I am a father of three, girl, boy, girl, all are now over 18. I have been married for 29 years as of 6-30-07, so yes, if you do the math I was married at 18, just after graduating high school. I am very aware of the pit falls of doing so, but we made it through the really tough times. I came to this site, because of my daughter, she also uses the site.
I am an author and have written three books, only one under this name, but it is not how I make my living. I am in business, working full time and I have a seasonal business in ponds, selling Koi, goldfish, water plants and supplies. I help people to plan and build ponds, as well as, maintenance if they need it.
I am not here for the ratings and could careless what you rate me. I will tell you things I know, I will tell you what you don't want to hear, but most of all, I will tell you things from my perspective. I have experienced a lot in my life, I have not lived with my head in the sand and I'm a realist, you want someone to blow smoke up your as*, don't read my writings, (I don't do fairy tales).
I am not so foolish as to think I am always right, I can only tell you what I know and give you something to think about. It is up to you to find out if I'm right or not.
Life is complicated, because people are complicated and one answer does not necessarily fit all, but that doesn't mean you should not consider what I say as a possibility.
Feel free to write me personally if you wish, there is only so much you can say in such a restrictive environment as this site is, it doesn't allow for proper conversation.
Thank you for coming to my column and giving me the chance to help.
E-mail: gibber@cableone.net
Gender: Male
Location: Minnesota
Age: 53
Member Since: May 14, 2008
Answers: 285
Last Update: March 27, 2013
Visitors: 26931
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okay hey guys so i just wanted someone else’s opinion on this.
last year I went out with my ex boyfriend for about a year and then last September he all of the sudden broke up with me telling me he had no more feelings they changed. We had a great relationship and nothing was going wrong at all and he always told me no matter what he was always going to love me. Ever since the whole break up I haven’t spoken to him unless I had to because of school or something related to school.
I have music class with my ex and he’s always looking at me or talking really loud so I can hear things about his band and always making out with his girlfriend of the week in front of me and he’s always playing the songs he wrote for me in music class. Keep in mind I don’t ever talk to him and I sit and mind my own business in the back of the room.
I really don’t understand it. Every other girlfriend and boyfriend break up and either they talk or they don’t. this has been about 9 or 10 months now that we haven’t been together and I feel like it just doesn’t end I feel like there’s still something there.
Thanks so much I just wanted to know someone’s opinion on this whole thing
(link)
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He's use to being the center of your world and he is a juvenile, so how would you expect him to act. He doesn't know how to get rid of the feelings he still has for you and doesn't realize he probably never will. You never forget your loves and you will always remember the feelings they gave you.
My first love was a girl who never returned it, Jackie. I tried and tried to get her to go out with me, I guess today she would have charged me with stalking her, I tried so much. But, I can tell you from experience, even unrequited love never goes away, for I still love her to this day. I have been married to a wonderful lady for almost 30 years, but I still know the love I had for Jackie, I would just never act on it, because the love I have for my wife is much stronger then any love I have ever felt.
The strength is not in the love it's self, because there is but one degree of love, yet many degrees of like. The strength is in the people and wanting to be with them and the degree of which you like them. (That's why it is so important to be friends with your life partner).
So you see, he never fell out of love with you, he just didn't like you to the degree he use to. I'm sure that doesn't make you feel any better. It's confusing when you don't understand it and the big galoot is confused as hell.
Hang in there, sooner or later he'll come to grips with it and it will stop.
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I am a law enforcement officer and have been for 10 years. I have found it difficult in some ways because the dept i work for uses the "masons" to hide their labor union antics. I'm not against the masons or false mason (clique) nor am i for them. I have done my job and do it well and everyone knows this so they tend to find ways to make me look bad and someone else better. Its gotten to the point to where i have to turn my check to certain things if i want to stay in the profession where others do not have to do this. any advice to how i can stay on top and get people off of me, protect myself from personal and professional attacks. thanks (link)
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Wow, it's amazing how wide spread this kind of thing is. I have run into this kind of thing before and it's amazing how deep it runs, "The old boys network". I don't believe there is a way to fight this from the bottom and trust me, you have no idea where it stops on the top.
Many factors play apart here, the fact that you do your job well and the fact that you have no interest in being one of the boys, (I know you didn't say so, but it's obvious). It's a lot easier being one of the boys, but if your like me, you can't even consider it. Trouble is, the boys, (and "The Boys" are not necessarily all males, in my case they were mostly women), have it so good that they are willing to take it to whatever level they need to, to protect their way of work, so to speak.
They got the idea that you were going to upset the apple cart and they may actually have to start doing their job a 100% and they can't have that. I have always said, there are three things you don't "F" with, with a person, One, their food, Two, their spouse, and Three, their money, most everything else you can probably get away with. Your "F'ing" with their money, if you know what I mean. Their fear is that should the day come along that someone were to listen to you, or you were to move up, their playtime would be over.
You can buck the system and risk not getting to the right people and end up out on your butt. You can try to remain a wall flower, but I'm sure like me, that is wearing thin and your stomach is bothering you, you don't sleep well at night and you hate the thought of going to work, but not the job. This did not work for me, sooner or later something will send you over the edge.
I will tell you, when I finally left I felt liberated, not sad. I was happy to be out of there and I managed to find a company that had mostly good people in it, you'll never get 100%.
I know this is not what you want, but my advice is, try and find a new shop to work, you can't change anything from the bottom. Maybe someday you can go back there at a higher level and say, "Hi, I'm back".
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my ex boyfriend and i were friend for like 2 yrs before and we became close. he treated girls kinda badly and could be a jerk but when hes alone hes great. we have liked each other on and off the whole time but i had a bf and he dated a couple girls. finally after being 'together' for a while he asked me out. i had just transfered schools so he and i didnt see each other at school only at church or when we hung out. he treated me great and was so nice and sweet and always had time for me. he became my very best friend and i depended on him. he knew i was moving but as it got closer he started pulling away. this was the complete opposite of what i wanted to do. i wanted to spend all the time i could with him so i was clinging on. he had less and less time for me and i was upset and crying all the time. he said he missed me and stuff but didnt show it. finally we broke up and now we arent even friends. this is because hes avoiding me because he doesnt want to have to deal with the emotions of me moving.
he doesnt have many friends because he is a jerk with a lot of people but nice at church/one on one. i have found out that he flirted with a bunch of girls at school and stuff cause i wasn't there which makes me so hurt. i thought he was special. he and i had this bond and he was different from the other guys i had dated. he was the first guy i have loved up to the point that i can love a boy because i know I am young but i did care about him a lot. he said he truly cared for me and i think he did but i think hes too immature right now. he feels very self conscious and is treated badly at home so he needs to feel like he can get a girl to make himself feel better.
i know i should be over him but i miss having someone always there for me. i told him everything about me and he knew me as well as i knew myself. and i feel so bad and feel like i should be there for him because his home life is really screwed up. i guess i dont miss HIM but i miss having SOMEONE there for me who cared and everything. also i feel SO hurt and betrayed for him distancing from me and flirted with those girls. he hid things from me and lied. but a part of me wants to hold on because i want a person there for me. i know i need to be independant but i dont know how to get over this feeling of needing him. part of me feels so pathetic and is so angry torwards him but the other part holds on and worries about him. he wont talk to me either and avoids me so i just dont know what to do anymore. this has been going on for about a month. i NEED to get over this but i just cant figure out how. i want to feel independant and like i dont need a guy. i also want to let go of my hurt and pain and sadness and anger and frusteration and i think sitting down and talking would work but he wont talk to me. i have tried many times. and i have written down my feelings but it doesnt change anything. PLEASE HELP (link)
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Do not look for this kind of love, it is a form of what is often called the nightingale syndrome, most often used in the case of a nurse falling for a sick patient. She feels so sorry for the guy that she falls for him. He is so needy that you maybe mistaking your feelings of sorrow and pity for love.
It was good that you befriended him and tried to help him, but all you really were doing was exercising your mothering instincts. The hole you feel is much like the hole you will feel when your child grows up and leaves home, you will get over that too, but it will be harder.
If I can give you some advise that I feel there is probably less then a 50% chance that you will take, learn a little bit more about yourself and your wants and needs before you date any more. Spend your time in groups, make friends not boy friends and learn about yourself.
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ok this is my situation that i need solved:
so the other day i was coming home from kick boxing class and my mum calls and says they are near the area... so knowing that my dad is with them i didn't want to bump into them because i was dressed in a tight v cut tshirt and jeans (sometimes he freaks out when he sees my collar bones and arms and starts calling me names like slut and slapping me around but at others he is completely okay) a couple of blocks farther down the road is a place where me and my sister wanted to take drawing lessons so i went to the store to register but the lady says that they have no space so i ended up going back in the direction where i came from (towards the boxing studio and home) on my way back i saw my dad and sister who is a serious bitch when it comes to me... she gives me this dirty look and says "i thought you were going home" and i freaked out because of my shirt and dad and i said ah ah well i was going to where you were going! anyway it showed i was lying through my teeth... i don't know why i didn't say i was going to the drawing place and my sister knew i was going to register for it...its just that i said to mum that i was going home and i know that bugged her.... wen my dad wasn't listening i explained to her that i panicked because of my shirt and she says yeah right i don't believe you... i am worried that she may come up with some bazaar story and put me in trouble again!
Some background on the spawn of satan:
when dad asks all she says is i don't knw with a suggestive tone as though i am out drinking but she doesn't want to be part of it....last year she did the same thing and went and told my parents (since she's such a goody gooder) after practically making them worried sick repeating "i don't know ask her".....i snuk out at 7pm and got home at 9 my curfew is at 530 ... we only went for a walk near school where there was still people practicing and stuff....and i got in so much trouble ... since then i backed away from any friends isolated myself completely ... spend most of my time home and barely ever go out....(no i am not with my friends not because they didn't understand its a long story) and so now i have no one and i am trying to make the most out of it and she keeps ruining it! what does she want from me? i mean she is putting us both in trouble (when she says she gets slapped around too ...) and it's not like am prostituting or buying drugs or anything... its so hard when you are presumed guilty before you even do anything!! help me please... i don't want to wear extremely modest clothe and its not like i'm wearing very revealing a-la-paris style clothing!
helpppppppppppp i am suffocating... and please please don't tell me talk to my parents (my mum is scared of my dad about clothing... my dad will kill me if i try to reason) or my sister... first she is so defensive and is wiling to receive no help from others let alone their opinions or feelings... she never doesn't anything besides stay at home so that she avoid my parent's guilt trip... and she is beyond mean she'll say things that really hurt and she won't allow you to tell her anything by blocking it... (link)
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There is just no pleasing some people, I will spare you the stories of my step father. You should reconsider your stance on clothes until you are old enough to move out and detach yourself from him. Kids often feel suffocated by having to live under their parents rule. I consider this a good thing, otherwise they would never move out on their own.
Lying comes out of necessity, I know, I could never have gotten out of my teen years alive had I not. Trouble is, you are making it harder on yourself then you have to be. Cover up for your dads sake, I don't want to bring this up, but I will. You must consider that maybe, somewhere deep down inside, you may actually be turning your own father on wearing these things, ya, ewwwwwwwwww, and that is why he doesn't like it, because you are not suppose to be turned on by your own daughter. You know better then to repeat that to anyone I hope. The other option is that he finds something about the way you are dressing as disgusting, your collar bone perhaps and he considers this as an affront to his perceived image.
In answer to your follow up question:
Sweetheart, don't get out, get smart. You think that your father, mother and sister are unique to this world? Do you think that you will never run into people like them? Your being silly if you think so.
We are all put on this earth to help each other learn and grow, do you think yourself so worthless that you have nothing to teach them. Sometimes your children have the most to teach you, but many parents can't believe that someone younger then them could teach them anything. The thing they don't know is, that the age of the spirit, (or soul if you prefer), inside you could be older then theirs.
This is where you have to be smart, you have to teach them without appearing to teach them. One person can be the calming force in a room of angry people, learn to act on a situation, instead of reacting to a situation.
You are reacting to your fathers wish that you dress in what he considers an appropriate way, with rebellion, not with understanding. Act upon it by doing as he wishes until you are old enough to move out of his house. Understanding that people are not perfect, some even less so, puts them in a whole new light. Learn to look at them with your spirit, not your eyes.
These types of people will be apart of your life in one form or another all your life, learn to deal with them, not alienate them. Live your life in a way that teaches them how to live theirs, not forces them. In the end it may make them a better person, but some people are beyond help, trouble is, you never know who is and who is not until you try.
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Okay... today is my last day at school.
so, my friend and I decide to do cheeks with this guy...
[you know, each get one side and kiss his cheek].
well, we did, an idk if that was actually my first kiss.
he like my friend more... and she has kissed him on the cheek twicce...
this is my first time doing any of that. [no im not ugly]
and, well i just need to know if it counts as being a first kiss.
please help!
ps; my bf doesnt know about it... becuase he left early... but i wanted to kiss him on the lips... maybe i will get a chance when we go back for grades on friday..
love...
Kaila (link)
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This was no more your first kiss then when you kissed your auntie on the cheek the first time, or your father on the lips when you were a baby. Your first kiss comes from the heart, there is no planning it, it should come when hearts entwine and it is right for the both of you, then it has meaning and feeling. If you feel awkward after it, but can not explain the feeling you have inside, you have probably done it right, so to speak.
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I have dated one guys for 5 years now an he has cheated on me 17 times. I moved out from his house an now i live with someone i really get along with. Everytime i try to break up with the other guy he begs me not to do it that he will change. Please i need so advice on how to tell him i dnt want him no more (link)
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You really don't need someone else to advise you on this, you know your answer already.
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Out of the goodness of my heart of loaned a "friend" a large amount of money over the course of several months. With the option that they pay me back by working it off or cash. A little cash has been paid and some of the work has been done. But, now that it's spring, this person is going out partying all the time and not making an effort. I am unemployed and need the money.....thinking about getting a lien put on their house because now they are in a big hurry to move to FLA. What should I do? Can't afford court fees. (link)
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I'm afraid your options are few then, unless you can find a lawyer willing to do this for a cut of what you get back. The unfortunate part of this idea is, he may take most of what you are owed, but try anyway, someone may take pity on you.
My rule of thumb is, never loan anyone money expecting to get it back, so never loan more then you can afford to loan. Just like never gamble with money you can't afford to lose.
Write this person off as both a friend and a debt, their unwillingness to sign a promissory note kinda says it all, you should have done this before you gave them the money, live and learn.
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well, me and my boyfriend broke up before, and we offically broke up. the deal is that after we broke up, i was talking to this one guy.. and let's just call him andy. and andy and i usually play around and all that stuff, and apparently my boyfriend who is my ex now, read through my comments. and he thought that me and andy was going on a date or whatever, and i told him that we weren't, also cause my best friend was going to go with us to our friend's orchestra concert. and then my ex said that it doesn't bother him, and it's my life etc. etc. and then later on he said "i have fake friends, my dad hates me, i don't want to see you with another guy, & etc." and later on he called me, and said "i fucking hate you.. why do you have to do this to me? i fucking love you.. i fucking cut myself!" and that made me feel worse.. and i cried so hard. and my friends was comforting me, then he messaged andy saying that he's going to meet him up with his friends at the orchestra concert to fight. and andy told me, and i cried even harder! i feel so upset and depressed, because i'm in the middle of it all. and i told andy i was so sorry, and he told me it was okay and for me to be safe. i don't understand why can't my ex leave me and my friends alone, we're over and done for. even if i told him... he would've still done it. and later on, he texted me saying "my friends are right... you're not worth it" and he said all of these things to me, that hurt alot.. but it didn't make me cry though.. but he did get me nervous later on. he said "my parents had to comfort me and now they hate your guts, and so does my brother" and he also got my enemies to comfort him also.. and then he texted me "for now on, life is going to be fucking hell for you. be prepared" and i don't know what he could do... so i'm very nervous, i'm not sure if he's threatening me with that, or he's actually going to ruin my reputation. he even swore to god to it, and he's serious when it comes to god.. people says that i have too good of a reputation for it to be ruined, but yet.. they don't know what it is.. and the worst thing he could say to ruin my life or something, is saying that i lost my virginity to him.. because i was being pressured into doing so. and i don't want anyone to find that out... especially my older sister, because she says if i ever did, she'll act like i never came into this world. and i don't want people to see me differently because i lost my virginity to him last year. you know everybody has their own opinions, and nobody knows that i lost it already.. because i can't take that risk of letting people know to get to my sister. i KNOW i have to tell my next boyfriend that i lost it already, but why does EVERYBODY have to know ALREADY?! so here are my questions:
1) what should i do if he does tell people i lost my virginity to him?
2) what can i do? because i don't want him to hurt himself either
3) what can i do to get him to leave me and my friends alone.
4) anything would help basically... i need helpful advice! PLEASE! (link)
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You neither confirm or deny, it is no ones business, "How dare you ask such a question", is your response. I know this is too little to late, but this is why you don't crumble under pressure to have sex. Had you not and spent the time getting to know him mentally, rather then physically, you would have discovered he was this kind of person.
That's what young people often do not understand. Sex bonds you to another person in a way nothing else can, it can never be broken and never be taken back. Believe it or not, that is what is at the root of the problem, sex is obsession.
Jealousy is a hard emotion to over come, if your ex keeps it up, tell him it is over and his jealousy and obsession with you are not healthy. Add that had you known that he was like this, you would never have dated him. Tell him that you're going to move on and he should too, if he can't he should seek mental help. If he threatens you with exposure, or uses this fact in anyway, tell him two can play at that game and he will find it very hard to get a date in this town after you start the rumor mill. Note: I am not telling you to actually start the rumor mill, but the threat of telling every girl in school that he has a really small penis, or he's lousy in bed, should be enough. He will retract any statements he made after you tell him this.
As to hurting himself, (another reason he should seek help, not seek you), it is not something you have any control over, so don't worry about it. It is not likely that he will do it and if he does, it actually works in your favor, (it shows those who appear to be siding against you that he is mentally disturbed.
Take the high ground on this if you can, be what he is not, maintain your dignity.
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so i just recently sent in a question about my bf that broke up with me and said sorry i found a new girl... well we broke up and i texted him and he freaked and said he never wanted to talk to me then tonight he got drunk texted me adn then called me and said he just said all the mean stuff to me because he thinks i have changed and wants me to be the same again and he wanted to show me how he felt when i broke up with him for my ex ... even tho we got back together after that he was still hurt. it was a long time ago kinda. and he said that he loved me. im really confused on how to take this .. wat about the girl he likes aparently and why is it all of a sudden after all the things he said that he says he loves me. then i sent him a text to see if he got home safe from the party cuz he was afraid of wrecking and he never answered. wat does this mean and is he just playing a game (link)
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You made one mistake and now that has snow balled. The one mistake you made was getting back with him. Life is never what it was, it always moves forward and people who won't let you grow are always trouble.
When you truly love someone, you don't try to change them, you let them change. I have never owned my wife and she has never owned me, too many people out there have this idea that they do own a person once they are an item. We have never made each other make our decisions, only tried to influence them, but once the choice was made, it was made, never an I told you so.
People who let others decide who they are lead bitter, spiteful, resent filled lives, is that what you want your life to be? Though you may continue your whole life with this person, your growth as a couple and as a person stops and you start to think, "is this all there is". Not only does this have a negative effect on you, but it denies your partner from knowing who you really are and worse yet, yourself from knowing who you really are. You were growing beyond him and he didn't like it, this happens to most people who drink. He wants you to stop and not grow along with him.
The mental growth of a person stops at the point where they become a heavy drinker, a fact most people don't know. As long as they use alcohol in excesses, they will not grow any further. That is what makes it so hard to get a person off of it, not the addiction. (Sorry AA.) Break it off with him and never allow someone else to keep you from learning and changing, make sure you learn the right lessons though.
Sorry to contradict, but people do not say what they really believe when they are drunk, they are more prone to say what they think will manipulate a person into what they want. This is why they will often say cruel things, to get what they desirer.
Alcohol is a mood enhancer, so if they wanted sex coming into the night, it will enhance that to the point of desperation, as an example and they will do, or say anything to get it. That is why so many people cheat when they are drunk. So never drink when you want sex, keep the two separate, unless you are drinking with the one you love.
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Lately, I've been feeling disconnected from everything and everyone. Like from my friends, family, church, school, and even God. I don't understand what's going on but I just don't feel close to anything anymore.
I've had a rough year full of fights with friends, nonstop arguments with my parents, and just overwhelming stress. Now, I don't feel anything. I just feel numb and disconnected.
When I look around at my classmates and even my extended family, it makes me feel so lonely. They all seem so close with each other and they always have each others' backs. And I don't have that. I'm not part of their friendship or closeness.
My family (intermediate that is) moved around a lot because my dad was in the military. He just recently retired. So, the earlier parts of my childhood, I didn't get the chance to feel close to my extended family because I always lived on the other side of the country from them. But now, I just feel so jealous and left out at family reunions, which is just really really sad.
Same thing goes sorta for my friends. When I first moved here, there was a brief period where I felt close to my friends. But then, all that changed during these random fights we've had this year. Now, I'm totally lost and feel so alone.
And in my church, I used to be the one everybody knew of because of my music. I'd always get asked to perform during the services, but now I don't. I've been replaced and I don't understand =[
I just want to feel close again. I want to feel needed and just...connected again. But I feel as if that's not even possible anymore. Like it's too late or something. (link)
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"When I find myself in times of trouble, mother Mary comes to me, speaking words of wisdom, let it be."
You know, I have never been a real big Beatles fan, but they had their moments of wisdom. You really don't think he really meant that Mary really came to him do you? Do you think that maybe he was speaking metaphorically? I do, I think he was trying to say that sometimes when we are down, really down, it is there that we find our biggest most profound truths and I would ask you if that is what you seek?
Loneliness, doubt, fear, alienation are they cries for help? Or is it our innate need to look inwards and contemplate our own self worth. When others no longer help us, we retreat within ourselves looking for answers from our spirit, when we don't know that, that is what we are doing, it scares us and those around us. Don't be afraid to find yourself and your spirit, you will return a better person for it.
I envy you your journey, be well.
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I'm not a tomboy or anything like that. I love clothes, shopping, and basically being a girl. But I won't deny that I like to get down and dirty and play football with the guys.
But I feel like guys don't want any girls like me. I feel like they only want girls who go around (this is just a stereotypical example, because I can't come up with anything else) going "Omg, I broke a nail!".
I'm not like that, and I don't try to be. But I feel like no guy will ever want me because of that. (link)
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You're wrong.
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im 18. im a lady and my best friend is a gay male. he has not been very open about it, even with... ME. but close friends know its true. starting in last october things started happening. herasment. car was keyed multipule times with hate, fag, die, and also perminent marker. keying of his car has happened various times. atleast 5. his tire had been stabbed. trees next to his house were drenched with gas and lit on fire. Various other acts have occured.. (although last june it was keyed but did not think anything of it). he has a very hard time sleeping. he has made police reports, but they dont help much, he has gone to therapy, gone to doctors. finally he came out and open to everyone right before the last car and tree lighting incident. hes always scared. he drinks ALOT now, takes alot of perscription pills for sleep and depression, although he says it doesnt help much. i hardley see him and i dont know what to do. he says he has no idea what i could do, he feels helpless himself. does anybody know anything i could try to help him feel better about himself, have alittle bit more fun, sleep, anything?? i miss him being happy please any help would be appricated (link)
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Having a backyard business during the summer has made me think even more about security. Get someone who is a bit of a do it yourselfer and mount motion sensitive lights around his house and make sure they come on even when a car drives past on the street. Two, I have noticed at Menards a two camera security system for around $300.00 dollars that is also motion sensitive. You will not catch them in the act, but it will stop the harassment. This should go a long way to reclaiming his life, but you and his other friends need to help him through the drink and other problems. Alcohol is a mood enhancer, it is making the depression worse then it is, get rid of that and don't move him out of his place, it may make things worse. A respite, yes, but he may feel like he's running from a fight, it may be worse for him. If anything, find someone who can move in with him, it's easier to help someone if they are in familiar surroundings.
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I'm starting to like this guy. I don't know him too well and hes not usually the type I'd go for but he is very nice and friendly. The thing is I cant really imagine him sexually. Like not at all. Does that mean I don't really like him? Do I maybe just like him as a friend? I think that the main reason I cant imagine him like that is because he seems really innocent and sweet. Somehow it seems wrong. And I want to talk to him more. I see him in class but we don't always talk. Anything would help. Thanks~ (link)
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Could it be that you are starting to realize that maybe sex should not be at the top of your list of importance when picking a boy friend. Nah, I'm sure that couldn't be it, but why don't you give it a try, you may actually learn something.
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The last time my boyfriend and I had sex was about 3 weeks ago, and my period is now 5 days late. We did use a condom, but I've always been regular before. I also felt very naseous for about an hour yesterday and about an hour this afternoon. I'm waiting a few more days before I get a pregnancy test.
Should I tell my boyfriend that I suspect I may be pregnant before I take the pregnancy test? Or should I take it first to confirm/deny my suspicions so I don't worry him? (link)
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Tell him, why should you be the only one worried, his reaction might be reveling. Or do you think it is only the girl that should be slapped in the face by the reality of what having sex is all about?
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well i have a few questions.
1) i heard that guys like when girls will try to take them from their current girlfriends..true or false?
2)what kind of attitude do boys like? What do you guys look for in a girl? because most of the time they go for the short skirts and stick size girls...
3)how do you turn a guy on without giving him the idea that you want to go any further than kissing??
17f if it helps??! (link)
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For most guys at your age, true, as it is for the girls too. It's a tremendous ego boost to have two women, or two guys fighting for you.
Yes, most "guys" go for the girls that they believe to be a bit more whorish, excuse my bluntness, in large part because their concern is to get sex at that age, it is rare they are looking for their life partner, you should avoid them, you will learn nothing from them.
Men mostly prefer a woman, one, that is secure enough in herself to be what he wants her to be sexually and ask for what she needs too. They do not want someone who is a whore, unless it is with him. We appreciate a women who can be dirty, as well as, a princess.
I think that most men like to see confidence in a woman, strength and low maintenance, (someone he doesn't have to fuss over all the time). But one of the most important things to a relationship is, someone you can tell your deepest, darkest secrets too. Someone who would never under any circumstance reveal those things you keep hidden. We all have them, thoughts, deeds, fantasies, things that most people take to their grave, because they think they are too weird to share and that no one else would ever would think of or do.
It's funny, my wife reveled something to me just months ago, (after near 32 years of knowing her), of something she wanted to do when she was young that she thought to be real nasty, but she never did and I confided in her that I had done it when I was young. It's liberating to know that you are not alone and the things you thought were so weird may not be so weird after all.
Sure, we must be physically attracted to you to even give you a second look, but you would be surprised what it is that attracts. I was attracted to my wife at first by, I had just turned 17 and was working as a janitor in the church we both attended. I was mopping a floor in a rather large room, when she came in and sat down on a couch and started talking with me as I worked. To tell you the truth, I don't remember what we talked about, but it was the act that attracted me first off, I considered it rather gutsy.
Her hair was the next thing, long dishwater blond hair like Carol King, a singer song writer of the day, and her face, innocent and glowing with her youth and spirit. The next thing was her butt, not like the skinny ones you see today where you wonder if it belongs to a boy or a girl, but full round and firm.
As time went on and she kept actually wanting my company, the list grew. There was a strength about her and innocents that I sometimes regret taking from her. I saw beauty in her that I had to be a part of and I wanted her so badly. I regret pushing her to the point that she felt she had to give me sex or lose me, because, even at 17 she was not ready.
It pushed her to the brink, for weeks that strength I loved so much slipped from her and was replaced by fear. Fear of losing me now that she had given me what I wanted, fear of having done something that she could never take back, fear of knowing she would never be the same again, her innocents was gone and I took it from her.
Most of all what attracted me to her was, she was genuine, she didn't wear a lot of makeup, she didn't put on airs, or try to make me think she was something she was not and she was willing to love me for me.
She did not try to change me and believe me, I was a mess. She never once made demands of me and she stuck up for me, even against her parents. Have you ever heard the song lyrics from Up On Cripple Creek? "Up on cripple creek she send me, if I spring a leak she mends me, I don't have to speak, she defends me, a drunkards dream if I ever did see one", this was and is my life, she has never stopped defending me and never stopped believing in me. I live that drunkards dream, yet I am not a drunkard. She has always stood aside and let me try to live my dream and alway believed that someday, something would click and work for me. Devotion, that is what is important, and I will never betray that devotion, NEVER!
Your third question has already been answered. If you like a guy, approach him, talk to him, show him who you are. Engage him with who you are, not sex, sex is a poor thing to build a relationship on. Keep engaging him, find out if he's the one that you can give the space to live his dreams and that you can give him his drunkards dream and find out if he will devote his life to you. If you are sure of these things, marry him and never look back, you will not regret it, not ever.
To this day I look at my precious Lee Ann and I see the girl she once was. I don't see the ravages of time and children. I see the young girl in her beauty and innocents, the first person to accept me for who I am and treasure me for it. That is what it is to be forever young, it is a honor beyond compare that she has given me, the honor to grow along side of her with no conditions.
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My 12 year old sister has been making moves on me for like 2 or 3 months now. She'll take any chance to rub her body against me, she has big breasts and they get in the way if we have any physical activities but she specifically likes to do weird stuff like smother my face with them if we wrestle or whatever.
I try to avoid her mostly but she comes to me like to play around or wrestle and if I don't play with her she will just get on top and ignore the fact that I'm ignoring her.
I'm 18 and I have a girlfriend so this feels wrong on so many different levels. I've told her to cut it out but she doesn't seem to be getting the message. (link)
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I'm not going to give you advise, as much as a warning. Be real careful here and distance yourself from this behavior as quickly as possible. Absolutely do not wait to speak to someone about this behavior, you should have done so right away. You must find someone who will agree to do nothing immediately, mother or father or both, who can witness this behavior. You are 18 and you can't imagine how fast this can turn around on you and who do you think they will believe? An 18 year old boy, or a 12 year old innocent little girl? There is one other thing children that age are good at, lying. She turns this around on you, all of a sudden you are a child molester in prison. Personally, I would run as fast as I could out the door, you are 18, protect yourself, find another roof to live under.
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well...when me and my bf are fooling around he doesnt seem aroused.most of my friends has bfs that are aroused when they fool around.i was just wondering what could turn him on from our perspective.i am willing to try new things.
fyi-yes we have done it & yes we used protection
15/f (link)
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You know what, when I was younger, I thought I would go out deer hunting. So, I got myself a deer hunting license and a rifle and I jumped in my truck. I drove around looking for a deer to shoot all day and just as the sun was going down I saw him. I jumped from my truck and though he was looking right at me, he did not move. As I trained my new rifle on him, I suddenly heard him speak to me, he said, "Please don't shoot". I asked him why, the reply came back, "because I will get mad at you". I said, "So, why should that bother me?" "Because, I paid a lot of money for that lawn ornament, so get off my property", came the farmers reply from his front door.
So what is the moral of this story? Is it that I'm crazy? Though that may be true, it is not the moral. The moral is that you should not think that you can just go out on your own and do something you know nothing about.
Sex is often that way, you go into it expecting it to be this great and wondrous thing and when it's done, you realize the hype was better then the deed.
What is great in life is not sex, it is walking and talking, learning and growing. Sex will not bring you happiness, only babies. It is fun, it is engaging, but because he has more then likely realized that it is not the end all and be all he expected it to be, does not make it your problem to solve.
Stop thinking of sex as being all there is, engage him in other things until he trust you enough to tell you how he feels and what he likes. It can take years and there is nothing that can speed it up. Stop looking for instant gratification and realize life is work and then go work at it.
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I have been on vacation for 2 weeks with my 1yr old daughter. This is my first vacation away from my two step-kids, 8&9 and my husband. Its been 2 weeks and I dont seem to miss them at all. I know that sounds horrible but they are horrible kids. They talk back, never listen, mean to their half-sister, physically hurt each other and my 1yr old, the list goes on and on. I have been a part-time step mother to them for 4yrs. What is wrong with the way i feel? Should I tell my husband the way I feel? (link)
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I'm sorry, but I have to jump in here. It is our responsibility as adults to look after and care for all children. It seems to me, by their behavior, no one has been looking after these children. Trouble is, without their real parents approval, you will have a problem doing anything with them.
Your husband is likely to lash out at you, because he will take this confrontation as you calling him a bad parent, (confrontation rarely works). Of course the mother will likely want to rip your eyes out. People are rarely ever open to being criticized, especially when it is uninvited.
I'm afraid you are at their,(the father and mothers), mercy and all you can do is try to change these children behind their backs, quietly. But surely, there must have been these signs before you married him, did you ignore them?
Your only other chance is to wait for them to come to you seeking help, other wise it is you trying to take over THEIR children.
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nothing has gone right since dec of 07... i broke up with my bf for my ex who ended up hurting me more than he had in the beginning. i got back with the bf i broke up with jason and it was all good. then he left to iowa and then to basic. he got home from basic and all we did was fight he headed back to iowa for a while well the other day we got into a huge fight and broke up. i havent stopped thinkin of him and today he sent me a text saying sorry so i apologized back then he was like no im sorry i found a girl that i kinda like she is really cool. now there is nothign i can do about it... i love him so much and tried to tell him how this made me feel...but tears just fell too heavily and i just hung up. wat do i do (link)
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Good job you two, it is rare that someone leaves me speechless, but you have left me nothing to say. I just want to give you cu dos and say get back on your path.
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Why do people believe that 9/11 was a conspiracy and was pulled off by the government just because they watched well edited movies like Loose Change and Zeitgeist? Doesn't anyone realize the lies and half truths they are being fed? Why doesn't anyone do any of their own research?
Thanks, I just want some reasoning to this disturbing trend in America's youth. (link)
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The answer to your question "in my opinion", is, there are many people who want to believe the worst in people. Most everyone thinks that they are the only person out there that are truly honest and everyone else is not.
Don't get me wrong, I live with my eyes open and I don't believe we have an honest government any more, we haven't had for many, many years. The system is corrupted and corrupts what is not. The parties know how to play the public, but really have no differences. They make the people believe they do, but they are simply just trying pit us against ourselves. They call it playing politics and why do you think they use the word "playing".
Our founding fathers did not trust government and felt when it became to big and powerful that it no longer served the people that we as people had the duty to over through that government and start over. As a people we need to start demanding that our government down size and give more back to its people. I have already said too much on this subject, I will not go on, I don't wish to attract the eye of any three letter agencies.
Was there conspiracy? I doubt it, but it would not be the first time that it at least appears to be a certain amount of ignoring of facts to serve a purpose.
You need also to look at it in another light. Before 911, they received many terroristic threats from inside and outside of our country and almost all of them did not hold water. Even our law here can't act until a crime has actually been committed, the question I ask you, is would you want them to? (We have already given the government the right to do so in the case of terror, what an opportunity for abuse.)
Should we go in and react to every threat and kill or lock up every one who makes a threat? Most threats are made in anger, few are actually carried out, (it is now possible to charge anyone in this country with "terroristic threats" and throw you in prison and you have never committed an actual crime), the best you could do back then was to go in and asses how likely they are to be carried out. How long of a time do you need to asses whether a threat is real? Is two days enough time to check on a vague message of terrorism? Which is the better way?
If the government had acted on this info and shut down our air space to find the perpetrators who may or may not have existed, could you imagine the hay day the press would have had with that and the impact that would have had on the country?
There is money in conspiracy theories, don't forget that. Learn to follow the money.
P.S. The one thing I would add, if you want to clean up our government, send them a message. Never vote for an incumbent, always vote for the new guy, the message will be loud and clear. If they want to make their living off of politics, they better start paying attention to the people.
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