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another major life problem
13/f
ok so my ffriend (who is also 13/f) liked this guy. i was kinda friends with him so i asked her if she wanted me to tell him. she said yea so i told him. he didnt like her so i had to tell her that. she didnt seem upset AT ALL. and she really liked this guy. so i was kinda wondering y it seemed like she didnt care.
DO NOT TELL ME REASONS Y IT SEEMED LIKE THAT. THAT IS NOT MY QUESTION.
ok so like 3 or 4 nnights ago i found out y it didnt bother her. she had something much bigger on her mind. she had sex with a 19 year old. yes i know he could be charged for stagitory rape. thats y im not saying any names. well not only did she have sex with a 19 year old but now she is 2 months pergnant. she is letting this guy
(who lives in new jersey and we r in pennsylvania)
take her to get an abortion. i am againts abortion but it is really her only option. her parents do not know and she is not going to tell them.
do not say she is a slut or a whore because she is not. she is one of the most responsible people i know. she just made a mistake. we all make mistakes...her might be just a little more urgent and idiotic.
so anyway i am really worried about her. what can i do to calm myself down?
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Wow, what a tough problem! Thanks for sharing. I know this isn't an easy answer, but I think you need to get your friend to talk to her parents. Abortion is a life-altering event, no matter what age the girl is. Ever wonder why there are so many support groups for women who have had abortions? It's becuase it is so hard to live with the decision later. If you cannot get your friend to talk to her parents, then I hope you can talk to your parents about it and ask them to help you with the situtation. I'm not sure, but I don't think a 13-yr old can get an abortion without a parent's consent anyway. So if the guy takes her to NJ for an abortion, they would have to lie or have fake IDs or something. Plus, the risk to your friend - out of state with some guy having a surgical procedure. What if something went wrong? You would never forgive yourself if you said nothing and something happened to her. Be her friend and support her, she probably needs a shoulder to cry on, and lean on. But try to make her see that going off in a car with some guy to another state is VERY DANGEROUS, and having an abortion is also a risk to her health, and certainly to her mental state from then on. I think this is a time when some adult help is needed. If she is afraid to tell her parents, maybe your parents can help. If you are afraid to tell your parents, can you get advice from your pastor at church or another adult you trust? Keep me posted and let me know how it turns out. Best of luck, sweetie!
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Sweetheart, I really am divided as to if I should even answer this question, because I know your not going to like what I say. Sometimes, to be a friend you have to do things you don't want to do, but you have to do. Here is what I really don't want to say, you let your friend down. Where you draw the line on getting adults involved with a situation is, where it crosses the line into something that is harmful to the well being of your friend. You may lose your friend in the process, but if you love them, you must do it.
Calm is not in this equation any more, you were part of this and I'm afraid it doesn't get better from here. She has made a decision that will effect her for the rest of her life, one even adults have trouble dealing with and she is 13. You should not have had any concern for this 19 year old and is prying on a 13 year old girl, he is a predictor, how do you know he has not done this many times and how many young girls like your friend will he do it to after your friend.
Put a stop to this now, if you can't tell your friends parents, tell your own and have them do it. Don't live your life with the fact that you could have done something and did not. You may lose your friend, you may not, but someday she will come to you and hug you and thank you.
I hope you make the right decision, the one that you can live with. Remember, you have a long life a head of you, guilt is a hard thing to carry. It is more likely that your friendship will not last if you let this happen, then if you stop it.
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well, this is a very disappointing situation for you to be in especially trying to be there for your friend and all. The first thing to do is not worry about yourself calming down but being there for her because she is the one who I am sure could use some calming. Talk to her more the both of you, take a walk and spend some time together discussing ways of preventing this from happening again. Also discuss your emotions surrounding the whole thing. Talking always provides a calming affect. Talking is a way of getting it all out.
I am sure she isn't a slut and you are correct, we all have made mistakes and it's important to remember that when talking with her and expressing how you feel. There is one thing that I wish people wouldn't do and that's judge anyone. So, I am not judging you or her, but I am asking that you enjoy your life and not rush to be older, it will come in all due time. I would wish that neither one of you would have sex until you are old enough to experience exactly what sex means and the reason behind it, but none the less-
Be supportive of her NO MATTER what your beliefs are. This is part of being a true friend. As being a friend that means you both should be able to share your different opinions respectfully and agree to disagree.
In reference to her parents not knowing about the abortion, whether her parents find out or not will be upto the place she has the procedure done at. Based on her age,I find it surprising if they have a confidentiality clause for someone under the age of 18. Should she have this procedure done, she is going to need your help, support and encouragement.
Please learn from this and encourage her to also learn from this experience. I am not sure if this is the answer you wanted or not, but it's what was in my heart & soul to share with you. Also, take the time to read up on some information pertaining to teenage pregnancy, sex at a young age, abortions and ALL risks associated with sexual intercourse.
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I'm not surprised that she had more important things on her mind than the boy she likes doesn't like her in return!!!
To calm yourself down, you have to trust her decisions and just be there for her. Even though you're against abortion and all that is going on in the papers, just help her through this. This is going to be a difficult time for her. She needs support at the moment and if it isn't coming from the parents, then it has to come from you and the 'father'.
Put your beliefs aside for the moment, for this is the real thing and I hope you can see that sometimes abortion can be the only option to women or teenagers who're going through tough times or are in a situation which doens't have any other option (I'm not asking you to change what you believe, but asking you to see why sometimes it's nessecary). I would also trust the 'father' as well, but ensure that the abortion is carried out properly (i.e. in a hospital). If it doesn't seem to be, you need to tell that she needs to get it done properly, for if it isn't then there could be health problems after that.
I'm glad that the 'father' is doing something about it, even though you do live far apart. As long as he's taking resonsibility, there may not be anything to worry about. If he'd left her on her own, I would've surgested going to the police.
I'm NOT calling her a slut because, like you said, she made a mistake. A mistake which is going to change how she looks at life and might change her as a person.
Now, this is important: I feel....no, I know that at some point, the parents will need to be told as to what is happening to their daughter. Her entire attitude might change after the abortion and that will confuse her parents because your attitude can't suddenly change overnight. THEY NEED TO KNOW. I'm sorry but I think that your friend is making a mistake by not telling them, she'll need their support after the abortion.
Good luck to your friend and I hope she can get through this,
triquetra
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