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on Unapologetic Soliciting and the overseas girlfriend
Hey Kids, its time for an off-the-wall question!
Here's the deal: Just got back to my European home base after a year in Afghanistan this week. haven't seen a girl in that whole time (yes, there are girls in the military, but where we knuckle-draggers go, women are not allowed). So, in the spirit of complete drunken debauchery, I shotgunned a pretty fair amount of tequila, and set off with my medics to inflict ourselves upon the hapless european locals. now, if you've been in the army, you know medics are the most depraved individuals god has seen fit to set upon the earth. In a nutshell, we drank every pub dry, then followed the lead of my good friend, who happens to be the most unrepentant scoundrel on the face of the earth- to the whore house. I'll keep it out of the NC-17 realm and just leave it at this- Prostitutes were solicited. here's the interesting part: During the deployment, a girl that I'd been friends with for approximately 8 years got involved. I've known since 2007 that she's wanted a relationship, and through chatting online for the past 7 months, its developed into something, yeah she's pulling the whole "I love you" card on me now whenever I sign off, and I'm letting it slide. I don't move quickly in relationships unless tequila is involved, hence my wonderful stock of "I started drinking tequila and woke up in bed with a polish chick and had an awkward breakfast with her family" stories. good times... anywho, I have no idea what the protocol is with this whole "I love you" thing, and until I'm well and ready to say it back, I'm going to ignore it. though, mind you, once I get home I plan to be serious with this chick and try to develop my first non-alcohol related meaningful relationship. I consider the relationship to be in the planning stage, and don't plan to ever reveal this recent incident or any of my other wonderful booze-soaked adventures. She's kinda fragile and I'm pretty confident the truth would be a little traumatic.
so, ladies and gents, your opinion? is my recent behavior "cheating"? social norms are not my forte.
and as a disclaimer for the wonderful social activists out there: I know its human trafficking, but when you've seen the horrors of the world outside the comfort zone of North America and europe, petty things like that tend to get dwarved by real concerns like genocide and neofascism.
I appreciate your time and the intellectual discussions that this may breed, as they will determine next weekend's alcohol consumption plan and the resulting mayhem.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
It's not that the sleeping with the random European chicks that is 'cheating' darling (of course it is, if she is under the impression you are sexually exclusive with her and you haven't bothered to tell her otherwise... also barring that fact that soliciting sex is one thing, but knowingly supporting human trafficking is morally revolting, war or no war, you get no pass on that. Not all prostitution is human trafficking. If you hung out with her family, she probably wasn't a victim of human trafficking. I don't have a huge issue with prostitution, but human trafficking is Wrong with a capital W. Don't matter what you've been through in your life, you still have a responsibility to make sure you are paying for sex, not the enslavement of a trafficked individual.) Whatever else is going on you are engaged in a kind of systematic betrayal of confidence and lack of respect for this girl that makes you two a lousy match.
Ignoring her love remarks and calling it a card, is a cheap move. It's great that you know your own mind well enough to know your plans and intentions in this relationship, and to stand up for them, but you are fucking asshole if you haven't TOLD her what those plans and intentions are.
You want to be a decent, ethical human being, you need to two things:
One. You need to tell her exactly how you perceive this connection. That it's not a relationship yet, that it is in the planning stages, and that you are not ready to say the big L word, but that you want to give a relationship a real try when you get back.
Two. You need to get a full STI check before you do so much as disrobe in the presence of another female. I don't care if you used a condom or not. Get checked.
(Three: Use some caution when dealing with prostitutes. Favor the locals and talk to the prostitutes, not the pimps. Avoid human slaves.)
Finally, please consider the fact that you are basically talking about planning a relationship with a woman you think is so emotionally fragile and unhinged that you can't imagine being honest with her about actions and opinions that you believe are right and okay.
I'm not saying there is anything wrong with your actions or opinions (beyond what I've said about knowingly supporting human trafficking of course), but that you should seriously consider if it's worth giving a relationship a try with a girl who you don't respect or trust to handle you, the real you, warts and all.
I date a guy like you (despite the fact I think prostitution is just fine, but human trafficking is NOT, and I'd need to see your STD check paperwork). None of your opinions are deal breakers for me. I'd actually respect your honesty and self-knowledge. Girls like that are out there. Go for a girl who is a better match for you, one you can actually have honest conversations, even if it's not all all of the gory details. A girl who who you manage with silence, confusion and lies of omission is really not much better than a tequila induced hook up.
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