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Fellow Advicenators
Why is it that some fellow advicenators tell young girls and boys it is okay to have sex or do other sexual acts "if they feel that they are ready" when they know that it is wrong. I believe they are just looking to get good ratings, do you agree? I'd much rather tell them the truth, that they are TOO YOUNG and have NO IDEA of potential consequences BESIDES pregnancy and get a lower rating than tell them it's okay. Am I the only one?
I suppose this can be seen as purely subjective, but is there anyone out there at or about my age (20) who thinks it's ok for 12 year olds to go around having oral sex and/or intercourse?
<3
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I just spotted this question as I was searching back through the questions and felt I should reply.
Of course it isn't alright for the youngsters to be out and about having sex. Everyone knows this deep down inside. The real problem is not feedback on Advicenators but it's what the media is feeding us now.
The media is telling the younger generations that sex makes them attractive, popular, famous, and feel-good. The media tells us that if we love someone that sex is required. We're being fed so much crap and the younger ones buy into it. The teenagers here are only repeating what the media has told them over and over again. Seeing that another teen is experiencing what they have gone through, they feel it must now be perfectly acceptable. The ones that know better should be trying to educate the minds of the ones that have been brainwashed.
We don't even realize it, but we're being pushed hard to buy into the media telling us to accept all of this stuff. We're being told that we don't have say in other's lives and should keep out nose out of it--these people may end up with us, our children, our grandchildren, as our neighbors, etc. so we SHOULD care! We SHOULD inform them and educate them so that WE can have good, healthy, happy lives too. We're being brainwashed that teenagers will do what they want and it's "their lives" when we should not put up with the crap.
It can be really frustrating but you have to realize that these people don't know any better. They've been fed this thing for years. They don't know WHY they even want to have sex but they know the media tells them they need to. They don't realize how wrong it is to ask other teens to approve of what they are doing. It's the few of us that point out how wrong it is that really count.
Instead of getting upset over the situation, inform the questioner about sex. If you read through my column you will understand what I mean. I have some really great links to sites that the teens now need to see (STD facts, photos of STDs, pregnancy costs, and even a good link to why a person should keep his/her virginity). I make sure to briefly point out some simple things that the question may not have realized and try to link them to a more complexed explanation.
Even if the questioner says, "Don't lecture me, I'm going to have sex anyway!" you can still add in more detail and hope they spend the time reading it. It's no big deal if you get a bad feedback number and you're well aware of this. Even if THEY don't read it, another young person may and they might just understand what they've been missing.
I hope you stay on Advicenators and help educate the younger people about consequences of actions so we can help these coming generations.
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AGREE AGREE AGREE AGREE AGREE!
thank you for writing this! it's my biggest pet peeve when people downplay the importance of sex and always say it's a very personal and independent choice. although it is, kids need to be tought that there IS somewhat of an age limit on when it's morally and physically okay to start being sexually active.
[17/f]
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you are COMPLETELY RIGHT! i hate when people say "if youre ready" to a 13 year old! no 13 year old is ready, sex should be an act of love and committment and its so sick how the world and society is these days. i wish there was a way that certain answers wouldnt show up so these kids wouldnt be thinking "well they said if im ready" UGH it makes me so mad! thank goodness someone else out there feels the same.
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I'm going to defy common belief with a new point of interest:
It's not okay for people to make their own choices if they are harming others.
If these 12 year old are having children, it is not okay because these children will not be able to grow up normally. Dually, it stresses their parents, who will (most likely) be doing almost all of the work. It is not okay for people to make bad choices if they can't compensate for them.
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i think it's rediculous and im 16 which i guess it the average age these days to be having sex. i'm not saying that i'm going to wait till marriage but im not going to be out screwing guys tomarrow. 12 year olds,13 year olds,14 year olds basically anyone under 18 is not ready for a friends with benefits relationship and i've been there, done that and i knew i couldn't handle it. 12 year olds are children! they're not even teens yet and they're doing things that are for adults. in my school, well the middle school a couple of years ago an 11year old had a baby. this year 2 17yr. olds had babies so for the ignorant CHILDREN having sex these days who think "oh we used a condom nothing is going to happen" yeah thats what the knocked up girl said and then she waddled down the aisle at graduation with a planet growing out of her.
as for the 12 year olds answering the sex questions on here...thats rediculous too because they dont have nearly enough experience to be answering questions like that. also for anyone who hasn't seen the movie Juno. its spectacular and deffinately slaps you in the face with a dose of reality when it comes to this teen sex/pregnancy crap.
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but here's the thing though.
(when I say 12 year old, I'm using that as the gernral age.)
It's THERE life.
that's great if you say like you know, hey maybe you should wait to have sex because you don't want to regret it.
but if someone says NO don't have sex your to young. Do you reallly think the kids going to listen to you?
and I don't think ratings have anything to do with this.
I think the kid should know all the consiquences and every possible thing that could happen.
and that they should do there research before having sex but from there, choosing weather to have sex or not is truely up to them.
But I think you should live your life the way you want to and I think telling a 12 year old to have sex is basically setting the kid up for failure.
but if the 12 year old choose to have sex, I would not look down on them.
I'm 13 right now, I'll be honest and say that I've done alot of things but I haven't had sex.
I'm smart enough to realize that hey I could get pregnant, get a desease, perhaps ruin my life & I don't want to risk that right now.
hopefully the 12 year old will realize that too.
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i totally agree i tell most kids that age that i think its wrong for them at that age to being stuff like that ive told them that people thier age will be calling them a whore or a slut. and i have no care in the world if they give me a one for a rating im telling them the advice that they wanted and im going to give it. i think its still wise to tell them what they should expect as well like not only will you have to worry about getting pregnate but why are you doing this at this age do you love the guy how long have you known him a month then dont do it. its not worth it. And telling them about the stds that could be carried and emotinal consequncees. sry i cant spell for my life but i so agree with you.
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You know, I have a habit of checking ages on people pretty often when I read an answer, and you might notice a pretty common trend that you'll see alot of people who give out the "its ok for you to have sex answers" are 13-16 themselves.
As someone in their mid 20s, my perspective is somewhat different. I never tell them it is ok, but I DO give them the information they need to be safe. I'm not stupid enough to think that I can affect the IF part of these children having sex, all I can affect (maybe) is the how.
And if one 13 year old couple wears condoms and doesnt get pregnant because of my advice, it was worth it in my opinion.
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No, I doubt there are many people here who think it's okay for young teens to be doing that stuff. Most of us probably think they AREN'T ready for it, even if they think they are. But I don't think people say "it's okay if you think you're ready" just to get good ratings. I think they say it because they're afraid of sounding judgemental.
We've all had it drilled into our heads for so long that we should be accepting of everyone; that we shouldn't judge anyone or try to force our beliefs on others. We've been taught since Kindergarten that just because someone has different beliefs, it doesn't mean they're wrong. And that's a good thing, to some extent. But unfortunately, the idea has become so ingrained in our society that people are afraid to say what they really think about anything, for fear of offending someone. And if we DO actually give our honest opinion, we feel we have to add a disclaimer: "Well, I think it's wrong... but if YOU think it's right, then it's okay."
Add to that our paranoia about harming a kid's self-esteem. We certainly can't tell them they're doing something wrong or bad or stupid, because it might make them feel bad about themselves!
Well, sometimes it's a GOOD thing to feel bad about yourself... or at least about what you've done. That's how you learn not to make stupid mistakes that will hurt you or others. But if there's no fear of being judged or looked down on or shunned for doing something wrong, what's to stop people from doing it? If no one says it's wrong, then it must be okay. And that's a real shame. Because some things ARE wrong, no matter how you look at it... and a 12 year old giving a blow job is one of them. But if no one has the guts to come out and say it, then of course kids will do it and think it's okay.
Wow, that was a lot longer than I intended!
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I don't think they should be having sex.
No way. I do think many are saying all that
so they get good ratings. Either that or
they are close to the same age and think
it is ok to do.
If they ask straight up do you think
I'm to young, I will tell them they are.
If I answer the question. They may just
be looking for someone to say they are
to young. If they rate me bad so what.
Anybody who has been here for the long
haul knows this site isn't about the
ratings. The only time a rating means
a thing around here is if you have a
very low one.
In order to give responsible advice
though, you have to just assume they
are going to do it anyway. Sad as that
is. Nicely tell them why they are to
young and point them to a site like
coolnurse.com where they can find a ton
of info on everything from age of consent
charts to pregnancy symptoms. They will
need it sooner or later. :)
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I agree with you. However, pardon me for quoting a John Mayer song, but "is there anyone who ever remembers changing their mind from the paint on a sign?" which basically means that no matter what you tell someone, they will most likely keep doing what they're doing. There's not much we can do besides discourage promiscuous behavior, and we will probably get bad ratings for it. And it saddens me that columnists will say that it's okay just to get a good rating. That's not good at all. Of course, hindsight is 20/20... the teens having sex will most likely regret it later but saw nothing wrong with it at the time. There have been times in my life like that- I thought something was perfectly okay, and then when I look back on certain things I realize what a moron I was.
Anyway, that was a random tangent, but I also agree that it's subjective too. It's a personal choice, and there's not much else we can do for those kids except discourage that behavior and run the risk of getting bad ratings.
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I personally don't respond to anyone under the age of 18 with questions reguarding any variation of sexual activity! I, like you, am 20 and I do feel it is wrong to even give advise on stuff like that, let alone acknoledge it for the younger ones. I feel like most of the stuff they want to talk about should be their own business and no one elses, especially reguarding questions asking "should I do this or should I do that?" It is weird and faily disturbing to here about 14 year olds and their sexual activity, that is why I typically pass those questions without even reading them. Honestly, those kids can have as much sex as they want, that is their own decision. If I feel it is a question worth answering, I will give it my best shot, but I will never tell someone "you should go do it with him/her." Some people just need to make their own mistakes and figure some things out by themselves! Thanks for bringing up this topic, I completely agree with you!
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i dont think that its okay for young kids to be having sex. it kinda disturbs me. but i still feel that if they are going to do it, that they should be comfortable with talking about it so that they are comfortable talking about it with whoever they will be doing it with. so they can go see a doctor or talk to a parent and to make sure they are not being taken advantage of... and this is a site for advice not opinions on weither what they are doing is right or wrong. they will do it weither or not some stranger says "im not going to tell you the safe way to do it because its wrong!"... so im one of the people that will give advice on having better communication and knowldge before they do it but i wont tell them i dont have sex and i am now abstenent.. i will just tell them the best advice i have to give.
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Well, I'm sixteen. And it's my personal opinion that people are going to go do whatever they want regardless of what we tell them. Yes, twelve is young for things like that. When I was twelve boys still had cooties, haha. So I never really had a problem with it.
We can tell kids the consequences, we can tell them statistics about teenage pregnancy and STDs and they're still going to lose their virginity at fourteen to someone they've dated for two weeks because they "love" them. And yes, I'd say that's ridiculous and way too young for sex.
On the other hand, I think by around sixteen or so, we've seen the consequences & we're (mostly) able to make a decision for ourselves. Sure, we may be young, driven by our hormones, and the like. But we've had time to see others get pregnant (at least in my case; girls were getting pregnant in middle school. Pathetic)
I do believe that if a person honestly thinks they're ready for sex, it's THEIR body, THEIR resonsibility, THEIR decision (and their partner of course). By our late teenage years, we've been educated. Most of us know the expense of raising a child, the potential heartbreak of losing our virginity and breaking up down the road.
So no, you aren't the only one. It's rather sad, actually, that kids as young as 12 are thinking about sex. They should be holding hands at that age, really.
-LM
[16/f]
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I feel like hey...It is their parent's job to tell them when they can and can't have sex. I might get a 3 for this one but I am going to keep it real. Now...I'm not going to go out there and tell a girl that tells me she is 13 how to have a better orgasm...but if she asks me a question like oh well is this sex, is this 4 play or what is cuming or what do I do if my bf want's to have sex or something like that, I'm gonna tell her. A lot of times i think kids have sex early casue they are curious and no one will answer their quesitons...But the truth is it's out there, their friends are doing it and they want to know what's going on. What I try to do is keep it P&G. I try to answer the question and only go as far as I think their age group should hear. I let em know like look...you are 13 and i don't think I should be giving you too much advice so I am going to answer your direct question and that is it. Apparently they can't ask their parents or friends you know...Someone needs to let them know what is going on so that if they are going to do something, they know what they are doing and tehy do it safe and right... but that is just me, I don't know about anyone else. It's a good question though. By the way I am 23 and I waited til I was about 20 21 to have sex and I waited til I was 19 to kiss and you know why, casue people let me know what it was all about, I knew what was going on and how things basically worked, and why it was good for me to wait.
Peace :)
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My dear friend,
I can see where you are coming from, but I believe everybody has the freedom to make their own choices. I also believe sex at 12-years-old is a bit extreme, but in their lives, my opinion has no standing. So we have to help our younger friends weigh out the pros and cons of sexual acts
and give them the protection they would use and the help and advice they need. Furthermore, I respect your opinion and hope you are doing well in your life.
-Linda
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