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How to get over jealousy????
20f
My bf and I have been together for a few years now. Let's just put it this way: I'm jealous of his ex gf and it's literally driving me crazy. I don't even know who I am anymore. I feel like a terrible person.
They were together for years from middle school to high school (but it isn't supposed to be a big deal bc they were young), but he never got over her until he met me. But even when we met and were together, I could still tell he had reserved feelings for her and was obviously really hurt. He still wanted her back. so there's one reason that drives me mad.
What makes me the most upset is that she is beyond perfect. Like she is better than me. I never knew I could be a jealous person until I knew about her. I won't go listing everything about her, but it just makes me feel like, "This isn't fair".
The scary thing is that her and I have so many things in common (except she is more perfect than me.. I'm obviously a competitive person lol). But that's exactly what kills me. If she and I are so alike, how is she still better than me? In everything I do, she's always ten steps ahead.
Sometimes it makes me wonder if that's what my boyfriend likes about me, or he just tends to choose the same kind of girl. Sometimes when we used to fight, it was like he thought he was arguing with HER. He would say shit that didn't even apply to US.
Even after he cleaned out his house last year, I still found a picture of her and a few other things. After I questioned him, he brushed it off like he didn't even know it was there.
Things could be worse. It's not like he's ever tried to get back with her. But she had called him a few times when we first started going out. She was trying to get him back, but for weird reasons (she was probably jealous that he had a new gf, even though she left him for another guy). I'm surprised he didn't leave me, because he'd been wishing for the day she'd come crawling back to him for years.
I know I need to get over myself. I try to tell myself that I should just let this go; he's with me, not her.. but that's just not enough for me. I don't know what to do anymore. I kinda wish she never existed, or that he was never with her in the first place, but there's nothing I can do to change that.
Is this karma? There are a lot of other girls who are jealous of me. Sadly to say, even my own sister and some of my best friends (no, I don't purposely try to make them jealous). But is this what I get??
I really need advice. If you've ever been jealous of someone, how did you get over it? Or what do you think I should do?
Thanks
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Guys who know what they want, always pick the same kind of girl, that's a given. She broke up with him, because she realized that he was not what she wanted, (the purpose of dating). He loved her and still does, there is only one degree of love and it never goes away once given. When a person says they still have feelings for someone, that most often refers to like. Like has many degrees and he never had a chance to "fall out of like", if you will. This is something many people have to deal with when the break up is not mutual.
Jealousy, is a very selfish thing, it is for you and you alone. It doesn't allow you to see how crippling what has happened to him is. Caring for someone is about caring for everything, Heart Mind Body and Soul. If you are not capable of doing this, then why are you in his life, why are you even trying to find a soul mate?
Too me your letter drips with selfishness, you fault, when you should be celebrating. We as human beings have our likenesses, but it's our differences that make us who we are, celebrate them. If everyone could play the piano as good as the next person, why play?
Be better then this, your a beautiful spirit.
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It has nothing to do with other people being jealous of you. Really, its just your insecurities that are coming out. She is not more perfect than you. Obviously you have different personalities and are different people. He likes you, he picked you. The moment he asked you out, he decided that it was you he wanted and not her, or any other girl for that matter. So really, he hasn't cheated on you, he hasn't compared you to her, he hasn't told you you aren't good enough. This is all on you. Its not his fault. I have been jealous of someone before but I realized that it was only because I had nothing better to think about. Jealousy is a natural emotion but really, it seems to be getting out of hand. Find a hobby or hang out with some friends. Just be confident in yourself and get a grip. Don't go all haywire now.
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