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i feel really dumb.
Never in my life will I do this again.
I'm making a very long story short.
-i needed a ride home from a party
-friend said he could and wanted to hang out anyways
-got n car @ 2am. Said I had 2 b home at 230
-we didn't kno where to go... drove around to big houses n hills
-i said to turn around. He finally did.
>turned off engine.
>grabbed me ( you know when u watch movies and the girl gets raped? Well I always think, 'o why doesn't she jus play it off so he doesn't get mad?' well I did!) tried to kiss me I kissed him back after saying no.
>shoved my hand on his thing through his pants.
>shoved his hand on my private part.
[This still occured even though I kept saying NO. He kept saying ITS OK.]
>finally stopped n kept drivin
-drives a different way to this place to view the city.
-pulls over.
>grabs me across his lap, puts his tonge down my throat.
>tried to get up. He pulled me back down. And tried to kiss me again. I finally got up & said we gotta go home!
-on ride home we act like nothing happened.
-drops me off. Done.
I don't know if I should tell him how I feel? Ignore it? Act like it never happend?
I never want to see him again. But I have to because we go to the same school.
I'm not that type of girl AT all. I'm a virgin, but most people don't think so. Maybe he didn't? I can't believe he thought I would do that. I can't believe he did that to me.
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Hi,
With all due respect I think you maybe quite naive. You said no but you proactively participated and if you didn't want what was happening to happen you should have made that quite clear. I don't think this boy thought for one moment you didn't want this to happen.
In future I would suggest if a situation occurs you're not happy with you say so from the very start, don't then say one thing and do another or give mixed singles.
If you don't feel you can just let this go talk to him about how you are feeling and make clear that you don't want that to happen again, but I do think if your going to get in guys cars at 2am you should first understand how the world works. (By that I do not mean anyone has the right to do anything to you to which you have not consented - but to be fare by your actions you did consent to what was happening)
Chandler
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Heya,
In your question, it’s hard to tell if this guy actually raped you, so I’m going to try and answer your question from two different sides.
Lets just give him the benefit of doubt, maybe he didn’t realise that you didn’t want to do what he was up for (I'm not saying this is the case, just maybe)
You said you “play it off” I don’t think this was the best course of action at all, because this could have given him the wrong idea to start with.
But if someone says no to sexual contact, and the other person in question ignores this fact, surely that is counted as sexual assault, and therefore, maybe you should be telling a adult, about this experience
You mentioned that you go to the same school, well this is going to become very difficult and uncomfortable for you, so I suggest you tell someone about what happened, at your school, maybe a teacher, or a head of year (not sure if your from the U.K)
No-one should feel threatened at school, so really you should tell a teacher.
Personally if I was in your position, I would march right up to the guy and shout in front of everybody, about what he did, but I realise and think this isn’t the best approach you should take.
I think you should tell him exactly how you felt about the whole situation, and make him realise that his actions were wrong, this is if you don’t wish to take things higher.
If you feel nervous about doing this on your own, confine in a friend, and ask a friend to come with you whilst you talk to him.
I hope this is of some help.
I’m sorry you’ve been put into this awful position.
Moon x
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Tell him that you didn't want him to rape you and that you played along. Tell him that you just want to be friends and that you appreciated his thoughtfulness to drive him home, and If you don't stop tell him that you'll get a restraining order and don't mess around or be hesitant if you have to go to that level...
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What should you do? You need to bring all this to your parents' attention and ask THEM what you should do.
No means no.
It doesn't matter if you are a virgin or someone who gets around with everybody. No means no. Period.
Thankfully you made it home unscathed.
I know you may not feel comfortable telling mom and dad what happened, but you need to. They can't help you if they don't know there's a problem.
Sounds to me like you have a problem in need of their attention. Don't you?
ygs-29/f
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Groping is sexual harassment.
You could try to take this to court, however, this case may not be considered severe enough to form a base for a legal claim.. and the fact that you verbally said, "No" but you physically kissed him... the attorneys would have a ball with that. So... you don't have to take this to court if you don't want, although your parents might want to or at least press charges of some kind.
My best advice is to talk to your parents, counselor, teacher, or anyone of high authority you feel comfortable with.
Chances are, if he's done that to you, he will do that again to another girl. You're lucky that he didn't rape you, but who's to say that he might not rape another girl?
Definitely do NOT ignore what happened. Keeping something like this bottled up will really mess you up inside. Something like this happened to my friend. She didn't tell anyone except for the cops for months. Even when she finally told me, she kept denying it and pretended it didn't happen. Then one day she totally broke down.. It will really cause you problems, might affect you from doing work or making friends.
So.. you don't have to talk to him again (you probably shouldn't) but reach out to someone else. I'm sorry that happened to you. You are a victim and never blame yourself. You don't have to be a certain "type" of girl to be harassed. It's scary for women these days, no matter who you are. Just be careful and I'm glad you learned from your mistakes. Take care!!! <3
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I personally, disagree with the last answer. Weather or not his guy is your friend, what he did was wrong. IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT!! i can't stress that enough. you didn't do anything. and since when did a kiss hurt anyone?! i think that you should talk to someone about it maybe a school counsler or parent or friend. its not like you did anything wrong, you just needed a rise home.
don't act like nothing happened because thats what he wants. if you were to go to the authorities he would get in serious trouble. because if you hadn't have done what you did, you could have been the next victim of rape. I strongly suggest going and talking with someone. it sounds like you NEED to talk to someone. and i do not advise ever assosiating with this boy again, he may think you changed your mind
hope i helped
-E
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well I mean that is kind of an awkward situation that you were in. First of all, i know it sounds like a good idea to play it off, but what that actually does is make you seem like a tease. Basically you are sending mixed messages. If you do not want it then say I am not interested in kissing. If you feel really uncomfortable and you think he might try something but you are not sure, i suggest that you inconspicuosly unlock your door and get your phone ready in your hand. this way if you need to jump out of the car you can. Most of the time though just being firm and having your actions fit what you are saying is enough. Be like respect my wishes dude. As to wether you should talk to him about it or not, i say if you feel it strong enough then you should. Call him off to the side in PERSON and say you know, i know you wanted to go a little further than i did and i just want you to know that i didn't feel comfortable, i know it probably seemed like i was giving you mixed messages but i didn't really know what to do in that situation. if he is a gentleman then you will be able to resolve it and who knows maybe you and him will be able to be friends. if you like him hey maybe something will work out, he will just know that you like to take it slow. I can't tell you about girls that get rapped. Cause i think every situation is different. What you described just there just seemed to me like he is a take charge kind of guy and probably just wasn't sure if you wanted it, didn't want it, or were playing hard to get. I mean i don't know, i wasn't there to read his expressions you know. You gotta know how you felt. If he has been a good dude up until then, I would talk it out with him. He probably didn't mean any harm. He just got caried away. You gotta be the judge though.
Peace.
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