|
I feel like i NEED him-HELP!!!
my ex boyfriend and i were friend for like 2 yrs before and we became close. he treated girls kinda badly and could be a jerk but when hes alone hes great. we have liked each other on and off the whole time but i had a bf and he dated a couple girls. finally after being 'together' for a while he asked me out. i had just transfered schools so he and i didnt see each other at school only at church or when we hung out. he treated me great and was so nice and sweet and always had time for me. he became my very best friend and i depended on him. he knew i was moving but as it got closer he started pulling away. this was the complete opposite of what i wanted to do. i wanted to spend all the time i could with him so i was clinging on. he had less and less time for me and i was upset and crying all the time. he said he missed me and stuff but didnt show it. finally we broke up and now we arent even friends. this is because hes avoiding me because he doesnt want to have to deal with the emotions of me moving.
he doesnt have many friends because he is a jerk with a lot of people but nice at church/one on one. i have found out that he flirted with a bunch of girls at school and stuff cause i wasn't there which makes me so hurt. i thought he was special. he and i had this bond and he was different from the other guys i had dated. he was the first guy i have loved up to the point that i can love a boy because i know I am young but i did care about him a lot. he said he truly cared for me and i think he did but i think hes too immature right now. he feels very self conscious and is treated badly at home so he needs to feel like he can get a girl to make himself feel better.
i know i should be over him but i miss having someone always there for me. i told him everything about me and he knew me as well as i knew myself. and i feel so bad and feel like i should be there for him because his home life is really screwed up. i guess i dont miss HIM but i miss having SOMEONE there for me who cared and everything. also i feel SO hurt and betrayed for him distancing from me and flirted with those girls. he hid things from me and lied. but a part of me wants to hold on because i want a person there for me. i know i need to be independant but i dont know how to get over this feeling of needing him. part of me feels so pathetic and is so angry torwards him but the other part holds on and worries about him. he wont talk to me either and avoids me so i just dont know what to do anymore. this has been going on for about a month. i NEED to get over this but i just cant figure out how. i want to feel independant and like i dont need a guy. i also want to let go of my hurt and pain and sadness and anger and frusteration and i think sitting down and talking would work but he wont talk to me. i have tried many times. and i have written down my feelings but it doesnt change anything. PLEASE HELP
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
This can be a very difficult thing to deal with, losing someone you love in way like yours makes it hurt 10x's more. He may be pulling away because, like you said, his homelife is bad and he can't stand the thought of losing someone else that he cares about. So he distances himself from everyone and therefor avoids all the pain that is involved with any relationship with another human being.
I think you best bet is just to let him go. Move on with your life in the best way that you know how. Get hobbies, hang out with friends, and give him space. Maybe in a few months you can try to talk to him again and you can be friends. If you don't want to just give up and let go maybe you can send him a message somehow that lets him know all of your feelings, that way at least you know that you tried to be there for him and you let him know what you were feeling. If he doesn't respond then just forget about it and move on, though that is one of the hardest things to do.
Hope I Helped.
]
Read, Read and Read! "smile" I have gone through this and it was really hard. I told someone this before - I went through this up and down/in and out relationship thing for over 17 years and let me tell you, the roles reverse. You feel as if you need him, but the truth is that he will grow to need you. He will become dependent on you as a result of you being there for him since his home life isn't all that great.
It sounds like you have fear of being alone and taking some time out for yourself, which is an indicator that you are becoming reliant on a person for happiness just to feel complete. Upon doing this it results in loss happiness and security of who are you are, your interests, and your goals for yourself.
He sounds like a Dr. Jekel, Mr. Hyde type of person to me. He most likely is a jerk but because you love him you don't see it. (Blinded Love). I know for a fact that you have seen him be a jerk at times and you have seen him be opposite. This has to be some type of alert for you that he isn't emotionally stable. Don't allow yourself to become this way. It sounds like you already are. Read your question slowly, and pay close attention to the mixed emotions you are displaying.
The most important thing is that you look into some books called How to Let Go, Why women love men who don't love them, and look into some books that show you how to love yourself. I am encouraging you to BE independant instead of only FEELING independant. Sure, we all need and want love but you will NEVER experience TRUE love until you love yourself! You sound like a great loveable, caring, kind person who is beautiful inside and out, remember that no matter what and know that there is someone for everyone. Focus on yourself, your happiness and you will find Mr. Right. Girl you will look back on this mess and laugh about it saying, remember when instead of saying, I can't forget... I am sending you some GIRL POWER SISTER!
Good Luck!!!
]
Do not look for this kind of love, it is a form of what is often called the nightingale syndrome, most often used in the case of a nurse falling for a sick patient. She feels so sorry for the guy that she falls for him. He is so needy that you maybe mistaking your feelings of sorrow and pity for love.
It was good that you befriended him and tried to help him, but all you really were doing was exercising your mothering instincts. The hole you feel is much like the hole you will feel when your child grows up and leaves home, you will get over that too, but it will be harder.
If I can give you some advise that I feel there is probably less then a 50% chance that you will take, learn a little bit more about yourself and your wants and needs before you date any more. Spend your time in groups, make friends not boy friends and learn about yourself.
]
The fact that you can somewhat say that you're not sure if you miss him, or just the though of the bond you two shared is a big step. Sometimes comfort is taking in quick and hard and then when that comfort is gone we have this huge void to deal with.
I'm well-aware that nobody in the world is going to know EXACTLY what you mean. Not even your closest friend can understand what you feel for another person, especially if this was love.
The only think greater then being in love for the first time, is doing it a second time. After my first love, I was broken into pieces. I really thought my life was over because he wasn't a part of it anymore. But, all that changed when I had something to compare it to. Something better.
It's going to take time, and it's going to hurt like hell. But the fact is, you're going to get passed it. Raise up, and claim that independence. Look around, and see what else is out there since he feels that he can talk to other girls. If he's moving on, don't sit around and be sad over it, go out there and get better then whatever he's flirting with. In fact, get REAL. Get something so real that you'll forget all about him.
Keep yourself busy, and confide in your friends. Keep your distance from him so that you can mend from your heart break properly.
Never settle for a guy who lies, or makes you feel like you're in any way beneath him. You moving may have hurt him, but it's not a reason to hurt you right back like this.
Stand tall, pull your shoulders back, and prance around your new school like you own it. Make friends, and find this kind of love again... only better.
]
More Questions: |