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HELPP RELATIONSHIPPPPP
okay 16/f, i have this boyfriend, and we've been going out for 7 months and he is very respectful and is in love with me and treats me right, but i've told him i wasn't comfortable going too far, with sex and he understands, but he like expects me to when we've been going out for a year..and i don't want to like dispoint him or make him wait for me, cause i dont know when i'll be ready. He is 100 percent comfortable with me, but i dont know why i'm not 100 comfortable with him, which can be the problem, im also scared to do some sexual things like head or fingering me, and i dont know whyy. so i believe that from my lack of sexuality he watches porn, but i feel like since he does, my expectations of those girls are higher and that im being compared and even if he doesn't see it like that or compare me in any way i feel like it does, but i'm just mental about the whole situation. i don't know what to do to make myself relax or feel more comfortable or do i just have to wait untill im comfortable whenever that will be. and i dont know what to do about my boyfriend because i don't want him to feel like hes gonna get something i'm not sure he will. so please give me advice thanks<3333
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
You should never do something unless you are one hundred percent ready for the repercussions. Along with sex there comes the responsibility of getting pregnant, getting a sexually transmitted disease, and losing your virginity period. If this boy cares about you and really loves you then he should understand that you are not ready, and if he really loves you then he should not force you into anything that you don't want to do. Let him know that you aren't going to do something until you are ready for it, tell him that you don't want him to be expecting something when you don't know if you will be able to come through with it. He should understand that you need to be comfortable with it to enjoy it.
If you can't discuss it, then you probably shouldn't be doing it at all.
About the porn, I doubt that he will compare you the women in the porns because he knows that they do it for a living and you, well you sound like, are a virgin. It is normal for all girls to suspect that they are being compared to other girls especially if your boyfriend isn't a virgin there is always that fear, just go with it and do your best, he will enjoy it no matter what.
Hope I Helped.
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If you aren't comfortable with having sex than you shouldn't. Don't let him pressure you into doing it because if he was a good bf than he will understand that you just aren't ready yet. Even if you don't know when you'll be ready just tell him "I don't think I'll be ready for this by the time you want me too. I need you to wait for me a little longer. I love you and if you love me like I love you than you can wait too." Try this and if it doesn't work out than he wasn't your right guy in the first place.
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Ok.
Sex is a skill. It does come relatively naturally to most people, but still it takes practice to both become confident and know what you're doing.
Generally speaking, the first time you have sex with someone is ALWAYS the worst time. Why? You don't know each other well enough. You or he might be inexperienced, or nervous.
Next, porn. Porn is not some standard that people are held to. Porn is something that he focuses on when he's trying to get off. No one expects a virgin to act like a porn star. In fact, when they do, it often comes off as cheesy and fake.
Be yourself. Its ok to be nervous. You have to be able to laugh about awkward elbows and clumsy clothes together. I have been kneed in the face during sex before. (More than once, actually) and various other injuries have occurred.
Yeah, it might kill the mood in the moment. But we laugh, we watch a movie, and 20 minutes later we're back at it.
As far as waiting, he doesnt get to set a deadline. Make that clear. You shouldn't put any more pressure on yourself, and neither should he.
Lastly, don't be afraid of sex or sex things. All of that can be conquered with communication. The couples who enjoy each other the most are the ones who ask things like "Did you like it that way? Should I do something different?"
Oh, lastly for real this time. His expectations.
He probably doesnt have any. If he's experienced, he knows what its like to have been a nervous virgin. If he's not, then he too is a nervous virgin.
Either way, he shouldnt have many expectations. About the only one you'd usually go into it with is expecting both of you to enjoy it.
Talk to him more.
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I think if you've already been going
out for 7 months, you're relationship
is pretty strong. I don't think if after
a year you still don't feel ready for sex
he is going to just dump you or anything.
The time to discuss it is now though.
Don't wait until its been a year and
then try to get him to understand.
Whatever you do, don't fall into the
trap of having sex just because "Hes
been made to wait long enough".
A lot of curious young men look at
porn. I believe most are grounded
enough in the real world to realize
that most women do not act like that
in real life. There is a difference
between love and getting paid. :)
Please don't feel that there is
anything wrong with you're being
scared or not 100 % comfortable.
If most teens took the time to
actually think about the risks they
are taking, they would be scared too!
While most young people just jump into
sex without a care, it is actually a
very BIG responsibility. You have to be
mature enough to handle all possible
consequences. Most of those consequences
alter lives in ways that can't be erased.
I always told my kids, if you aren't
ready to be a parent and/or marry the person
you are having sex with, don't do it.
Been there done that! So you are not
scared or uncomfortable without very
good reason.
Follow your heart but listen to your
instincts. When ready there will be NO
doubts.
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If your not ready, even after you two have been dating for a year, he should still respect that. If he really loves you, he will wait for you to be ready. If he is watching porn, thats okay. He needs to get "happy" one way or the other, because thats just what guys do. They need to. Just have a long talk with him about it, and if he keeps telling you to have sex with him after your year, break it off with him. You can find someone that will wait for you when you are ready. =D
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If he is that understanding then, tell him. Tell him you don't know, you're not sure, when you'll be as comfortable as him and that you don't want to make him wait for something that you're not sure he will get. Communicate, most relationships fail because of lack of communication, so speak... Speak your heart out! ;)
Many guys watch porn, single, not single, married, divorced... It is in their nature. You can't se the future unfortunately, so give it some time, take it slow. Tell him you MAY get MORE comfortable with him after some time, and you appreciate the fact that he is so understanding and is willing to wait for something YOU'RE unsure about. Say those words or something like it and I'm sure you'll feel much better! That way you're praising him, guys like it, and you're getting open, a sign of comfort! Shows that you're getting comfortable with him mentally and emotionally, being able to talk to him about things like this show your relationship's maturity! :D Plus, he can't blame you for not being a 100% sure, no one can.
Ask Venzuela
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o.o
Okay, first, calm down. I don't know how, but you wrote with such an intensity that I've never even dreamed of and it kind of freaked me out.
Now, as for the ACTUAL advice...
This one's not that hard: if you're not ready for sex, then you're not ready for sex. Simple as that. I mean sex is no casual subject. If either end of the relationship is not ready for it, then the other end will just have to wait. If your boyfriend really loves you, he will respect your decision and wait, which, by the way, he is, via porn.
Speaking of the porn, if he loves you, it shouldn't effect his image of you.
So just keep on waiting until the time is right. I'm sure both of you will be happy you did.
...and.... I don't know... type slower. Maybe that'll help with the intensity issue...
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