|
babys father refuses to work
Basically....
Boy and I were together for 2 yrs before I got pregnant at age 19. Like they say....he didnt really get the whole "im gonna have a baby" thought until she was about two weeks old...but as this feeling grew his motivation to work shrank...baby is now 5 months old and he lost his job 3 months ago. luckily i work for family and my father lets me bring my very well behaved baby to work with me. well my boy will freak out in the morning and make me take her to work and he sleeps in. the only reason i do it is bc if i leave her home he will play for an hour or so then make her cry in her crib until she falls asleep (i know this bc when i come home he is sleeping and i used to come home while he was doin it)...he has not been looking for a job at all...we were fortunate enough to find work for a month through my father....but now that is up im back to square one with him and he gets mad and calls me names if i ask him why he isnt doing anything. i still have to take her to work. he claims that bc we r going to get in school he doesnt need to do anything bc the student loans will pay for everything....even if that were possible weve got 2 months until the loans kick in. if i kick him out (to make it all worse we live with my mother) i would like it to be until he gets a job and we can be a family but i seriously think when i get the balls to say come back when you have a check he will never come back..i grew up away from my dad and do not want it for my daughter.. i really love my boyfriend with all of my heart but i can only take so much. he has a different personality when hes sleeping, hes angry and even abusive....i have been thrown at dressers and back handed multiple times trying to get him out of bed. when he is awake, fed and showered he is the sweetest ever but jesus im not his mother and i do not want to do this for the rest of my life.i shouldnt have to tell a 20 year old with a baby to get out of bed and get a job..HELP....how do i get this pile out of my parents house, into a job and less bi polar. i want this family. i need it. i know it can work if we can just get on our feet.....but every time we get money saved he spends it....im such a pussy i dont know why i let him do this. he threatens to take her from me when i ask him to leave....what if he really got custody of her? hes a very convincing person....im the type where you get waht you see. he is someone completley different on the outside than in and im scared that a judge would be manipulated and give my baby to him if it came to that. i hate this...i just need the answers.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Hun first off I am in the same situation as you and it is tough. I cry the only difference is we live in a trailor on his grandparents land that his grandfather bought for us. I am 19 and my husband is 24 and he hasnt help but 2 jobs and not longer than a month since I have known him and we have been married over a year. I love him but he wont work, he wont help me. I have two children one which is his. He doesnt wake up to help me with the kids. You have to be strong. The abusiveness is terrible and if your daughter sees that shes going to grow up thinking that is alright for a man to beat on her just because he dont want to wake up. There is no reason he cant watch your daughter just because he wants to sleep and my husband does that to im telling you to kick him out when I know I need to do the same thing only difference is i need to find a place to live. Life is hard but you are better off telling him to get out until he has a job.... now taking your daughter away SHHII***** He cant do that one you are not married there for you have custdy of your daughter but when you kick him out do not set your daughter down. because i also think who ever has possision of the child can have custdy until a court order is decided. at least that is the rule in my situation. you have a place to live.. you work and can provide diapers and formula for your daughter. your daughter is health.. you have no reason to worry. he cant even work or get out of bed to take care of her. I hope i helped you.
]
First thing's first. A lot of people on here just skip over really long questions, so you'll get a lot more responses if you shorten the question.
Now for the advice. This man is not adequately taking care of your child, and no judge in his right mind would give him custody. 1, judges almost always side with the mother for custody issues, unless there is a strong reason why the mother shouldn't have custody. 2, with no job, he has no means to support the child, and therefore wouldn't get custody.
You deserve better than him, you deserve a man who will support you both financially and emotionally, and you need to tell him that if he can't be that man, he needs to get out and let you get on with your life. If he refuses to leave or gets physical with you, then call the police. Don't ever feel bad for being assertive and standing up for yourself and your child, because your baby deserves care and a mother who will fight to make sure she gets that care.
]
Leave him. End it now.
Although I understand why you are worried, really, the chance of your child being taken from you is ludicrously small. Family law favours the mother is custody battles, add to that is inability to get a job and you have a very simple open and closed case. (Not to mention the fact it doesn't sound like your boyfriend would WANT to have his daughter living with him anyways, he'd rather sleep. All he wants it to scare you and bully you. That has to stop.) He might get some visitation (and he should probably get visitation, because he is still her dad even if he is an asshole) but unlikely anything else.
This guy is a lazy and self-obsessed bully. He is willing to endanger your child and assault you, and he is an idiot who doesn't understand that LOANS are not free money, they need to paid back.
You are NOT going to make a family with this guy. I'm sorry your fantasy of a happy little family isn't going to come true. You don't always get what you want. No matter how hard you try, some things are just not going to happen. You will never have a pet unicorn and you will never have a responsible, respectful partner in this ass. As long as you cling to this fantasy you are victimizing yourself, your child and the rest of your family.
He is NOT going to get on his feet.
He is NOT going to magically wake up one day and suddenly not be a selfish prick.
It's not going to happen. (Sure, it may happen years from now, but you can't afford to wait for years.)
Get your mother on board and simply kick him out. Give him two weeks notice if you want - he deserves nothing more. He's n abusive squatter in your home. He needs to be thrown out.
]
More Questions: |