about

Welcome to REALIFEADVICE, thank you for visiting my column, pleas feel free to email or leave feed back....

REALIFEADVICE@COLUMNIST.COM


Look forward to talking soon,

Chandler XX



advice

f/19.
i've been with him for 4 years, and counting.


my boyfriend went to get an x-ray at the hospital and ran into an old hight school friend, her name is marlo. she wasn't gorgeous, but also wasn't completely unfortunately looking. anyhow, he felt the need to text his friend saying, hey i saw marlo at the hospital, 'she was looking too fine' . i read his texts, which he doesn't mind, he reads mine all the time, but back to the point.. it really hurt me. it made me feel worthless, i honestly can say that i don't go checking out guys, i really don't. and this hurt my feelings. and made me feel so ugly on the outside. how do i get over this feeling, i feel so turned off now, i don't even want to have sex with him anymore. oh and this isn't the first time i found a text similar to this in his cell.

Hi,

Why do you routinely read each others text messages? This doesn't come across as a singe of a healthy or trusting relationship - and let's face it if you hadn't been reading his texts you wouldn't be in this situation now would you?

I'm not saying ignorance is bliss or anything like that but your boyfriend hasn't actually done anything wrong, he hasn't cheated and he clearly didn't have anything to hide as left that text on his phone knowing very well you may read it.

Do you stop finding attractive people attractive when your in a relationship, NO, well I don't and I know that's the norm for most people - but finding some one attractive and making a comment about it to a friend doesn't mean you want to jump into bed with them or think or feel any less for the person your with. And it is you he chooses to be with, that must mean something?

Honest opinion? = over reaction, paranoia and STOP reading each others texts!

Chandler

[view]

I just got a 93% on my english final.
It brought my grade to a 89.52..which is a B.
ALL my other teachers counts 89.5 and above as an A except this teacher. =[
If I go in tomorrow to tlk to him, is there anything I can say or do to try to convince him to raise it to an A?! maybe do extra work/bring in something?
it will raise my gpa to a 3.5 instead of 3.3 if he raises it!
which helps balance out my gpa since its ALWAYS been a 3.5 throughout high school!
thanks a bunch =D

At risk of getting a low rating and abusive feed back.... GET A LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[view]

Ok so me and my boyfriend have been dating for 9 months. I love him. Some may say that it's too early for love or that i am too young (i'm 16). but i do love him.

We have been playing around for about two months now. but no sex.

We now think we are ready for sex.
What my question is...
If i had to go into a shop to buy condoms, is it likely they would as for I.D ?

Oh i live in the UK, so america may be different.

I mean i look 16, but im a shy person so if they asked i would just die.
I dont think i have the guts to accually go buy them. but then again i want to rather than have my boyfriend go buy them.

I'm also really really scared i might get pregnant
crazy as it seems that is whats putting me off
i want to have sex with him. Just dont want a baby. My sister is pregnant the now, and that happened by accident, i couldnt be the same.
i cant go to the doctors to get the pill so please dont tell me to do that

help :(

xx

Hi,

Don't worry they will not ask you for ID, even if you didn't look 16 - you don't have to be 16 to buy condoms!!

While theirs no need to be frightened you're absolutely right to want to make sure you're having safe sex.

So be careful, be sensible but relax and enjoy it!

Chandler XXX

[view]

I just started this new job and everyone seems nice, but the problem was that I my age seems to be a problem. Im 21 and everyone is 50 and older. The thing is I have a lot experience but everyone thinks I am too young. They all think I'm incapable of doing anything. Everyone has there way of doing things and they all want it there way.

Its really difficult to get anything done with everyone yanking me in different directions. They all think I'm stupid, they talk to me in a condescending way. One of the ladies at work was telling one of our clients that I am way too young and that I couldn't retain anything. I felt like it was totally unprofessional and rude to say. I had only been there for a week. Im getting used to everything. Is it ageism?

Hi,

Your right it was very unprofessional of your college to say that, especially to a client, and yes I think it probably is ageism. It annoys the crap out of me that discrimination against the young seems to be considered some-how acceptable - we see examples of it all the time!

So what to do? - prove them wrong! Show them age has nothing to do with it and your just as capable, if not more so than they are. See it as a challenge ... Good luck!

Chandler XX

[view]

okayy well i am always texting.and of course i have a nosey mom. and she checks my texts.and i love talking dirty to boys thats just kinda what i do.and she confronted me about it.and i cant stop doing it so i just keep getting in trouble. so what do i do to...satisfy myself.?

Delete dirty texts after you send / receive them, that would be the practical solution. Chanxx

[view]

I've been with my bf for almost three years. He has been out of work for the past year and I can't take it anymore! I gave him 30 days to get a job or get out and that was up on the 5th. I extended it two more weeks, but I regret it b/c it seems like I'm wasting my time (and money) b/c I don't think he's trying. Wuts the nicest way to get rid of him?











































Hi,
Stop trying to be nice! He brought this on himself, it sounds like you gave him every opportunity and he just couldn't be bothered and probably didn't even take your ultimatum serially! My honest opinion is that he sounds like a waste of space and oxygen - kick his ass out the door!!

Chandler XX

[view]

i had sex in mid february and my period came around march 6.. which was quite normal.. but then i missed last months(april) period and im supposed to be getting my period for this month but its only one day late.. so what are the possibilities of being pregnant even though i got my period after sex?

Hi,

Well its certainly possible you could be pregnant even though you had a period in march. You don't say but I'm assuming the sex was unprotected? I would strongly advise a trip to the Dr just to make sure bur really try not to panic.

Chandler xx

[view]

I'm sixteen/f and ever since I was in 7th grade(now in 11th) I've wanted to get my lip pierced. I dont really look like the typical people who get them done. Like I dont have that whole scene thing going on. I'm blonde and blue eyed and rarely wear any type of make up. My friends aren't really open to it, so when I ask them what they think it will look like, they say its gross or that I just shouldn't do it cause I'll look like a freak.
ALSO, i dont have any type of piercings. I dont have ears or belly button or anything. I am extremely afraid of needles. They are my definitely my biggest fear, with the second being blood. This is definitely the biggest problem with piercngs for me.
So i have a couple questions. Does it hurt a lot? Is there a lot of blood? Are there any techniques to doing it without needles? If not is there anyway to do it really quickly? Does it hurt to change them? Do you think I should get it done?

Hiya,

I don't normally answer these practical type questions but since I have my lip pieced I thought I would answer yours!

I didn't find it to hurt a lot, there is a bit of pain for a few seconds but nothing too bad and its all done very quickly...and their was no blood at all. It can be slightly uncomfortable the first few times you change the bar/ring but again nothing really to be worried about. As for if you should have it done - that's up to you!!

[view]

Ok so im a junior in highschool and like many other girls in high school i like a guy. well its more than just like. anyway it gets just a little more complicated than that. a good friend of mine is in love with him...but he turned her down. i know he feels the same about me. but i dont know what to do. what should i do?

Hi,
Well the risk is you louse a friend - but if you do louse her over this is she a true friend? It will no doubt be difficult for her if she really likes him too, but he's not interested and that's not your fault. I would say go for it! but keep your friend in mind and try to do it sensitively.

Chan XX

[view]

hi well this is about me & my boyfriend.. we both have trust issues..but weve been dating 7 months so we trust each other with everything..but im very paranoid bout him going thru my phone..bc, well my parents split up & now my mom & i are dirt poor, & i cant afford my phone. so, im REALLLY not proud of this, but i send this guy..pictures..& he pays my bills. so he text me last night saying "hey sunshine" & my bf saw it..& he kept asking who that text was from & i was drunk so i said idk then i deleted it. & then he saw i deleted it..& now he says he doesnt trust me anymore bc of me not telling him (he doesnt know about the pics..) & i feel so hurt bc he doesnt trust me anymore (but i would feel the same if the roles were reversed) but i dont have any money and i dont consider it cheating bc idk this person, theyre on another coast, & i have NO feelings for him. but it kills me inside whenever i do it & i want to regain my bfs trust but i just dont know what to do..about any of it..please help??

Hi,

I mean this in the nicest possible way - get some self respect!!!! Your better that that I'm sure. And tell that dirty old perv to stop texting you and leave you alone.

I would tell your boyfriend the truth as he now no doubt thinks your actually cheeting. Be honest with him it's the only way to regain his trust.

Chandler XX




[view]

We have been friends since we met in pre-school. We were each other's first friend. We used to hang out all the time. Even though we were so different (I was super-shy and she was more of an outspoken person) we got along better than anyone else. But in school, they put us in classes according to our last name, and we always got separated. In junior high, she started hanging out with the more popular kids, but we were still friends. But then, she stopped hanging out with me, mainly because she was so busy - played about five different sports and dance lessons and babysitting on top of that - because her parents forced her. She hasn't been over to just 'hang out' at my house in about three years. We'll be in high school next year. I've realised that I love her, but the problem is, we're both girls. Her parents are very religious; they don't mind gays, just not near them. Also, in the past few years I've changed a lot...I'm more outspoken, and I suppose you could call me 'Goth' (though I hate labels). I don't get to see her much, but all this is making my head spin. I want to tell her, but I know that if I do, there is definately a strong chance I'll never see her again, and she'll hate me. Help is appriciated.

Hi,

First of all let me say that the fact you both happen to be girls is not an issue, if anyone else has a problem with that to-hell with them, their not worth the time of day!

You miss this girl and you clearly have been very close so tell her you miss her, tell her you want your friendship back, talk to her. The difficult part is you want more than friendship - does she? Is she even gay? You need to be very careful (as I've said to many people in life before) not to destroy an important friendship in the pursuit of something more. However she may feel the same and if you don't ask you may never know.

I would advice re-igniting the friendship and spending some time together before you make the decision.

That decision has to be down to you but what I would say is, isn't it normally the things we don't do that we live to regret?

The very best of luck

Chan XX

[view]

I got drunk one night over spring break and spent the night with a guy other than my boyfriend(we did NOT have sex, just messed around a little). Well, now my boyfriend doesn't want me seeing ANY of my friends that were at that party. I could understand not seeing the guy I spent the night with, but not all my friends... What should I do?

Honestly? To be blunt? - its dead simple get rid of the boyfriend!!!!

[view]

16/f


This is kinda long.. I'm 16 and i'm dating a 19 yr old. He has a baby thats 3 and his babys mom pregnant again... Now they live together but he says nothing is going on. And she got pregnant while me and him were broken up. We have been together a year on and off.. And I completely love this boy and i've tried to let him go but its so hard. Within the first month i found out he was dating another girl but they never saw each other so i didnt care and then the first time we broke up he started messing with this girl and hes cheated on me a hundred times with her but now he says they're done for good. but i'm not too sure if i believe him.. this is a mess what do i do.. and if you think i should break up with him please tell me how to get over him and just know that i see him a lot its my brothers best friend

THANKs
Lynzi

Hi,

Right - get him out your life now. He clearly cannot be trusted as far as you could throw him and serial cheaters don't normally change! Based on all the other cheating I think there is no chance he is telling the truth regarding the woman he is living with. There are two children involved in this and it's going to turn into a horrible mess very soon. You have no real ties to this man or this situation so get your self out of it. Sticking around would be like pushing the self destruct button.

As for how to get over it, there is no easy way unfortunately and its something we all have to go through but in two words TIME and FRIENDS.

Good luck... Take care

Chandler
XXX

[view]

I love this guy who broke up with me last year. i think he has moved on but i havent at all. we are still friends and i sometimes go to hhis house to hang and stuff but i...love him and i dont think he understands. all my friends are getting their "true love" but i am to scared to tell him how i feel because im scared he doesnt even like me..:( please help

Hi,

Situations like this are always difficult to deal with and it's never easy even to decide what you should do. What I would say is this... you say all your friends are finding their "true love" - well the reality is most of these relationships will run their course and end - that's life.

You still have feelings for this guy and their isn't an awful lot to do about that. I don't think I can advise you as to whether or not you should tell him how you feel as it's got to be a personal choice but I take it you value this guy as a friend so be very careful not to sacrifice your friendship in pursuit of something more. Also take into account that you may well not have these feelings forever, they may pass and you also may move on - so think very carefully about it before you do anything.

Chandler
XX

[view]

okay im 14/f and my bf spent the night at my house, we made out big time. i sat on his lap facing him, and he went hard, i think he might have spermed but he doesn't know, i was wearing sweat pants and so was he so is their a posibility that im pregnat?

Don't panic... there is no chance of you becoming pregnant from this at all!!
Chan

[view]

16/f/Connecticut, USA
This boy recently (In January) Moved to CT. His name is Rob. Rob moved here from Florida. Over the past few weeks, Rob and I have gotten very close. We both like each other. We've become friends with benefits. I really want a relationship with him. But last night, he told me that he was moving in June, back to Florida. He had just found out.

Now I have to make a choice: Remain friends with him and keep making memories and get hurt really bad when he has to move OR save myself now and cut him off.

I really like Rob. I really do. Im completely heartbroken over this whole thing.

Hi,

As difficult as this may seem, things like this are all part of life.

I don't think there is any need to, or benefit in cutting him out. It may be difficult to adjust when he first makes the move back - but you will both come to accept the new circumstances, and lets be honest its not difficult to stay in touch in the 21st centaury!

When I was your age a good friend of mine moved to Chicago (I live in England, UK) - we still remain good friends - it can work honest!!

Chandler XX

[view]

Never in my life will I do this again.

I'm making a very long story short.
-i needed a ride home from a party
-friend said he could and wanted to hang out anyways
-got n car @ 2am. Said I had 2 b home at 230
-we didn't kno where to go... drove around to big houses n hills
-i said to turn around. He finally did.
>turned off engine.
>grabbed me ( you know when u watch movies and the girl gets raped? Well I always think, 'o why doesn't she jus play it off so he doesn't get mad?' well I did!) tried to kiss me I kissed him back after saying no.
>shoved my hand on his thing through his pants.
>shoved his hand on my private part.
[This still occured even though I kept saying NO. He kept saying ITS OK.]
>finally stopped n kept drivin
-drives a different way to this place to view the city.
-pulls over.
>grabs me across his lap, puts his tonge down my throat.
>tried to get up. He pulled me back down. And tried to kiss me again. I finally got up & said we gotta go home!
-on ride home we act like nothing happened.
-drops me off. Done.

I don't know if I should tell him how I feel? Ignore it? Act like it never happend?
I never want to see him again. But I have to because we go to the same school.

I'm not that type of girl AT all. I'm a virgin, but most people don't think so. Maybe he didn't? I can't believe he thought I would do that. I can't believe he did that to me.

Hi,

With all due respect I think you maybe quite naive. You said no but you proactively participated and if you didn't want what was happening to happen you should have made that quite clear. I don't think this boy thought for one moment you didn't want this to happen.

In future I would suggest if a situation occurs you're not happy with you say so from the very start, don't then say one thing and do another or give mixed singles.

If you don't feel you can just let this go talk to him about how you are feeling and make clear that you don't want that to happen again, but I do think if your going to get in guys cars at 2am you should first understand how the world works. (By that I do not mean anyone has the right to do anything to you to which you have not consented - but to be fare by your actions you did consent to what was happening)

Chandler

[view]

when I give my boyfrind a handjob and he cums and then fingers me with some possible sperm on his hands, could I get pregnant by that?

Yes! This could defiantly get you pregnant, although it is less likely than if you actually had unprotected sex

[view]

okay so one day this guy txted me out of the blue and weve been txting each other everyday ever since and he says hes 13 likes soccer like me and it seems like we have alot in common but weve never actually met in person or even talked on the phone just txting but dont know how to tell if hes telling the truth or not and i really want to meet him in person but what if hes not who he says he is thanx ahead of time 13/f

Hi,

It is difficult when you've formed a relationship with a person by text message or over the internet and your bound to have some doubts and concerns.

We all hear a lot off horror stories but that's because its only the horror stories that get told - most people have good experiences.

The most important advice I can give you is if you do decide to meet up don’t go alone!

Chandler XX

[view]

my period is always late. and i am a virgin. just for complete reassurance..theres no way i am pregnant right?

like sure he's 'came' on me and like im sure he's precame while dry-humping and such..but without his penis inside of me and cum coming out theres no way i can get pregnant, right? :) thank you.

Hi,
Don't panic - if you've not had sex your not at all likely to be pregnant! And you say your period is always late so this is obviously something that is normal for you.

Just make sure when you do start to have sex you always use protection

Chandler XX

[view]

<<< Previous Advice Column
Next Advice Column >>>
eXTReMe Tracker