(Ask A Question.) (Feedback.) (Discussion Board.) (Make Razhie A Favourite.) (Advicenators.)
Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
Favourite Collumnists.
(WittyUsernameHere.) (karenR.) (NinjaNeer.) (rainbowcherrie.) (DangerNerd.)
The Question
I'm really not sure whether I should try smoking pot again. I will absolutely, never, ever become a "pot head" but I'm not completely against doing it once in a while. I'm just a bit torn because my first experience with pot wasn't the best
My first experience with alcohol was fine. I was nervous at first being the sort of uptight, kind of anxious person I am, but it did nothing to me but made me giddy and kind of hyper. No crazy, unexpected feelings. Now, I probably drink, like once a week with friends. I went up to visit my older brother in college one weekend and he told me he wanted me to try smoking pot. I was very, very excited because I'd always wanted to feel what it's like to be high. My brother and his friends who have kind of become potheads showed me the bag of weed and told what "great stuff" it was and how high we would get. Anxiously, I went with my brother into the woods so we could smoke. I took 3 or 4 pretty big hits, we went back inside, and I felt a little lightheaded but nothing else.
Afterwards we went to a party at my brother's friends house and a lot of people were there, all of whom I didn't know. I had a few sips of alcohol but that was it. I was getting really anxious to smoke again. I was GOING to get high that night. We finally went to the back and smoked again. I had 3 HUGE hits. One was so big I almost threw up coughing.
A couple minutes later we went back in and I felt kind of sick, dizzy, and really out of it. Literally as I was telling my brother that I didn't feel good, I was hit with this crazy feeling of not being conscious for a second and not being inside my own body, and everything looked distorted for a second. I started crying hysterically and I was shaking and just felt so uncomfortable. I felt like I was going unconscious every other second.
We left immediately and I cooled down a little. We got back and it was just my brother and me in his room and we ate and listened to music and I laughed hysterically at everything and felt a lot better. I still felt like I was in outer space though, especially in the few minutes my brother's friend came into the room, in which I started feeling very uncomfortable again. So, the second half of my experience being stoned was quite pleasant but still a little freaky.
A few questions: Do you think I smoked too much and was overly high for my first time? Did the fact that this weed was such "good stuff" partly cause my little episode? Did my anxiety attack come from being in a foreign place with strangers? If I smoke again will I feel more comfortable since I know what to expect? Next time should I just try to ingest the smoke with out smoking a joint? or weed brownies? What are ways of preventing freaking out? Are there levels of high or are you just high? Is it normal to feel as out of it as I did just being moderately high?
I NEED closure with this. I will probably smoke again just because of that but I'd love to hear your thoughts. THANK YOU
The Answer
Why would you try again? What is driving you to NEED closure?
Would you need closure if you'd had a bad response to Red Bull?
If eating salmon gave you an allergic reaction that landed you in hospital?
If you had a bad experience with speed?
Seriously. Why the hell is this so damn important?
Most people, when they ingest something that doesn't agree with, stop ingesting it. They don't say "I need closure, so I better eat some salmon again and see what happens!"
It's not good enough to just say "It's important to me!" That's a copout. That's refusing to explore your own beliefs and opinions. That’s not a reason. That’s an excuse.
No one here can tell you why your first experience happened the way it did. So many factors could be at play, not just the ones you listed, but how tired you are, what you had to eat and just the person you are! You, your body chemistry might not deal well with pot. We don’t know. You don’t know. You might not EVER know.
Accept it.
Smoke pot or don’t smoke pot, but choose freely and acknowledge there is always a risk of a negative reaction: Even if you smoke pot for years, you might one day have another bad experience. Stop looking for answers and explanations that don’t exist. Our bodies are not identical machines. Different people experience things differently. You don’t necessarily need to know why - more importantly, you might never know. You just need accept that it is the truth and that some things are not controllable. The kind of trip you get off of psychotropic drug is definitely not a thing you can control with any confidence.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
My girlfriend and I have known each other for 6 years been dating for 2 years. She loves to dress and look good she is very beautiful and has an awesome body. No matter what she wears she has guys always trying to flirt with her or start dumb conversations. But when she's just going to the mall or to the grocery store the flea market she may wear tight jeans and high heels that makes it irresistible for most men to not look at or come and try to make contact with her. Well my point is it drives me crazy especially when she dresses like that and goes without me, and I've expressed my feelings about it to her. It's nothing slutty she wears it’s just the attention it brings to her and I feel she's looking for the attention sometimes by dressing that way! She is 40 years old and gets attention from guys 16 to 100! I've walked to other parts of a store and returned to guys walking behind her staring at her butt or trying or talk to her. I guess my question is. Am I just jealous and have nothing to worry about or is she looking for the attention, or am I wrong about both?
The Answer
She is presenting herself as a beautiful woman because that is how she wants to be perceived. She is not ‘doing it for the attention’ like a child throwing a temper tantrum. She is a grown woman choosing how she would like to exist in the world. You may not like her choice, but she is entitled to it.
You are being jealous and unreasonable to assume that because she is choosing to present herself in this way she is being, or will be, a cheater.
She is entitled to dress this way for any reason she chooses (including, ‘doing it for the attention). It does not mean she is going to cheat or is desperate for male sexual attention - those things might be true, but you give no reason to suspect they are. You say you don't feel she is being slutty or overt, or approaching these people or encouraging these people - merely that she is beautiful, and allows that to show. After two years together, frankly you should already have a pretty good idea if she is loyal and committed, or if she strays and fools around! Even if she IS a flirt or has been disloyal, she is still allowed to choose how she presents herself to the world.
If you are not comfortable with her choices, then she is a bad romantic match for you. That's it. End of story. If this makes you too uncomfortable, then it’s not a good relationship for you. You are entitled to your feelings, but your feelings don't get to create laws she must live by. Your feelings create laws that YOU must live by. If your feel is that this is not okay, then it is up to you to leave the relationship, not to attempt to control what she wears.
Your correct course of action, if she is disloyal or a bad match for you, is to end the relationship, not complain about her wardrobe or seek inappropraite degrees of control over her choices.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now and we're in love and plan to get married. My problem is that sometimes I feel guilty after he and I have sex. During the sex, I feel great, but afterwards occasionally I have a small feeling of guilt. It doesn't happen often, but it bothers me. We have a wonderful relationship and our sex is completely consensual. In my mind I don't believe there's anything wrong with anything we do during sex. The feeling of guilt passes fairly quick but I'm curious to know if that's a normal feeling? Why would I feel guilty about having sex with someone I'm in love with? It just doesn't make sense to me. It says to put age and gender so, I'm female and I'll be 19 this month.
The Answer
You've been given some great answers, but I'm going to toss out one situation that I don't think has been covered yet.
Every time I speak to my grandmother, she asks me when I'm going to give her 'great grand babies'.
Each time, I tell her the truth "I'm really not interested in being a mother right now Nana. I don't think I ever will be."
And I feel guilty. I feel guilty because as much I know it's the right choice for me, and it's good that I am honest with her, I also know that this answer disappoints and hurts her. She comes from a different generation and has different values than I do. She believes I won’t be truly happy, and secure in life, until I marry and have children.
I feel guilty, not because I am going against my own beliefs, but because I’m not able to reconcile my own desires and beliefs, with the beliefs and hopes of those whose opinions matter to me.
I agree with DN that when you feel guilt, it’s a good sign that your actions aren’t in line with your beliefs. However, you also have to seriously ask yourself what you believe, and where those beliefs are coming from. You may find your source of guilt and shame is coming, not from your own beliefs, but from the worries you have of what others may think or feel. This isn’t a wrong or awful thing to use to inform your choices. I suspect if I did want to have children, I might hurry up the process a bit to give my grandmother joy! It’s not wrong to consider the beliefs and hopes of those we care for when we are choosing actions. But in dealing with guilt, it’s important to know if it stems from something you want or believe for yourself, and or an outside source that you are allowing to influence you.
Then, you have to decide if that influence is acceptable or not. Personally, I think it would be completely acceptable for me to allow my grandmother’s desire to influence the timing of my having children. Of course, it’s not acceptable for me to allow her desires to influence whether I have children or not.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
I'm a straight A student and I got a 72.5 on a science quiz! I've ruined my grade completely!
I also am on the lacrosse team but I have never played before and there are other girls on the team who have been playing since age 4. Help!!!!
The Answer
This is one of those moments where it is good to remember that hundreds of people your age are currently shifting through garbage piles trying to find their next meal.
In each case, you need to speak to your teacher.
Ask your science teacher if there is something you can for extra credit, or to make up some of your grade.
Ask your coach what you can do to improve, and for a bit of extra help and suggestions.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
I'm nearing the end of my first year of a Politics degree at a UK university. I've been pretty miserable the whole time I've been here for various reasons - I'm not enjoying the course, my flatmates are awful, I'm very lonely and I miss home badly.
Now I'm seriously considering dropping out, going home and getting a job. I've weighed up the pros/cons of both staying at university and leaving but either way it seems I get a bad deal. I can either spend another two years completing my degree and being miserable or I can go home and accept I will struggle to find a 'good' job.
The truth is, if someone said to me I could go home tomorrow and have a decent job ready and waiting for me then I'd go in a heartbeat. Deep down I know I would be happier at home but I'm scared of ruining my future prospects.
What should I do?
The Answer
Go home. Take a year off. Promise yourself you will spend that year working, and researching other education possibilities.
The biggest mistake young people make, in my opinion, when they consider their post-secondary education, is that they forget although education is vital, there isn't ONE single right way to go about getting it.
If you can leave school, fully aware of the credits you've got, and prepared to re-examine and return, then leave now.
In a year or two you'll know. It is harder to go back, then it is to go straight on from high school, but that is the situation you honestly find yourself in, then be honest about it, and leave the situation that is not working for you. Dedicate yourself to finding one that does work for you.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
f/13
i like this guy,adrian and he likes me too. well, he asked me out and i said "no" and he kept on asking me out and i still kept on saying "no". i really wanted to say "yes" but i couldnt because i heard that he is a player and he hurts girls and just plays around with them. so he said that he gave up on asking me out because me didnt want me to get hurt by him.
so then he started dating some other girl named lesly. and she seems nice i really dont know her and shes not my friend. so anyway, before school started i noticed that he was staring at me hile talking with friends. and at break he kept on yelling me name to get my attention, but i turned the other way pretending i didnt hear him. then at lunch he sent one of my friends to tell me that he still likes me and that he was willing to break up with lesly and go out with me. i really wanted to say "yes" but how will lesly take it? i dont want her to get hurt. but neither do i.
-darkangel31
The Answer
No.
A guy who holds on to one relationship, until he has another (you) waiting in the wings, is not loyal or respectful.
Your first reaction to this guy was the correct one: He is a player and he hurts people. He selfishly tries to negotiate what he wants in the moment, regardless of what is honest or respectful of the relationships he has or the feelings of others. He doesn’t want to be with her, but won’t break up with her until he knows he has a shot with you. That is the very definition of scumbag.
And if he'll do it to her, he'll do it you. You aren't different or special. He'll treat you exactly as he treated her, especially if you encourage him to treat her that way: He'll think its okay and one day he’ll dump you, and the next day he’ll have a new girl by his side.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
Okay so I've just watched BCF and really could not believe what was being said and I want to know If It's true...Mainly about the barber shops selling bullets and a free gun being given away for opening up a certain account in Michigan. My boyfriend's friend said to me once that my country is full of criminals(I'm from Australia) and I really don't like people saying that when the state they live in is giving away free guns to be honest and I don't like repeating things that really aren't fact so yeah, does anyone know if it's true? And please don't attack me for this question since it's just out of curiosity. Being from where I am, I don't have experience in this kind of thing seeing as our gun laws are quite strict and the only gun I've been close to is one attached to a police officer and he wouldn't let me touch it -.-
The Answer
Many things presented in Bowling For Columbine are true. It is true that barber shop sold bullets, and true that the bank in Michigan gave guns away as a promotion. (Although the bank claimed, after the fact, that their policy was to conduct background checks on rifle recipients and mail the rifles to a licensed gun dealer.)
It is true, absolutely true, that there is a problem with gun culture in parts of America. The rates of gun violence are absurdly high. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gun_violence). Even countries with denser and poorer populations don't have the kind of gun violence that the US does.
However, like many documentaries, Bowling For Columbine also distorts facts and statements to support it's thesis, and leaves out things that might present arguments against it. It exaggerates and misleads.
The movie cuts up quotes and using quotes out of context, to make them sound as tho they came from one speech, when they were in fact, put together for many.
Many people dislike Michael Moore and his tactics. His movies are certainly more entertainment than they are strictly documentaries.
Just like you shouldn't believe everything Michael Moore tells you, You shouldn't just accept what his critics say either: As in most things, the truth lies someplace in between, and a dishonest argument is never a good thing, but it doesn't mean a person's conclusion is completely wrong.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
Well, is it?
The Answer
Yes.
But don't take it from me, I'm an internet columnist.
You need to evaluate the creditability of everyone who tells you anything. I know that sounds exhausting, but it's the only way to get even close to the truth. Constant questions. Constant questioning of the answers.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
I've been seeing this guy for about 3 months. I'm 20 and he's 25, so there's a bit of an age difference. He is also a college graduate and I'm not even in school right now. It's been going alright in that I really like him and I think he enjoys my company, in some way. The only thing is, i've been really shy from the beginning, basically. I'm so afraid to talk or to be myself, especially around someone whose opinion matters to me, especially around him.
Anyway, that just isn't cutting it for him. He's been silently pulling away, and I asked him why. He said that he doesn;t know me and he doesn't know my dreams or aspirations, he thinks I must be too laid-back to take hold of my life and go for it. He doesn't like my job. He wonders if we are too far apart in age, at different stages in our lives.
I answered him telling him basically that I'm afraid to open up, and that I haven't really felt comfortable around him (which is more about me than him) and probably a bunch of other stuff--I don't even want to read over what I said, it's too embarrassing.
He says that he wants to meet for coffee or something, but I'm afraid to. I don't want to face him. I feel pathetic, and I know that I can't hide it. I can't hide any of this anxiety anymore, but I don't want to put myself out there like that. I don't want him to know that i'm sad and alone and that I'm afraid of the world. I feel like i'm just feeling sorry for myself by telling him these things, and I worry that he pities me. I feel like this relationship will go nowhere because of my issues. Should I just face my fears and open up more about it? I really just want to say that this whole relationship doesn't feel right and that we should just move on, but i'd feel like a coward. I really just don't know what to do in this situation...part of me is angry at him for saying the things that he did.
The Answer
You aren't a good match.
He would like something to come naturally to you, that isn't coming naturally to you. You resent him for it.
You don't have the confidence in what does come naturally too, to stand up for yourself.
You aren't a good match. It's not all about age, it's about the people you are. You don't jive. You don't fit together.
You should get therapy and open up there. Your self-sabotage and low self esteem will get you into trouble. You are being a coward and you are letting your issues limit your life in a big way - but none of that means it's worth trying to date him - it's not. It just means you've got some work to do on yourself. That is a completely separate issue from the issue of you and him not being compatible.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
I'm asking this question primarily out of bemused interest, as someone from the UK.
Why are Americans so obsessed with the royal wedding?
I understand why so many British people are interested in it, because it the royal family are an important British institution but I don't understand the American fascination.
The Answer
I don't get it either, but I'll say this much for the royal wedding:
It is more legitimately interesting than everything Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton and anyone from the 'Jersey Shore' have ever done in thier lives - combined.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
Today I was talking to my girlfriend on the phone while I was doing homework. I was actually making progress on it (more than I would have otherwise) because I was doing something I enjoy at the same time. My dad yelled at me to hang up the phone and get off of the computer so that my brother could play his computer games. I tried to explain the situation but he wouldn't listen. He said I was talking to my girlfriend on the phone in order to avoid homework. He didn't understand that it was actually helping me. I am afraid to tell him that multitasking is actually a better way for me to study. As I said my goodbyes to my girlfriend he continued to yell at me. I tried talking to him in a calm voice which just made him mad. He grabbed my arm and pushed me against the radiator (my back really hurts) and told me that I was giving him bullshit. My own father won't listen to me and I don't know how to get the message to him that I need him to let me take care of my own academics. I feel like I will go more insane than I already am if this doesn't end.
The Answer
Shared computers, mean sharing the computer.
It's not necessarily his job to understand that chatting to your girlfriend was helping you to your homework, and it is COMPLETELY rational for him to assume otherwise.
Sorry. He may have been mistaken, but he wasn't being irrational or unfair. Yelling is unkind and unproductive. Grabbing you was completely wrong. But you need to recognize that sometimes staying calm and explaining yourself DOESN'T mean another person will accept your explanation. Behaving perfectly, doesn’t mean you’ll get what you want.
Multitasking might help you, and that is good to know, but it's not something that other people are always going to respect. In a shared living situation, with shared resources, you're going to have to accept that. Finding ways to multitask which do not limit resources for others, or finding ways to multitask that don't look lazy (and yes, at home and at work, how things look matters) will help you in the long run.
If you are having trouble at home with your father’s temper, talk to a teacher or adult you can trust, or call a help line to talk to someone about it. Just because I don’t think he was completely wrong in this particular situation, doesn’t mean the way he is treating you is okay in general. It sounds like you are under a huge amount of pressure and stress - a lot of it coming from him - and you need support and help to deal with that.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
my friend likes the same guy i like when i liked him first but anyways he doesn't like her he likes me and we're going out now but i feel bad she said she wasn't mad at me but u can tell she is how can fix things between us
The Answer
You acknowledge that you can see it hurts her. Tell her you really appreciate her putting your friendship first and understanding that you can't help you like each other.
Tell her if there is anything you can do to help, or make things easier, you are there for her.
Then ignore it. Let her bring it up if she needs too. Let her ignore it if she needs too.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
Been seeing each other for 6mths and she split up with her ex around a year before we got together, she was staying at my place and we were just chatting and she calls me the ex's name,then i realize and clicked that she still has got a pic with him on FaceBook looking kinda cosy, i kicked a bit of a stink up and talked about it a little, made me feel less a man kinda, what to do?
The Answer
I couldn't possibly disagree with Zane more strongly than I do.
It *might* mean something.
It is possible that it does, but it's also completely possible that she simply slipped up.
I have a small army of siblings - my mother often calls me by the wrong name. Sometimes someone dials my number when she means to call one of the others. At work, we have several people with similar sounding names, sometimes the wrong name gets called out. This is human. It doesn't mean anything in these cases. The mouth makes noise before consulting the brain sometimes. It's not a big deal.
So unless there is more to this than a single flub and single photo: You get the hell over it. It doesn't make you less of a man. That's a load of shit. For the rest of your life you will likely date women who have dated men before you - some of those exes WONT be assholes or jerks - they'll be nice guys it just didn't work out with. The idea that it makes you 'less of a man' is wrapped up in the whole awful, chauvinistic idea that women should be 'pure and untouched'. You MUST let that go - it's inappropriate and unfair to hold your partner to that standard - unless you hold yourself to that standard as well. And if you do, you need to not date people who have had past relationships. Good luck.
She is entitled to her past and all of the good people and bad people in it. She is entitled to keeping the photo. She is entitled to making a simple mistake.
Most healthy, well adjusted people, don't scrub exes out of their lives and pretend they don't exist: That is generally an immature approach. Many breaks up don't mean complete mental banishment. I have several exes I don't speak to, they are lousy people I don't want in my life. I also have exes I do speak too. They are pleasant, lovely people who I don't want to be in a relationship with. My partner is much the same.
Of course it's a bit upsetting in the moment, but unless there is a pattern of behaviour that leads you to believe she is uncommitted to you or attached to her ex, you owe it to her to trust her and respect her, and to let this go.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
what does it mean when someone keeps blacking out?
it happens all the time at the most randomest moment. im in a middle of saying something and i just freeze.0.o
The Answer
It means they need to see a doctor. As fast as physically possible.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
This is kind of a complicated story so bear with me. First some background, I am almost 30 and work for a small company. By small I mean 2 people. A large part of my job is to go out and talk to people around town and deal with complaints. I live in a fairly small town too.
I was involved in an affair that was discovered by my boyfriend's wife a few months ago. (This is not what I need advice on. I do not judge others, so please don't judge me. That is my job.) Needless to say, some things changed.
On to the issue: I have always seen my boss as a father figure, we talked about almost everything. After I told my boss about what had happened he was really upset, but said we would work through it as he could see how upset I was. Just recently my ex's wife called my boss and told him that she wants her family to have nothing to do with me. (Duh.) They have 3 children, whom I occasionally see in the course of my work. They come up and talk to me and I refuse to treat them like they did anything wrong so I ask them how they are, what they're doing for the weekend, etc. (Never anything about their parents.)
My boss completely changed my schedule "for the time being" so my chances of seeing any of them are slimmer. He says he's doing it "to protect" me, but throws in rude comments about the situation every once in awhile. Before anyone says he can't just change my schedule...yes...he can. He knows that work is my life.
I love my job, but this isn't fair. Every time I try to talk to him about it he gets mad and asks how I can't see that he's doing this for me. Any advice on how I can talk to him and get him to see that he's wrong?
(Yes, I realize that it's really none of his business and has no effect on how I do my job, but like I said, he's been a father figure for me for years.)
Thanks in advance.
The Answer
Take a deep breath.
Yes, what your boss is doing might not be the most appropriate way to handle this, but he is dealing with some very, very powerful pressures: The pressure to respect the wishes of a mother, the pressure of being a business owner, the pressure of being your supervisor and your friend.
That is a large minefield to navigate. You need to recognize that I am not trying to judge you, only pointing out the reality of the situation: Your actions have had a huge impact on his life and his job. A negative and stressful impact.
This isn't about blame. He sounds like he honestly loves you and supports you, however, you need to recognize the untenable situation in which he has been placed, through actions that are not his own.
Perhaps he is not dealing with it as well as he could, but you need to be prepared to offer him some of the support and understanding he has offered you.
Clearly and calmly state your disagreement with his choice to change your schedule, express clearly that you understand his motivations are good, but tell him why you have a problem with the actions he’s chosen. However, you also need to acknowledge to him, that while you disagree with him, he is your boss and your friend. Unless you have a business arrangement or contract that says he can’t change your schedule, then he can do so. You need to respect that, and you’ll get further with him by respectfully disagreeing then by being obstinate.
Sometimes our bosses do things we disagree with, or make choices we don't like. You've let this particular employer into your private life in a large way, and he might have been in a clearer position to say to her mother “I’m sorry. This is work and that is personal life.” But because of your great intimacy and support, it’s understandable he wasn’t able to separate those two as you might have wished.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
Hi, I recently added two majors one being a BA and the other one being a BS.
I know what the difference is between the both, but what are you considered? You're not considered a double major, because one is a BA and the other is a BS.
It's something like duo studies ... I don't know. If you guys can tell me, it would really help me out.
Thanks.
The Answer
You should make sure you actually talk to a human being at your school regarding this: Many schools restrict people from doing two degree programs at the same time. Others will not allow the same class to count towards two different degrees.
So if you've just enrolled online, or on paper, make sure to confirm that you are eligible for both degrees with a real, human being.
And that is what you are doing: If you are earning both a Bachelor of Arts and Bachelor of Science, those are two degrees. It is sometimes called concurrent studies
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
I'm a 32/female. I work as a server and worked til midnight on Thursday. I drank alot of caffeine while working so I thought I would stop on the way home and get a drink and order some food for my boyfriend who i live with. I ended up drinking 3 beers and got some wings for him and talked to this girl who said she had just moved here from LA and had no girl friends here. When i got home it was almost 2:00 in the morning and when I walked in the cushions were gone off the couch, the tv was gone, computer was gone, mattress gone. My phone had been dead so i put it on the charger and called my boyfriend. When he answered he called me a whore and said i had been out whoring around. I said first of all dont ever call me a whore, and that i had gotten him some food and had money for him as he had said he was broke before. He called me a liar and this made me very angry. I have never cheated on him. I have since been able to get him to bring back the tv and computer but have been sleeping on the box spring with no mattress and thinking what should I do? I do love him very much so this has really hurt me. None of my friends or family like him which makes me feel even more sorry for him. I guess I will move out the first of May. He will not take my calls except once to tell me he loved me and hated this sitution yesterday morning. What should I do? ANY ADVICE?!!!
The Answer
The guy stole from you in the middle of the night with false accusations of cheating?
My advice: Tell him to bring back your property or the next phone call he'll get is the from the police.
It would appear, at least from your question here, that your friends and family have rather legitimate reasons to dislike this person.
My advice is to cry it out, accept the break up and thank your lucky stars he's out of your life. At best, he's a bit nuts. At worse, he an abuser.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
So I've had what I think is a yeast infection since Wednesday. I called my doctor on Thursday and couldn't make an appointment until Tuesday. I've been told not to use Monistat or anything until I've been checked out by a doctor since it's my first yeast infection. I had a smaaall amount of white discharge Wednesday, but none since. I just have itchiness/redness/irritation.
I've also read that if you leave a yeast infection untreated it can become chronic yeast infection. /:
So my question is, what should I do?? I can't see my doctor until Tuesday, but I do NOT want to have a recurring yeast infection for the rest of my life. Should I be worried?
And please don't tell me to use plain yogurt or anything.
The Answer
Tuesday is probably just fine.
An untreated yeast infection can migrate deeper into the body, causing all sorts of troubles. However, that takes weeks or months, not days.
For everything I have read, having a recurring yeast infection is pure dumb luck - not a result of not having one treated for a week. It's just the unfortunate reality for some people's bodies, like having bad gums or a inner ear problem... It's not a case of leaving a yeast infection for a week.
THANK YOU for being smart enough not to pay any mind to the 'plan yogurt' cures, however, although such wives tales shouldn't be counted on as a cure, it's worth it to give it a try and see if it works as a temporary relief for the pain. As someone who frequently suffers from UTIs, I'll tell you I used to scoff at people who said 'Drink cranberry juice!' but the truth is that drinking cranberry juice does help me control the pain until I can get a prescription. It IS unwise to used any medication, given this is your first yeast infection, but if a bit of yogurt helps to keep you from scratching, that's just fine. It wont remove the yeast infection, or make it undetectable, and if it doesn't work, you'll have yogurt.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
Hi, I recently lied to my boyfriend and I don't know how to repair the damage I have done. I lied about my sexual past. I have always been told never to reveal how many sexual partners I've had because it will make a man look at me differently. Well, I admitted it and my friends were right. My boyfriend can't look at me in the same way and went as far as to call me a slut. I told him that I had my fun back in college, but when I am in a relationship I have always been faithful. He hates my past and every once in a while brings it up again. Sometimes he looks at me in silence and I'm always wondering whether he is imagining me with other men. Anyway, I also lied to him about ex-boyfriends writing on my wall on Facebook. It was my birthday recently and all my exes posted birthday messages all over my wall. He asked me all day whether I had gotten messages from my exes. I said no just because I didn't want him to get upset. It was a white lie. He gets so jealous and sometimes I feel like whether I am honest or giving him a white lie he will be pissed. Anyway, he found out I lied to him because one of the messages was from an ex who I had mentioned in the past. Now he thinks I am a liar and can never trust me again.I apologized to him and I told him how much I love him. The past is the past. I can't help it that exes write on my wall. I don't respond to them. He thinks that because they write to me that I am still communicating with them and interested in them. I am not! It makes me so mad. I ended up dealing every single ex off my facebook so he would realize that I don't need my exes in my life. I only want to be with him. His ex-wife cheated on him which has probably left him jaded. Anyway, what can I do to fix the lies? How do I explain to him why I lied? Should I apologize profusely, give him a card? Do you think he will trust me again? How do I rebuild the trust? Please help...
The Answer
You asked about this issue before, but this time, you've deliberately left out many of the details of the silence in your relationship, your boyfriend's inappropriate behavoir and hypocrisies.
I'm sorry hun, all the normal advice to how to make this better applies: Talk and Listen. Apologize for misleading.
But anyone advising you would be remiss not to say that you shouldn't be groveling or dragging yourself through the mud for mistakes that were made long ago, that didn't involve any sort of betrayal or breech of trust to him or any past romantic partner. If that kind of self-abuse it what he requires you to do to save your relationship, then the relationship isn't worth saving.
You have more sexual partners than you (or he) is perfectly comfortable with. Fine. You feel and think differently now than you did a few years ago when it comes to selecting sex partners. Your past mistakes didn't include any cheating or betrayal and I will assume you are up to date on your STI checks. That means you didn't do anything wrong, underhanded or immoral. You just choose differently then.
Stop making excuses for his behavoir (or for yours own mistakes) and recognize that as much as two people may care for each other, sometimes they are simply toxic to each other. Sometimes two people just can't live together as equal, respected people.
His jealousy and shaming of you is both unfair and toxic. Your own self doubt and willingness to abuse and demean yourself for his comfort is toxic too. This is not a relationship built on honesty and mutual respect. This isn't a good arrangement for either of you.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
I have a question about my friend Morgan who i am having an issue with. so a few weekends ago she came home from college, and she always wants me to come over, whenever we hangout, and always end up fighting because she's rude to me and she always wants everything her way. I have a few other friends but their busy most of the time, or we'll hangout like every once in a while. so she's the only one i hangout with. last weekend she wanted to hangout, but i was going out to eat with my dad. so she wanted me to come over after wards. when i was done eating i called her and our friend Elizabeth was with her, and they weren't home, and Morgan said she'd come over and pick me up, and when i asked her when she said oh i don't know, because she does everything on her own time. then when she finally came to pick me up, and in the car we were exchanging stories. Morgan has changed a lot and since she's become Christian so that's all she talks about, and when i was telling my story about something else they were both just uh huhing and smiled at each other like they don't care what i have to say. i spent the night and the next day i hung out with them and Morgan drove me to two places. then she wants me to drive her ass around town and when we get to my house we were going to have dinner but she changes her mind because the pastor called and his family wanted to have dinner with them. so i have to drive their sorry asses all the way back to my friend's house., and i am in a rush and their sitting their criticizing my driving. i know i shouldn't have been speeding, but Elizabeth kept opening the door of my car while i was driving and then on facebook, yesterday Morgan was posting stuff on Elizabeth's wall like oh i can't wait to hangout but not facing my fears with Nikita. (me) and other stuff like i can't wait to see you Friday as long as Nikita Seth isn't driving, and this is after i drove her and Elizabeth everywhere and she talks crap on facebook, i know it's not end of the world but she's really unappreciative. She thinks everything is about her and then she sits there and says oh i am Jesus lover and i am christian even though she's rude to me and makes it public on facebook about how awful my driving is like twice. And then tells me i need Jesus in my life. Maybe i am making a big deal out of it, but i think it's hypocritical of her to say anything, and she sits ther on facebook and says oh i
can't wait to see you, i mean would you call her a fake friend? sorry if this is long but i need help ASAP.
The Answer
Stop whining, and end the friendship.
Are you having fun? Is there a mutual respect and enjoyment happening here?
Doesn't sound like it. That means you aren't friends. Not really. You are people who stick around each other out of habit, or boredom or fear that you wont find other friends. You don't seem to like her, or enjoy her company, or have much respect for her.
That's fine! You don't have to like her, but why come here to bitch and moan about it? Don't be wishy-washy and say "Oh... maybe I won't hang out with her so much..." If she makes you miserable, don't hang out with her at all!
No one here really does give a damn if she is real or fake! Asking a bunch of strangers to help you call her names is completely beside the point. If you aren't happy, stay away from people who make you miserable and bring drama into your life. If this isn't a friendship worth having, just stop having it.
EDIT IN RESPONSE TO FEEDBACK.
I didn't call you names, although I understand why you feel I did. What I did do, is label your behavoir here, and that behavoir isn't so great. I also asked WHY you'd behave in this not great way. Your behavoir here, was to basically telling everyone here "This girl is bad because of A B C and D. Don't you agree she is bad?"
You didn't ask for us to help you solve your problem. You asked us to call her fake.
It is probably not what you meant to do, but you NEVER actually asked "How i should go about handling the situation" like you think you did. Re-read your question. Please realize you worded this extremely poorly if you actually wanted advice on the situation. All you actually said here was how awful she was and that you wanted people to agree with you that she is a bad friend and a fake.
It's important to pay attention to what you actually say, and what is actually said to you. Not just what it feels like you said, or what it feels like was said to you.
I'm sure you feel like you asked for actual advice, but you didn't ask that at all. All you did was complain for several paragraphs, and than ask "Wouldn't you call her fake?" I'm sure it feels like I called you names, but I didn't call you names. I said your behavoir here, in this question was whining, and bitching, and it was.
(View All Other Answers.)