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my boyfriend's text message.
f/19.
i've been with him for 4 years, and counting.
my boyfriend went to get an x-ray at the hospital and ran into an old hight school friend, her name is marlo. she wasn't gorgeous, but also wasn't completely unfortunately looking. anyhow, he felt the need to text his friend saying, hey i saw marlo at the hospital, 'she was looking too fine' . i read his texts, which he doesn't mind, he reads mine all the time, but back to the point.. it really hurt me. it made me feel worthless, i honestly can say that i don't go checking out guys, i really don't. and this hurt my feelings. and made me feel so ugly on the outside. how do i get over this feeling, i feel so turned off now, i don't even want to have sex with him anymore. oh and this isn't the first time i found a text similar to this in his cell.
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It is often difficult to deal with your boyfriend flirting like this with other girls, and in my opinion he really shouldn't be saying that another girl is looking 'fine', but I guess in the same aspect you shouldn't be looking in his phone, though everyone does it haha. I think the best thing for you to do it to let him know that it makes you uncomfortable that he is flirting with other girls and saying they are hot. This may cause a fight though and if you don't want that then you may just have to try and get over it. If it was me, I wouldn't be able to get over it and if I didn't tell him it would cause me to be rude to him and to close off to him and it seems that is already happening to you. You said you don't want to have sex with him, I think you should talk to him and let him know that you don't like him talking like that about other girls and that it makes you feel umcomfortable. He should understand that and if he doesn't then he probably isn't the right guy for you. I mean you should be able to trust your guy and know that he isn't going to call another girl 'fine', it could even escalate and lead to bigger problems in the future, so nip it in the bud now.
Hope I Helped.
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Hi,
Why do you routinely read each others text messages? This doesn't come across as a singe of a healthy or trusting relationship - and let's face it if you hadn't been reading his texts you wouldn't be in this situation now would you?
I'm not saying ignorance is bliss or anything like that but your boyfriend hasn't actually done anything wrong, he hasn't cheated and he clearly didn't have anything to hide as left that text on his phone knowing very well you may read it.
Do you stop finding attractive people attractive when your in a relationship, NO, well I don't and I know that's the norm for most people - but finding some one attractive and making a comment about it to a friend doesn't mean you want to jump into bed with them or think or feel any less for the person your with. And it is you he chooses to be with, that must mean something?
Honest opinion? = over reaction, paranoia and STOP reading each others texts!
Chandler
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As stated below, you are insecure. This isnt a relationship problem.
A lesson about guys. Guys do not stop looking at other women. Ever.
Ever.
I'm in a three and a half year relationship, but if a girl walks by whos attractive, I'm going to notice. Guys don't do this because we're jackasses, we do it because we're hard wired that way. This also doesnt mean it poses any kind of threat to the relationship, or even that he finds you in any way less attractive than other people.
You also need to realize that when talking to another guy, guys are different. We often feel the need to maintain some level of "machoism" so that there can be no questioning our manliness. Yes, its stupid and juvenile, but I blame it on the testosterone. Which leads to talking about hot girls we've seen and conversations about cars and the need to make sure everyone around us knows that we know how to fight. But we were born with this testosterone, we didnt get a choice.
Thats right, its Gods fault. Not ours.
How do you get over it? You talk to him about it. You let him reassure you that he finds you attractive. Keep in mind, that he is dating YOU, not Marlo. He even trusts you. Do you think that he'd let you read his texts whenever if he was worried youd find something harmful? No.
That means that in his mind, its completely harmless and innocent. You have nothing to worry about except dealing with your own feelings, and a little communication should help with that.
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You need to decide, inside yourself, if this is actually a real problem in your relationship or if it is your problem of insecurity and fear.
It sounds to me, like you don't think that he isn’t betraying you at all. It was just him nattering to a friend about the fact that a particular female was looking okay.
It's fine if you don't look at other guys. You are free not too, but he is also free to look at people too. He has eyes. If he didn’t have eyes, he might have texted something like ‘Man, she has a lovely voice.” Most human beings, men and women, do look at the opposite sex and enjoy them on an aesthetic level. If you want a partner who doesn't do that, you'll need to look very hard to find that person. They are few and far between.
The best advice I can give you is this: Stop reading his texts. Also, stop reading his e-mails, myspace or anything else that is normally private communication.
Reading someone’s text isn’t funny, or cute, or trust-building, as you’ve now discovered. It actually can harm trust, because all people need to be free to communicate with their other friends without their partner's watching in. The simple truth is a cheater will cheat on you sooner or later. Reading their texts will not change that fact, or even help you feel better about it. It will only make you worry more often.
Trusting your partner, means giving them space to express themselves privately to others, and believing, that even if you don’t love everything they express, that they are true to you and respectful. If you can’t do that, with or without reading his texts, then your bad feelings about this aren't going to go away.
Ignore the text for a moment, and think seriously about how he treats you and if you believe him to be true to you. You need to trust your gut and your faith in him and not let a random text override your own beliefs and common sense.
If, ignoring the text completely, you still can’t trust him and worry about him being faithful, then you probably shouldn’t be in a relationship with him.
However, if you think that you’d trust him and believe in him if it weren’t for a relatively harmless text message, then focus on that. You can’t change the way you feel right now, but you can remind yourself that it was a meaningless and simple flub between him and his friend, NOT any sort of reflection on you. Slowly the bad feelings you will have about this will fade away, if you label them properly as not reasonable things to be feeling.
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Guys are visual creatures.
Just because he thinks Marlo was "looking too fine" doesn't mean he thinks she's more attractive than you. You gotta try to see it that way, or you will go nuts in this life.
Guys like to look and take notice. It's not harmful, and not intended to hurt their beloved, because it's male nature.
Try not to let it effect your life like it is. It's YOU he wants.
ygs-30/f
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