looks at me and i think he has a crush/love on me. After that day, I'm thinking already about me and him being together. Until i found out that he doesn't really likes me. And the situations repeat again with other guys. How can I Help myself to be not erotomaniac?? I badly need a help!
The Answer
You are not suffering from erotomania hun - not based on anything you've said here. You are perfectly normal, perfectly sane and completely human. Completely, totally, normal.
What you are describing is a perfectly normal (perhaps a bit oversensitive, or a bit over-eager) response. I would bet you are not too experienced in romance yet, and you are keen to have your first 'real-ish relationships'. Your fantasies are just expressing that desire. That's a natural confusion, part of growing up and developing, not a mental illness.
Listen to women in their thirties who bemoan it when they start imagining what their babies with a man might look like 5 minutes into the first date! This exact thing happens to adults too. Over time, you learn that fantasies are well and good, but shouldn't be taken too seriously.
I know it can be disappointing when you imagine one thing, but the reality is another. But the best thing you can do when those thoughts crop up is to remind yourself that the are fantasy, and distract yourself from them.
Erotomania is a delusional disorder where a person believes that a total stranger is communicating their love to them through telepathy, secret codes and other impossible ways. A person suffering from erotomania, is also not the least bit upset by it when the person they are obsessing over rejects them - the delusion disorder just tells them that is part of a game or ploy, and they go on obsessing. If you had erotomania, you wouldn't be able to acknowledge that he doesn't actually like you.
You aren't delusional. You have an over active imagination. You are keen and excitable. Don't worry so much. It's good to be aware and on your guard against your fantasies, but you aren't ill.
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The Question
can ink posioning kill you?
The Answer
Not all inks are made of the same things.
Getting some ink from a pen or a printer into a cut - no, that isn't going to kill you.
Drinking a can of fabric dye... Well, you should at least call poison control on that one.
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The Question
What are symptoms of being insane?
The Answer
Insane isn't an accurate term. It literally means 'mentally disordered', but there are millions and millions of reasons for a person's thinking to become disordered and for them to be incapable of reason.
Also, many perfectly sane people suffer from mental illness. Not all mentally ill people are insane, and not all insane people are even mentally ill. Mental illnesses have symptoms, but insanity it's doesn't have symptoms, because it's not an illness, it's a state of being. A bit like being burned. The symptoms of being burnt (feeling hot, itching, being in a lot of pain, having skin peal off) could be symptoms of millions of different illnesses and problem, but if you are burnt, then you are just in the state of being of being burnt.
If you are worried about your mental health, talk to a doctor or a therapist. Don't use online quizzes or a check list of symptoms. Mental health isn't like a broken wrist.
It's not so simple as being sane, or insane. There are many different symptoms for many different problems. To figure it out, you need to talk to a professional.
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The Question
In April my boyfriend broke up with me and said he didn't love me anymore. For a few months before that he told me he wasn't sure what he wanted anymore. So I did expect it but it hurt a lot, we'd been together for 8 months.
In June I got with a new guy. We broke up last month. My ex added me on FB today and I think he's leaning towards getting back together, would you say that's a good idea or not? He's fell out of love with me once and totally broke my heart. Could he do it again?
The Answer
Tell him he has missed the boat.
I might have said give him a chance if he came back on bended knee and said "I've made a mistake and I know I want to try again." but he said that he is leaning towards getting back together? Could he be any more wishy washy and non-committal? His 'leanings' are not worth you risking your heart on.
He'd need to be offering better than that for it to be worth your while.
Could he change his mind again? Sure. People can always change and you have to respect that, and if you want to be with someone, you take that risk. But a guy who has told you he is sort of, maybe thinking about dating you again, is not one who is taking that risk with you: He is setting up his excuses for changing his mind before he even commits to what he wants. He’s leaving as much of the risk and anxiety on your shoulders as he can, and you don’t have to put up with that.
If you still have hope for this silly boy, at least tell him not to talk to you again about this until he has decided one way or another.
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The Question
i have been have sex with my dad for a very very long time now and he has stoped useing condoms what the hell do i do ? is he trying to knock me up or what?
The Answer
If you aren't ready to call the police, because you are being sexually abused, then you call the Kids Help Phone at 1-800-668-6868.
It's anonymous and it's confidential so they can't call the cops, but you'll be able to get adult professional support, more than what we can offer here, and you need it desperately.
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The Question
My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 months. Yesterday he told me that he loves me. We've never said the L word to each other before. I told him that I liked him a lot that I was glad he cared so much for me. I know it sounds harsh but I don't think we're able to really fall in love because we're so young (we're both 14). He knows I care about him, and he said it was okay if I didn't say I loved him back. How do I know if he really does love me though? I don't want to act like this is no big deal, because it's HUGE, but I don't want to encourage to say things like this if he only THINKS he loves me or something?
The Answer
You can never really, truly, know what another person is thinking or feeling.
That's why trust is so important. You have to trust and respect your boyfriend enough to believe that what he tells you is true.
Don't worry about 'encouraging' him or anything like that. Instead, let him know that you trust him to be honest with you, and that you are going to be honest with him. If you can't honestly say love back to him, then don't.
Someday, someone is going to lie to you. There is no way to avoid that, but you'll make yourself miserable if you go around suspecting your partner of being the one who lies. By all means ask him about it, but remember to trust him to know his own heart.
I’ll say this about love and being too young: The way I feel and express love now, in my twenties, is very, very different than the way I was able to express love in my early teens. It’s fuller, more honest and I am all around better at being in love and being loving. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t love my partners when I was a teenager, it wasn’t a lie when I was 14 to say ‘I love you’, I just wasn’t very good at it back then.
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The Question
Okay this may be kinda long im sorry just bear with me please. so here is the story... my parents have been together for 15 years. It will be 16 this march. I guess my mom was talking to an ex boyfriend on facebook, then they started e-mailing and i guess they met for lunch a couple of times. This ex of hers is also married and has a wife and children. Well my dad told my mom he had a bad feeling and he knew that she had been talking to him. Yet he said word for word what was in their e-mails. I know that he went through my moms email there is no way he could have known word for word what was in the e-mail. Which i dont think is right at all but it wasnt right for my mom to be talking to this guy either. she told me that my dad had found out that she was talking to this ex a while ago and asked her to stop. Yet she continued behind his back. My mom is 36 and my dad 40. Im 17 years old and i have a younger sister who is 10 and a younger brother who is 6. I guess i just dont understand why my mom would do something like this. She is always the one who says "if your happily married you shouldnt need or want anyone else and when you do it is time to end the relationship." But i know for a fact that she is madly in love with my dad. Apparently this ex meant something to her or she wouldnt have done this. but she came crying to me yesterday saying that my dad wants a divorce. me and my mom have a very close relationship and she apologised for not telling me about this sooner. my dad wont even talk to her. I dont know what to do or say. He handed her two grand in cash yesterday and told her that it would get her on her feet and she needed to leave and she told him she wasnt going to leave us. I guess all im asking is what do i do here. Me and my mom have always been closer than me and my dad but i feel sorry for my dad, yet i feel sorry for my mom. im stuck in the middle here and im confused! i just need to know how to act and what to say. If my mom leaves im going with her but i dont want my dad to be mad at me for leaving him. See my dilema? any advice would be greatly appreciated. thanks in advance!
The Answer
Your parents are human, and have made some mistakes.
I'll be honest with you, your mothers first mistake was trying to tell you, and trying to make you all (and herself) believe that nonsense about "if your happily married you shouldnt need or want anyone else."
If you take nothing else away from this, learn that your mother was wrong: It's perfectly normal and natural to desire others in our lives, even just as friends. When we pretend it doesn't happen, we get ourselves into all sorts of surprising shit when it does! What's important is what you act on and how you behave. Your parents might have been in a better place to recognize what was happening if they had realized that desiring others is a perfectly normal passing thing in all healthy marriages, so long as you remember why you choose your marriage in the first place, and keep on choosing your partner.
Know that when you love someone, you might also experience attraction to others. Don't be surprised by it or pretend it won't happen if you are 'truly' in love. It will happen. You have to be ready to deal with it properly.
Obviously, your mother wasn't prepared to handle this. She didn't know it could happen that she would want contact with someone that her husband was not okay with, and she made mistakes.
As for yourself, you don't need to carry the burden of your parent's mistakes. I know that is really difficult, because you are a young teen and you are smart enough and aware enough to understand it all, but you still have to let it be their problem and their mistakes.
The best thing you can do is be honest with both of them. Tell your mom that you are confused, and tell your dad that you love him and don't want to disappoint him. He probably knows that if the marriage does end, you'll need to live your mother. However, it will likely mean the world to him to know that it's as difficult for you as it is for him.
There is probably a lot of silence going on in your house right now, and that is understandable, but you shouldn't feel the need to be silent and isolated as well. Talk to both of your parents honestly and openly. Go ahead and be upset and be disappointed and be angry, and let them know. Not to punish them, but so they know the truth of what is happening in the mind of the daughter they both love.
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The Question
is oral sex can transfer AIDS,Hepatitis B and C?
The Answer
Oral sex can transfer HIV, which is the virus which causes AIDS infection.
Hepatitis B can be transmitted during oral sex, so can Hep C, although with Hep C its extremely, extremely unlikely.
Generally, anything that can be transmitted through intercourse, can be transmitted through oral sex, although the risks are generally a bit less with oral sex.
Use the appropriate protection. All the time.
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The Question
Okay, here's the situation. I used to have unprotected sex with my ex-fiancee, including anal sex which was unprotected. Then I had the same situation with another girl (except for the anal part). But I found out afterwards that she took drugs, like snorting coke and shooting up. After I found out through her roommate, I had to put an end to it. Of course, my initial reaction was to get checked. I waited about four weeks to get tested for STD/AIDs. Fortunately, the results came back negative. I'm not trying to say that I'm a sexual superman but I'm not sure if it is just luck. What do you think? Is there a possibility that I may have some sort of immunity to STDs?
The Answer
It was just luck.
You don't even know that she had an STDs for you to have escaped catching.
There is no such thing as STD immunity. The ONLY exception is HPV, which a healthy well-nourished person's own system can often defeat. Other than that (which isn't an immunity, just a healthy immune system doing it's job well) there is no natural, or induced immunity for any of the big name STIs.
Please, don't count on luck in the future. It might run out.
Also, you should get tested again in six months. Four weeks is a decent amount of time for herpes and syphilis, but the HIV incubation period is 3 to 6 months. Get tested again to be certain.
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The Question
Is there really going to be a new world order? Are leaders planning on making one big government? Will they try to get rid of some religions? I hear that the economy is bad on purpose and they want to make an Amero currency. I also hear that they teach us lies in school. I also think they are using media & technology to manipulate our minds. As if we are being hypnotised. And about the world trade center being on the currency since before they were built. Obviousness that it was planned and used. It makes me think the US is a lie. ALSO, if the US is fake, wouldn't that mean that using the US in this NWO, is secretly the British trying to take over the world? As if it were all planned. I can just see the history books 100 years from now, Full of lies. If this is true, wouldn't people revolt? What if things certain things were exposed successfully? I'm M/15. Dont tell me that this isn't real. But is my future safe?? Am I going to have to live in some revolution? Manipulating our minds for the change.
The Answer
No. It's not happening.
It's a myth that began, and exists, pretty much only in the US. Every one else on this planet has a bit of a easier time recognizing the vast cultural and ideological differences and unique traits of other nations, and our inability to merge them into one.
The idea of a New World Order in a uniquely American nightmare.
It also isn't happening.
Globalization of industries is one thing.
The corruption of the corporate model is another.
Yet another thing is the chipping away of personal freedoms by many nations.
However, all these things are happening for perfectly normal, although bad, reasons: There isn't a great combined conspiracy. Just many complex factors at play as we try to make hugely complicated, global systems, work. We are simply learning, making mistakes, and hopefully, we'll be able to adjust and be successful as nations and as individuals.
You asked a question, is it true? And then tell us not to tell you it isn't real? It ISN'T real. The myth of a One World Order as realistic as Bigfoot. It's impossible for me to prove something doesn't exist - I can't prove to you that I don't have an invisible horn on my head, but being afraid I might run you through with my invisible horn is just nutty.
Is your future safe? Well, no, not really. The things you should be worried about are impossible personal and government debt loads, poisoning the environment till it poisons you back, and above all else: Stupid Fear.
It's stupid fear that leaves us with politicians who lie and spin to gain power, or worse, pander to the dumbest people and the dumbest fears to get more powerful.
It is these irrational myths and fears - things like the NWO or Death Panels, or Alien Cover-ups - these are the true distractions that fear mongers use to distract from the actual, complicated issues of unsustainable growth models, poverty, government encroachment on our lives and unjust wars. This isn't 'hypnotism', it's just bullshit that people buy into, and that kind of bullshit has always worked - our modern media just helps it work faster and more effectively than before, but it's the same old bullshit as it was in the 1920s.
I can't guarantee you that you wont live through a revolution. Let's be honest, almost every generation lives through some sort of revolution, even ones without bloodshed.
What I am happy to guarantee you, is that the New World Order is as real as the monster under the bed was when you 5. It can feel very real, but it still isn't. It's an illusion we use to give us a simple explanation for our fear, instead of facing just how complicated things really are and working towards change.
Don't get distracted by fantasy nightmares cooked up by bad scifi writers and repeated by people too afraid and too stupid to tell the difference.
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How do you know I’m not sneaking up behind you to impale you on my invisible horn? How do you know you aren't a robot? How do you know you aren't an alien spy who was programmed to believe it was just a normal person?
Once you start playing that game, you are beginning your decent into lunacy.
To move through this world we must trust the evidence our senses give us, and our reasoned examination of that evidence. You aren't an alien and I'm not a plant. The world is complicated, not fantastical.
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The Question
Ok so im 22 and i have been engaged for about 10 months now, and we are always fighting and basically there seems to be no love, for example we dont have sex,( hes muslim) im british so it crosses my mine hes waiting until we are married,but there are no cuddles or kisses i have to ask for them and his tone these days seems to be abit rude, we have a property together and we are not living in it he is still living with my parents with me. I dont know what to do. Also i feel bad because a year before we was engaged he broke up with me we was dating before and in that year i went away to university and met someone else and had passion all the time, and sex and i feel bad and wish that, that never happened, i never told him about the other guy i feel theres no need ater all he broke up with me, Also i cant remember if when we was dating before i was childish and he never showed me affection 2 years ago and im sure that i just met someone else and cheated on him when i was 17. Ive never told him of course but it was probably because he never showed me affection or i never saw him much.
ANYWAY IVE NEVER LOOKED AT ANOTHER MAN SINCE MY ENGAGEMENT BUT THings dont seem to be going well, i mean im feeling lonely he sleeps in a single bed next to me and he never feels he wants to hugg me or anything i mean i dont get the feeling he loves me. What can i do? i feel a slave cooking everyday, cleaning and i have university and i just dont think there is any affection there. Please help
The Answer
Are you insane?
You can't marry this man.
Despite being with this man for years, you seem to barely know each other at all! You aren't even certain if he is waiting for marriage because of his religion! That's the kind of thing you need to talk about and be really clear about the thoughts and opinions of your partner.
Dump him. End it. This isn't a relationship, or a partnership at all.
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The Question
hey, before i say anything.....im am NOT a poser...i just neeed guidence. I am the only girl in MY WHOLE GRADE who is desses like me.I honestly HATE labels...but im seemed to be known as the "emo girl". Instead if refusing it and fighting back, i just accepted it, to cause less trouble and other stuff. That sorta made it worse. Everyone started calling me a poser...and i dont copy anyone thou. I am my own person...but i really need help and guidence...so how do you be emo in middle school without looking like a poser.. (btw i need GUIDENCE, not to copy..)
The Answer
Witty is bang on darling - there are really no truly original ideas left. Whatever you do will have been done by someone before. Whatever you choose, someone will look at you and say "Oh, that's just like such-and-such."
Although it is very irritating that people at your school are using that simple fact to bully you, the truth is they are just being overly simplistic morons. You wont beat them by 'Not looking like a poser'. You will beat them when you stop caring what they think.
I know it's a cliche, but it's true.
Looking like a poser has almost nothing to do with what you wear or what music you like - people look like posers when they are a bit nervous about claiming their own identity. Bullies will latch on to that little bit of insecurity and capitalize on it. That's why the harder you try to not be a poser, the more you'll be accused of it.
You've got the first part of the package: Like what you like. The second part is: to hell with the rest of them.
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The Question
Please don't answer if you are just going to tell me stupid **** okay? Because quite frankly, I don't care.
Well, I've only been high a handful of times but whenever I do I don't like it at all. When I get high all I want to do is go to sleep so when I wake up the feeling will be gone.. because I don't like it. Now, I wish it didn't affect me like this. I wish I could enjoy it but I can't. I just get really tired. How can I make it more enjoyable? Or is this how it will always affect me?
Should I just stick to drinking? Because when I drink I actually have fun..
The Answer
I don't like it either. Never really have.
Pot makes me nervous and anxious. It's not a pleasant feeling, and I find the nervousness can last for a few days after I've smoked as well. It's yucky, to say the least.
Your experience of pot is probably not going to change. You can experiment with how what you've eaten may have effected it, you can try different brands, but in the end this is probably just how weed effects your body and mind.
Best to just stand up for what you like and don't like. I don't mind when people around me smoke weed - I remember feeling defensive like you are at first in your question - but these days the only thing that bugs me is when people don't respect it when I say "Thanks, but no thanks."
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The Question
Is this abuse. I have been wanting to go back to school (college) since my husband and I started dating. He told me I dont need to go to school I need to work. Friday, I called the college and talked to someone about signing up for online school, one class at a time and work. Well when we all went to town he said where to I said walmart and I need to go by the college and he gave me a look and said for i said to pick up papers to sign up for school and he keep asking me why. I said because I want to. Well after walmart and he did his errons he went home and didnt even start to head towards the college. Hes constantly yelling at my 3 year old. ( his step son) My father says im being abused emotionally. I love him even though there is constant conflict mostly because he wont look or keep a job.I think im scared to leave.
The Answer
If you think you are being abused but want to stay with him, seek counseling, for yourself as an individual, and for you both as a couple.
However, you are married to this guy. You are sharing a life. There has to be open lines of communication, not you just going off and doing what you want without warning or discussion. Saying "I've always wanted too since we met" is fine, but he deserved a simple warning and discussion of your plans prior to a trip in to sign the papers.
If you want to stay with him, you both need counseling, if you are ready to leave, than leave. Ask your father for his advice and support, and leave.
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The Question
Basically....
Boy and I were together for 2 yrs before I got pregnant at age 19. Like they say....he didnt really get the whole "im gonna have a baby" thought until she was about two weeks old...but as this feeling grew his motivation to work shrank...baby is now 5 months old and he lost his job 3 months ago. luckily i work for family and my father lets me bring my very well behaved baby to work with me. well my boy will freak out in the morning and make me take her to work and he sleeps in. the only reason i do it is bc if i leave her home he will play for an hour or so then make her cry in her crib until she falls asleep (i know this bc when i come home he is sleeping and i used to come home while he was doin it)...he has not been looking for a job at all...we were fortunate enough to find work for a month through my father....but now that is up im back to square one with him and he gets mad and calls me names if i ask him why he isnt doing anything. i still have to take her to work. he claims that bc we r going to get in school he doesnt need to do anything bc the student loans will pay for everything....even if that were possible weve got 2 months until the loans kick in. if i kick him out (to make it all worse we live with my mother) i would like it to be until he gets a job and we can be a family but i seriously think when i get the balls to say come back when you have a check he will never come back..i grew up away from my dad and do not want it for my daughter.. i really love my boyfriend with all of my heart but i can only take so much. he has a different personality when hes sleeping, hes angry and even abusive....i have been thrown at dressers and back handed multiple times trying to get him out of bed. when he is awake, fed and showered he is the sweetest ever but jesus im not his mother and i do not want to do this for the rest of my life.i shouldnt have to tell a 20 year old with a baby to get out of bed and get a job..HELP....how do i get this pile out of my parents house, into a job and less bi polar. i want this family. i need it. i know it can work if we can just get on our feet.....but every time we get money saved he spends it....im such a pussy i dont know why i let him do this. he threatens to take her from me when i ask him to leave....what if he really got custody of her? hes a very convincing person....im the type where you get waht you see. he is someone completley different on the outside than in and im scared that a judge would be manipulated and give my baby to him if it came to that. i hate this...i just need the answers.
The Answer
Leave him. End it now.
Although I understand why you are worried, really, the chance of your child being taken from you is ludicrously small. Family law favours the mother is custody battles, add to that is inability to get a job and you have a very simple open and closed case. (Not to mention the fact it doesn't sound like your boyfriend would WANT to have his daughter living with him anyways, he'd rather sleep. All he wants it to scare you and bully you. That has to stop.) He might get some visitation (and he should probably get visitation, because he is still her dad even if he is an asshole) but unlikely anything else.
This guy is a lazy and self-obsessed bully. He is willing to endanger your child and assault you, and he is an idiot who doesn't understand that LOANS are not free money, they need to paid back.
You are NOT going to make a family with this guy. I'm sorry your fantasy of a happy little family isn't going to come true. You don't always get what you want. No matter how hard you try, some things are just not going to happen. You will never have a pet unicorn and you will never have a responsible, respectful partner in this ass. As long as you cling to this fantasy you are victimizing yourself, your child and the rest of your family.
He is NOT going to get on his feet.
He is NOT going to magically wake up one day and suddenly not be a selfish prick.
It's not going to happen. (Sure, it may happen years from now, but you can't afford to wait for years.)
Get your mother on board and simply kick him out. Give him two weeks notice if you want - he deserves nothing more. He's n abusive squatter in your home. He needs to be thrown out.
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The Question
Okay well my ex has a girl but told me he likes me and misses me and he reminded me of something I gave him he looks at me when he's with her and shows off in front of me he even told her he doesn't like me does he still love me and is he lying to her?
The Answer
The important thing is this:
He is 100% certainly lying to one of you.
No one here is going to be able to promise you that you are the one getting the truth.
Honestly, it shouldn't matter too much who it is who getting the lies. Either way he is a deceitful player, and not be trusted or relied on.
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The Question
I am a 18 yr old f. Several answers would be appreciated. I have met a guy who I relate to in so many ways. I have never felt so comfortable around any other guy before; it feels as if I have known him for years. He is 35. My heart tells me it is so right, but my head tells me he might be too old. Usually I would think 10 years is a good gap to date someone, but my parents are 15 years apart... What do you think? I am very mature and I would never do anything that I'd think to be a stupid decision. Never drank or did drugs in my life and don't plan to. He has never done this either. Thanks in advance!
The Answer
Can age be a problem? Yes.
Will it be? 99.9% Yes.
Can you date him? Legally, sure, knock yourself out.
Should you? Probably not. It’s probably a bad idea for your mental health and happiness.
It has nothing to do with how mature you are. You could be Aphrodite herself. You could be the most brilliant, lovely fabulous creature in existence.
It would still be very concerning for a 35 year old man to look at you and see a viable romantic partner. It's not your maturity I question. It's his. It's his self-knowledge of what he wants from life, and of how to create an equal, respectful relationship.
To give you some context, I'm 25 years old, and I have been dating men over thirty for the last five years. It wasn't a deliberate choice, but it was what happened. I took a huge leap forward in my career right out of university, so by 22; all my coworkers and many friends were in their thirties and forties, so those are just the people I meet.
It didn’t NOT work because I'm immature. I'm extremely mature, emotionally competent and a desirable partner. It hasn't worked in most cases for two reasons: One, the lifestyle I want is very different from what a nearly-forty wants and two, most of the men that age who are attracted to dating a twenty-something, are the immature, emotionally incompetent people who are not chasing women their own age, because women their own age wouldn’t put up with them.
I know this might sounds a bit unfair, but I went out briefly with quite a few guys in their late thirties, and honestly they all LOOKED and SOUNDED really good at the beginning, they had learned how to sell themselves well, and then in a matter of weeks or months it quickly dissolved into them being very clearly emotionally stunted bullies. Not bad men, but certainly men who were single for good reasons.
Of course that won’t be truth of ALL older men dating younger women (I’m dating a 33 year old man right now and things are wonderful…) . But it will be true of many, and at 18, you don’t have the experience to be able see those glaring warning signs. I didn’t have it at 22 either.
It's a bad idea. It really is. I worry deeply for you if you go ahead with this. It's so risky emotionally for you to get together with such a huge age difference and I've seen in my own life, and in the lives of my friends, how these things tend to because very unequal and unbalanced very quickly.
So I advise against it. Really, really strongly. The chance of it going well is tremendously small.
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The Question
does a yeast infection go away on it's own ?
The Answer
Sorta.
Yeast infections are often almost killed off by a woman's period. Almost. They generally come back after a little while after your period is over if you never got it treated.
But you shouldn't wait to find out if yours will go away or not, because yeast infections can also migrate deeper into the body and cause dangerous illnesses. Chronic yeast infections may be a warning sign of more serious conditions.
Please see a doctor, or at very, very least, buy an over-the-counter remedy. It is not worth the risk.
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The Question
Do you think love is real? Because i think it is made up and never really lasts it is just a momentary illusion....
The Answer
That's a bit like asking is 'hope' real?
Of course hope is real. Hope is a feeling and a way of thinking and behaving that is vital, important and life affirming - sometimes. Hope is also sometimes pointless, misplaced, stupid or inappropriate.
Love is certainly real, the same way hope is real. But it’s a word that describes so many different kinds of behaviour and choices that it’s often near impossible to really pin down what two different people mean when they say ‘Love.’
So what do you do with a word that means so much it can even become completely meaningless at times?
In my opinion, you act with love, as best you can, as much as you can, for as long as you can. That is the best truth you can offer to another person. It is sort of ‘made up’, but it’s a thing you choose to make up because you want it, and desire and feel it. It’s a pattern of thinking, and feeling and doing that you choose for your own benefit and for the benefit of those around you.
True love is true when you choose it. It’s not longer true when you stop choosing it. There are no guarantees that it will last forever, but then there are no guarantees that you won’t drop dead tomorrow, that doesn’t make you any less real today. That is just the world we live in and love is part of it. It’s only as uncertain as everything else in our lives, and like so much we feel and do in our lives, the truth lies in what we choose and what parts of love we embrace in our actions and thoughts.
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