I am a father of three, girl, boy, girl, all are now over 18. I have been married for 29 years as of 6-30-07, so yes, if you do the math I was married at 18, just after graduating high school. I am very aware of the pit falls of doing so, but we made it through the really tough times. I came to this site, because of my daughter, she also uses the site.
I am an author and have written three books, only one under this name, but it is not how I make my living. I am in business, working full time and I have a seasonal business in ponds, selling Koi, goldfish, water plants and supplies. I help people to plan and build ponds, as well as, maintenance if they need it.
I am not here for the ratings and could careless what you rate me. I will tell you things I know, I will tell you what you don't want to hear, but most of all, I will tell you things from my perspective. I have experienced a lot in my life, I have not lived with my head in the sand and I'm a realist, you want someone to blow smoke up your as*, don't read my writings, (I don't do fairy tales).
I am not so foolish as to think I am always right, I can only tell you what I know and give you something to think about. It is up to you to find out if I'm right or not.
Life is complicated, because people are complicated and one answer does not necessarily fit all, but that doesn't mean you should not consider what I say as a possibility.
Feel free to write me personally if you wish, there is only so much you can say in such a restrictive environment as this site is, it doesn't allow for proper conversation.
Thank you for coming to my column and giving me the chance to help.
E-mail: gibber@cableone.net
Gender: Male
Location: Minnesota
Age: 53
Member Since: May 14, 2008
Answers: 285
Last Update: March 27, 2013
Visitors: 26928
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Me= 16/f/usa
sister= 19/f/usa
German Boy= 16/m/germany
My sister turned 18 last summer and then spent 6 months in Europe. WHile she was away, we were joined by a foreign exchange student from germany who is living in her old bedroom. The He and I are both 16 so we have a similar mindset and we agree that eversince my sister has returned, she thinks that she is an adult. Legally she is an adult, but I dont think it is very mature to constantly tell your guest and little sister that they are "soooooo immature". Plus, we hate her stupid ditzy friends.
I have never had a very good relationship with my sister, and quite honestly i have always felt that she is an idiot. Now she goes to community college and I am in all honors in my highschool.
She drives me crazy,i hate her so much, she always nags German boy and I, and I honestly cannot wait for her to move out.
Question:
how can i talk to my sister about how she rubs off on people and convince her to move out?
or at least get her to stop nagging me, it drives me crazy.... (link)
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This is good, it's quite funny you know. I once saw a bumper sticker that said, "Hire a teenager, while they still know everything." Now you have two teenagers, both think they know everything and both are so dead wrong.
You, you know so much that you want to control your sister and her life. She, she knows so much that she thinks she knows what maturity is and that you don't have any, (still a controling attitude).
You both need to stop it now before you ruin any future relationship you might be able to have.
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I'm finding myself to be sad often now.. and i'm gettin mad at people really easy now.
I am crying over this guy, and my social and family life is just messing up right now. im gaining weight, and i just dont know how to be happy ..
HELP! (link)
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Everyone thinks that they should be happy all the time, why is that? Sadness is apart of life too, and I wonder if you are mistaking that with the need to reflect.
We often think that because we are not happy, we are sad, it's that darn opposites thing again. There is such a thing as not happy and not sad, a middle ground that we go to when things are just not right. You're not suppose to be fretting about whether or not your happy, you are suppose to be reflecting upon what is going on in your life.
How is it you are suppose to feel about this guy? All of what you are saying is symptomatic of mourning, people think it's something that happens when a loved one dies, but that's not what causes it. It is simply about loss. Your loss of this guy has put you into mourning, take this time to reflect and except your loss so you can move on, but get someone to slap your hand when you're eating too much and get a lot of fresh air and exercise. It will help if you don't have to suffer a new loss when you come out of mourning, one of having to lose weight.
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well where do i begin, back in 1995 my wife thought that i was cheating on her because i would have cybersex when the internet first cranked up. so she got real close to a co-worker of mine and they started playing a game on me and after about 2 years i was watching my friend/co-worker literaly dating right in front of my eyes. i was the third wheel. ok he was married also, but i felt the tension so strong between them that one night we all got drunk and had a male,male,female threesome. But the deal was before we did this was that one day i get my turn back with a female,female, and me threesome. Ok i held up to my part of the bargin but she doesn't want to hold up to hers. i have suggested ideas and people to return the favor but she tells me that it's not going to happen she made a mistake. why is she doing this and why won't she let me do what she did? i don't want to be 90 when she dicides to let me have my turn at the fun i let her have. i don't think my relationship is fair at this point and she says, sorry life isn't fair. what can i do. (link)
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She's right, life isn't fair, but you shouldn't trade in wrongs. It is one thing when you go into a relationship with someone and you both want to be swingers, or what ever "alternative life style" you wish to call it, but you two entered into this under false pretenses. This was about vengeance for a perceived wrong.
My best childhood friend was seeing another women behind his wifes back, she found out. As revenge, she found another guy to and got her revenge. He was fine with this, as long as he didn't know about the details if you will. This was not enough for her, she wanted him to suffer, which was not in this guys nature. She flaunted him in front of him, not caring a thing about her kids seeing this, revenge is a double edged sword as they say. They ended up divorced, big surprise.
Your wife is still exacting her pound of flesh and it seems you have so little flesh left. You married this women and you didn't know she was like this? Pretty poor planing on your part I'd say. Poor guy, she got it all and what did you get, the same old thing. You did nothing but talk on the internet and masturbate, who got the prize here?
You didn't mention kids, but I think it's best that you two kids are hopefully not trying to raise kids, because you are sure going to screw them up too.
This is what happens to a relationship when you don't really know your partner, but then, it's probably to late for me to be telling you that.
Good luck, but I'm not betting with you guys to make it, but if there is a pool against you guys making it, I'm in.
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ok, i'll try to make this short and sweet. i've been with this guy whom i've liked since august for 3 months, officially, but we'd been "talking" since january. he's a great guy and i like him sooo much, starting to love him. not "in love", but you know.
recently, my first love has come back into my life. we were together for a year and a half, and one night he sexually assualted me. i ended things and we had a very painful break up. then we didnt talk for a few months. that one night was the first and only time anything like that happened, otherwise we were inseperable and completely perfect together. i said i would never take him back though, because that hurt me soooo much and really kinda messed me up for awhile. now that he's back in my life and we've been talking, i'm realizing that i never got over him. he was my first love so i guess a part of me always will. but he's not over me either, and holds back saying i love you to me since i'm with my new guy, even though he's almost slipped up a few times, and says he still misses me. i do miss him alot and he wants to come visit me at work one day, which im fine with, for the most part. i just dont want to fall deeper and deeper for him. on the other hand, i dont wanna quit talking to him, because we're finally ok as friends again after having gone through a lot of sh!t.
i DONT want to hurt my current boyfriend at all. i love being with him and i wanted him for so long, i dont want to screw that up, but my ex and i were so much more... compatible? and honestly, i dont think he would do what he did again. i dont even know what im asking. i dont want to mess up my relationship, i guess i just need to be able to get past my feelings for my ex, while still talking to him. i cant just tell myself that i cant be with him in hopes that that will work, because i know i cant be with him, but he still has a part of my heart. help !? (link)
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He raped you, say it, say it out loud. He took something from you and you can never get it back. He stole something that you are suppose to give freely to the man you love. He took your first time from you, he did not convince you to give it to him. You loved him, those feelings will never go away, but he reveled a part of himself to you that night, something inexcusable. He takes, he's a taker, you give in to him, you reinforce your victim status and his behavior and he will continue to take what he wants.
Never excuse, never settle, never compromise, look for the guy that is perfect for you, not oh well, he fits most of my criteria. I doubt you have found him yet, for if you can even consider him over your current guy, he is probably not your man either.
Stop being needy, stop being hard up, your perfect man is out there and while you waste your time with these guys, you may be missing meeting him.
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how do i turn him on just useing my body? i can turn him on but hes always the one to start rubbing and kissing when we are in bed. i dont do it first b/c i dont feel like i turn him on (link)
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A common problem with women, the thought you don't turn him on. Men won't take a second look at a woman who doesn't turn him on in some way. Look for subtle signs, where does he start when he rubs you, the first thing he goes for is normally what he likes. He goes for your breasts, he is a breast man, he goes for your butt, he is a butt man. He will not always go for what he like first, but most of the time he will.
Get rid of your inhibitions if you want to turn him on and wiggle the parts he likes in a way that he knows your doing it for him. Flash him when he doesn't expect it, or moon, (drop your pants and show him your rear, in case you don't understand the slang) him out of the blue. Be play full and say, look at this and suddenly show him a quick flash of your bare breast in places he least expects it, but don't get yourself arrested, look around a bit, make sure your safe, yet daring.
What you feel is probably partly correct. If you don't take an active part in the prelims of sex and show that you want it and him, you are probably not turning him on as much as he would like you too. Women should play an active roll in foreplay, not just expect the man to turn you and himself on, don't just lay there, become a part of it.
He more then likely is wondering if he turns you on, because he is always the one starting it. Start slow, don't over do it, teasing is an art, but one women can do oh so well.
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so theres this boy, we fight alot..we usee to neevr fight ! and i like him and he use to like me, but i dont know if he still does. but he also talks to many other girls, yes your typical man whore "why would you even bother type of guy"..i bothered because i didnt know him excatly like that, he wasnt like that at all when it came down to him and me talking. i guess hes really behaved when it comes down to almost realtionship stats. then this chick, aka the b**** well she got extremely jealous, and him and her use to talk, so she decided to come back into his life randomly? i hate girls sometimes... anyways, we stopped talkin for a while, then he had some away up about cryingg ? i thought something bad happened, so i asked if he was okay.. he just was upset a because he didnt have a ride to summer jam, june1st concert.. so i offered to take him, then later in the convo he says well can you do me a favor and youll do it if you care about me like you said you did.. so i said yeah like i said i did, and he said since ur giving me the ride, and the person i want to bring ur not friends with, can you make up with her? yeah guess who it is! thaa b****!!! mhm. well i agreed into takin her because i hate ruining peoples fun, im not getten walked on or anything, i just rather see someone happy other than pissed because i wont bring his little hotchie mama!, im not becoming friends with her, buh i feel so stupid evenn agreeing to bring him and her ! . well just brining him i didnt mind, buh brining her ! ugh. im a mess and i need some serious help ! (link)
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Your relationship is over with, with this guy, whether you like it or not. You have given your word to take him, you should never break that, but you should break it off with him right away. This guy uses women, he is not looking for someone to spend his life with, just someone to get his ahum wet. If you are looking to share him and have fun, stick with him, if you look for a man, this guy is not going to become one any time soon. Never stay with a guy who uses the line, "if you loved me you'd do it."
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First of all, I noticed that you seem to be giving really good advice to people, so I thought I'd ask you.
I'm 15F by the way.
I changed schools at the beginning of the year. I made new friends, and I was going out with a guy called David for about a month.
I dumped him for some stupid reasons but we still stayed really close.
My friends tell me that he still likes me, and I'm starting to like him again.
We're going to a festival together this summer, and I also spend lunch and break with David.
Now I'm wondering whether I should tell him how I feel, or should I just leave it?
He did ask me a month ago whether I think that me and him would ever get back together, and I told him I wasn't sure.
I just feel really confused and I can't talk to my friends about this (That's a long story of it's own)
Any advice?
Thanks. (link)
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Thank you dear one for writing me and trusting me, after all, that is what you are doing. You are opening up to me in hopes that I will not ridicule and crush you. This is what it is in all relationships. Let me tell you a quick little story.
I live in Minnesota, have almost my whole life. Back when my wife and I were dating, we had a winter storm that left a part of the road she lived on very icy. The ice was covering a hill and it was not uncommon for this to happen.
The only way to get up this hill was to get a good running start, so I did. I got to the top only to find it was pure ice all the way to the turn I wanted and beyond, so I couldn't stop. I ended up backwards in a ditch just beyond my turn.
My yet to be wife was with me, along with my best friend. The two of us got out and I instructed her to get behind the wheel. I told her to wait till I said, then step on the gas. A fellow motorist who had witnessed this, stopped to help, we got behind the car and I yelled for her to step on it and we started pushing. It slowly started going up the minor slope and after about 45 seconds of pushing, it was back on the road.
I quickly stepped to the window of the car, it was open and I noticed that the car was in park, so I asked, "Didn't you put it in drive." She looked up at me kind of under her brow and said sheepishly, "You didn't tell me to do that".
We had pushed that car up the ditch with it in park. I got in the car and laughed, not making a joke out of it, not yelling at her like some would, or telling her how stupid she was, I laughed.
Now here is a simple thing, a simple incident, one that has a multiple number of reactions I could have had and I chose to laugh.
Not too long ago my wife said, for the first time in about 32 years, that she has always appreciated the fact that I don't make her feel stupid when she does, or says something stupid. I allow her to be herself and sometimes we are just stupid and sometimes we want to act stupid, it is the child in us all. Fact is, I love her for her child, her occasional bouts of stupidity and silliness, as well as, letting go. These are the spontaneous parts of life you miss by taking life to serious.
As a young person, you are suppose to be finding out what it is you like about another person and what you don't like. This is a long process and sometimes you don't realize it until 32 years later. I would bet your "stupid thing" was more related to your wanting to slow things down, then what it was actually about. You can not hurry perfection, you want a perfect relationship, take the time to make it. Don't hurry to the "next level", get there together. Solid relationships are built on friendships, not love. Love comes easy, it's suppose to, that is why Jesus said to love thy neighbor. It is liking people that is hard and it is what should be making you want to spend time together, not some Hollywood idea of romance. Yes, it is that simple.
Relationship's at your age are suppose to be about learning, learning who you are, learning who they are, finding out if you can stand being with them for a life time. Don't settle, don't compromise, find the one that is right for you, he's out there, you may be looking at him, you might not, be sure you're not committing to the wrong guy, you might miss the right one.
Live with these thoughts for a while, share some with your friend. Tell him you don't have esp, and you don't know what your future might bring, but you would like to find out. Be yourself and let him be his self, encourage him to be and don't complicate things by having sex with him, that is a hornets nest of it's own. If he likes you enough to come along for the ride, great, if he doesn't, then you find someone who is.
Only my best thoughts ride with you dear one, feel free to write to me about anything you wish, now go and conquer life.
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20f
My bf and I have been together for a few years now. Let's just put it this way: I'm jealous of his ex gf and it's literally driving me crazy. I don't even know who I am anymore. I feel like a terrible person.
They were together for years from middle school to high school (but it isn't supposed to be a big deal bc they were young), but he never got over her until he met me. But even when we met and were together, I could still tell he had reserved feelings for her and was obviously really hurt. He still wanted her back. so there's one reason that drives me mad.
What makes me the most upset is that she is beyond perfect. Like she is better than me. I never knew I could be a jealous person until I knew about her. I won't go listing everything about her, but it just makes me feel like, "This isn't fair".
The scary thing is that her and I have so many things in common (except she is more perfect than me.. I'm obviously a competitive person lol). But that's exactly what kills me. If she and I are so alike, how is she still better than me? In everything I do, she's always ten steps ahead.
Sometimes it makes me wonder if that's what my boyfriend likes about me, or he just tends to choose the same kind of girl. Sometimes when we used to fight, it was like he thought he was arguing with HER. He would say shit that didn't even apply to US.
Even after he cleaned out his house last year, I still found a picture of her and a few other things. After I questioned him, he brushed it off like he didn't even know it was there.
Things could be worse. It's not like he's ever tried to get back with her. But she had called him a few times when we first started going out. She was trying to get him back, but for weird reasons (she was probably jealous that he had a new gf, even though she left him for another guy). I'm surprised he didn't leave me, because he'd been wishing for the day she'd come crawling back to him for years.
I know I need to get over myself. I try to tell myself that I should just let this go; he's with me, not her.. but that's just not enough for me. I don't know what to do anymore. I kinda wish she never existed, or that he was never with her in the first place, but there's nothing I can do to change that.
Is this karma? There are a lot of other girls who are jealous of me. Sadly to say, even my own sister and some of my best friends (no, I don't purposely try to make them jealous). But is this what I get??
I really need advice. If you've ever been jealous of someone, how did you get over it? Or what do you think I should do?
Thanks (link)
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Guys who know what they want, always pick the same kind of girl, that's a given. She broke up with him, because she realized that he was not what she wanted, (the purpose of dating). He loved her and still does, there is only one degree of love and it never goes away once given. When a person says they still have feelings for someone, that most often refers to like. Like has many degrees and he never had a chance to "fall out of like", if you will. This is something many people have to deal with when the break up is not mutual.
Jealousy, is a very selfish thing, it is for you and you alone. It doesn't allow you to see how crippling what has happened to him is. Caring for someone is about caring for everything, Heart Mind Body and Soul. If you are not capable of doing this, then why are you in his life, why are you even trying to find a soul mate?
Too me your letter drips with selfishness, you fault, when you should be celebrating. We as human beings have our likenesses, but it's our differences that make us who we are, celebrate them. If everyone could play the piano as good as the next person, why play?
Be better then this, your a beautiful spirit.
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19/f
I'm trying to understand how my boyfriend is thinking, and even though you guys aren't him, let's just say this was you. There are a couple of things he's done in the past years and I want to know what his motives were. I've tried asking him, but like most guys, he's not the type to express how he truly feels in words to me, which makes it so much harder to understand him.
1. My boyfriend's ex tried calling him again when he and I first starting going out. They had been broken up for almost a year and I know he had been really hurt by her, but he'd always hate on her when the topic came up. Thing is, he never told me that she had tried to contact him. When I questioned him, he said he thought it wasn't a big deal, but I knew for him, it was. He wanted her back for so long, let it go when he met me, but why wouldn't he tell me?
2. His friend told him how his ex was turning into a wild party girl, did some crazy stuff at parties and did all these drugs. He got upset and said how he wanted to tell her mom. Then he wrote her an email behind my back all concerned, but she retaliated back with a "you don't even know me" attitude. I found these emails in an account he knew I didn't know about (but I found it lol). And then he didn't tell me until like a year later that she apologized to him about that email.
My question is, why does he even care? he always claimed how he hates her, so why does he give a crap? He said that it's sad to see someone become that kind of person, but what the hell? He acts like he wants to go in there and save her life.
3. I had cheated on my bf before. he found out, things got bad, but we got back together. Little did I know, he was talking to another girl behind my back. This was his way of getting back at me, but he claims that he never liked her. This girl was always chasing him, then after he found out what I did, he let her in. He never told me about this until about ONE YEAR AFTER they stopped talking. WHYYYYYY WHYYY WHYYYYYYYYYYYY. I know what I did was very wrong, but if I never found out about her, then he never would have told me. so how is that getting back if I never would have known?
4. He likes to throw in my face how other girls are always trying to talk to him. I think that's how he retaliates after I say mean things to him. Why the hell would he say stuff like that? He knows that a lot of guys like me and doesn't even let me talk to guys.
What I really want to know is, why does he wait so long to tell me things? I know there are lots of things that guys don't tell their girlfriends and they probably never will. Same with girls too.
I've been told from a guy friend of mine that when a guy breaks up with a girl, even if he hates her, he will always care about her. Is that really true?
And why can't he just say how he really feels? (link)
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I don't care how bad a break up is, you never stop loving someone you once loved. If you don't love someone you were with, then the love was never there to begin with, it was lust, sorrow, pity, or any number of things, combined or not.
People are taught that hate is the opposite of love, you've been taught wrong. The most intense hate you will ever have is when you hate someone you love. Hate is not the opposite of love, or like, the opposite of love is to not love. The opposite of hate is to not hate. Think about it, if love is the opposite of hate, then any one you don't love, you would hate, even strangers.
I don't know why things have to be so simple with human beings, it has to be one way or the other. You really think that something as complicated as we are, has simple cut and dry answers?
The reason he does not tell you anything like this, is he doesn't understand it. How can he explain that he loves her and hates her, to someone else that he loves and likes? How can he tell you he loves someone still, when he loves you? Love only has one degree, like has many degrees. Though he still loves her, he doesn't like her the way he likes you. Like is what keeps us bound to each other, not love.
Trust is hard, so far neither of you have shone you can trust each other. If you want to know a man or woman, they have to know they can trust you with their darkest secrets. You need to know that if you ever did break up, they're not going to see their life's secrets exposed on every bulletin board in town.
Your relationship is so destructive that I don't know why you are even asking #4 and I hate to say it, but you both may well be wasting your time here, you've blown it so badly, you may not be adult enough to ever fix this.
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Ive became real close friends with this girl again we were like two years ago. She cuts, burns, smokes and drinks. I used to cut and burn and still drink. i was addicted to smoke but not me smoking I cant stand it seventeen of my relatives have died from the things that come from smoking I cant stand it. Long story but cutting is her sanctuary it’s a habit since shes been in 5th grade. Ive been talking to her a lot about it. Shes been in rehab and hospitalized few times. She cuts during school and everybody knows. When I used to I never told or showed anyone but my best friend which spread then I got nick names :(. She will die without cutting she needs it, she stopped burning, she drinks with an adult, she smokes less. The feeling has been so strong lately but she doesn’t wana go back in rehab that made her go crazy. As much as I am against cutting and smoking, I want her to stop smoking and I don’t wana hurt her by keeping her from cutting. Shes in seventh grade for a few more weeks ina catholic school and im graduating eigth grade in two days. She needs to stop smoking, and tone down the cutting even more. Shes depressed and her parents constantly yell at her. I talk to her so much about everything but I don’t know what else to do. Her parents know everybody knows but nobody really cares. She got my friend to bring his pocket knife to school so she can use that instead of glass or blades she said or else shed cut really deep. I got pissed at him and even more at her. What do I do? whats next her getting nocked up in 7th grade, cutting burning drinking smoking. :( (link)
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Please, go read my columns, there is much in there that applies and have her read it too. I'm not going to give you a sunshine and lollipop and how great life is speech here, but have her talk to me personally after she reads my column, there is too much here and I want to go to the source. Do it, don't do it, die happy, die sad, no skin off my nose.
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I graduate eighth grade soon I have 2 school days left then a week of ceremonies and school parties and my graduation. The high school im going to next year already hates me, the teachers and a lot of the kids. I don’t really do anything wrong. Im just really hyper then depressive but i probly am bipolar I just don’t wantme to be labled bipolar and be on medicines although itd help so much. One of the sports im tryin out for is cheerleading and people say im the opposite of a cheer leader but I did it this year, they say ill change the whole meaning of a cheerleader whatever if its good or bad idc but I will have fun at that HEHE. I don’t wana say im gothic but I love the gothic stuff and culture just ta give ya the pica. Im so afraid I wont make friends next year in highschool. Im not going to the same high school as any of my friends except one guy that used to be my best friend but I haven’t talked to in forever.
1 How do I make people not hate me they don’t even know me?
2 What do I do about bipolar every possible thing adds up and I 99 chance I am but idk if I wana get tested or not?
3 Will the people hate me even more if I do cheerleading and scare the shit out of them just because, it hasn’t stopped me before and I want to cheer I just hate the perky preps?
4 I can easily make friends with people, if im around atleast some people I know but I wont be i doubt ill make friends tho?
5 What do I do incase I get my heart shattered like my last best friend that we liked eachother then he made my life hell, I cant trust anybody at all anymore bc of it?
Answer any or all of the questions pleassse and thank ya. Im 14/f
(link)
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Everyone is looking for an excuse these days, some condition to blame there lousy life on, why is that do you suppose? Could it be that they just want to act the way they want to and not care what others think?
You know, I didn't even read your whole post, 'cause I've heard it so many time I could puke. We all have those things that make us different, those things we have to conquer, but because the big drug companies want to make money off of it, they tell you, you can't help it. Your a victim and it's not from a malady, it's from greed.
Stop making excuses for yourself and learn to deal with it. Your problem is you don't understand what you are, much less who you are. You are a Human Being, the joining together of the Human animal and the spiritual Being. Because the animal part of you is hard to handle, doesn't mean you stop trying and stuff drugs in your mouth. The spiritual being is there to control the human animal, let it. It's easy to be the animal, but you see what happens to your life when you do. If you want to learn and grow, let your spirit lead you. Let your spirit answer the questions.
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Im going to high school next year and ive never had a boyfriend. Im the kind of girl that is friends with a lot of people and a lot of guys. I really need someone to love me im becoming very depressed. Im bipolar and I just don’t think there is any hope for me. My best friend and I used to like eachother then everything went wrong and we hated eachother but now its back to just friends although we never even talk anymore. He says I scare him because I get really close to guys and flirt with them a lot, but I don’t notice I do that and nobody thinks I do “that” much other than him. He broke my heart and I fell for him so hard I don’t trust anybody guys or girls at all and I don’t like guys as in love or crush or whatever their still friends. Im love sick with nobody to go to. Ill be loosing all my friends none of them are going to my highschool. What do I do :/ ? (link)
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Oh, to be wrapped in the arms of my one true love. To be folded and folded till we become one.
To feel his hot breath on the nape of my neck.
And to know I will never be alone again.
Pretty easy to write and say. But I'm much older then these boys that play. Do you think these kinds of things and feelings come from boys? In truth they only want their toys. Do you think you'd know the feelings when you felt them, I bet. Do you know the difference between loneliness and love yet? Do you know one boy amongst all you have met? Seems to me you may know their names, but who they are is not set.
Love comes from time, love comes from pain, love comes from knowing more then just names. Love can be fleeting, love can be true, but find the one that is meant for you. Be careful, be cruel, be nice, but no fool. Don't fret it, don't sweat it, love comes when it should. Be strong and don't push it, if only you could.
So desperate, so worried, if you don't get him you'll just die. You may panic so much you will miss the perfect guy. You'll settle for anything, who cares if he's right, in the end you can always just take flight. But as you did tarry, worry and fret, your one true love you did miss him I bet.
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Basically I have a huge group of friends - about 15 of us. And last year some of them began to bitch about me, and then just because one didn't like me - none of them did and they just bumlick of eachother and suck up to eachother and we are bloody sixteen. Well this year we all forgot about it and now it went really well. The only reason why some didn't like me was of my personality but they went around saying all this horrible stuff making out a crime that im kind to others or i'm clever etc etc. Now its my friends birthday and they are asking her to uninvite me which i think is really rude as
1 - I know she likes me
2 - she's a bumlicker and will give into them
3 - they all asked me to go
4 - when they say they dont like someone they say it straight up but why not with me?
and it really annoys because if one of them is feelig sick its " oh so and so what can i do to help" but if its me its " oh leave that fool she's attention seeking" which is SO RUDE and it makes me so angry.
I cant confront them because i will be killed and if i lose them, i basically have noone [ apart from one who is jsut the best friend who lvoes me to bits]. We are all friends but they are totally bitchy and two faced
What the hell do i do? One minute they like me, next they dont and ive never caused ANY HARM to them.?? (link)
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Gee, two questions in one day that the writer won't like my answer, I am so blessed. It is time for you to find new friends. Chances are they do this to other people and you either follow along with it, or don't notice that they are doing this. When it is directed at you, then you notice and find out how it is to live on the other side of this kind of behavior.
Leave the group quietly and actively search for new friends, you may actually be surprised by some that follow you away from the group. Growing up and away from those who don't want to is not wrong, don't let these "people" hold you back from who you want to become.
Nice people are a good target for those who are not so nice. They are trying to "keep you in your place" little puppy. Pack mentality is a strange thing, do some research on it if you really want to know about it.
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19/f
Ex 20/m
My ex and I broke up last August, we kept hanging out after that and even almost got back together a couple of times. We hung out in December and talked about getting together again, then the next day he texted me saying that he was wrong. He doesn't think we should get back together because "his feeling have changed." So i made my peace with that and we still talked quite often then he got a girlfriend and always called her when we hung out. So i decided to just to stop talking to him, then he texted me a couple weeks ago and asked if i wanted to hang out. I told him "sure" and it seems like he wanted to be with me again, then he started getting distant again and ignoring my texts. I decided i was not going to text or talk him again until he texts or talks to me first. He text me today to see how i was. . . Well my question is should i stop talking to him and just ignore his text's and calls?!? Is he just playing games with me?! What should I do??? :( (link)
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If you like being the girl he keeps on the back burner, "just in case", keep the relationship going. But, if you want to have a life of your own, stop it until both of you are more stable, even after that you may not want to continue.
It is good to be able to be pleasant to your ex on those chance meetings in the store, or on the street, or even when he wants some advice, but setting up meetings is dating, that is not good for either of you.
If you have read any of my other posts, you know how I feel that love is forever and comes in one degree, where like comes in many degrees. You never lose that love for another person, it is impossible to do, but you do lose the degree of like that you have for a person. As you find out more about them, it either goes up, down, or stays the same. The question is, "is it enough?" It is obviously not enough in your case and your relationship will get in the way of others for the both of you.
When BOTH of you come to grips with this, you may be able to turn this into a loving friendship, without jealousy, etc... involved, that will not get in the way of the two of you continuing your lives, but most people can not do this.
I had a post earlier about Jackie, the first woman I loved, but she did not return it. The thing I did not say was, we lived and grew up in the same town, going to the same school and our relationship stopped when I gave up on her. We were friends, but I could not move on without complete separation. I have seen her once in all these years and the time I did she hugged me, first time ever. Her first statement was, "Wow, you've lost so much weight, look I can even get my arms around you." It was then I realized it was not me she didn't like, it was my weight she could not get past. I think of her fondly, but I know it would have never worked out for us, she was not willing to except me for me.
So, games, yes and no, you are a stop gap when things are not going well in his love life and he needs love. He genuinely loves you, so it's not so much a game, as it is you are a security blanket. (This is the most likely answer.) I will not say what YOU should do, but I will tell you what I would do. I would stop it, if he doesn't understand why, explain it to him, quote me if you like, but get him to understand.
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13/f
ok so my ffriend (who is also 13/f) liked this guy. i was kinda friends with him so i asked her if she wanted me to tell him. she said yea so i told him. he didnt like her so i had to tell her that. she didnt seem upset AT ALL. and she really liked this guy. so i was kinda wondering y it seemed like she didnt care.
DO NOT TELL ME REASONS Y IT SEEMED LIKE THAT. THAT IS NOT MY QUESTION.
ok so like 3 or 4 nnights ago i found out y it didnt bother her. she had something much bigger on her mind. she had sex with a 19 year old. yes i know he could be charged for stagitory rape. thats y im not saying any names. well not only did she have sex with a 19 year old but now she is 2 months pergnant. she is letting this guy
(who lives in new jersey and we r in pennsylvania)
take her to get an abortion. i am againts abortion but it is really her only option. her parents do not know and she is not going to tell them.
do not say she is a slut or a whore because she is not. she is one of the most responsible people i know. she just made a mistake. we all make mistakes...her might be just a little more urgent and idiotic.
so anyway i am really worried about her. what can i do to calm myself down? (link)
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Sweetheart, I really am divided as to if I should even answer this question, because I know your not going to like what I say. Sometimes, to be a friend you have to do things you don't want to do, but you have to do. Here is what I really don't want to say, you let your friend down. Where you draw the line on getting adults involved with a situation is, where it crosses the line into something that is harmful to the well being of your friend. You may lose your friend in the process, but if you love them, you must do it.
Calm is not in this equation any more, you were part of this and I'm afraid it doesn't get better from here. She has made a decision that will effect her for the rest of her life, one even adults have trouble dealing with and she is 13. You should not have had any concern for this 19 year old and is prying on a 13 year old girl, he is a predictor, how do you know he has not done this many times and how many young girls like your friend will he do it to after your friend.
Put a stop to this now, if you can't tell your friends parents, tell your own and have them do it. Don't live your life with the fact that you could have done something and did not. You may lose your friend, you may not, but someday she will come to you and hug you and thank you.
I hope you make the right decision, the one that you can live with. Remember, you have a long life a head of you, guilt is a hard thing to carry. It is more likely that your friendship will not last if you let this happen, then if you stop it.
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Why do you get tired when its dark? Is there a connection?
If you find any good links that describe it, that would be great!! :) (link)
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It's called serotonin.
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I am applying for a job in a bakery and have to list past employers. I worked for a month at another bakery but the particular shop was not a pleasant place to work. I found my coworkers rude and unhelpful, and was working eight hours every Saturday - leaving me with little time for friends or schoolwork. I quit after a month.
Is is okay not to include them in my application? I quit too soon for them to give me a reference, which will look bad.
I am 16 and reside in the UK. (link)
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Absolutely, you do not have to include every job you have done. You should only include the ones that will help you get the job you are applying for.
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Okay, so I'm 17 and a junior at my local high school.
I dated a guy for almost 7 months, and then realized I didn't have the same feelings for him, so I broke up with him Last Thursday. I Told him how I felt... that I didn't want a boyfriend at the time and that I needed to focus on my school (online and community college courses) and that I haven't been myself and that I wasn't happy. I also haven't been hanging out with my friends (which devastated me).
Anyways, so we broke up, Friday night, he tried arguing with me over MYSPACE (which was stupid and pointless) and basically told me I was nothing but a lie. The second day (Sat) I passed him driving home and he just stared at me, so my mom called my cellular device and told me that he called her asking for his stuff (which I told him I would give it to him on Tuesday night... the night I don't work.) And so her boss died that day, so she wasn't able to give it to him. I wasn't able to give his stuff to him because I was with my dad who was 20-30 minutes away from my mom's house.
So THENN, he called all day on Sunday and so we agreed not to involve our friends, I respected that... and then he INVOLVES MY MOM, AND HIS MOM. His mom came over and was basically talking shit about me. I didn't care...
So I've been over him since the first night... so then me and one of my best friends were commenting back and forth on Myspace.. well somehow someone found it... THEN THEY PRINTED FOUR COPIES OF IT, PUT IT IN AN ENVELOPE AND PUT IT ON MY FRIEND'S CARS (INCLUDING MY EX'S.) I KNOW IT WAS HIS MOM, it just makes sense because WHO ELSE KNOWS WHERE ALL FOUR OF US LIVE?? Anyways, so then today I knew he had read it, and so In the hall going to second period (I'm now in 3rd period) and so he goes "GOODLUCK GINGER!!!"
Well he's being a psycho bitch and his mom is fucking crazy!
I want to cuss him out so bad, but at the same time I want to show some major class to where he knows it doesn't bother me (It doesn't really bother me, except the fact that who else would stalk me and find out what I'm saying??), and show how much of a psycho he and his mom is.
How can I do that?
What Should I Do?
Thanks in advance! :]
By the way, when I found out someone did that... I laughed so hard and so did my mom. And the comments that I said were:
"My summer Goals:
#1 Have the Best time of my life.
#2 Get Drunk.
#3 Get Laid (I already have 3 guys in mind) Lmaooooooooo."
I mean, can you obviously see that I'm kidding... for the most part? Why can't he get a fuckin jokee??
Thanks so much guys, I'd really appreciate your help. :]
Oh p.s I've already deleted him off of my myspace this morning.
(link)
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Funny, I'm proud of you for wanting to take the high ground on this and I don't even know you. Call it what you will, but class is class.
It was a mistake for you to talk about these things on any electronic medium, it is just as if you said all these things to the class gossip. Things you want to keep private, talk to someone you trust in private.
You are not what others think you are. You are not what you think you are. You are what your actions revel you to be.
Do you know how many times a day that what you are going through is being played out, in one form or the other, all over this country and world? It stems from the fact that you had a serious relationship with someone to immature to have one, but you should have found that out before you let it go to serious. You never said if you had had sex with him, but I assume you have.
Sex binds people to each other in a way that nothing else can, it can never be taken back. That is why you are suppose to test your partner to find out what kind of person they are to see if they are a psycho before you jump in bed with them, not after. At your age, that can take a while. If you did not have sex with him, you see now how important it was that you didn't.
You don't have to revel them to be psycho, they will do that themselves, or leave you alone. When people approach you about it, simply say, "I broke up with him, he can't handle it and went crying to mommy." When they get tired of this, it will stop, in case it doesn't, keep a log of what happens and write down what has happened so far, with dates as best as you remember them. It will be handy if you need to press charges to get it to stop.
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i cut myself and its not deep but it wont heal!! it won scab over just this clear stuff comes out of it. it wasnt bleeding so i left if unbandaged but the puss/clear stuff that came out would stick to me clothes and they became attached. also it hurts really bad if it is just barely touched of when i move or something. i put a bandage on it so the puss would stop adhering to my clothes and the same thing happened to the bandaid. the puss stuff stuck to the bandaid and made them became stuck together. i dont know what to do to let it heal. last night i kept the area open and moved my clothing so it wasnt touching anything and it kinda scabed over a little but the clear puss stuff kept coming out so when i put the bandaid on and then took it off this evening the scab and puss was on the bandaid and my sore is still open, painful, and producing clear puss stuff. it is pretty small and not dee at all so i dont know whats wrong. i had another cut like this one only not as bad and it healed it just took a little longer than usual cuts do and hurt a lot but this one is taking forever. thank you!! (link)
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You probably need stitches, but it maybe too late, go have it looked at.
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I am deeply in love with a girl. She happens to be my class mate nd we are pretty close friends. I told her how i felt cos i couldnt keep it inside any longer and I thought it was best to tell her. Well she doesnt love me the way i love her for now (Thats wat she said). She says that I am a great guy and all. She just wants to be my friend for now (thats what she said exactly).So I asked her if anything could happen between us in the future (A pretty stupid move i think) and she said probably not. That hurt a lot and it still does.One of my our friend also asked her (when i was not around) if she thinks anything could happen between us in the future. She told him that she doesnt know. she likes me as a friend for now and would like to know me more. And she keeps saying i am a great guy and stuff. The problem is that I cant stop loving her. What am i supposed to do? Does anyone think I stand a chance.
we've known each other for the past 5-6 months only.. (link)
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Man, I think you may have a smart one here. Many young folk would have just jumped at this so they could say they had a boy friend, but this one wants to check you out some more, see if your what she wants. This is what you should be doing too, not just jumping on the band wagon. Because you love someone, is not enough reason to become an item, there is so very much more you have to learn about them and yourself.
Stop letting what you feel, or think you feel blind you and look at the person. Allow her to see you, not who you think she wants to see, but who you really are and look for who she really is. You have a golden opportunity here, a girl who wants to be friends, it is the best foundation to build a relationship on. Let it take you where it goes, if it's love, it will stay with you. If it's not, you will have a great friend.
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