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Q: I have received good advice on this matter once before (http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=539914) and I'm hoping to receive some more. So that I don't have to go through everything again, I ask that responders take a look at the above-referenced question. To sum up: I had an emotional affair, it's over now, and I'm trying to repair my marriage and earn back my wife's trust. We have one child.

At this time, we are doing as well as could be expected, and both of us are committed to making things right between us again. As one might expect, though, there are a few problems to deal with.

One is that I can't stop thinking about the woman with whom I had this affair ("Jane"). Part of the reason is that she's not someone I just met; she's an old friend from high school that I was in love with then and NEVER really got over. As much as I want to make my marriage work, I'm worried that it's ultimately doomed because I will never be able to get Jane out of my mind and heart. I don't know if I can find again the love I had for my wife if this feeling I have for Jane just won't go away. It's not like I don't want it to; I wish very much that I could love only my wife and give my heart only to her. She's a wonderful woman who deserves nothing less. All I can think to do for now is ignore my feelings for Jane and try to force myself not to think about her... which just isn't working. I can't deny that love and passion for the rest of my life.

Another problem is that Jane was a dear friend of mine, and deeper feelings aside, it was truly wonderful to connect with her again on that level. Although I've severed all contact with her so that I can concentrate on fixing my marriage, I just can't accept the idea that I will never be able to talk with her or see her again.

So, my questions are these:

(1) How can I get Jane off my mind? How can I concentrate on what I must do, which is to fix my marriage and find again the love I felt once for my wife?

(2) Does anyone think it's possible that someday, when my marriage is stronger and the feelings I have for Jane have subsided, that I could try to contact her again and have a more appropriate relationship?

(3) If you can, please imagine yourself in my shoes. Imagine that you wanted, as I do, to save your marriage. How long would you try before giving up? I'm not ready to do that yet, but I'm thinking if it's a year from now and I still can't get over Jane, maybe that's a sign that I never will and the whole thing is futile - but is a year long enough? Furthermore, since my wife has done no wrong in this situation, would it be wrong of me to leave her just because I can't give her all the love I have to offer?

Thank you in advance!

If you really think that you love your wife and you want to work it out then I say that you continue what you are doing. Give all your attention to your wife, your job, your kids, and your future. Try your best to keep Jane out of your mind, this whole affair may have just been because you never really got over her in high school, but you have to realize both of you have changed. You aren't the same people that you were in high school, yes you are going to have feelings for her because you were in love with her, but that doesn't mean that you are still in love with her. It could just be the memories that you are in love with, think about that.

Second, if you feel like there is no way for you to get Jane out of your mind and that you truly love her, I think that you and your wife need a break. Truthfully, I don't think it's fair that you are thinking of another woman while you are with her. That is completely unfair to her and your child, a marriage is about love and affection for one single person and if you are thinking of someone else, maybe even not physically cheating, but still thinking of them that way thats still wrong. She deserves all of your love and affection and thats what you signed up for by taking your wedding vows. So if you feel you aren't living up to them and you probably never will again, get out, thats whats best for all of you. Otherwise there is going to be alot of pent up anger between you, and things will never be the same.
No I don't think it would be wrong of you to leave her because you can't give her all your love, as a matter of fact I think that would be the more unselfish thing to do in the situation.

Hope I Helped.

Q: i have been trying to get a myspace tonight, and i get everything filled out and it keeps saying there was a unexpected technical problem and it was sent to myspace...what does this mean?? what do i do??

My myspace does that sometimes, I'm not sure what the problem is really. Usually if you refresh the page a few times it works and if that doesn't go to a different site then return to myspace in a few moments it should work then.

Hope I Helped.

Q: 13/f
this is sorta complicated, im gonna try to make it less like dat.....ok so....my best guy friend ever, ryan, well, we kinda lost contact after graduation and then we saw each other in the streets with the other best guy friend, dave, whom ive also lost contact with and yea then we got bak on contact, they got my number, and yeah all of dat. so then we all go on group dates with our old groupo of friends when we were in elementary. so yea, it was a shock to me when i found out both ryan and dave liked me. they knew they both liked me too. i dont noe wat to do...ryan just asked me out, i cant go out with him, ill hurt daves feelings...wat can i do?

Well this is quite a difficult situation, you can either pick one of them and risk hurting the other one or go with your gut and pick the one you really like. But considering that they already know that they both like you, they should both know that one of them is going to get chosen and the other isn't. Maybe you should sit them both down and talk to them, let them know that you don't want to hurt either of them but you want them to know that you can only chose one. Get their feedback then decide what you want to do. Which one do you like more? Who do you get along with better? Who makes you laugh? Is it worth hurting one by chosing the other? Ask yourself these things before you decide.

Hope I Helped.

Q: i keep getting tempted to masterbate or have sex but i'm a christian, and if i do any of that, it'll be adulterous. how can i turn away from this temptation?

Dealing with the temptations of sex as a teenager is one of the most difficult obstacles teens face. Depending on your beliefs masturbation is not always considered a sin, but you have to decide that upon yourself.
As for avoiding sexual temptation, be sure to stay out of situations in which you will feel tempted to engage in sexual things with someone else, go out in groups. Other than that the battle is really within yourself, talking to peopel can help alot. If you have someone close, such as a friend or family member, that could be a big help. If not you can always talk to people on this advice site.

Hope I Helped.

Q: Is is unreasonable to be bothered by a stupid sexual mistake your bf made some 4 years ago?

He was honest with me from the start - he was at a party, had been drinking, and got oral sex from a stranger. Didn't know her name and it was so bad he had to masterbate to get himself off in front of her. I think that part gets to me the most. =/

I just can't imagine him doing something like that. He says he's never regretted something so much. But it still gets to me, considering we took everything really slow and here he was sharing something really intimate with a girl he didn't even know, and wouldn't know now. I find I ask a lot of details about it even though the details really haunt me, I feel I *have* to know.

So what do I do about this? Why is it such a big deal to me? I realize teenagers will make a lot of mistakes especially when it comes to sex, but this seems worse than a lot of people (at least they do it with people they know, for example)

Ugh. Help me. Thanks.

21.f

I totally understand where you are coming from, I always ask details even though I really don't want to know. I always feel like it's important to know it, then the details end up making me madder than I ever was before. I think it's just the thought of the person that you love and care about having an intimate moment with someone else, especially someone random.
But I think you need to consider the fact that he did tell you about it, even though he didn't have to. He cares about you enough that he told you something that bothers him and that he completely regrets. That shows that you really mean alot to him, he is letting you in.
Maybe you could talk to him about it. Let him know that it bothers you, maybe he can help you deal with it. If you would rather not talk to him about it then really all you can do is to try and forget about it. Realize that everyone makes mistakes and that once they are made all one can do is move on. Try not to think about it, don't bring it up, and just move on.

Hope I Helped.

Q:

Does pre-cum make you pregnant?

Yes, pre-cum can get you pregnant. Though it isn't a full ejaculation it still contains sperm, just like the full blown ejaculatory fluids.

Hope I Helped.

Q: How do you have sex? Which hole is the penis supposed to be inserted into? By the way, I'm 13/f and I don't know whether I want to have sex with my boyfriend or not. I really like him, and he won't leave me alone about it. What should I do?

First of all you are 13 years old you shouldn't be worrying about having sex and if you boyfriend is pressuring you into it then he really doesn't care about you.
Second, if you don't know what sex is, what hole the penis goes in, then I personally don't think that you are ready to have sex. You should have sex when you are ready and you really care about the person. Not because he is pressuring you and you want to get him off of your back.
Third, I think you should do some research on sex before you think about having it. You can go to the library and research it, use the internet, go to your sex education teacher, or even go to your local clinic. No matter where you get the information you really need it before you decide you want to have intercourse.
If you do decide to have sex be sure to use protection, such as condomns.

Hope I Helped.

Q: 16/m

ok so i broke up with my girlfriend two nights ago

so i've been going out with this girl for a year and 3 months or so. i loved her very much. very, very much, and i still care very much about her, but i just wasn't happy anymore. i wasn't having fun anymore with her. all our conversations were becoming nothing other than "i love you's" and talking about sex and stuff (we never had it. . . got kind of close a couple times). we fought a lot recently, particularly about how much we saw each other (at least once a week) and that i was putting my music (i'm in a band) before her (which shouldn't happen apparently), and it was starting to stress me out way too much. i got little sleep and worried about it a lot. . .

and then i couldn't do it anymore.

i still really care a lot about her, and in the back of my mind i feel like i made a really big mistake. . . but the rest of me thinks it's for the better.

could anyone help me out here?

thanks

First of all I think that you made a really good decision by stepping back and taking a break from it for a while. If you are feeling stressed and overwhelmed by a relationship the best thing to do is to give it a few days. If you feel like you still love her and would maybe like to give it another try I say give her a call and let her know what is going on with you.

To be in a relationship you have to be willing to compromise, so both of you are going to have to compromise on your music career. She needs to be more understanding about the time you spend with your band and you have to be sure and make more time for her so she doesn't feel left out. Communication is one of the biggest things, you have to communicate your thoughts and feelings to one another so you don't end up holding them end and therefore causing stress and fights. When you call her let her know why you felt you needed a break then get her feedback, then if you still feel as though you want to try again then go for it. Just try to keep things out in the open and if you are stressing it talk to her about it and if you get back together and you feel like it was the wrong choice get out of it. You really just have to go with your gut and heart on it, do what you are comfortable with and what makes you happy.

Hope I Helped.

Q: Well i had a relationship that lasted almost an entire year. The guy meant like the world to me, i mean i really was in love. but we started having trust issues. I accused him of cheating on me with his bestfriend, a chick, one too many times and he ended it. The thing is that was more than 4 months ago and i can't bring myself to move on. A guy asked me out a very good friend of mine and i said yes but all i feel is indifference in being with him. I keep thinking about my ex and i've told him that cuase we still talk. He's a straight shooter though, he says i just need to forget him and that he's just a boy. It's clear he no longer loves me but for some reason i just cant stop loving him. Please i really could use some help

Getting over someone you love is one of the most complicated and one of the most painful things you will ever due. But sometime it is really for the best, though it may not feel like it at this moment it may be. The best thing for you to do is to try your best to move on, maybe even avoid a friendship with the guy, it will probably be easier for you to let go if you don't have to be around him. Surrond yourself with distractions, pick up a new hobby, hang out with new people, and spend alot of time with your friends. Yes, it is going to be miserable for a while, but you will slowly get used to the fact that he is gone and after a while you will be okay. Just remember if it is meant to be then he will come back and you guys will be happy and if he doesn't then you will find someone that you love and that means more to you than you ever felt possible and this time learn to trust him and your relationship. Things will work out for you, it will just take time.

Hope I Helped and Good Luck.

Q: i dated this guy for three years on and off
i recently started talking to him after a long while of not talking
i meet up with him at the movies and we messed around there and after wards at his house me knowing he had a girlfriend
now he stopped calling me and dosent reply to my messages on myspace
i did make the mistake of sending him three messages telling him to call me cause i miss him and he replied that he didnt have a phone
so i let it go but then my lil sis visted his profile and read his comments and one of the comments was a message from some girl saying \"well call me in 20 min cause im in the shower\"

i have gained weight like 10 pounds since he last scene me before we went to the movies and i did give it up to him easily when we were out
i dont know if he thinks im a slut or something now but i dont know what to do please help me
i really love him we were together for a long time and i miss talking to him cause there is not other guy like him and
help what should i doooo with him
should i just stop messaging him on myspace and just wait till he calls me
but then i dont want him to think he can have me whenever he wants and i dont want to tell him anything cause he will just laugh at me

Yes, I think you should stop calling and stop messaging him, let it go. Second, he has a girlfriend so I think it is time to move on, but I know thats difficult especially since you dated for a while and you really care about/love him. It may very well be that he thinks you are easy, not to be rude, and he could therefore be playing you and using you. I can't be the one to tell you that, because I don't know him personally. I think the best bet is to just move on and if it is meant to be then he will come back to you. If not you will find someone 10 times better and that treats you right.

Hope I Helped.

Q: Okay so I've been dating this guy off and on for about 9 months. We have our great times and our rough times. But we haven't really been getting any closer. Anythings you could suggest that I could do to help us get closer???
I Kinda feel like we're drifting apart, we dont talk as much as we use to. When I look around at other happy couples thats how I want to be and it just isn't like that.
We also dont hangout as much as before eithier, probably because we live in a small town and there isn't much to do that we've havn't already done a hunderd times.
So Please help me out if you have ideas that we can do or along thoe lines.

When you are with your significant other it shouldn't matter what you are doing, you should be able to do anything and have a blast just enjoying one another's company. But if you would still like some ideas, maybe you could just play stupid little children's games that make you laugh. Like hide n' seek, but on teams, this way you two would have to work together and hide together etc., and therefore hopefully bringing you together. Watch movies together, or as you are sitting together as each other questions about the other person to see how much you know about one another. These are just fun little things that pass time, but also let you have laughs and get to know each other better.

Hope I Helped.

Q: Okay so me ad my boyfriend have been dating a year, i love him id do anything for him hes been a best friend for me through so much stuff and i cant imagine things after us. Lately he was distant and last night he asked for a break because he didnt know what he wanted all my friends think hes a "douchebag" and i can do better. not just because of this instant but because of many. but i dont anyone else, as much as he says hurtful things i still love him and i know he loves me too. we decided not to talk for a week and see where that leaves us at first he says its going to help and then he says not to be hopeful. im so confused i want him so badly he says he doesnt know if he wants us, he says time has taken a toll. im really lost with all this and i cant stop crying and i dont know what to do.
please help me
thanks
H

I totally understand where he is coming from, you can definatley change in a year, a whole lot actually. It seems like he is trying to do what he thinks is best for you and avoid hurting you. It may seem totally illogical to you but you don't know what he is feeling and how he feels he has changed. I dated a guy for 3 years and I was completely head over heels for him, at first. By the 2 and a half year mark things were changing and my feelings were beginning to change. I had to let him go and though he didn't understand it then, he finally began to understand that I was trying to avoid hurting him and let him go before it got farther.
I advise that you just try and let him go, yes it will be hard especially if you really love him. But realize that he was trying to be a good guy and let you go before things got in tooo deep. Try to be understanding though that is sometimes the hardest thing to do.

Hope I Helped.

Q: okay 16/f, i have this boyfriend, and we've been going out for 7 months and he is very respectful and is in love with me and treats me right, but i've told him i wasn't comfortable going too far, with sex and he understands, but he like expects me to when we've been going out for a year..and i don't want to like dispoint him or make him wait for me, cause i dont know when i'll be ready. He is 100 percent comfortable with me, but i dont know why i'm not 100 comfortable with him, which can be the problem, im also scared to do some sexual things like head or fingering me, and i dont know whyy. so i believe that from my lack of sexuality he watches porn, but i feel like since he does, my expectations of those girls are higher and that im being compared and even if he doesn't see it like that or compare me in any way i feel like it does, but i'm just mental about the whole situation. i don't know what to do to make myself relax or feel more comfortable or do i just have to wait untill im comfortable whenever that will be. and i dont know what to do about my boyfriend because i don't want him to feel like hes gonna get something i'm not sure he will. so please give me advice thanks

You should never do something unless you are one hundred percent ready for the repercussions. Along with sex there comes the responsibility of getting pregnant, getting a sexually transmitted disease, and losing your virginity period. If this boy cares about you and really loves you then he should understand that you are not ready, and if he really loves you then he should not force you into anything that you don't want to do. Let him know that you aren't going to do something until you are ready for it, tell him that you don't want him to be expecting something when you don't know if you will be able to come through with it. He should understand that you need to be comfortable with it to enjoy it.
If you can't discuss it, then you probably shouldn't be doing it at all.
About the porn, I doubt that he will compare you the women in the porns because he knows that they do it for a living and you, well you sound like, are a virgin. It is normal for all girls to suspect that they are being compared to other girls especially if your boyfriend isn't a virgin there is always that fear, just go with it and do your best, he will enjoy it no matter what.

Hope I Helped.

Q: so today at my school vvas senior skip day.. and my boyfriend stayed home. im only a freshman so i vvent to school.. i called him after school and he told me he vvas planning on going camping tonight vvith his vvhole senior class. this vvorries me because i knovv hovv he gets vvhen he is drunk & there vvill be alot of drunk girls there.. & its about an hour avvay from vvhere vve live. im not so sure if i can trust him yet.. i dont vvant to tell him that he cant go but i also dont vvant him to go.. vvhatttt shoulld i do? anythinggg vvoullddd be helpful =]]
thank youuu.

Well I would either let him know it bothers you or maybe see if you can go with him. If you really think that you can't trust him when he is drunk up there with a bunch of drunk girls, then either you tell him, go with him, or just I guess get over it. He is probably going to do it no matter what you say just because he is a boy and they ususally do what ever they want to, but if he really cares about you and values your opinion then he will listen to your concerns and maybe not drink, take you with him, or not go at all. I wouldn't necessarily tell him he can't go, but let him know your concerns. Tell him that you are uncomfortable with him being around drunk girls and you would prefer that he either not drink, again, not go, or take you. I don't know how he will react, but hopefully he will react okay. If you can't talk to him about this stuff then you probably won't last long, considering relationship is one of the building blocks for a good relationship. Not to be rude and I hope you won't take that in the wrong way, I am just a very upfront and blunt person, I apologize if I offend you.

Hope I Helped.

Q: Okay, female/12, my ex-boyfriend is really pissed because i broke up with him on a wednsday, and was asked out 2 days after, an I said yes. And now hes really mad, and told my boufriend to F*** Off! And now my boyfriend told him not to talk to me or else! What should I do?

Well you can't help that you didn't want to date him anymore and as for you dating someone else 2 days later thats none of his business. I think the best thing to do is to stay out of it. Don't talk to your ex if your boyfriend doesn't want you to that way it doesn't cause drama and avoid situations where your boyfriend would be around it that way they won't fight. Ex-boyfriend and current boyfriend drama can be the worst kind.

Hope I Helped.

Q: Hi my name is jackie.

i've been dating my boyfriend since september and i used to be head over heals for him..vve broke up for a vvhile.. and then novv vve have been together for four months. he never used to act like i vvas his girlfriend. Ex. in school he didnt kiss me hug me or hold my hand. i started to think he vvas embarrassed of me.. he recently started actually "liking" me & doing all of that stuff.. but novv im thinking tvvice and he is leaving for the marines this summer and i dont vvant to get realy close to him because he is just going to leave.. i am too scared to break up vvith him because ive liked him since i vvas a little girl & novv that i have him im not sure that vvas such a good idea..
this has been stressing me out alott lately.. please help? im 15/f and he is 17 almost 18

Sounds like he is growing up or maybe he is just starting to get used to PDA, some boys don't like PDA at all, not because they don't like their girlfriend but just because they aren't comfortable with it. It may be that he is leaving soon and he wants to make the best of the time you have together.

You shouldn't let him leaving effect your relationship and your feelings for him. If you really like him and think there may be a future then I say you should stick with it, but if you feel as though you don't care about him in the way that will lead to a future together then let him go. Don't be afraid of commitement but don't be afraid of letting him go either.Figure out how you really feel about him and then go from there.

Hope I Helped.

Q: f/19.
i've been with him for 4 years, and counting.

my boyfriend went to get an x-ray at the hospital and ran into an old hight school friend, her name is marlo. she wasn't gorgeous, but also wasn't completely unfortunately looking. anyhow, he felt the need to text his friend saying, hey i saw marlo at the hospital, 'she was looking too fine' . i read his texts, which he doesn't mind, he reads mine all the time, but back to the point.. it really hurt me. it made me feel worthless, i honestly can say that i don't go checking out guys, i really don't. and this hurt my feelings. and made me feel so ugly on the outside. how do i get over this feeling, i feel so turned off now, i don't even want to have sex with him anymore. oh and this isn't the first time i found a text similar to this in his cell.

It is often difficult to deal with your boyfriend flirting like this with other girls, and in my opinion he really shouldn't be saying that another girl is looking 'fine', but I guess in the same aspect you shouldn't be looking in his phone, though everyone does it haha. I think the best thing for you to do it to let him know that it makes you uncomfortable that he is flirting with other girls and saying they are hot. This may cause a fight though and if you don't want that then you may just have to try and get over it. If it was me, I wouldn't be able to get over it and if I didn't tell him it would cause me to be rude to him and to close off to him and it seems that is already happening to you. You said you don't want to have sex with him, I think you should talk to him and let him know that you don't like him talking like that about other girls and that it makes you feel umcomfortable. He should understand that and if he doesn't then he probably isn't the right guy for you. I mean you should be able to trust your guy and know that he isn't going to call another girl 'fine', it could even escalate and lead to bigger problems in the future, so nip it in the bud now.

Hope I Helped.

Q: my names jessica. 14/f . people say ur first love is your last. i've been thinking about it. i really do love my first love but i dont know how to tell him this. it's reallly hard. Im kind of friends with his girlfriend. not bestfriends just like "hey, whats up" kind of friends lol. but please help me. i have no idea what to do or say!

Your first love is not your last love, it is simply what it says, your 'FIRST' love. It is one of the most emotional things you will go through, but most of the time it doesn't last. It's a learning experience for both of you and you always remain close and you always love them, but you learn alot and grow up from it.

It is often hard to tell someone how you feel about them, especially when it pertains to putting yourself out there for everyone to shoot you down and see where you stand and thats hard. If you really aren't that close to him then I suggest trying to get closer to him in order to make sure that you really still love him and that you know him well enough to make that decision. If you feel like you do then go for it and let him know where you stand. It may end up blowing up in your face but at least you know that you fought for what you believed in and tried your best. I hope it works out for you.

Hope I Helped.

Q: why would a boy get all flustered when you started talking to him again? My ex boyfriend and i used to be amazing friends and broke up a little over a month ago. i have been trying to talk to him for a while but then we just stopped. im moving in 2 weeks so today when i saw him i asked him if he would be at youth group next week. he got all flustered and was like "well i dont know what im doing, maybe." and i was like "ok well do you think you will?" and he was like i dont know what im doing!!" and then i said "ok, well you dont have to yell. i just wanted to say bye" he does that everytime i ask him something like before it was if we could hangout and he would be like "IDK IM BUSY and i have stuff to do" why does he do this? neever before when we were dating would he do this just since we broke up. thank you so much!! :) ned an answer ASAP because im seeing him tonight--thanx

Well you have a completely different relationship with someone after you break-up than when you are together. Once you have dated someone and have been in that certain situation with them, then you break-up things are never going to be the same again. Not that that is a bad thing, but it can be sometimes, as in your situation. It is effected by who broke up with whom, if you broke up with him then he could feel hurt and awkward around you. Therefore, he is trying to avoid you so he doesn't have to be in an awkward situation. If he broke-up with you then maybe he feels like he hurt you and just doesn't feel comfortable being near you because he feels that he hurt you. Boys are confusing. I think your best bet would be to just give him some space and maybe after you move you can communicate through AIM, IM, ICQ, Myspace, etc., or someother type of internet communication and maybe that will help to salvage a relationship with him.

Hope I Helped.

Q: my boyfriend has cheated on me once before and he told me a year later.

he lives far away now and i only get to see him twice a week.

yesterday he was sitting on the bus with this girl and shes like i dont want to talk I'm busy because i wanted to talk to her.

and she was copying off my boyfriends homework.

and also this gay guy keeps saying to people how he wants to have sex with my boyfriend. and my boyfriend doesnt even say no he gets flattered.

should i breakup with him?

Well if he cheated once, he is more likely to cheat on you again. I'm not saying that he is going to but once you cheat that first time it makes it easier to do it the next time and the time after that and you deserve better than that. If you think you can trust him then I wouldn't break-up with him, but if you are having doubts about the trust issues it maybe a good idea to talk to him about taking a break.

Most guys aren't going to say turn down someone when they say they want to have sex with them, they take it as a compliment. It makes them feel good about themselves, but if may make you feel uncomfortable and if it does then you should really let him know. If you can't communicate with him then things are never going to work, especailly considering the fact that it's a long distance relationship.

Hope I Helped.

bio

I am a 19 year old female. I am the least judgmental person you will ever meet. I am funny. I am free-willed. I am a lover. I am a friend. I have been through alot & many people call me their guru. & I will try to give you the healthiest advice possible. I may be young but I have a lot of life experiences in many areas, and since my career will be giving advice I figured I'd give a head start. I can be blunt and will give you my honest opinion, although I will do it in a nice way.
I am married to an amazing guy, we have been together since my Junior year & we can't be happier. I have 2 dogs & they are my babies, life wouldnt be the same without them. I am going into my 2nd year of college, I plan to get a degree in Radiology.

I am currently really busy in my life but I will answer any and all questions that are sent to my inbox. I do my best to get on & answer as many questions as possible whenever I am on. If you wish for me to answer one of your questions please submit them. Thanks.