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my mom wont leave me alone
13/f. i loved butterflys 2 years ago and have never had a boyfriend so my mom said i was a lesbian. and she wasnt joking or anything. now i like black and dark colors she says im gothic and she says goths like peircings~i have had both my ears double peirced for about 4 years~and now since she says im gothic which im not she took all my earings and made me take out my earings to make them close up. she reads my diary and makes sure about wat i do or think or anything my friends do or just everything and makes sure i do nothing bad. so one day i wrote in my diary 'mom since your reading this and i no you will leave me alone i hate you i always have u give me no space' i got grounded for a month and she told every1. she doesnt have to read it and espesially not tell my whole family and cusins. its my diary shouldnt it be private? did i do sumthing wrong or what?
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its just looks like here that your mom is nosy. my mom doesnt look in my diary well at least i hope not. doesnt seem that way tough . but any way talk to your mom she just wants the perfect duaghter to me. and b.c your not the way she likes that she is going to make you that way. its probally the way she got brought up as well she cant help it if her mother did that to her as well. just tell her nicly that its just fases that you go through and will get over it. soon. and if you dont do any thing bad then tell her. start talking to her about school the drama tell her that you would like to go shopping with her. maybe she would like that. get a good bond with your mom. its a good thing you will never want to give up. i wish alot of the time i live with my mom. ur lucky and dont even know it. but its also annoying that she does that and i would be ticked off too.
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Hi,
You haven't done anything wrong at all, i think u did the right thing but sometimes, the right thing is wrong. Now it was very ver very bad of your mum/mom to look into your diary because it is yours and you have the oNLY rights to look at it and to write in it, but you still should've just talked to your mom/mum but still, it was OKAY, don't get all worked up about it because if you do you could make your self ill.
Good Luck!!
Don't hesitate to ask me for any more advice.
Love Jess xxxxx
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No you did not do anything wrong. Your mother should NOT be going through your stuff. She really has no right. Mother or not. That is your PERSONAL diary and should be kept private. Maybe you should just have a talk to and be like. "Mom, I dress how I want and I act how I want. I am me and thats all I can be. I wont change for anyone. Becuase I am how I am. And you cant change me. I'm not goth i'm just ME and you need to accept that."
I hope i've helped :]
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No, I don't think have done anything wrong. I however, think that you writing "I hate you, mom" in your diary just egged her on. She should allow you SOME space, especially in your diary. That's where you should be able to freely express your thoughts and feelings without anyone else reading it.
Can you make an online diary on a website such as livejournal.com and make all the entries private?
Tell her you're still young, you don't NEED a boyfriend just yet. Not having a boyfriend doesn't mean you're a lesbian. It just means you aren't ready for a relationship.
I do believe that your mom has some right of knowing what's going on in your life. She, however, doesn't need to read your diary to find out. She should be able to talk to you to find out what you're doing. Has she met most of your close friends? If not, arrange for them to meet so your mom can see you have good friends.
Let me know if you need more and tell me how everything goes.
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your mom should'nt be doing that to you.. so what if you like butterflies? and she should be happy that you don't have a bf at your age.. MY mom would actually be happy about that... its ok if you like to dress that way. Honestly, she SHOULDN'T be concerned about that. and i really think she shouldn't be getting into your business like that...and reading your diary..thats messed up.. but she is your mom. dont be rude to her.. just explain to her that you want your privacy, tell her that you don't want a bf at your age, and that you like to dress that way because you like your outfits in the colors black and gray.. and just because you like those colors doesn't make you a goth. you really need to explain to her that you want your privacy with at least what you write in your diary because they are your personal thoughts... try to explain to her that she shouldn't have told everyone about what happened with the diary (dont be rude about it or dont talk back to her when she's telling you why she did, and most important DON'T yell back.. thats the worst thing you can do because that will aggravate her!).. from now on just try to keep your diary hidden if you dont want her to read it.. and dont be suspicious about it either. do your best to have a nice, long conversation with her about your privacy and her calling you all those names, like a lesbian just because of what you like (just so you know- those things dont make you a lesbian at all!)good luck having that mother-daughter conversation with her.. and i hope it all works out for the best..and sorry if this is so long.. but i wanted to explain to you in detail what you should do.. hope i helped!
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I know how you feel about this whole thing!! My mother always reads my diary until lately!! I found a really good hideing spot where no one can find it!! And to keep her from calling you names and such its simple just talk to her tell her how you feel about her jumping to conclusions..If you dont want to have a chat with your mother then just forget about what she says. You are what you are and you know what you are so if she says something not true dont let that bother you!! Just ignore it! And if your family members think you are these things straighten them out tell them its not true that you arent those things!!
~* I hope I have helped you at all*~
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Well, one thing is for certain, I think you need to have a serious eye-opening chat with your mom.
First off, you are only 13. Why on earth is she concerned about you not having a boyfriend at such a young age? In this day and age especially, she should be thankful for that.
Second, why does she seem to have issues with who you are or how you dress? I was into the whole goth thing in my teen years, and my mother NEVER cut me down about it. That is who you are and how you are expressing yourself. She should be thankful, really, that you are setting yourself apart from the crowd and being your own unique individual. She shouldn't belittle you about it.
Third, your diary is your private thoughts. She is invading your privacy by reading it all the time and sharing your inner most thoughts with your family members. I would be ashamed of myself if I read my kid's diary, even if it was out of concern for them. She wouldn't feel the need to read it if she made herself open for you to talk to about your thoughts and feelings. Correct? How does she expect you to trust her with your problems if she assumes you are out doing bad things and reads your diary?
These are points you need to bring up with her. That is the only way to resolve these problems. Yah, she may be hard to talk to, but you need to tell her how you feel. In turn, you have to give her the same respect and listen to her feelings. Don't get angry and turn it into an heated argument, and don't let her do that either. Just say "Hey, this is how I feel about all this" and go from there. It is something that can be worked out if you are both willing to resolve these issues. It just takes communication.
P.S. If your ears have been pierced for four years, the holes will doubtfully grow over.
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i totally agree with you. Diary's are something personal and for your mom to be so judgmental on everything you do like call you a lesbian and Gothic and such I think is so wrong. You need your space and if the only way you can express yourself is in your diary she needs to respect that. I think you need to have a heart to heart talk to her and MAKE her understand. Tell her how you feel and if that doesn't work then just lock your door after you leave your room or hide it somewhere. :) Hope i helped ^_^
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Well, I know it sucks, but I think you need to give in to your mom. You're thirteen, so you still have a few years in her house, therefore, you have to abide by her rules. I think that you should talk to her for a while one day and see what her rules are. How she expects you to act, and see if you can try and push those lines a little so that you are able to be happy.
However, sometimes that doesnt work. If so, you should still take the high road, and be respectful of her. She may say you're a goth or whatever, just calmly tell her that you don't feel that you are representing yourself in that way, but you understand that that is how she feel and you will take that into concideration when you are choosing your outfit tomorrow. As far as the diary, there are two ways you can go, there is one where you are honest, and write about how you feeling, but do not include her in anyway, and only include the parts that are adult friendly, ~OR~ can have a diary that is adult friendly, write your important parts of your day such as when you got an A on a test, or when someone complimented you, talk about the guys you like or what you want to do tomorrow, but don't write the things that you don't want her to hear. Then in a separate journal write the things that make you upset, things you did that you need to write to let off steam. Put those entries in a notebook that looks like a school notebook and fill the first ten pages with notes from school. Then write a subject such as science on the front, then put some pages from school such as a test you did well on, or an assignment and stuff and put it in a drawer that you often go in, so it doesnt seem too obvious, or you could even carry it in your backpack, because it looks like a subject notebook, but you have to be careful who looks through your notebooks.
You have to remember, that she's your mom, and it's her job to take care of you and watch out for you. Yeah she was out of place telling people things about you, but if you open up to her about little things, such as a crush or a test mark you didnt like, then write about how great it felt to talk to her about it, in your diary, when she reads it, she'll realize you just want positive attention. Try your hardest to handle this situation sith grace, and try not to be disrespectful, or get annoyed, because then it will clue her into the fact that you actually are deceiving her. You have to admit, it is hard being a parent when your kid doesnt talk to you, wears scary clothes and writes that she hate you in her diary. Like I totally understand why you did that, and it's your choice, but she has a need to protect you, and she feels-well I don't know what she feels, thats your job to find out. Try your hardest to open up and have a good relationship with your mother, because you'll need that relationship one day. And it's better if you work hard on it now. You didn't do anything wrong, but try and remember, your mom thinks she knows best and she's been through this kind of stuff before, she just doesnt want to lose you. I hope that I gave you some insight. If you need any more advice on how to try and get her to know that you really are a good kid, let me know. Love ya,
angie91
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Some moms are like that. Its just that she is suspicious and she dosn't want you to do anything to happen to you. You just need to talk to her about it and maybe something happened when she was younger and she dosn't want it happening to you. Just talk to her nicely and calmly about the situation. Also don't write in your journal for a little bit unless she wouldn't let you talk to you about it or didn't understand. So write in your diary telling her that you love her and explain why its bothering you but you know in a sincere way. Diarys sometimes should be private, to some people its out in the open. And about when you wrote in your diary about you hate her and she gives you know space that wasn't the best thing to do but just talk to her about it or write it in her journal or maybe not directly to her. Just try something like "Today my mom has been acting strange and she is saying I'm gothic because I have my ears peirced and like the color black, and its weird." Well I hope everything goes well for you!
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no this you arent wrong. its wrong of her to do what shes doing. talk to a school guidance counler and maybe have her call her in and have a "family talk" with just you your mom and the quidance councller because serousily what your mom is doing is EXTREMLEY wrong. like calling you a lezbain because.. YOU LIKE BUTTERFLIES? sorry but thats f***ed up. and then the whole goth thing is crazy too. i understand she wants whats best for you but getting to into your personal bussiness is wrong AND THEN sharing it with everyone else is worse. its like what a child would do- no offence. but im just getting angry right now knowing that shes like making up crap about you and sharing you stuff with everyone. AND SHE YOUR MOM. have a meeting or something WITH another adult like i said therapist or guidance or w.e. because maybe then she'll understand where your coming from and understand your point of veiw AND possibly start having limits on personal space ect.
sorry if that sounded mean.. i didnt try to make it but thats just what i feel about it. and trust me.. if you have anymore questions tell me!
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Hey,
WOW! She's really stereotypic about gothics and homosexuals.
You have to talk to her-this is a whole trust issue. I don't think she trusts these "kinds" of people.
If you really aren't, assure her that you're not-wear pink if she thinks you're gothic and write in your diary "I know this one kid, Bob*, and he is super hot." -OR- "There was this girl hitting on me today and it was totally disgusting!" if she still thinks you're lesbian.
Hide your diary in a really, really complicated spot. IE: In a sibling's room, between your mattress and pillowcase, in your underwear draw, etc.
AND IF SHE STILL CONTINUES, DISCONTINUE USING A DIARY.
Good luck..& hope this helpssss! LET ME KNOW HOW EVERYTHING GOES. :)
-Jam
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