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Not missing my step-kids
I have been on vacation for 2 weeks with my 1yr old daughter. This is my first vacation away from my two step-kids, 8&9 and my husband. Its been 2 weeks and I dont seem to miss them at all. I know that sounds horrible but they are horrible kids. They talk back, never listen, mean to their half-sister, physically hurt each other and my 1yr old, the list goes on and on. I have been a part-time step mother to them for 4yrs. What is wrong with the way i feel? Should I tell my husband the way I feel?
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You and Your husband are a unit, a team! There is no reason that you should keep anything from him pertaining to how you are feeling or thinking. It isn't fair to him or to yourself. Yes, you should talk to him about the problem. (It is a problem) - whenever bringing problems, always have a solution- not to take over the solution method,but to offer it as a suggestion. It could be a great conversation subject as well as allowing you and your husband to set goals, rules and plans for your children. It is both of your obligations to provide proper rules, behavior structure,planned activities, and a safe environment for your children. If you find concern in speaking with your husband due to possible response/reaction then there seems to be another concern or problem at hand that may cause you to do some internal soul searching. If the children don't have any structure or control now, they will grow into teenagers who are bullies, without control or structure and later into adults without control and structure with a potential violent streak that could become abusive.
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I'm sorry, but I have to jump in here. It is our responsibility as adults to look after and care for all children. It seems to me, by their behavior, no one has been looking after these children. Trouble is, without their real parents approval, you will have a problem doing anything with them.
Your husband is likely to lash out at you, because he will take this confrontation as you calling him a bad parent, (confrontation rarely works). Of course the mother will likely want to rip your eyes out. People are rarely ever open to being criticized, especially when it is uninvited.
I'm afraid you are at their,(the father and mothers), mercy and all you can do is try to change these children behind their backs, quietly. But surely, there must have been these signs before you married him, did you ignore them?
Your only other chance is to wait for them to come to you seeking help, other wise it is you trying to take over THEIR children.
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obviously, you and your husband are being too soft on them. your the parents, they are the kids. they need to listen to you, not talk back, not hurt eachother, or hurt your baby.
theres nothing wrong with the way you feel. you should talk to your husband about it, but also talk to your stepkids. also, its normal to not love your stepkids the way you love your real children. this is because you didnt carry them for nine months. and you didnt have that mother-child bond with them.
and even though my mom gave birth to my 2 younger sisters and myself, i know she loooooves a good vacation from us every once in a while. you just needed time to yourself!...and your daughter. dont worry. nothing is wrong.
take care! :)
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